Children with vocations

[BrooklynBoy200]

I told my mom i wanted to go to college to become a priest, and now she ignores the subject whenever brought up and thinks i’ll forget about it. She also hesitates more if i ask her to bring me to church or confession, thinking that it will “encourage me”.

 

[st_felicity]

I told my mom i wanted to go to college to become a priest, and now she ignores the subject whenever brought up and thinks i’ll forget about it. She also hesitates more if i ask her to bring me to church or confession, thinking that it will “encourage me”.

Encourage her by being a good Catholic.

 

[Gertabelle]

I told my mom i wanted to go to college to become a priest, and now she ignores the subject whenever brought up and thinks i’ll forget about it. She also hesitates more if i ask her to bring me to church or confession, thinking that it will “encourage me”.

If you need a “mom” to support your vocation with joy, I’ll “adopt” you in a heartbeat. My DS would love to have a big brother! I’m sure I’m not the only one.

Gert

 

[CatholicNick]

My parents are mixed on my vocation…

Father is quite against it… preferring me to go to University before the Seminary - really ‘hoping’ for me to forget my Vocation.

Mother was against it and quite upset at the beginning, however, she is now supporting me in my Vocation.

Italian Grandparents are well… thrilled

 

[hasikelee]

A recent family uproar endured by someone I know provokes me to ask this question of the folks on this forum…

Do any of you have sons or daughters in religious life, or who have become priests? How did you react when they came home to give you the news? Was it a surprise, or did you “see it coming?”

And why is it that so many supposedly believing, “good” Catholic parents seem to just lose it when when their child comes home and says that he wants to be a priest, or that he or she intends to enter a convent?

Honestly, why do some parents seem to have the attitude that “yea, we need vocations, but please Lord don’t call my kid!”

I’m not a parent, but if I had children–seeing as I would certainly have tried to raise them in the Faith–I think I would be overjoyed should a daughter of mine choose religious life, or a son decide that he wanted to become a priest or enter a monastery. I just don’t get the reaction on the part of some parents…

Feedback anyone?

In my family, my 11yo sis has said for almost her whole life that she is going to be a nun. My parents have always supported her in this, not making any rude gestures or treating it as a cute/dumb declaration.

My two brothers 13yo and 15 yo both show a possible calling to the priesthood and my parents made considerable time/travel sacrifices to make sure they received good training from a priest and serve at Mass several times a week.

But then I have an example from my fiancee’s family: his two sisters 19yo and 16yo both expressed an adamant desire to be nuns for quite awhile. They were practically stormed from the house and belittled into never mentioning it again. His father said, “No daughter of mine will be hidden away in a convent.” So the older girl is in college in liberal arts studies and the younger girl has decided on nursing. I think it’s a pity and I see a lot of issues in them.

I guess if I could add any parenting comment in without actually being a parent that it has to do with two things:

1. How you view God’s calling
2. How you view your children

My parents view a calling from God as very special and important. They believe God gave us to them as a special gift to cultivate and build up in preparation for a calling and that it is their duty to give us back, either through a spouse or through a religious vocation.

But I have heard other parents, including my fiancee’s, talk about religious vocations as somehow “under” or lesser stations in life, similar to the way some people regard teachers, philosphers or artists. A wamby pampy thing that isn’t real or successful I guess is the way to put it. This view also tends to go hand in hand with an idea that their kids are an extension or property that belongs to them.

I have tried to be as unbiased as possible in this post, but you can probably see which view I agree with.

When I was younger, I was very interested in a religious vocation and had little plans about how to carry this out. I read a book about the family of St. Bernard and for some reason ingrained this idea ( I feel this was a nudge from God) that I must choose the married life and give all my children back to God.

For those of you unfamiliar with the story, the mother wanted to be a nun but was given away in marriage. She vowed to God that she would give all her children back to him. And that happened. All her children are saints and she and her husband are blessed. It is a very beautiful story.

My fiancee likes the idea, too, provided there is at least one son to carry on the family name.

 

[Titus]

I am a young man and an only child, and I definitely feel a vocation to the priesthood. I think it would be an awesome life and it feels very right for me, but the issues raised in this topic definitely ring a bell with me. My parents have been very supportive, but I do worry about family etc, because once my parents’ generation is gone there will be only cousins etc, who I love dearly, but don’t know how close we’ll be in 40 years!! Any thoughts, or is that another thread?

