Children and Financial Obligations of Raising Them Catholic

[TeresaMarie24]

I’m wanting some thoughts on a situation concerning some friends of mine. Let me give you the background.

These people are my child’s godparents. They are faithful Catholics, practice NFP, and currently have four children. The fourth child was a surprise; they were at a point in life with a lot going on, and it was quite stressful there for a while. However, things have calmed down, and they are very happy.

Both of them completely understand the theology behind the Church’s teachings on marriage and family life, and they agree with it. However, one of them feels the pressure of the idea of more children from a financial standpoint. He feels the Catholic Church has a “catch 22” i.e. “have children, don’t use birth control, raise them right, but Catholic schools cost thousands of dollars a year per child.” His children are currently in Catholic school. He feels at some point, you just tap out on what kind of money you’re able to bring in. He has a great job, makes good money, but even so, there is only so much he can make. At some point, he’d have to abandon private school for his children if they had too many kids. This is what concerns him.

I want to say to him, “God will provide, public school isn’t bad, it’ll be ok if you have more kids, your wife can handle it, etc.”. However, the reality is, sometimes people starve to death (not saying they’re anywhere close to that, but just that sometimes, God provides via eternity, not here on Earth), many public schools are bad and certainly don’t teach our values, and moms, even devout Catholic ones, do stress to the point of breaking.

So what can I say to him about all this the next time it comes up? Not to preach to him or tell him what to do, but merely to provide comfort and reinforcement that he is doing the right thing, and contraception will not solve any problems, that it really WILL be ok if they have more children.

Thanks for your thoughts!

 

[Allegra]

I do not think a person is obligated to send their child to Catholic school. I have absolutely NO intention of doing so. That’s just my opinon based on my experience with the schools in my area. Perhaps the public school in your area is really bad?

 

[TeresaMarie24]

I do not think a person is obligated to send their child to Catholic school. I have absolutely NO intention of doing so. That’s just my opinon based on my experience with the schools in my area. Perhaps the public school in your area is really bad?

It’s not that he feels obligated, so much as he knows they’ll get the best education possible there, along with the teachings of our faith. In other words, he’ll have a harder time raising faithful Catholics if they go to public school. Besides that, his wife does not want them in public schools due to her previous experiences in them.

I personally have my child in public school due to financial costs, and while I worry to a point, I feel my kiddo will do well anywhere we go. Maybe that’s wishful thinking on my part, but I can only pray for the best.

 

[George_Stegmeir]

I strongly suggest that your friend make an appointment with the Pastor of the parish to which the parochial school is in, He should outline his financial situation with regards to being able to afford the tuition and fees of the school. The Pastor should be able to intercede with the school authorities. There is an excellent possibility they will be able to work something out.

 

[VanSensei]

One still can go to public school and be faithful. Some of the most faithful Catholics come out of public schools, because honestly, they’re getting expensive. They’re starting to rival your local state university in costs. They should just try to raise them in the faith to the best of their ability.

 

[Aggies08]

Mine will be in public school as well.

I DO think parents have an obligation to ensure their child is in a good school district (if not doing private), as much as their finances/job allow them to move into an area with excellent schools.

 

[Debora123]

It is a tough reality and there’s really no sugar coating it… I don’t know, I don’t think I’d really say much of anything. I’d just pray for them.

 

[Country_Gal]

It is a tough reality and there’s really no sugar coating it… I don’t know, I don’t think I’d really say much of anything. I’d just pray for them.

So true. Life is tough. Having a lot of kids in today’s society, is not the same as for our forebears. We are expected to give them so much, it’s unreasonable really.

 

[LilyM]

Yes - NFP fails. So do contraception and sterilisations, at a much higher rate than their purveyors will ever admit to. Heck, even attempts at abortion sometimes ‘fail’ in the sense that the unborn survives and lives.

And even people who think they are well placed to support a child will unexpectedly fall on hard times and find it a struggle.

Simply put, there are no guarantees and you can’t fail-proof your own future or that of any child.

And I don’t like the idea of ‘Catholic children must go to Catholic school’. A child’s first and primary teachers in the faith must always be its parents, and it is every parent’s duty to learn and practice their faith well enough to be able to teach it to their children instead of delegating the task to school teachers.

 

[TeresaMarie24]

Thank you all for your thoughts!

I showed this thread to my daughter’s godmother, and we both thought everyone had good points. We were also glad that with much as we have hashed this out, no one came up with anything we haven’t already said. At least we’ve thought it through from multiple angles.

All very good points, particularly concerning the fact that even with contraception, surprises happen, and even when you have a good job, circumstances beyond your control can change that in a heartbeat. At the end of the day I suppose it is just about trusting God, and doing the best you can for your family.

