Childless by Choice Catholics: Is this OK? Opinion Poll

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HelpingHands

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I was reading on another thread a faithful, married Catholic saying that she prefers not to have children. I thought that all Catholics entering marriage were supposed to be open to children. What do the members of this forum think about this? When is it OK for a Catholic couple to purposely remain childless? :confused:
 
(There is a Josephite marriage… but that also involves not having relations at all.)

So besides the Jopsephite marriage… No, a couple needs to be open to bringing children in the world. The primary purpose of marriage is to procreate. Not being open to children goes against this intrinsic purpose. This does not mean all couples will have children… not all can, and there are many circumstances where a couple may need to postpone a pregnancy by abstaining during fertile times. (The Church defines “When (it is) OK for a Catholic couple to purposely remain childless.” )

ps… The options given were not adequate… I could not really answer your poll.
 
my cousin and his wife got married 2 years ago, she has made statements that she doesn’t care if they get pregnant or not and they are very faithful Catholics, now, what I know and what most don’t know, she has had severe indometriosis, she has had surgery done 2 times to remove it and seen several doctors who have said the chances of getting pregnant are slim to none, now, it is easier for her to say she doesn’t care than to admit, yeah, she cares and she is hurting so awful inside but she has this tough outside, of course she wants kids but she is trying to keep the pain from being too bad if she can never conceive, I have friends with the same dilema, they can’t get pregnant after trying for 6 years, so, they act like they don’t care but believe me, they do care.

I don’t know many true Catholics who are really childless by choice unless they marry very late after 45 etc.
I think that Catholics who say they are childless by choice may be saying it but in their hearts that is not the truth.

Just my 2 cents 🙂
 
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kamz:
my cousin and his wife got married 2 years ago, she has made statements that she doesn’t care if they get pregnant or not and they are very faithful Catholics, now, what I know and what most don’t know, she has had severe indometriosis, she has had surgery done 2 times to remove it and seen several doctors who have said the chances of getting pregnant are slim to none, now, it is easier for her to say she doesn’t care than to admit, yeah, she cares and she is hurting so awful inside but she has this tough outside, of course she wants kids but she is trying to keep the pain from being too bad if she can never conceive, I have friends with the same dilema, they can’t get pregnant after trying for 6 years, so, they act like they don’t care but believe me, they do care.

I don’t know many true Catholics who are really childless by choice unless they marry very late after 45 etc.
I think that Catholics who say they are childless by choice may be saying it but in their hearts that is not the truth.

Just my 2 cents 🙂
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This is a very compassionate reply.
 
Sometimes people just say things to be politically correct, and something they realize they might have inner emotional issues, such as becoming their own parents who might of been less then great in child rearing. It is easier to day, I don’t want kids thent o bring up emotional issues. Being fearful that you might become your crazy mother is legitamite, and should be address before trying for a baby.

If I woman said she wanted 6 children, everyone would thinks he was nuts. Honsetly I’m sick of people asking if I’m done because I have a boy and a girl, so we just say we want 6. We honestly don’t know how many children we want. It is always open to conversation.

As long as they aren’t doing something as permanent at sterilization, I think what they really mean is “I don’t want children at this moment.” I know so many couples who say they aren’t planning to ahve kids for 5 years, and they always change their plans within a matter of a year. Their hearts eventually open up. If anything you hear most 40 somethings reget only having two.
 
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HelpingHands:
I was reading on another thread a faithful, married Catholic saying that she prefers not to have children. I thought that all Catholics entering marriage were supposed to be open to children. What do the members of this forum think about this? When is it OK for a Catholic couple to purposely remain childless? :confused:
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Does indicating a preference mean that she’s not “open” to having children? For example, I would PREFER to drive a Ferrari, but I’m OPEN to driving anything that will get me there and back…

Mike
 
My husband and I are faithful Catholics, under 45, and to the best of our knowledge fertile. We can’t wait to have more children, but also are “childless” by choice. After much prayer, discernment, and spiritual as well as community direction, we are comfortable with the fact that the way our family will grow is through adoption. We each have our talents, and adoption is not right for everyone. We know it is where God is calling us.
 
Hi everyone, just a clarification here. I’m talking about people who enter into marriage, and don’t want any children, ever. I’m not speaking of people who already have children and don’t want more, or people that appear to not want children to others who are making an uninformed judgement about their motives.

