Thanks for all the responses. If I can recap all that has been said.
- All Children are considered innocent before God.
- The Church would allow the innocent spouse to separate, but would still not give an annulment.
- Both the adulterous spouse and the victim would not be permitted to remarry.
I was very moved by the stories that were told, Children should never have to bear this kind of sorrow.
My question was personal, but not in those terms. My mother was married at 17 and divorced at 20 because her first husband was abusive and an adulterer. They had no children. She then married my father in a Protestant Church even though they were both Catholics because they couldn’t get married in a Catholic Church. Therefore there relationship would be viewed as adulterous since she was unable to get an annulment, which would translate in both my sister and I being Children born of adultery, but in a totally different context as the ones stated previously. Shouldn’t the innocent spouse be allowed to remarry?
That adultery happens after marriage does not preclude an annulment. If it were evident that adultery was intended as an option when the vows were taken, the marriage wouldn’t be valid.
If your mother was the victim of deceit–that is, if her first husband did not really intend to be faithful to her, but rather considered even as he made his wedding vows to her that adultery against her to be an option he was free to hold open for himself or that the vow to “honor” her all the days of his life was just so much flowery language that could be discarded in favor of abusing her if he liked–then her first attempt at marriage would not have been valid. In that case, justice would require she be declared free to marry your father in the Church (provided he was also justly free to marry). If she realistically knew he would cheat on her and abuse her, the attempt at marriage would have been foolish, but it still would not have been valid. (I speak theoretically, as if these facts were found upon a true investigation, not as if a marriage can be declared invalid without investigation.)
If, on the other hand, our spouses give us full consent and intend to marry us well, but then later fail us through sin, then no, unfortunately, we are not free to marry someone else, any more than we are free to remarry if they are struck by a physical illness that takes away their ability to engage in the marital act or that takes any of the other goods of marriage away from us. Although no one is required to stay in a house where peace or safety may be realistically deemed impossible, when it comes to “for better or worse”, the “worse” can be very bad, indeed. When we throw our lot in with someone and agree to marry them, we sign on for the whole thing.
In any event, you and your sister are innocent and worthy of the love of your parents, not to mention everyone else. Your mother is not in the situation of someone who has violated the trust of an innocent and loving spouse, but is more akin to the re-married woman whom Jesus spoke of:* “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife must give her a bill of divorce.’ But I say to you, whoever divorces his wife (unless the marriage is unlawful) causes her to commit adultery…” *
Matt. 5:31-32 The Scriptures do not say that your mother would not have been committing adultery by remarriage, but that it could be that she herself was not ultimately the cause of the situation.
At any rate, it is not a good idea to try to re-paint something as something it is not in order to preserve appearances. It is better to stay in the truth, but to love people regardless of appearances. We are told not to judge as if we could judge hearts, because we rarely know the whole story. We can respond with regards to what your mother’s legal situation was, but we can’t read her heart or assign her culpability. That is for God to do.