Thank you again and God bless!

 

[Byrnwiga]

I tell my relatives and best friends, ‘If you want your children to fight for their faith, send them to public school. If you want them to lose their faith, send them to Catholic school.’

-Archbishop Fulton Sheen

Though, I think the idea of “fighting for the faith” is becoming increasingly true in [often nominally] Catholic schools (at least given my experiences in them). With that in mind, less expensive alternatives seem just as good.

 

[Iheartcoffee]

Catholic schools have gotten prohibitively expensive. It isn’t always the fact that they are church-run, but rather the fact that many of them want to rival the fancy secular private schools in the same areas. Some of the ones in my area have built fancy arenas and stadiums that could rival some colleges. The uniforms that were required for those schools were ridiculously expensive. This just drives prices through the roof. Many of them need to get back to the basics so they can make themselves more affordable for a big family.

 

[Cat]

Catholic schools have gotten prohibitively expensive. It isn’t always the fact that they are church-run, but rather the fact that many of them want to rival the fancy secular private schools in the same areas. Some of the ones in my area have built fancy arenas and stadiums that could rival some colleges. The uniforms that were required for those schools were ridiculously expensive. This just drives prices through the roof. Many of them need to get back to the basics so they can make themselves more affordable for a big family.

The Catholic high school in our city is one of those “fancy” schools.

The kids who attend the Catholic school in our city want a tough, challenging education, not just “the basics.”

They are a competitive population of teenagers who are willing to endure a longer school day (part of the reason for the higher tuition) so that they can cram in more academic classes, electives, and AP classes, and have more opportunities to participate in top-notch extracurricular activities like sports and arts.

Because the school is “fancy,” there is money to pay for the best teachers and coaches who have impeccable credentials and experience in teaching.

These teachers and other professionals in the school make it possible for the students to not only receive an excellent education, but also to earn college scholarships. Many athletes at this high school have received full-ride scholarships to universities and colleges all over the country, and some of these athletes are now playing on professional teams (and I’m pretty certain they give back to their alma mater).

The arts students from this high school also have an impressive record of post-high school accomplishments. Several award-winning actors and actresses graduated from the school, and numerous entertainment industry professionals who are unknown to the public.

We should not wish mediocrity for our children or their schools.

There is another Catholic high school in our city, the “traditional” Catholic high school. The students attend the Latin Mass, and everyone learns Latin. Prayers are said in Latin, and the music learned is chant, polyphony, etc., The school just started a few years ago, and is growing. (It’s a K- through grade 12 school, BTW.) Since it is very small, it doesn’t offer the many opportunities that the other Catholic high school offers, but it is very inexpensive. I’m thrilled that this option is now available to Catholic families.

Finally, there is always the option of homeschooling, and I know many Catholic families who home school. It’s not free (the curricula costs money). But it’s certainly cheaper than a private school.

In our city, public schools really aren’t a good option for Christian families, Catholic or Protestant. Thanks to a deseg lawsuit, our schools are literally wastelands. As an example, the public elementary schools in our area are proud of the fact that in their music classes, which are offered once a week for a whole half hour (!), the children learn hip hop and rap! Wowee. That’s just one example of the craziness that is our public schools. Not an option.

As much as I respect the great Archbishop Fulton Sheen, he wrote his comments about public vs. Catholic school during a time in which everyone in the U.S. was either Christian or Jewish, and most people practiced their religion regularly (church attendance, etc.) and shared the same basic values and definitions of sin and virtue with every other family in the nation.

That time is gone and we now live in a post-Christian era where values are considered archaic, and it’s up to each individual to live their life as they choose, based mainly on what the entertainment industry spews out. Adults have a hard time keeping their faith in this post-Christian culture. For kids, it’s almost impossible–they don’t have the armor to withstand the kind of attacks on their faith that they receive daily and hourly in the public schools.

 

[coachdennis]

God bless you for your concern for your friend!

If I may suggest a totally different approach in that the next several times this comes up, you listen and ask deep questions without making comments. Ask him sincerely “why are you so troubled about the future?” “Why does this bother you so much?” “What about the Catholic Churches teaching brings you so much sadness?” and rather then debate your dear friend you really try and listen deeply for what is bothering his heart.

You may not get the answer the first time but dig deeper if you can. This is a man who has fears and is not trusting God (as happens to all of us from time to time) and you will probably not calm his fears by using rational arguments. Telling him that “God will provide” is falling on deaf ears as you know and any rational argument or snappy comeback we can provide here will fall on the same deaf ears.

