My worldview does not render my existence as an individual to be meaningless in any sense. I certainly believe life is to be enjoyed and that I should experience what I can to its fullest capacity. However, I strive to have a perspective that is in accordance with reality. My selfish delusion that what I perceive myself to be is somehow infinite or permanent is only a cause of suffering. What I identify as me is completely tied to this sensory world, a world which is in a constant state of flux and change, hence, “I” too am ever changing. Again, I have to ask the question, how is it that you define yourself? What makes you distinctly you? Is it your talents? Your humor? Your insights? Your likes and dislikes? Your temper? Your relationships? I would assume that it involves all of these things. Yet these traits do not exist independently of other people, or the environment in which you live. If you had been raised in a jungle with no human contact, I expect that you would be a rather different person. You might say that your soul would be the same, however, that would exclude your personality or interactions with others as stemming from your soul.
Secondly, Christian theology holds that heaven is a state of perfection, and we humans exist as perfected beings. Likewise, this was the state of the garden before the fall. I don’t know about you, but perfection seems completely boring to me as an individual. Flaws are what make us, as people, interesting (in part). If we lived without flaws, if we all existed in perfection, then how would we interact? What meaning would our interaction hold? There would be no humor, there would be no conflict, there would be no death. Without death and destruction so many of those emotions and states of being, such as grieving, that define humanity would no longer exist. What would we do? Would we just stand around and worship God all day? How could we, as individual conscious beings, act? What could possibly satisfy us? I perceive apartness to be a flaw. The idea of everyone existing as separate for eternity feels flawed. Perfection is untainted, undivided, unified. I think heaven is the state of supreme unity, beyond consciousness, beyond apartness, beyond “you” and “I”. We are, in essence, in eternity, all one, all part of the greater Whole. This is why, I believe, we desire relationships, for we can not exist alone, we find meaning only in our interaction with other people. Subconsciously, we see how deep our unity with one another is, and to pull away from it, that is to deny our thirst for human relationships, is to suffer for we are living in contradiction to reality. Jesus once said “Love your neighbor as yourself”. This is not a light statement. Imagine if we loved someone else as our self, placing their every need as high as our own? Imagine that EVERYONE interacted in such a state of selfless love, what then would truly be left of the self, of the individual? To say that God is love, is not to be used lightly, because love demands self sacrifice. Love is the most powerful thing on earth. We are not satisfied with only receiving it, we must give it too. True love is to give without motivation of gain or receiving in return. It is in COMPLETE love that we lose ourselves…for we have given ourselves away completely. Complete love requires this, that we diffuse into others. But it is only in doing this that we truly find our self. Love is sacrifice…a truth demonstrated by Christ.
The very root of the mystic experience is that of self transcendence. For me, my most spiritual moment occurred when I was standing alone in the forest, watching the snow fall thickly. I became almost hypnotized, watching the snowflakes, there for a moment, then indistinguishable upon the ground. I saw the snow, and the distinction between me and what I was watching began to slip, until it felt like I was looking back at “myself”. Any description can only approach it, for language, by its nature, tries to limit and constrict. It can only be a symbol of the experience.
You said: I think there’s a little danger when we say that the gap between God and I are so narrow that I “feel” like God. That we are so close to him that we know how God feels
I’m not sure that you are quite grasping the concept. I am never saying that “I feel like God”. I am saying that the line between me and God disappear, the distinctions between us as separate entities fall away. There is no “God” and there is no “me”, there is no “this or that”, there simply is what simply is; the raw, incomprehensible reality. Any word that implies any kind of separation is because language lacks the ability to bring this reality into description. I simply use words such as “Him” and “Me” as tools to point to something beyond words.