Children with vocations

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A recent family uproar endured by someone I know provokes me to ask this question of the folks on this forum…

Do any of you have sons or daughters in religious life, or who have become priests? How did you react when they came home to give you the news? Was it a surprise, or did you “see it coming?”

And why is it that so many supposedly believing, “good” Catholic parents seem to just lose it when when their child comes home and says that he wants to be a priest, or that he or she intends to enter a convent?

Honestly, why do some parents seem to have the attitude that “yea, we need vocations, but please Lord don’t call my kid!”

I’m not a parent, but if I had children–seeing as I would certainly have tried to raise them in the Faith–I think I would be overjoyed should a daughter of mine choose religious life, or a son decide that he wanted to become a priest or enter a monastery. I just don’t get the reaction on the part of some parents…

Feedback anyone?
 
we have never had the blessing, in our family, of facing this event, more’s the pity. DH was supposed to be a priest, named for his uncle the priest, and for a long time family harbored some bitterness against me because I of course was to blame for the fact he never went to seminary. However, he actually wanted to play ball for Yankees and never had an interest in the priesthood. Needless to say, he did not do that, either.

I just want to interject that fairly young children can have a firm intent and callling to priesthood and religious life. Many priests have said they first felt this call as children, and it remained firm all through their school years. Parents should be very receptive and non-critical and supportive about what their children say to them on this subject when they are young.
 
I will be telling my mom sometime soon, probably next weekend. I am fairly confident that she sees it coming, but I will let you all know how it turns out.
 
I can tell you from my own experience with my mom. My daughter who is only nine years old told my mom that she feels that she is called to the religious life, ( I know that she is still young and time will tell) My mom told me, not in front of my DD, that if she had a choice she would never allow it. I asked in shock why? She told me that if she did this that I would not be able to see her again and that, get this, I would never get grandchildren :eek: I found out later that one of my uncles had a calling for the priesthood and my grandmother refused to give her blessing, for the same reasons my mother gave, and he later married. He was never happy in his relationship, they couldn’t have children of their own so they adopted. They are now divorced and he lives alone.
 
I know a family with the opposite scenario. They wanted their child to go into the religious life and it was all they were willing to accept. The child did not feel a calling to religious life and eventually firmly said so. The parents were furious. Years later, tension still runs high. The parents believe they knew the child’s “true” calling and the child (long since an adult) is “ignoring” it. It is sad.

I don’t understand why parents can be so disappointed or bitter for their children living lives that are glorifying to God. There is not just one way to do it, and for parents to hinge their own happiness on their children having a particular calling, whether that calling be to the religious or the married life, means they are setting themselves up for failure. They are not leaving such things in God’s hands, where it should be. I’ll say a prayer for all parents to be accepting of the vocation God is leading their children to.
 
I told my parents two weekends ago that I wanted to become a priest. (They are both Catholic)

My mom cried for a few minutes, then said something along the line of “There go my grandbabies!” We talked for a few more minutes about the Church in general, then I left. She hasn’t brought it up since. I personally think she is hurt but doesn’t want to tell me.

My dad didn’t say much. In fact my dad didn’t seem to even mind. But he doesn’t really mind anything I do, just so long as it is what I want to do. He hasn’t mentioned it either.

So I have no idea how they are really taking it.
 
I told them I felt called to the priesthood or religious life about two years ago and they were pretty against it for ahwile, my dad was far more vocal about it then my mom. He , though, has reluctantly accepted it and I think my mom is fine with it now. I beleive my mom wanted to see if it was just some passing idea or something like that. I suppose now that I have felt that way for two years she has decided that its not just some phase.
 
To the Junior Members who posted above.
My prayers are with you, and I call upon others reading this thread to pray for them as well.
 
My son is only 10yo, there is something about him that people constantly come to my husband and I with comments that he would be a wonderful priest. We have parisheners come up to us after Mass to talk about our son…or when I first got DH to attend Mass with us we had several elderly people come to my DH to shake his hand and talk about our son. His teachers…even my mom has commented.

Well, I’m one of those parents who pray for vocations, but don’t want my son to do it. I’ve never said anything to him about that. He has even mentioned being a priest…but then then next day a pilot…next day a doctor. LOL

I see how lonely the retired priests are. It’s so sad. We have a wonderful retired priest who only has one sister on the other coast. When he injured his leg, he had to go to a nursing home because he had no one to care for him. (no siblings or children…his parents are deceased). I worry about holidays…Thanksgiving…Christmas…is anyone inviting priests to their home? Are they alone?

I watched another retired priest come to church breakfast every Sunday and apparently other people didn’t know he was a priest. No one talked to him. He sat alone or at tables with families who basically ignored him.
He recently died…has no one. Our parish priest is taking care of cleaning out his apartment.

I’ve discussed it with my husband. It made him aware of something he probably never thought of. Now we both make an extra effort to reach out to our priests.

I can’t see that for my son. It would honestly break my heart to imagine that once I’m gone…he may be alone.
In the future, if he was serious, I doubt I’d ever say anything to him. My heart would be hurt though.

Grandchildren? That isn’t even on my mind. I have no idea the status of my children’s fertility. LOL There are no guarantees no matter what.

Everyone wants more priests, but I dont’ think even a small amount of families invite a priest over to their home or become friends.

Like I mentioned, I’d never say anything to any of my children about not doing it, but I’d be filled with sorrow for what I imagine their life would be like.
 
My wife and I would be thrilled if our son decided to become a priest. I have had conversations with him and, while it is unlikely that he has the calling, he is still discerning. He is only a junior in high school, so he still has plenty of time to see where the Holy Spirit is leading him. Of course, if he decides the priesthood is not for him, we will enthusiastically support his decision. It is not an easy decision for a young person to make and I don’t think he needs the added pressure of mom and dad to make it any harder.

