Choosing to be childless in a marriage

[puzzleannie]

Hello everyone, OP here! Thank you for your responses. This has been something I have always wondered. I’ve NEVER felt the desire for children. Of course, I’m 20 years old, so that could change, but probably not.

If you are firmly convinced you do not want children that is one sign you will take into account when discerning marriage as it is a strong negative for that focation

. And I have a phobia of pregnancy, and have a history of depression. So I’ve always wondered about that. Also

 

[Holly3278]

It goes against the natural and God ordained purpose of marriage to deliberately choose to remain childless.

 

[lovemyboys]

I believe the Church would say what I would say: “You don’t know what you’re missing. Give it a try-- it’s the best thing in the world to be a parent!”

 

[doughnut]

Just wanted to note on the bolded part above that the Catholic Church’s acceptance of Natural Family Planning (NFP) is not the “rhythm method” as there are several methods of observations that a couple can use:

-Creighton Method (physical observance of signs of fertility (eg mucus)
-Symptothermal Method (temperature)
-Marquette Method (using a fertility monitor)

ccli.org/

Ah thanks for the information. I guess my ignorance shows, being unmarried and not really too concerned about children problems…and i mean to imply natural family planning.

 

[Christopher68]

Everyone has to live their own lives, so I am not making any value judgments on anyone who chooses to remain childless. Also, the church says that sex has a dual purpose - procreative and unitive. The unitive purpose will be exercised much much more often. If a couple has two or three children, then two or three of their encounters will have been procreative, while hundreds or thousands of encoutners will be unitive and hopefully pleasurable.

 

[Eris_Discordia]

I believe the Church would say what I would say: “You don’t know what you’re missing. Give it a try-- it’s the best thing in the world to be a parent!”

Well when I say childless, I mean biologically childless. I want to adopt an older child.

 

[Eris_Discordia]

You would get treatment for anything that is really presenting a problem living a normal life or getting in the way of having children, just as you would for a physical disorder.

Well it’s not really getting in the way of living a normal life, not wanting kids. And I am already in therapy for depression and other things. Also, my boyfriend doesn’t want kids either, and wants to adopt an older kid as well.

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

Ah thanks for the information. I guess my ignorance shows, being unmarried and not really too concerned about children problems…and i mean to imply natural family planning.

:tiphat:

I wish that when I was single and ignorant of things like this (okay so sometimes I am still ignorant, in a nice way, of the faith) that someone would have told me. It was not until I met my future wife that I learned about NFP. Such a blessing.

 

[Newbie2]

I don’t know what the population is like in NZ, but in the city where I live overpopualtion is too obvious to deny. And I see people who have lots of kids crammed into tiny apartments. Overpopulation is no myth. Many children in the USA will go to sleep tonight hungry and homeless because they were born to mothers who could not afford to take care of them. Everyone cares about protecting children before they are born, but after they are born no one cares what happens to them.

I disagree. As a previous poster suggested, “overpopulation” is a relative term; relative to the entirety of the earth, the world is not over populated, but there is no doubt that certain areas, notably big cities where the population density is quite high.

If you’re suggesting that Catholics care more about the unborn than the born, think again. And if you’re suggesting that everyone else cares more about the unborn than the born, think again. I know you’re probably speaking in broad generalities, but in the United States there is more assistance available than is being used.

This is off-topic, but you wouldn’t believe the amount of Government assistance food that goes to waste for reasons of misdirection and people not signing up for assistance that is reaily available.

Well it’s not really getting in the way of living a normal life, not wanting kids. And I am already in therapy for depression and other things. Also, my boyfriend doesn’t want kids either, and wants to adopt an older kid as well.

Don’t want kids but want to adopt? I don’t quite understand, unless you’re concerned about passing on some genetic disorder.

 

[chris_molter]

my personal thoughts are irrelevant.

Ok, I totally heard a Borg voice in my head when I read this!

“Feelings are irrelevant. We are the Vatican. We will add your biological offspring to our flock. They will adapt to chant and incense. Resistance is futile.”



(no, seriously, I agree with your points… just had a goofy moment!)