I pray every day for all vocations to the priesthood (especially since our Archdiocese has initiated a consultation on the future, given that over the next 10 years we expect to have a decline of 50 priests. From now on I will add to pray for young women considering the religious life.

 

[Moneo]

In my family, my 11yo sis has said for almost her whole life that she is going to be a nun. My parents have always supported her in this, not making any rude gestures or treating it as a cute/dumb declaration.

My two brothers 13yo and 15 yo both show a possible calling to the priesthood and my parents made considerable time/travel sacrifices to make sure they received good training from a priest and serve at Mass several times a week.

But then I have an example from my fiancee’s family: his two sisters 19yo and 16yo both expressed an adamant desire to be nuns for quite awhile. They were practically stormed from the house and belittled into never mentioning it again. His father said, “No daughter of mine will be hidden away in a convent.” So the older girl is in college in liberal arts studies and the younger girl has decided on nursing. I think it’s a pity and I see a lot of issues in them.

I guess if I could add any parenting comment in without actually being a parent that it has to do with two things:

1. How you view God’s calling
2. How you view your children

My parents view a calling from God as very special and important. They believe God gave us to them as a special gift to cultivate and build up in preparation for a calling and that it is their duty to give us back, either through a spouse or through a religious vocation.

But I have heard other parents, including my fiancee’s, talk about religious vocations as somehow “under” or lesser stations in life, similar to the way some people regard teachers, philosphers or artists. A wamby pampy thing that isn’t real or successful I guess is the way to put it. This view also tends to go hand in hand with an idea that their kids are an extension or property that belongs to them.

I have tried to be as unbiased as possible in this post, but you can probably see which view I agree with.

When I was younger, I was very interested in a religious vocation and had little plans about how to carry this out. I read a book about the family of St. Bernard and for some reason ingrained this idea ( I feel this was a nudge from God) that I must choose the married life and give all my children back to God.

For those of you unfamiliar with the story, the mother wanted to be a nun but was given away in marriage. She vowed to God that she would give all her children back to him. And that happened. All her children are saints and she and her husband are blessed. It is a very beautiful story.

My fiancee likes the idea, too, provided there is at least one son to carry on the family name.

Thank you for a very thoughtful and beautiful post!

I agree with everything you said. Its sad that as Christians we allow ourselves to be molded by the world’s attitudes and not by Christ’s. (And I’m not criticising others here while exempting myself!) Your comment about how God gives children to their parents so that they can cultivate and prepare them to hear His call (paraphrasing here!) is lovely. If this is the attitude that you and your fiancé have about your vocation as future parents, then your children are going to be very fortunate to have you both as parents! I pray your marriage will be blessed in abundance!

 

[hasikelee]

Thank you for a very thoughtful and beautiful post!

I agree with everything you said. Its sad that as Christians we allow ourselves to be molded by the world’s attitudes and not by Christ’s. (And I’m not criticising others here while exempting myself!) Your comment about how God gives children to their parents so that they can cultivate and prepare them to hear His call (paraphrasing here!) is lovely. If this is the attitude that you and your fiancé have about your vocation as future parents, then your children are going to be very fortunate to have you both as parents! I pray your marriage will be blessed in abundance!

Thank you for your supportive and encouraging post.

 

[ctybring]

I am also considering the priesthood, but it is not easy when my mother really does not like it. I am a 18 year old convert to the Catholic church (converted this summer) but all of my family is lutherans or not christians at all. Being an only child does not make thing easier since i feel that the family name will die with me if I decide to become a priest. One thing I think about that encorages me though is that family name really does not mather if we are granted eternal life. I have not talked to my father about it yet, since my parrents is divorced and I think he is an agnostic (open for the possiblity of an higher power)

and btw. Gertabelle feel free to adopt me

 

[QuietTimes]

I would be so honored if any of my 4 children decided to go into religious life. That is such a blessing.

 

[Missa_Solemnis]

A recent family uproar endured by someone I know provokes me to ask this question of the folks on this forum…

Do any of you have sons or daughters in religious life, or who have become priests? How did you react when they came home to give you the news? Was it a surprise, or did you “see it coming?”