I’m talking about Catholics who enter into marriage and plan to never have children. Supposedly, Catholics are supposed to enter into marriage open to life, right or wrong? What would be a valid reason for a couple to permanantly avoid having children, on purpose?
 
Well, the marriage prep classes ask right out if you intend to welcome children, in all the Catholic parishes I have belonged to the Priest won’t marry you if you have that attitude, you must be open to life. Maybe that is just us small Minnesotans towns but that is how all the priests we have feel, you have to discuss this and you have to go to the classes.
Of course I suppose there could be those that would go and lie at the classes just to make the Priest happy but then, why bother being Catholic at all?? If you feel like you have to lie to a priest and tell him what he wants to hear and then in your heart never ever intend to be open to life?
How depressing 😦
 
Hi Kamz,
Yes, that would be very strange to lie to a priest like that. I suppose in the case of strong family pressure to marry in the Church then that might be the case.

I just posted this question in the Ask Apologist section, hopefully I’ll get a response.
 
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HelpingHands:
Hi Kamz,
Yes, that would be very strange to lie to a priest like that. I suppose in the case of strong family pressure to marry in the Church then that might be the case.

I just posted this question in the Ask Apologist section, hopefully I’ll get a response.
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Hey, great idea, I really hope they will respond, you have me very interested too. 🙂
 
If they entered into the marriage with the intention of not being truly open to life, then wouldn’t the marriage be invalid?
 
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NFPfamily:
If they entered into the marriage with the intention of not being truly open to life, then wouldn’t the marriage be invalid?
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I would say. Yes If the intention at the time of the marriage was to remain childless forever.
 
Can. 1101 §1. The internal consent of the mind is presumed to conform to the words and signs used in celebrating the marriage.
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§2. If, however, either or both of the parties by a positive act of the will exclude marriage itself, some essential element of marriage, or some essential property of marriage, the party contracts invalidly.
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I don’t know many true Catholics who are really childless by choice unless they marry very late after 45 etc.
I think that Catholics who say they are childless by choice may be saying it but in their hearts that is not the truth. KAMZ

This is my situation doubt if we ever will. The poll perplexed me how would they know they are fertile unless they had children. A few years ago when talking to the Priest about getting married he asked us about children my response in my Calvinist days “If its the Lord’s will we’ll have them” No children at home. Next week I’ll have about 15 sixth grade boys at CCD :eek:
 
I think a couple is always open to life when they use NFP or do not have have sex in the marriage. Being open to life is also meant in the heart and mind actually being ready. If one or both are not ready, they are not ready and God would surely take into account their reasons as they may indeed be real reasons.
 
What if you chosse not to marry because you don’t want children? - I mean what if you deliberately stay single, remain celibate, have no relationships because you would just rather not have children. Is this ok? I get the impression that there are two options for catholics, become a priest, or marry and be open to a large family…
 
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cynic:
What if you chosse not to marry because you don’t want children? - I mean what if you deliberately stay single, remain celibate, have no relationships because you would just rather not have children. Is this ok? I get the impression that there are two options for catholics, become a priest, or marry and be open to a large family…
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It is a vocation to be single, as well. Single is one of the options that a Catholic might consider! And you can be single and NOT a member of some religious order, either.

Of course, they are always trying to drum up recruits to religious life or the priesthood, because we seem to need that recruitment effort.
 
Gregory Popcak talks about being a single Catholic. There is nothing wrong making the fast track up the corporate ladder and investing all of your time in a career, if you enjoy the work. Workoholics can make crappy marriage material, even though their field isn’t a religous order.

Marriage is a sacrifice. Many people ask me why I’m wasting my education being a mother, but no one questions my husband for taking a position that has less pay so he can be home by 6pm, not work on weekends, and not travel.

Even before we had children, we always made sure we had time as a couple. We weren’t just roomates, passing by each other there was an effort to live our lives together on a daily basis.
 
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NFPfamily:
If they entered into the marriage with the intention of not being truly open to life, then wouldn’t the marriage be invalid?
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Let’s say that a person entered a marriage with the intention of never being open to children… let’s say that makes the marriage invalid…

what then is the status of a marriage where one or both people entered into it with the intent to never be open to children, but then had a change of heart. Does that then become a valid marriage from that point on?

Malia
 
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