 

[Eris_Discordia]

Don’t want kids but want to adopt? I don’t quite understand, unless you’re concerned about passing on some genetic disorder.

It’s a combination of a lot of things. For me, I like teenagers, but I don’t like little kids or babies. They’re cute when I can give them back, but I don’t think I could raise them from birth. Also, I have been diagnosed with depression, but it’s not biological, it was more situational, if that makes sense. My dad did die from MS, and that is genetic. I think I have a 10% chance or so of getting it, and he suffered a lot before he died. Another reason is I have a soft spot for kids in bad homes, and kids who are older and up for adoption, because they have a lower chance of being adopted. They kick them out at 18, and if I can save one kid from that fate, I feel as though I can make more of a difference, even if it is with one child.

And I can’t deal with being pregnant. My mom had two rough pregnancies, and I probably would too, (She miscarried her first child, and almost miscarried me twice)

 

[Newbie2]

It’s a combination of a lot of things. For me, I like teenagers, but I don’t like little kids or babies. They’re cute when I can give them back, but I don’t think I could raise them from birth. Also, I have been diagnosed with depression, but it’s not biological, it was more situational, if that makes sense. My dad did die from MS, and that is genetic. I think I have a 10% chance or so of getting it, and he suffered a lot before he died. Another reason is I have a soft spot for kids in bad homes, and kids who are older and up for adoption, because they have a lower chance of being adopted. They kick them out at 18, and if I can save one kid from that fate, I feel as though I can make more of a difference, even if it is with one child.

And I can’t deal with being pregnant. My mom had two rough pregnancies, and I probably would too, (She miscarried her first child, and almost miscarried me twice)

God will lead to you where he thinks you ought to go. Sounds to me like you’re looking for a risk-free, problem-free pregnancy (or at least avoiding one because they’re not risk or problem free). There’s never been a risk-free pregnancy.

As a parent, I never really liked babies or little kids either until I had a couple of them. Impossible to explain.

However, you may be called to adopt, and that’s great. Maybe you will someday consider a child or children of your own ***plus ***adopting.

 

[Eris_Discordia]

God will lead to you where he thinks you ought to go. Sounds to me like you’re looking for a risk-free, problem-free pregnancy (or at least avoiding one because they’re not risk or problem free). There’s never been a risk-free pregnancy.

As a parent, I never really liked babies or little kids either until I had a couple of them. Impossible to explain.

However, you may be called to adopt, and that’s great. Maybe you will someday consider a child or children of your own ***plus ***adopting.

We’ll see. I never rule things out. My mom was 31 when she had me.

 

[LittleBits]

I think if ppl don’t want kids, they shouldn’t have them. Where do ppl get off saying that just because ur married u have 2 have kids? Some ppl would make HORRIBLE parents, I know ppl whom I wouldn’t even show pictures of kids 21, let alone allow them 2 raise them… and not wanting kids should not mean a couple shouldn’t b allowed 2 have sex within a marriage.

 

[Newbie2]

We’ll see. I never rule things out. My mom was 31 when she had me.

We had our first son at 31, second at 34. Late thirties and 40s is pushing it though; it would be great to live to see one’s grandkids grow up. I often wonder when someone like actor Tony Randall decides to have a kid at what…mid 70s was he?..what they are thinking, knowing he won’t live to see his kid graduate from high-school. Selfishness? Vanity? ???

 

[SugarMagnolia]

I disagree. As a previous poster suggested, “overpopulation” is a relative term; relative to the entirety of the earth, the world is not over populated, but there is no doubt that certain areas, notably big cities where the population density is quite high.

If you’re suggesting that Catholics care more about the unborn than the born, think again. And if you’re suggesting that everyone else cares more about the unborn than the born, think again. I know you’re probably speaking in broad generalities, but in the United States there is more assistance available than is being used.

This is off-topic, but you wouldn’t believe the amount of Government assistance food that goes to waste for reasons of misdirection and people not signing up for assistance that is reaily available.

But we can’t simply take excess people from one area and deposit them in another. Some areas of the globe are simply uninhabitable or nearly so. We can’t just take people from the overpopulated cities and dump them in Siberia or Antarctica.