And why is it that so many supposedly believing, “good” Catholic parents seem to just lose it when when their child comes home and says that he wants to be a priest, or that he or she intends to enter a convent?

Honestly, why do some parents seem to have the attitude that “yea, we need vocations, but please Lord don’t call my kid!”

I’m not a parent, but if I had children–seeing as I would certainly have tried to raise them in the Faith–I think I would be overjoyed should a daughter of mine choose religious life, or a son decide that he wanted to become a priest or enter a monastery. I just don’t get the reaction on the part of some parents…

Feedback anyone?

I told my Father I wanted to become a Priest…and I am currently (last time I checked) still a teenager.

He was very unhappy…and didnt speak for a long time afterward.

So…it was not a good experience.

 

[JKirkLVNV]

Early vocations are good, Pope Benedict XVI had a very early calling, so it is not without precedent in our modern age…

When he was quite small, he told his parents he wanted to be a bishop!

 

[acadian]

But then I have an example from my fiancee’s family: his two sisters 19yo and 16yo both expressed an adamant desire to be nuns for quite awhile. They were practically stormed from the house and belittled into never mentioning it again. His father said, “No daughter of mine will be hidden away in a convent.” So the older girl is in college in liberal arts studies and the younger girl has decided on nursing. I think it’s a pity and I see a lot of issues in them.

You never know what is in God’s plan. I am in my early 40’s and my best friend from HS is now a cloistered Poor Clare nun. She is one of six kids, and all were expected to go to college and become “successful”.

I remember in HS, she had no idea what career path she wanted to follow. She finally ended up majoring in business. She worked in NYC for a few years, went back to college to get an MBA, was engaged to be married at one point, had a job in Kansas City for a few years, and in her early to mid 30’s started discerning a vocation. Her mother’s response was “Why do you want to waste your life?” or something similar.

But my friend persevered and followed God’s call. I know without a doubt her life has not been “wasted”. I have a hunch that her prayers and the prayers of her fellow Sisters had a huge part in bringing me back to the church.

Pray for your fiance’s family. Perhaps their education is part of God’s plans. Are there still orders that dedicate themselves to health care? Encourage them if you can. A vocation to religious life is not something that has to be decided before college. God works in His own time.

We have had a seminarian at our parish for the last 6 months doing his deacon internship. He has a degree in architecture. Maybe he’ll design fabulous churches?

 

[puzzleannie]

My
I see how lonely the retired priests are. It’s so sad.
He recently died…has no one. Our parish priest is taking care of cleaning out his apartment.
.

we visit the nursing home every week to pray the rosary with residents and believe me loneliness and abandonment are not experiences confined to priests or the unmarried. 80% of these residents have children and other family in this city and have no contect with them for months or years at a time. not a valid objection IMO

the issue faced by parents like those referred to in OP and subsequent posts is ultimately who are our children? why were they given to us? there is something probably cultural and a legacy of roman and common law, that fosters an idea that children belong to us, in a sense of legal possession. In the case of abortion laws that reduces children to chattel status, which is the most extreme expression of that thought (and incidentally agitating for change in that legal fiction was a motivating factor in early feminist activism in the 19th c.).

we commit sometimes an equal if more pervasive sin in idolizing our children. They are special. They can behave in outrageous fashion because it is cute, becaue they are ours and not someone else’s. We become engrossed in their activities, their sports, their school functions, even to the neglect of our own business and and family responsibilities. Their success and achievement somehow become a personal reflection on the parents, his success is my success and even more his failure is my failure. Any parent who has ever been involved in Little League has probably experienced the effects of this attitude.

we heard an excellent priest in suburban Cleveland last year preach on this very topic, basing his sermon on the promises we made for our children at baptism, and the theology and effects of the sacrament. (by the way, he is retired and lives at the rectory with the pastor. he also cares for a brother who lives in a nursing home).

meditate on the 4th joyful mystery, the Presentation, where Mary and Joseph comply with the Law, bring the infant Jesus to the Temple, purchase two turtledoves (the offering of the poor) to “redeem” their firstborn son, in effect to “buy him back” from God, to whom he belongs. Our children do not belong to us, they are entrusted to us. We need to look at what is the nature of our job as parents. Is it not to raise them to be able to listen, recognize, discern and act upon God’s will for them in their own lives?