His fears could be rooted in providing for his family or in not trusting NFP or in financial concerns or many things. Sometimes people don’t even know themselves WHY they feel a certain way they just DO…you have to get them to talk about it in order to sort it all out. Getting him to talk about why he feels the way he does could be helpful.

You are a good friend and it is good that you came here please be assured of my prayers for all involved. God bless you.

And this:

There are NO guarantees about passing on the faith.
Sending children to catholic schools is NOT a guarantee they will practice the faith as adults.
Homeschooling will NOT guarantee following the faith as adults
Providing good, steady examples to children will NOT guarantee children will practice their faith as adults
Children, as all individuals have FREE WILL and you cannot cocoon them until they are adults.

It is natural for any parent to be concern about their children’s future and whether a parent is doing the best they can – but through no fault of their own can be laid off tomorrow, or diagnosed with a catastrophic illness.

We ARE called to trust – guarantees do not require faith. I think this is something many believers forget or don’t get. Saying “I believe” does not spare you from the trials of this world, but it gives you a way THROUGH life.

 

[Iheartcoffee]

The Catholic high school in our city is one of those “fancy” schools.

The kids who attend the Catholic school in our city want a tough, challenging education, not just “the basics.”

They are a competitive population of teenagers who are willing to endure a longer school day (part of the reason for the higher tuition) so that they can cram in more academic classes, electives, and AP classes, and have more opportunities to participate in top-notch extracurricular activities like sports and arts.

Because the school is “fancy,” there is money to pay for the best teachers and coaches who have impeccable credentials and experience in teaching.

These teachers and other professionals in the school make it possible for the students to not only receive an excellent education, but also to earn college scholarships. Many athletes at this high school have received full-ride scholarships to universities and colleges all over the country, and some of these athletes are now playing on professional teams (and I’m pretty certain they give back to their alma mater).

The arts students from this high school also have an impressive record of post-high school accomplishments. Several award-winning actors and actresses graduated from the school, and numerous entertainment industry professionals who are unknown to the public.

We should not wish mediocrity for our children or their schools.

There is another Catholic high school in our city, the “traditional” Catholic high school. The students attend the Latin Mass, and everyone learns Latin. Prayers are said in Latin, and the music learned is chant, polyphony, etc., The school just started a few years ago, and is growing. (It’s a K- through grade 12 school, BTW.) Since it is very small, it doesn’t offer the many opportunities that the other Catholic high school offers, but it is very inexpensive. I’m thrilled that this option is now available to Catholic families.

Finally, there is always the option of homeschooling, and I know many Catholic families who home school. It’s not free (the curricula costs money). But it’s certainly cheaper than a private school.

In our city, public schools really aren’t a good option for Christian families, Catholic or Protestant. Thanks to a deseg lawsuit, our schools are literally wastelands. As an example, the public elementary schools in our area are proud of the fact that in their music classes, which are offered once a week for a whole half hour (!), the children learn hip hop and rap! Wowee. That’s just one example of the craziness that is our public schools. Not an option.

As much as I respect the great Archbishop Fulton Sheen, he wrote his comments about public vs. Catholic school during a time in which everyone in the U.S. was either Christian or Jewish, and most people practiced their religion regularly (church attendance, etc.) and shared the same basic values and definitions of sin and virtue with every other family in the nation.

That time is gone and we now live in a post-Christian era where values are considered archaic, and it’s up to each individual to live their life as they choose, based mainly on what the entertainment industry spews out. Adults have a hard time keeping their faith in this post-Christian culture. For kids, it’s almost impossible–they don’t have the armor to withstand the kind of attacks on their faith that they receive daily and hourly in the public schools.

I’m am absolutely not suggesting mediocrity for the Catholic schools. I have attended one of the “fancy” Catholic schools and my complaint about them is that many tend to get really caught up in their image. My school was ridiculously snobby. It needed a swift kick by the Bishop and a lesson in humility because it sometimes forgot its real purpose. By getting “back to the basics” I meant some of these schools need to get back to focusing on what really matters. It’s about making sure the students leave with a quality education and a burning desire for the Faith, not a shiny football stadium that sends next year’s tuition up. While it provided and excellent education, it could also be very vain. This vanity can drive prices completely out of the realm of many Catholic families’ budgets.

 

[Viki63]

There are no guarantees. I think the best route, however, is to make sure the parents talk about their faith and practice it at home. I wish I had a chance to raise my kids again, I would focus more on important matters.
One thing I do know is that I wish I had had more children. I ended up with 5: 2 biological kids, 2 adopted, one stepdaughter. They are all great people, although most don’t attend church. But I keep praying for them and know God is working in their lives.
God supplies all our needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus.