One cannot limit the number of children if they are “open to life” as the vows require.
For grave reasons a couple may choose not to have children. NFP seems applicable in these cases. To judge whether the situation is grave wise counsel is required. It would be prudent to see a priest and discuss in these cases. I would imagine it would be rare indeed if it were just a matter of low finance.I was reading on another thread a faithful, married Catholic saying that she prefers not to have children. I thought that all Catholics entering marriage were supposed to be open to children. What do the members of this forum think about this? When is it OK for a Catholic couple to purposely remain childless?
** To which the 20 medical staffers crowded into the hospital room let out a collective groan and my dh asked for chair.
**
More info would be needed…Okay, I have a question for you guys.
Let’s say I am 21 years old, and getting married in a couple of months. Fiance and I discussed the number of children we would like (2 children), and when we feel we are capable to have them(when I’m 25 years old or so). Would it be invalid or wrong for us to get married if we do not plan (of course, we’d be open to life at any time, but use NFP so that we can have the kids at the proposed time) to have children 4 years later?
^ That’s just an example, I’m neither 21 nor am I getting married. I just wanted to know what one would do in such a situation.
Sorry, I should have clarified as to why they would want to wait. College. It’d be hard to attend college, and have a baby to take care of (it also wouldn’t be fair to the baby). Also, I have heard a lot of people say that they wished they waited to have kids until they were at least 25 (instead of 22-23), because they would have been more mature, and ready to take on such a huge responsibility.
Thanks so much!
The question here would be the reason. If it is just a sense that at 25 or so would bea better time or that children would get in the way of well laid plans then no it is not a valid reason. Usually in such cases it is necessary to have a grave reason and not just because one thinks that it is prudent.Okay, I have a question for you guys.
Let’s say I am 21 years old, and getting married in a couple of months. Fiance and I discussed the number of children we would like (2 children), and when we feel we are capable to have them(when I’m 25 years old or so). Would it be invalid or wrong for us to get married if we do not plan (of course, we’d be open to life at any time, but use NFP so that we can have the kids at the proposed time) to have children 4 years later?
^ That’s just an example, I’m neither 21 nor am I getting married. I just wanted to know what one would do in such a situation.
If your husband is closed to children for reasons that are not grave, it is not your sin. And I don’t see that you are facilitating sin; you cannot rape him or deceive him, so you have no options. Something you can do, is talk about it from time to time, in order to re-examine the issue and to *prevent it from dwindling into a “case closed” situation. * Couples who practice NFP often do this month-to-month approach, just to stay on track with the meaning of their marriage.
When the time comes, you will have to figure these things out for yourself. Too many variables to adequately address this hypothetical situation.Sorry, I should have clarified as to why they would want to wait. College. It’d be hard to attend college, and have a baby to take care of (it also wouldn’t be fair to the baby). Also, I have heard a lot of people say that they wished they waited to have kids until they were at least 25 (instead of 22-23), because they would have been more mature, and ready to take on such a huge responsibility.
^ The reason I’m asking these questions, is because I think I am being called to the married life (probably won’t happen for a few years), and want to have an idea on the wrongs and rights.
(Besides, many people don’t “grow up” until they have children.)Yeah, this topic seems to be going back and forth on the board lately… Procreation is the primary purpose of marriage. Mutual assistance is the secondary purpose of marriage. Keep your views of these purposes balanced. It would be wrong to hold the idea that procreation is somehow separate from love. One cannot look the the primary purpose (procreation) as some mechanical requirement for populating the planet. Procreation (viewed properly) will foster that “mission on getting each other to heaven” very well. Having children in a marriage will not inhibit a God centered relationship.
Amen. We were given advice to wait a while, and didn’t start “trying” for a child until our first wedding anniversary. We’re now on month 16 of “trying” for that child. Don’t wait. I wish we hadn’t.
My cousin managed to work and go to school while raising two kids on her own. It is doable.
You are touching on the real issue which is the problem with selfishness. It is usually about children not getting in a couples or individuals plans.Amen. We were given advice to wait a while, and didn’t start “trying” for a child until our first wedding anniversary. We’re now on month 16 of “trying” for that child. Don’t wait. I wish we hadn’t.
I’m still planning to go back to school next fall to work on my graduate degree, and we’re not planning to try and avoid pregnancy. Even if we had a child now we could not afford to have me stop working, and going for a Ph.D will allow me to have a more flexible schedule, paid tuition, and most likely a stipend that will not equal my current pay but will be enough to live on. Heck, even if I’m up all night with a crying baby, I would likely be up studying anyway, and my studying is always more productive with distractions (have to have TV or radio on).
My wife just started graduate school for her Ph.D., and her stipend works out to just under $2/hour after taxes. I guess that’s why God invented student loans.
:banghead: :crying: I’m of the firm belief the devil is responsible for student loans!
Sorry, I should have clarified as to why they would want to wait. College. It’d be hard to attend college, and have a baby to take care of (it also wouldn’t be fair to the baby).
Well. Ouch. I didn’t even start college until after the birth of our 3rd and continue to go as I can around dh’s work and the kids needs. I never take a class before 6pm, so daddy gets them all to himself until bedtime on that night(s). Granted, it certainly isn’t the fastest way to go about it, but that’s okay by me. Frankly, I don’t see the difference between going and then dropping it all to stay home with children vs going as you can while you have children and using it if you need to later. If I had not found love with my dh when I did, I probably would have gone on to college then for lack of a better plan to suit my life at that time. But love found me young and I’m gratefull for it and work my life according to where God has led me.
Also, I have heard a lot of people say that they wished they waited to have kids until they were at least 25 (instead of 22-23), because they would have been more mature, and ready to take on such a huge responsibility.
You won’t hear me say that. If I’d waited until age 25, I wouldn’t have at least 4 of my children. And I’d like to point out something many people miss: nothing builds maturity or responsibility like children! These are not atributes that automaticly come with age, they come with experience. I can’t tell you how often we meet people much older than us with little or none of either quality.
They would want to get married so that they could start their mission on getting each other to heaven (is this not another reason why people get married? it’s not just for procreation).
**It certainly is not just about procreation. Ask any parent though, and I’m sure they’ll agree they never before came across so many moments of trials for sainthood as they did after becoming a parent!
I myself have never heard anyone say this unless they actually did wait 'til they were older. Everyone who went ahead and had children “young” was very glad they didn’t wait!
I don’t have much time to enter into the other arguments, but I just had to say that having children can help your spouse (and yourself) get to heaven, especially if selfishness and/or self-centeredness is a weakness you have (and even if they are not). Love and sacrifice are two important aspects of parenthood and they are two important things needed to reach Heaven. So what I was trying to get at is having children is part of that process of getting to Heaven (although not everyone is blessed with children). It is not an impediment to the process of helping each other reach Heaven. Gotta go, wrote this in a hurry, if there is something that is not clear let me know.