I think that in the United States, it is extremely difficult for a couple to comprehend and practice sex the way the Catholic Church teaches.
I am not saying that we should abandon Catholic teaching–never!
What I’m saying is that many of us struggle. We may accept intellectually what the Catholic Church says, but because of our immersion in our U.S. culture, we find it virtually impossible to accept and practice Catholic teaching on an emotional level.
Simply put, our minds have been warped by our culture when it comes to sex.
**Our culture has completely separated the procreative aspect of sex from the unitive aspect of sex, and has basically eliminated the idea that sex has a procreative purpose. In other words, sex has been “broken” by our culture, and what many Catholics and other Christians understand and accept about sex is this “broken sex” model of sex. **
Almost every media source in the U.S. supports the “Broken Sex” model, that sex is for the pleasure of the couple, and has nothing to do with procreation unless the couple specifically desires to procreate.
All of our television shows, films, and plays, our novels and other literature, our music of all styles including classical, our artwork, our science–it all teaches us that frequent sex is the ideal, both between the married and the unmarried, and even between same sex couples and “multiples” (bigamy, promiscuity, etc.).
In fact, for those who have no partner, masturbation is presented as the healthy option.
At this point, we in the U.S. still have not accepted sex for children, but we are getting closer to acceptance. Many media sources present the idea of the “sexuality of children” and even the “sexuality of babies”. We are seeing more and more sexualization of very young children from the fashion industry. Our society views children as “miniature adults,” and this opens the door to encourage children to enjoy sex and practice it frequently. We are on the road to accepting child sex.
Many Protestant denominations, especially the evangelical denominations, have totally bought into the Broken Sex model for married couples. (Most evangelical denominations still utterly condemn the sexual perversions–same sex encounters and attractions, child sex, group sex, pre-marital sex, adultery, etc., although most evangelical denominations allow and even encourage masturbation as normal and healthy.).
There are quite a few “sex manuals” written by prominent Protestant teachers, and most of them do not even mention the procreative aspect of sex. In fact, many of the evangelical Protestant denominations even teach that it is OK for an infertile (married) couple to pursue other methods than sexual intercourse to achieve a pregnancy, e.g., in vitro fertilization, or surrogacy.
Again, I am NOT saying that Catholics should just roll over and accept the “broken sex” model.
What I’m saying is that in the United States, sex is a huge HUGE stumbling block for many many Catholics, especially those who are converts from various Protestant sects, including evangelical Protestantism.
I think that the Catholic Church needs to continue to teach the “Whole Sex” model, that sex is for unitive AND procreative purposes, and that frequent sex is NOT necessary for intimacy and love in a marriage. This teaching is absolutely so foreign to most people in the U.S.
So my practical suggestion is that the Catholic Church seek and find teachers, especially women, who can write well, and ask these teachers to write “popular books” that the public will buy and read, so that Catholic teaching can be disseminated and assimilated. In other words, we need to use the same method that the evangelical Protestants have used so very successfully to propogate the “Broken Sex” model–we need to write “sex manuals” to propogate the “Whole Sex” model.
I think that using the “popular book” method to spread correct Catholic teaching is a good one when it comes to sex, as it allows people to learn in private about sex from peers, not priests. (Of course, all of these “sex books” should be reviewed and approved by priests and bishops .
This method has already been used quite successfully by Christopher West in his “Theology of the Body” books. For many Catholics and non-Catholic Christians, , these books are their first encounter with the “Whole Sex” model. In fact, a recent issue of Christianity Today mentioned TOTB and urged Protestant Christians to READ Pope John Paul II’s works to gain a proper understanding of sex!
BTW, I have been harsh against evangelical Protestants in this post, but I will say that in the last ten years, there has been a definite turn-around in many evangelical sects when it comes to sex.
In conclusion, I think that Catholics who have a proper understanding and acceptance of sex need to recognize that acceptance of Catholic teachings about sex will not come easily to many Christians in the United States. Harsh condemnation of those of us who have been warped by our culture is not going to be helpful, but may instead cause people to actually turn away in disgust from Catholic teachings. Patience and more patience, and always with charity will win out in the end and restore a proper sexual culture in the United States, at least among Catholics.
