Children pulling away from the Church

[Chalayne]

I would like some different ideas on how to approach my teenager who is having a real crisis of faith. He says he doesn’t believe in God the way that I do. Deism better fits his belief in God, his words. I think he struggles with recent events like Newtown and things like the holocaust and how God could allow this to happen. Perhaps some of it is his attempt to become independent but I don’t know how to guide him back without having him pull further away.

 

[ProdglArchitect]

Well, you could start by posing the “free will” vs “God’s slaves” thought line to him.

Basically, when it comes to things like Newtown and the holocaust, people go “Why would God allow this to happen.” This is a silly question of course, but a lot of people don’t realize it. It’s a matter of free will. God allows these things to happen because he loves us enough to allow us to chose the paths of our lives for ourselves.

Sadly, some people chose poorly, and choose to do evil. This is not God’s fault; it is a natural result of being given a choice. The only alternative (the only way to prevent all evil things) if for God to remove our free will and essentially make us slaves. This is not an act of love, but one of dominance, and God doesn’t dominate us, he loves us.

 

[Augusta1990]

The free will point is the main one to make. If you want to add to it, you can say that there’s a bit of circularity to the objection: he would be saying that the evil in the world shows that God doesn’t exist, but in the absence of God, it becomes difficult (if not impossible) to justify having absolute standards of good and evil.

 

[mountee]

Others on this forum will be able to give you some great ideas like the first two responders have, but I would like to add something a little different. Personally, I have gone through several of these periods of doubt throughout my life yet always worked through them and I think I can tell you how that happened. Each time I was always surrounded by loving, close family members who modeled for me how their faith made them happy. Watching these people made it easy for me to work through these trials of faith and come out stronger than ever with mine. Having spent over 30 years of working with teenagers and raising two of our own through those years, I will suggest that you try very hard to let your son talk, don’t be worried about what you hear and ask him only to let you respond with how you feel in your faith. Teenagers go through these times and how you handle them will make a great deal of difference as to what happens next, you will win with love and God’s truth will come out on top. God bless this time between you and your son.

 

[Allegra]

In my entire life, I have never seen a teen say they didn’t believe in their religion, have a parent explain one doctrine, and suddenly slap themselves in the head and say, “Oh, NOW I get it!” I think the best thing to do is to reiterate that you expect your son to continue with his studies and practice of the faith while in your household, but he is free to explore whatever philosophies interest him. In the meantime, be a good example and encourage your husband to do the same. Witness to him by vocally thanking God for the good things in your life. This is especially important for your husband. It seems to me that too many men play don’t speak about their faith or prayer life. It’s not that they don’t believe, but just that they keep in inside more. It’s really important for boys to see their male role models being men of faith. At any rate, it is likely a phase that will pass, unless there is some sort of power struggle going on and faith is a point of contention in it.

 

[Chalayne]

Thank you all for your answers and I’ll ask for your prayers as well, as our family moves forward.