Choosing godparents

[heatherqcd]

Hello everyone,
I am new here. My husband and I are both Catholic, and I attended Catholic school from first through 12th grades. My husband isn’t super devout, but he is well intentioned
The problem I am having is in regard to Godparents. I am pregnant with my fourth child, and due in July. In the past, we have chosen Godparents for our children that we felt were good selections for the job: honest, caring, Catholic individuals who would do their best to help us impart to our children the values we hold dear to us. We chose my brother in law and my sister for our oldest. We chose my sister in law, our fathers, and my friend Laura for our twins. This whole thing caused controversy in my family because I have another sister who we didn’t choose. She was upset, embarrassed, and has never forgiven me. The truth is, my sister is never around me. She is forever in a competition with me that I don’t choose to participate in. We see our childhoods from totally different viewpoints, and her idea of family is different from mine. She often talks about moving away, and “not missing us” because seeing us at the holidays would be plenty. I am very family oriented, and my kids are everything to me. I take the job VERY seriously. Now that we have a fourth unexpected miracle on the way, I am faced with the same problem. I was just kind of biding my time to see what happened before I made any sort of decision, and my Dad calls me to tell me that I need to pick my sister, or he is going to be so upset with me. I am so upset right now, I don’t know which way is up. My sister is NOT a good choice. She thinks being a good Godparent means expensive gifts at birthdays and Christmas. I would rather have a Godparent who spent time with my kids and who actually LIKED me. Being chosen as a Godparent isn’t some kind of award, it is a privilege, not a right. I feel as though I am being blackmailed, and I am heartbroken. If I choose her, it will be for all the wrong reasons. Does anybody have ANY ideas out there, or thoughts that will help me through this? I would appreciate it! God Bless

 

[kage_ar]

Choose godparents who will be the best example of Catholic life.

A man or woman of prayer who lives 5,000 miles away would be a better choice than the non-practicing catholic who lives up the road.

There is no rule that each child must have a unique set of godparents. If you are blessed with good godparents for one child, choose them again.

 

[jmdsc]

YOU are choosing your child’s Godparents for your child…not to make other people happy. You have to do what you feel is best for the child.

I feel your pain…you should have heard the Hoo-Wa that occurred when my husband chose his step-mother as one of our daughters Godparents. His reasons were very much the same as yours (and by the way - his parents were annulled - so there was no hang-up there!) As it turns out - the correct choice was made. Our daughters Godmother actually spends time with her and teaches her about the church - as opposed to the Grandmother who hasn’t seen her in over 5 years.

To make a long story short…you know what is best for your child’s life - stick to your guns! Being a Godparent is a commitment and a lifestyle - not a right!

 

[puzzleannie]

Is there a reason, other than your personal feelings however justified they may be, why this person is not a suitable godparent? Does she meet all the requirements? If not, that is the way you explain it to your family, “I am sorry I would ask Mary, except that she is not yet confirmed (married in the Church, whatever) and my pastor says she cannot serve.” If that is not a problem, is there a reason why she would not be a good Catholic role model for your child and someone you could depend on to raise her Catholic if you could not do so? Is there another person (male) in either family or a friend who would also be a good godparent, who could stand up with her.

If you are willing to have this breach in the family, best to make sure it is for a very good reason, besides personal feelings. In fact, if this provides an opportunity to work through, get over and forgive some of those childhood incidents, so much the better.

A young lady close to us went through this when she asked an older sister, who had been estranged, to be part of her bridal party, which resulted in a lot of much needed family healing.

 

[kristie_m]

Though well intentioned, I have to disagree with puzzleannie. My husband and I have always felt that Godparent was so much more than an honorary title that you give to someone you know and like (or to appease family members). When we chose Godparents for our children we picked the people we thought would do the best job of helping to raise them in the faith.

I’ve been fortunate, though. I don’t think any of my siblings really expected me to pick them.

I also agree with the other person that posted about asking people to be Godparents to more than one child. This seems to me a perfectly acceptable choice. You want what’s best for your child, and you’re the only one who can decide what that is. Your family will just have to get over themselves. (Sorry, I know that sounds mean, but I went through something similar not long ago so I’m feeling your pain!)

 

[monorail]

I think the Church only requires one godparent of good Catholic standing… the other can be anyone. If this is true, maybe you can try to find a good godfather…

 

[puzzleannie]

Though well intentioned, I have to disagree with puzzleannie. My husband and I have always felt that Godparent was so much more than an honorary title that you give to someone you know and like (or to appease family members). When we chose Godparents for our children we picked the people we thought would do the best job of helping to raise them in the faith.

!)

rereading my post, I think that is what I said, that if this person would not be a good choice to help raise the child Catholic, that would be reason to choose someone else. Ill feeling between family members, if not based on a reason that would disqualify the person from being a godparent, especially if there is hope and good reason for reconciliation, is not a good enough reason to reject her as a godparent, either.

 

[otjm]

Though well intentioned, I have to disagree with puzzleannie. My husband and I have always felt that Godparent was so much more than an honorary title that you give to someone you know and like (or to appease family members). When we chose Godparents for our children we picked the people we thought would do the best job of helping to raise them in the faith.

I’ve been fortunate, though. I don’t think any of my siblings really expected me to pick them.

I also agree with the other person that posted about asking people to be Godparents to more than one child. This seems to me a perfectly acceptable choice. You want what’s best for your child, and you’re the only one who can decide what that is. Your family will just have to get over themselves. (Sorry, I know that sounds mean, but I went through something similar not long ago so I’m feeling your pain!)

Perhaps I missed it, but I didn’t see Puzzleannie saying anything about the sister being only an honorary. Nor do I see anything in the OP saying that the sister is not a qualified Catholic; only that she is estranged somewhat from the family.

If the sister qualifies, get over it and choose her. She seems to want it; at least some of the family seems to want it, and you get a second choice. Choose the other godparent from whomever you wish.

It seems obvious that there is some bad blood between siblings. Maybe this is the time for someone to step forward with a bit of mercy and forgiveness.

And obviously, if the sister doesn’t qualify, there is sufficent grounds to note that point and move on. Seriously, if she does qualify, is this going to be an issue 20 years from now? Really?

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

I agree with puzzleannie. If there is no canonical reason why the sister cannot be chosen, then choose a really good godfather and ask her. Mend some fence.Godparents do not have to be married to each other to serve,and only one is really necessary.

Here is the canon law on sponsors. If you can find a reason why your sister doesn’t fit, then of course she should not be chosen. If the reasons are noncanonical, such as your sister is too gifty, you might mend a fence or two.

If I was doing it all over again from scratch, though, I would do what kage_ar suggested and choose ONE person to be godparent to ALL my children. As it is, the same couple was chosen twice. They were such good godparents for my eldest (in spite of my eldest), that they were asked back for my youngest.

I think the Church only requires one godparent of good Catholic standing… the other can be anyone. If this is true, maybe you can try to find a good godfather…

The Church only requires one godparent, period. If there are two, one must be male, and one female. A baptized Christian who is not Catholic can serve as a Christian Witnesss to the baptism, but is not a godparent.