Children as baggage

[GhostMan]

Take it as a strong warning to how she will treat children in your family. There will be a huge difference between any future children the two of you may have and these current ones.

The baggage she is referring to is her behavior for the rest of her life and the way it way add stress to your family.

Thank her for the warning and tell her that if she exhibits one iota of discrimination among your children she will never see one of them again. Then, stick to it.

 

[whatevergirl]

If you were a single person, engaged to someone widowed with young children, how would you respond to a comment from your mother that those children are “baggage”?

That children are not baggage, and leave it at that. Not worth getting into a word war with one’s family member. I have heard the term baggage before…in scenarios like this. These children lost their mom, and if their dad has found true love again–and a person to help give love to his children…that is a beautiful thing.

So…‘children are not baggage, mother.’ should be a good enough statement.

 

[iluvmybabies]

If you were a single person, engaged to someone widowed with young children, how would you respond to a comment from your mother that those children are “baggage”?

I am in the same situation, except I am the one with the “baggage”! I have 3 children, am divorced, and am after 3 years, engaged to a great man…He is a couple of years younger than me, which is a huge issue with my mother…she told me I am “ruining that boys life” bringing in 3 children to someon who could marry a 20 year old woman and have a great life with his own children with his young wife…His mother same feeling!! My father is super happy I have found a great man that loves me, makes me happy, loves my children as if they were his own, is a devout Catholic, and wishes to marry me through the church, unlike my exhusband…His father shares the same feeling as my father and adores my children and calls them his grandchildren… This situation causes a problem and has been taking a toll on me. I don’t get along with his mother, and now-a-days, lately I haven’t been happy to speak with mine…It doesn’t feel good to be treated that way and to know how someone feels about your children. My fiance stuck up for me this weekend, when his mother disrespected me and tried to tell my children what to do, like she always does. I walked out of there and my fiance got into a huge family argument that involved his father as well. It got so bad his father threatened to leave his mother because she was destroying his family!! And you know what it’s no fun…I am now doubting I should even start my life over and just give up…
Seriously!!! This whole family problem is destroying me, it destroyed me with my first marriage since neither family got along there either, to my family my first husband was lazy and good for nothing, and unworthy since he wasn’t a practicing Catholic. I understand that one…but this one!!! And why would my children be baggage? I take care of my children…he decided to love me and love my “baggage”…Many people have told him things like that, “oh wow you got baggage man!!” And he just looks at them and is like “I love my woman and her babies, they are like mine!!” A father isn’t just the one who creates, it’s also the one who raises…And unless you love that woman that much, and enough, than make her believe and see it because other wise she will be questioning things the way I am and you might lose a great life partner!!!

 

[whatevergirl]

I am sorry luvmybabies. That sounds awful. Well…it could be that no one will ever measure up to the right husband for you,in your mom’s eyes…seeing that she also had something to say about your ex. It’s your life. If this man loves you and your kids…it’s really no one’s business…but I can say that sitting here looking in. I know that family can drive a person insane. My sister who raised me as my parents passed away when I was a kid–did not like my husband, initially. She said he was too old for me. Ha…see we can never win.

Give it all to God. Do not leave this man, because of what his and your mom thinks.

I will say that I have been ‘guilty’ of thinking about my kids and potential future spouses…and what might I think should they bring home someone who is divorced with kids? Might I think they ‘deserve’ to start off with someone who is ‘unattached,’ like them…(should they never go through a divorce themselves)

Reading your post here shows me how foolish I was to thinking anything remotely to what I was. I can now see that if two people are commited to love one another and live by Church teachings…etc…etc…then that is all that should matter.

I will say a prayer for you…but don’t let your family ruin anything for you. (((hugs)))

 

[Cinette]

