Choosing a Life partner

[Joy2day]

Just wondering; for any of you who are married, is there anything about your spouse that could have changed your mind about them? Ie. Made you decide not to marry them? : anything about themselves or their life circumstances etc.

 

[tee_eff_em]

Just wondering; for any of you who are married, is there anything about your spouse that could have changed your mind about them? Ie. Made you decide not to marry them? : anything about themselves or their life circumstances etc.

Any
Number
Of
Things.

What causes you to wonder about this?


tee

 

[captainrick]

Yes, "any number of things " is the answer!

If my friend (wife-to-be) had displayed any traits that I didn’t like, it would not have led to marriage. That could have been any number of things! Like:

Drinking too much
Using foul language
Having undesirable friends
Covered with tattoos
Never smiles
Acts condescending to servers and store clerks
Etc., etc., etc…

 

[tee_eff_em]

Yes, "any number of things " is the answer!

To elaborate on my meaning, in addition to the above, I expect I would not have married my bride had she:

• been a consecrated religious
• been a desecrated (opposite of consecrated) satanist
• not spoken and understood English (or another common language)
• lived on the other side of the planet
• been born male
• …
• any number of things

tee

 

[GreyWings]

I am not married, I will say that my “list” includes:

Must be Catholic. No exceptions.
Must like the Latin Rite (it’s my preferred Mass).
Must not use abusive language (this is in the Bible: Ephesians 4:29) or be abusive whatsoever.
Must be eccentric. I’m totally eccentric. Therefore, must not be boring and like a “colorful” personality
Must love children and animals.
Must be respectful to me, as I am to him.
Also, compatibility…

 

[insideitall]

maybe a better rephrasing would be “what qualities/characteristics must a person have for you to consider them as a spouse, vs just being a nice bonus?”

 

[Joy2day]

Any
Number
Of
Things.

What causes you to wonder about this?


tee

Well, I was thinking about unconditional love…& how we dont seem to love like that. Our love seems quite conditional. But maybe i’m only looking at the surface etc.

 

[tee_eff_em]

Well, I was thinking about unconditional love…& how we dont seem to love like that. Our love seems quite conditional. But maybe i’m only looking at the surface etc.

Are we called to love unconditionally only our spouse?

tee

 

[pensmama87]

Well, I was thinking about unconditional love…& how we dont seem to love like that. Our love seems quite conditional. But maybe i’m only looking at the surface etc.

Loving someone does not mean that he or she is meant to be your spouse, though.

“Unconditional love” can be a very tricky phrase.

 

[Ms_Manners]

Just wondering; for any of you who are married, is there anything about your spouse that could have changed your mind about them? Ie. Made you decide not to marry them? : anything about themselves or their life circumstances etc.

Do you mean red flags in general or specific things we found out after we were already married?

 

[pensmama87]

Do you mean red flags in general or specific things we found out after we were already married?

I was wondering about that too.

I think for most people there is at least one stage where there’s a moment of “What on earth did I do?” and maybe even something akin to “buyer’s remorse.” Sometimes those feelings come from something really being seriously wrong that may not be able to be fixed (or one spouse has absolutely zero interest in fixing it), but I think most of the time it’s not that - just that the “high” goes and you’re left with two very flawed people who have made a commitment to each other without really knowing what would come ahead. The commitment can be stronger than that high was, but that’s really when the work begins IMO.

Are there things about my spouse that irritate me? Yes. I know there are things about me that irritate him too. Some of them are bigger deals than I thought they would be when we were just dating and it probably would have been good to do some work with those before we were married, instead of brushing them aside. But none have turned out to be dealbreakers. And I would say that might very well be the case for most people.