E
EstherTherese
Guest
I’m a 22 year old female Catholic who is just coming to terms that her Catholic mom is emotionally abusive.
As a cradle Catholic, the acceptance has been both liberating and terrifying for my faith. My mother is a devout, devout Catholic, so I feel very abusive for my labeling her as “abusive.”
I have felt like I have been walking on eggshells my whole life. At an early age, I would develop scrupulousness and low self-esteem. I’m still very insecure. I showed signs of depression and ADD ever since my young teens, but my mom only dismissed me as someone “selifsh,” “ungrateful”, and “lacking in humility.” These words have ricocheted in my head throughout my childhood and well into my adulthood.
I have tried to talk to her before, multiple times. The language barrier (I’m a 1st gen Vietnamese-American) presents difficulties, but only before she steamrolls me and calls me an unfaithful Christian again. I am not allowed to talk back. That would be a sign of my disobedience. If I cry, she yells at me louder for “being a baby” and “an egoist.” I sit and internalize.
My father has shown me unconditional affection, unlike my mom, but is still complicit. When I start telling him, in tears sometimes, about my struggles, he simply says I’ll “be okay” and to understand my mom.
At the suggestions of priests at the confessional, I found counseling and medication in school. I just graduated from a university and have been living at home for the past couple of months looking for work. These have been some of the hardest months of my life. My parents have moved two hours away from home, so I very seldom saw my friends. At the strict upbringing of my parents, I am just getting my license at 22. The isolation and loneliness, coupled with no medication or counseling, has been a nightmare.
In these months, I would drink at inappropriate times, smoke cigarettes, listen to music with very subversive lyrics, self-mutilate… anything to feel better. Of course, I felt very guilty about all of this. These were all reactions to my intense loneliness and shame. I started to sympathize with individuals who have been rejected a “bad influence.” Inside, we’re all simply hurting. Perhaps many of them were also raised by religious, but emotionally abusive parents.
Thankfully, I have recently been hired for a paralegal job at a very renown firm in a city far away from my parents, but so much damage has already been done. My mother was happier than I was. Before, she vocally complained about what a disappointment my situation was. How she supported me at a prestigious insitution, only for me to be a spoiled post-graduate living at home.
**So, in the midst of all my whining, I just want to reach out to the community to ask this: **
Have people recovered from such confusing, lasting pain?
Growing into my adulthood, I wonder if my Catholicism has been a result of fear, not love. Blind submission, not loving worship.
My mom confessed to me that she had a very difficult relationship with her own mother. As much as I try to uphold Catholic family values, I am frightened of having my own children. Children who may have severe depression as me and who will have to endure my own, ineffective parenting.
As a cradle Catholic, the acceptance has been both liberating and terrifying for my faith. My mother is a devout, devout Catholic, so I feel very abusive for my labeling her as “abusive.”
I have felt like I have been walking on eggshells my whole life. At an early age, I would develop scrupulousness and low self-esteem. I’m still very insecure. I showed signs of depression and ADD ever since my young teens, but my mom only dismissed me as someone “selifsh,” “ungrateful”, and “lacking in humility.” These words have ricocheted in my head throughout my childhood and well into my adulthood.
I have tried to talk to her before, multiple times. The language barrier (I’m a 1st gen Vietnamese-American) presents difficulties, but only before she steamrolls me and calls me an unfaithful Christian again. I am not allowed to talk back. That would be a sign of my disobedience. If I cry, she yells at me louder for “being a baby” and “an egoist.” I sit and internalize.
My father has shown me unconditional affection, unlike my mom, but is still complicit. When I start telling him, in tears sometimes, about my struggles, he simply says I’ll “be okay” and to understand my mom.
At the suggestions of priests at the confessional, I found counseling and medication in school. I just graduated from a university and have been living at home for the past couple of months looking for work. These have been some of the hardest months of my life. My parents have moved two hours away from home, so I very seldom saw my friends. At the strict upbringing of my parents, I am just getting my license at 22. The isolation and loneliness, coupled with no medication or counseling, has been a nightmare.
In these months, I would drink at inappropriate times, smoke cigarettes, listen to music with very subversive lyrics, self-mutilate… anything to feel better. Of course, I felt very guilty about all of this. These were all reactions to my intense loneliness and shame. I started to sympathize with individuals who have been rejected a “bad influence.” Inside, we’re all simply hurting. Perhaps many of them were also raised by religious, but emotionally abusive parents.
Thankfully, I have recently been hired for a paralegal job at a very renown firm in a city far away from my parents, but so much damage has already been done. My mother was happier than I was. Before, she vocally complained about what a disappointment my situation was. How she supported me at a prestigious insitution, only for me to be a spoiled post-graduate living at home.
**So, in the midst of all my whining, I just want to reach out to the community to ask this: **
Have people recovered from such confusing, lasting pain?
Growing into my adulthood, I wonder if my Catholicism has been a result of fear, not love. Blind submission, not loving worship.
My mom confessed to me that she had a very difficult relationship with her own mother. As much as I try to uphold Catholic family values, I am frightened of having my own children. Children who may have severe depression as me and who will have to endure my own, ineffective parenting.
Just remember it’s not an overnight process. I think you’re on your way, and getting a start early enough in life that you’ll get there. 
Oh EstherTherese, it’s not whining and I’m glad you have reached out.
It’s either that or cry.