I am in the same situation, except I am the one with the “baggage”! I have 3 children, am divorced, and am after 3 years, engaged to a great manBravo! Yay! good for you!..He is a couple of years younger than me, which is a huge issue with my mother.I don’t get it? WHO is marrying this terrific man after all?..she told me I am “ruining that boys life” bringing in 3 children to someon who could marry a 20 year old woman and have a great life with his own children with his young wife…His mother same feeling!!Forget about the old ladies - they don’t know what they are talking about! My father is super happy I have found a great man that loves me, makes me happy, loves my children as if they were his own, is a devout Catholic, and wishes to marry me through the church, unlike my exhusband.what a treasure!..His father shares the same feeling as my father and adores my children and calls them his grandchildren… wonderful - you have three good men on your side - those ladies are outnumbered!This situation causes a problem and has been taking a toll on me. I don’t get along with his mother,does his Mother wield a lot of influence on him? Is he likely to take her side against you? If not, don’t worry. Be nice to her, stroke her ego but be firm and now-a-days, lately I haven’t been happy to speak with mine…don’t blame you - but the problem is not yours.It doesn’t feel good to be treated that way and to know how someone feels about your children. My fiance stuck up for me this weekend, when his mother disrespected me and tried to tell my children what to do, like she always does. I walked out of there and my fiance got into a huge family argument that involved his father as well. It got so bad his father threatened to leave his mother because she was destroying his family!! Tell your husband to be that you want to avoid these arguments and if his Mother does this kind of thing again you all just pack up and go homeAnd you know what it’s no fun…I am now doubting I should even start my life over and just give up…Are you crazy? NO!
Seriously!!! This whole family problem is destroying me, it destroyed me with my first marriage since neither family got along there either, to my family my first husband was lazy and good for nothing, and unworthy since he wasn’t a practicing Catholic.Maybe you should move a little distance away I understand that one…but this one!!! And why would my children be baggage? I take care of my children…he decided to love me and love my “baggage”…Many people have told him things like that, "oh wow you got baggage man!!"don’t let it get to you, And he just looks at them and is like “I love my woman and her babies, they are like mine!!” You are so fortunate - elope and get married now before the old ladies hastle you moreA father isn’t just the one who creates, it’s also the one who raises…And unless you love that woman that much, and enough, than make her believe and see it because other wise she will be questioning things the way I am and you might lose a great life partner!!!:

ELOPE! NOW!

Seriously, my husband married me with two children and we had two more. We have been together for 42 years and everyone in our neighbourhood call us the “lovers”. Both my sons are married to older women, one 4 years and the other 8 years older. They are happy and I don’t interfere. It is their lives and we all get on very well.

Do as I say - ELOPE and move to another neighbourhood (

 

[iluvmybabies]

I am sorry luvmybabies. That sounds awful. Well…it could be that no one will ever measure up to the right husband for you,in your mom’s eyes…seeing that she also had something to say about your ex. It’s your life. If this man loves you and your kids…it’s really no one’s business…but I can say that sitting here looking in. I know that family can drive a person insane. My sister who raised me as my parents passed away when I was a kid–did not like my husband, initially. She said he was too old for me. Ha…see we can never win.

Give it all to God. Do not leave this man, because of what his and your mom thinks.

I will say that I have been ‘guilty’ of thinking about my kids and potential future spouses…and what might I think should they bring home someone who is divorced with kids? Might I think they ‘deserve’ to start off with someone who is ‘unattached,’ like them…(should they never go through a divorce themselves)

Reading your post here shows me how foolish I was to thinking anything remotely to what I was. I can now see that if two people are commited to love one another and live by Church teachings…etc…etc…then that is all that should matter.

I will say a prayer for you…but don’t let your family ruin anything for you. (((hugs)))

AW thank you so much!!! :hug1: I didn’t even think about it either…I asked my fiance if he ever had children, in which he turned around and said to me “you mean the ones we have? And the ones GOD will bless us with?” And I acted like I didn’t hear him, and pretended to ignore him even though he made me feel so good, I asked him if he would be like his parents when his children grew up in which again he interrupted and responded with “oh you mean when our kids grow up, ok what about?” And again I pretended I didn’t hear, so I continued asking if he would be ok with them bringing home someone with children, he looked at me and said to me, “if they love each other, and they are best friends, live in God, why should children be a bother, they are a blessing, and that means more family to love, what else should matter?” And I looked at him and I was like you are just saying that because you are with a woman with kids…and he told me, “You know what I wasn’t looking for a woman with kids, God put you in my path and if you leave me my life will never be the same. I can’t stand the loneliness of being without you and without our children!”
I almost cried, and I know he does love me but it’s so hard you know?! Especially when I see how much he tries to be a good man and a good father and a good Catholic, it’s so cute to see him try so hard to please me…and to please God…he just makes me fall in love even more…but when it comes to his mother calling him every day and mine the same thing and then if I answer the phone when his mother calls it’s like “let me talk to my son” And it frustrates me and makes me regret him…you know?

 

[whatevergirl]

AW thank you so much!!! :hug1: I didn’t even think about it either…I asked my fiance if he ever had children, in which he turned around and said to me “you mean the ones we have? And the ones GOD will bless us with?” And I acted like I didn’t hear him, and pretended to ignore him even though he made me feel so good, I asked him if he would be like his parents when his children grew up in which again he interrupted and responded with “oh you mean when our kids grow up, ok what about?” And again I pretended I didn’t hear, so I continued asking if he would be ok with them bringing home someone with children, he looked at me and said to me, “if they love each other, and they are best friends, live in God, why should children be a bother, they are a blessing, and that means more family to love, what else should matter?” And I looked at him and I was like you are just saying that because you are with a woman with kids…and he told me, “You know what I wasn’t looking for a woman with kids, God put you in my path and if you leave me my life will never be the same. I can’t stand the loneliness of being without you and without our children!”
I almost cried, and I know he does love me but it’s so hard you know?! Especially when I see how much he tries to be a good man and a good father and a good Catholic, it’s so cute to see him try so hard to please me…and to please God…he just makes me fall in love even more…but when it comes to his mother calling him every day and mine the same thing and then if I answer the phone when his mother calls it’s like “let me talk to my son” And it frustrates me and makes me regret him…you know?