 

[Karianne]

A recent family uproar endured by someone I know provokes me to ask this question of the folks on this forum…

Do any of you have sons or daughters in religious life, or who have become priests? How did you react when they came home to give you the news? Was it a surprise, or did you “see it coming?”

And why is it that so many supposedly believing, “good” Catholic parents seem to just lose it when when their child comes home and says that he wants to be a priest, or that he or she intends to enter a convent?

Honestly, why do some parents seem to have the attitude that “yea, we need vocations, but please Lord don’t call my kid!”

I’m not a parent, but if I had children–seeing as I would certainly have tried to raise them in the Faith–I think I would be overjoyed should a daughter of mine choose religious life, or a son decide that he wanted to become a priest or enter a monastery. I just don’t get the reaction on the part of some parents…

Feedback anyone?

Parents of priests and nuns don’t have grandkids to look forward to.

 

[Karianne]

I see how lonely the retired priests are. It’s so sad. We have a wonderful retired priest who only has one sister on the other coast. When he injured his leg, he had to go to a nursing home because he had no one to care for him. (no siblings or children…his parents are deceased). I worry about holidays…Thanksgiving…Christmas…is anyone inviting priests to their home? Are they alone?

I watched another retired priest come to church breakfast every Sunday and apparently other people didn’t know he was a priest. No one talked to him. He sat alone or at tables with families who basically ignored him.
He recently died…has no one. Our parish priest is taking care of cleaning out his apartment.​

It doesn’t have to be like that, it all depends on the person.
I wouldn’t expect a person to give up a vocation that may be a thrilling experience just because they may get lonely in the last few years.
The priest always has God, or at least I hope he does, and that would make up for a few lonely dinners.

 

[paramedicgirl]

In my parish, there are two possible vocations, one is aged 12 and the other is twenty one. Both of their mothers have told me their sons feel a calling to the priesthood. They told me, so that I would pray for their vocation every day, which I do.

These boys have the support of their families, and recently, I asked our priest if we could pray as a parish for vocations. The priest instituted the Pope Benedict prayer for vocations, to be prayed at the prayers of the faithful at every Mass. Parishes must pray for vocations, in order for them to be fruitful.

 

[Inquiring_Mind]

I am in the process of (finally!) converting to Catholicism. I wanted to be a nun when I was little but didn’t even know about the Catholic faith. My father was raised in the Church but fell away in his late teen years, and my mother is a Methodist. Neither one of them is supportive of my decision to convert and they don’t even take me seriously when I talk about religious life. It’s hard, but there isn’t a whole lot I can do except pray.

Good luck to everyone discerning and GOD BLESS and THANKS to the parents that are behind their kids on this one. =)

 

[chicago]

When he was quite small, he told his parents he wanted to be a bishop!

OOOPS! Poor boy should have kept his mouth shut. Just look what he got stuck with for asking!

 

[hasikelee]

You never know what is in God’s plan. I am in my early 40’s and my best friend from HS is now a cloistered Poor Clare nun. She is one of six kids, and all were expected to go to college and become “successful”.

I remember in HS, she had no idea what career path she wanted to follow. She finally ended up majoring in business. She worked in NYC for a few years, went back to college to get an MBA, was engaged to be married at one point, had a job in Kansas City for a few years, and in her early to mid 30’s started discerning a vocation. Her mother’s response was “Why do you want to waste your life?” or something similar.

But my friend persevered and followed God’s call. I know without a doubt her life has not been “wasted”. I have a hunch that her prayers and the prayers of her fellow Sisters had a huge part in bringing me back to the church.

Pray for your fiance’s family. Perhaps their education is part of God’s plans. Are there still orders that dedicate themselves to health care? Encourage them if you can. A vocation to religious life is not something that has to be decided before college. God works in His own time.

We have had a seminarian at our parish for the last 6 months doing his deacon internship. He has a degree in architecture. Maybe he’ll design fabulous churches?

Hi,
You present warm and promising stories! I was not trying to convey a sense that education for them was wasteful, but rather that they are giving up (at least for the time being; I do not know their adulthood plans or ideals) and instead going to the college their parents chose, taking the classes their parents chose, and taking the career path their parents chose.

That was one of the recent issues my fiancee was dealing with. He has had a childhood dream to become a doctor and his parents were against this. He had to sever all ties with them just to begin taking chemistry at a college!