I understand the reluctance of some to have their children become religious. I think the desire to have grandchildren is a fine and normal desire, but the way I look at it, if my son does choose the priesthood, I will be getting entire parishes of grandchildren!😃

Peace

Tim
 
I pray for both my children (one unborn) to be given religious vocations. But I also pray that God make them holy people and saints in Heaven one day no matter what vocation they eventually do receive.

How wonderful to have a priest for a son–you’ll know that when you die someone will be offering Masses for you 🙂
 
Maria3m said:
My son is only 10yo, there is something about him that people constantly come to my husband and I with comments that he would be a wonderful priest. We have parisheners come up to us after Mass to talk about our son…or when I first got DH to attend Mass with us we had several elderly people come to my DH to shake his hand and talk about our son. His teachers…even my mom has commented.

Well, I’m one of those parents who pray for vocations, but don’t want my son to do it. I’ve never said anything to him about that. He has even mentioned being a priest…but then then next day a pilot…next day a doctor. LOL

I see how lonely the retired priests are. It’s so sad. We have a wonderful retired priest who only has one sister on the other coast. When he injured his leg, he had to go to a nursing home because he had no one to care for him. (no siblings or children…his parents are deceased). I worry about holidays…Thanksgiving…Christmas…is anyone inviting priests to their home? Are they alone?

I watched another retired priest come to church breakfast every Sunday and apparently other people didn’t know he was a priest. No one talked to him. He sat alone or at tables with families who basically ignored him.
He recently died…has no one. Our parish priest is taking care of cleaning out his apartment.

I’ve discussed it with my husband. It made him aware of something he probably never thought of. Now we both make an extra effort to reach out to our priests.

I can’t see that for my son. It would honestly break my heart to imagine that once I’m gone…he may be alone.
In the future, if he was serious, I doubt I’d ever say anything to him. My heart would be hurt though.

Grandchildren? That isn’t even on my mind. I have no idea the status of my children’s fertility. LOL There are no guarantees no matter what.

Everyone wants more priests, but I dont’ think even a small amount of families invite a priest over to their home or become friends.

Like I mentioned, I’d never say anything to any of my children about not doing it, but I’d be filled with sorrow for what I imagine their life would be like.
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Problem is with more and more priests ending up alone these things happen. Traditionaly the families in the parish would take turns inviting the priest for dinner- my grandfather recalls heated arguments between parishoners over who would invite Father over next. It was a great honor to have the priest in your house. Yet is also allowed the priests to get to know their parishoners better, work one on one with them, bring a religious presence into the home and bestow blessings.
 
Caesar said:
my grandfather recalls heated arguments between parishoners over who would invite Father over next.
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And it is said that one of the signs of vocation is a good appetite 😛

Early vocations are good, Pope Benedict XVI had a very early calling, so it is not without precedent in our modern age. But if a minor seminary is started it still needs the best teachers.
 
I would love it if my kids had a calling to the religious life, but I never thought about how the older priests are apparently not being taken care of - they always seem so busy that I just assumed they wouldn’t have time.
I shouldn’t make those assumptions I guess. I’ll reach out more to the priests. Thanks for informing me of this. 😦
 
demerzel85 said:
And it is said that one of the signs of vocation is a good appetite 😛

Early vocations are good, Pope Benedict XVI had a very early calling, so it is not without precedent in our modern age. But if a minor seminary is started it still needs the best teachers.
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But that is one of the advantages of having close relations with the parish priest- he can recognize early vocations and advise parents on how to nurture those vocations.
 
The religious life has always been mentioned as an option to our daughter. I don’t think she is called and she (at age 11) doesn’t think so either. She says she’d like to get married and have children. But if she were called I would be thrilled, even though she is an only child which would mean no grand babies. I want my daughter to follow whatever vocation God calls her to -married, single or religious. She will be living that vocation long after I’m gone from this world. I want her to be happy.
 
Caesar said:
But that is one of the advantages of having close relations with the parish priest- he can recognize early vocations and advise parents on how to nurture those vocations.
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Assuming orthodoxy, assuming orthodoxy 😉 But personally I’d rather keep a low profile.
 
Thanks everyone for your insights.

I suppose I should have made it clearer in my OP that I wasn’t necessarily talking about younger children discerning vocations. The friend about whom I was speaking has decided that he has a vocation to the religious life, though he didn’t have any inkling of such a desire as a child, but has felt the call now that he’s a young adult.

Instead of “children” I guess I should have said offspring, sons or daughters or something similar. 😛

In any case, this fellow is of the age to make his own decisions. Though he doesn’t need his parents’ permission, he was just disappointed by the uproar in caused in his family. They were so against it, and they are a good, Catholic family. It’s not the only time I’ve heard of such a situation either.

I can understand non-believers reacting to the call to the religious life in this way, I’m just surprised when believers react so negatively. Especially as we’re always bemoaning the shortage of priests and the lack of vocations to the religious life.
 
Moneo said:
Especially as we’re always bemoaning the shortage of priests and the lack of vocations to the religious life.
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For a lot of people, sacrifice is fine as long as they aren’t the ones being called to make any. 😦
 
My eldest rolls his eyes at me every time I suggest it…but he volunteers for altar serving and thinks cassocks are cool! I think it would be awesome.

I have five kids. I think part of parent’s hesitation comes from not having a bunch of kids. Another travesty of the birth control/abortion/ culture of death mentality…My others will make me a grandma some day…and the awsome gift of having a priest in the family…I’d love it!
 
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