Thankfully, this man took more life lessons from his dad, it seems. lol He sounds really great. I think there could be reasons why they (the moms) are feeling this way. I will continue this in your other thread! lol

 

[iluvmybabies]

Cinette:
OMG!! Thank you soooooooooo much!! See I don’t understand why everyone seems to do things like that you know? I feel the same way…I have 3 children, 1 girl and 2 boys and after going through this I told them you know what it’s your life and your decision, I will support you as much as I can in all the decisions you make because it’s no fun to be feeling alone when you are making big life decisions…
The wedding was going to be set for may of next year but because my parents aren’t doing so well I was hoping to help them so we scheduled it for next sept…but I wished it would be sooner you know?! Even though all these problems have me thinking the opposite direction…
Because it’s not just the mothers, my 2 siblings disagree, our priest disagrees, his mother, his grandparents, aunts and uncles all disagree…So it doesn’t help either you know? And no he would never take his mother’s side…

 

[iluvmybabies]

Thankfully, this man took more life lessons from his dad, it seems. lol He sounds really great. I think there could be reasons why they (the moms) are feeling this way. I will continue this in your other thread! lol

Well this weekend his father told him he made him proud because he loves his family-my children and myself. And he told him it’s one of the most important things in the world. And my bf said I wouldn’t change it for nothing in the world…and he stated he thanks God he found me…

 

[Cinette]

OMG!! Thank you soooooooooo much!! See I don’t understand why everyone seems to do things like that you know? I feel the same way…I have 3 children, 1 girl and 2 boys and after going through this I told them you know what it’s your life and your decision, I will support you as much as I can in all the decisions you make because it’s no fun to be feeling alone when you are making big life decisions…
The wedding was going to be set for may of next year but because my parents aren’t doing so well I was hoping to help them so we scheduled it for next sept…but I wished it would be sooner you know?! Even though all these problems have me thinking the opposite direction…
Because it’s not just the mothers, my 2 siblings disagree, our priest disagrees, his mother, his grandparents, aunts and uncles all disagree…So it doesn’t help either you know? And no he would never take his mother’s side…

Would having the wedding brought forward make any difference? The pressure will only build. If you are SURE of each other do it NOW. Then they will have to accept it and stop pressurising you. Gee why should the priest disagree?

 

[iluvmybabies]

Would having the wedding brought forward make any difference? The pressure will only build. If you are SURE of each other do it NOW. Then they will have to accept it and stop pressurising you. Gee why should the priest disagree?

I don’t know…these people aren’t used to seeing men marrying women with kids…seriously! It was a huge shock to everyone around this town…Usually people my age are barely getting married to their first loves and then having kids…not getting married with someone with kids…and the priest was like uhm woman kids? you and her?

 

[Cinette]

I don’t know…these people aren’t used to seeing men marrying women with kids…seriously! It was a huge shock to everyone around this town…Usually people my age are barely getting married to their first loves and then having kids…not getting married with someone with kids…and the priest was like uhm woman kids? you and her?

I suggust you pray and leave it in God’s hands. After all you have the rest of your lives. Keep close to the Church and take care of the children’s spirituality. Your relationship with God should come first and everything else will fall in place.

God bless you

 

[iluvmybabies]

I suggust you pray and leave it in God’s hands. After all you have the rest of your lives. Keep close to the Church and take care of the children’s spirituality. Your relationship with God should come first and everything else will fall in place.

God bless you

Yes thank you…I do agree with you…I know that everyone has their own opinions…and it’s hard when most of those opinions are negative towards you…At least most of them…and when it’s your family doing so…God comes first, then my babies…I do believe God does things for a reason and I am definitely leaving it all to His will…more than anything else I will continue praying…

 

[Cristiano]

If you were a single person, engaged to someone widowed with young children, how would you respond to a comment from your mother that those children are “baggage”?

Children are an emotional “baggage”, they better be.

When we travel we carry our baggage because we can draw useful things out it it. The same is for our travel in life. My son is my own baggage and I am able to get strength and love out him every day. I deal with the “baggage” of other parents every Sunday and I get a lot of strength and love out of them. If you travel 'light" you cannot get too far before having to stop and accumulate “baggage”, the same is for the travel through life.

 

[iluvmybabies]

Children are an emotional “baggage”, they better be.

When we travel we carry our baggage because we can draw useful things out it it. The same is for our travel in life. My son is my own baggage and I am able to get strength and love out him every day. I deal with the “baggage” of other parents every Sunday and I get a lot of strength and love out of them. If you travel 'light" you cannot get too far before having to stop and accumulate “baggage”, the same is for the travel through life.

WOW!! I like what you had to say…thank you for sharing that with us!!