Also, it’s impossible not to notice how many people right here at CAF are far more interested in criminalizing abortion than in ending war or alleviating poverty. Their slogan might as well be: “Save the fetus so he can be killed in war at the age of 18.” Why is the life of an 18 day zygote more valuable than the life of an 18 year old boy or girl?"

Don’t want kids but want to adopt? I don’t quite understand, unless you’re concerned about passing on some genetic disorder.

This is very commendable. Older kids are the ones that most people don’t want. Most people want to adopt newborns. I think it’s remarkably charitable to want to open your lives and hearts to an older child. Most people find it easy to love their own biological offspring. This couple is willing to love someone they have no biological ties to.

 

[o_mlly]

In marriage, why is procreation the biggest factor? What about couples who choose to remain childless? I don’t mean infertile, I mean making a conscious choice not to have children for whatever reason. What are your thoughts on this?

Catechism of the Catholic Church
The openness to fertility

1652 “By its very nature the institution of marriage and married love is ordered to the procreation and education of the offspring and it is in them that it finds its crowning glory.160”

160160 GS 48 # 1; 50.
"… For the good of the spouses and their off-springs as well as of society, the existence of the sacred bond no longer depends on human decisions alone. For, God Himself is the author of matrimony, endowed as it is with various benefits and purposes.(1) All of these have a very decisive bearing on the continuation of the human race … "

 

[Newbie2]

But we can’t simply take excess people from one area and deposit them in another. Some areas of the globe are simply uninhabitable or nearly so. We can’t just take people from the overpopulated cities and dump them in Siberia or Antarctica.

That would be stupid, wouldn’t it?

Also, it’s impossible not to notice how many people right here at CAF are far more interested in criminalizing abortion than in ending war or alleviating poverty. Their slogan might as well be: “Save the fetus so he can be killed in war at the age of 18.” Why is the life of an 18 day zygote more valuable than the life of an 18 year old boy or girl?"

Maybe that’s because it’s a problem that hits closer to home with them. I doubt very seriously that what you are observing is an either/or case. However, I would note that there is a 100% chance of death in an abortion and less than 100% death from poverty or war.

This is very commendable. Older kids are the ones that most people don’t want. Most people want to adopt newborns. I think it’s remarkably charitable to want to open your lives and hearts to an older child. Most people find it easy to love their own biological offspring. This couple is willing to love someone they have no biological ties to.

I agree.

But I don’t think it’s a good reason to exclude the possibility of ever wanting biological children of one’s own.

 

[Rence]

Originally Posted by SugarMagnolia
Also, it’s impossible not to notice how many people right here at CAF are far more interested in criminalizing abortion than in ending war or alleviating poverty. Their slogan might as well be: “Save the fetus so he can be killed in war at the age of 18.” Why is the life of an 18 day zygote more valuable than the life of an 18 year old boy or girl?"

Maybe that’s because it’s a problem that hits closer to home with them. I doubt very seriously that what you are observing is an either/or case. However, I would note that there is a 100% chance of death in an abortion and less than 100% death from poverty or war.

I certainly agree that people are far more interested in topics that hit them closer to home. That’s only natural. But I agree with SugarMagnolia: In the posts I’ve encountered on this forum, people who take into consideration anything BUT abortion when voting are criticized very harshly far more than those who don’t criticize and take into account that people might be looking at the whole picture and not just one priority of a candidate. When I vote, I take into account the whole picture, not just abortion. And I base my decision on the whole picture.

With regards to politics, it should be dealt with with as folks in my neck of the woods deal with shooting predatory animals: SSS (shoot shovel and shutup) In other words, vote and don’t talk about it, otherwise you’re just inviting all kinds of inappropriate dialog.

 

[Eris_Discordia]

We had our first son at 31, second at 34. Late thirties and 40s is pushing it though; it would be great to live to see one’s grandkids grow up. I often wonder when someone like actor Tony Randall decides to have a kid at what…mid 70s was he?..what they are thinking, knowing he won’t live to see his kid graduate from high-school. Selfishness? Vanity? ???

I don’ get it either. I think having a kid in your 40’s is a little much.I wouldn’t do it. I like having my mom around when I grow up, and would like her to meet her adopted grandchildren.