Well, I think when I express my dissatisfaction, I’d be careful to couple it with gratitude. Express both the good and the bad. Then give them the example of tenaciously looking until you find a way into work that suits you better.
In other words, "I detest my work, but I’m thankful that we are well-compensated for it, because many people who detest their jobs are paid next to nothing to do them or get no positive feedback from their colleagues. Someone is pleased by what I do and someone is better off, so it is not a complete loss. I am certainly happy I can provide for you, after all, because I’d be much unhappier in a job I love that wouldn’t keep a roof over your heads.
“Having said that, I’d give you these two cautions: you are not automatically going to like doing everything you are good at and you are not necessarily going to learn to love doing what you start out hating. Sometimes, you just keep hating it. If you pick out a major in college and you find you hate it, I’d tell you this: believe in yourself and find something different, even if people are telling you that you are too talented to quit. I don’t care if you are the NFL’s highest-paid quarterback or the world’s most famous surgeon. There is someone else who would love to have your job, a someone else who can do your job. If you hate it and you won’t go back on a promise or a duty by leaving it, then let them have it. Do your best until the last minute of the last hour of your last day, but go ahead and get out when you get the chance.”
“Sometimes, you’re going to spend some time doing a job you hate because you need the money. That is OK, as long as you are doing honest and productive work. Still, it is better to find honest productive work that you’re good at and that you enjoy. God can help you with necessary suffering, but God doesn’t get jollies out of seeing us miserable for no reason. You are talented, you are hardworking, you have the persistence to find a way to do what you want to do. I am going to be behind you as you do it.”
You, sir, are a smart fellow who does his job thoroughly, competently, and diligently. You have not allowed how you feel about your work become an excuse to do second-rate work. That is why people are glad to have you as a law partner.
I know two people who had leadership positions. The lion’s share of their jobs was addressing the problems that came up in their divisions. One saw this as challenging. She loved being the person that unhappy or confused people came to in order to have their problems solved. She saw the conflicts they brought to her as transitory issues that would be addressed because of her. The other saw his very similar situation as a never-ending stream of conflict to deal with. He was a very good problem-solver, too, but he felt far more of the stress of the unsolved problems than the optimism and satisfaction of the solved problems. They both had the talent to do their jobs, but she had the temperament for it, and he didn’t. Make the problems physical problems, though, and he was in his element. Of those problems, he felt just as she did about interpersonal problems.
You have the mind and tenacity to be a trial lawyer, but not the temperament. That doesn’t mean that no one can be happy being a trial lawyer. It only means that you aren’t going to. Find yourself a career counsellor, and look for a job that will compensate your experience and talent but will suit your temperament better. You’re only 50, and you have a great resume and great references. You work and play well with others. There is a position out there for you. Be an example to your children, and go find it, or at least give yourself the satisfaction of knowing that you tried. Get help. Of all people, a lawyer knows the wisdom of getting the right expert to solve a problem or to arrive at a plan of attack. A lawyer knows how to appeal and appeal if the verdict doesn’t come down his way the first time. If you pursue your next job with all the diligence you have brought to this job you hate but excel at anyway, your chances of success are far too great to wait another day to start trying.
Go for it.
As for my kids, I tell them what I think and why and what I have seen and what I think it means with the clear accompanying message that it is information for them to use when they make their own decisions. As for school, we require them to honor commitments made and we require them to work to have opportunities they may want later. What they do with those opportunities, we make it very clear, is entirely up to them. They will be free to make their own decisions, including their own mistakes. If you do that–that is, if you leave them free to make choices you would never make on their behalf in a million years–I think they’ll come to you when they need to toss decisions around in their heads.
