Christmas abroad and feeling sad

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Contra_Mundum_1

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My husband, our children and I live abroad. We don’t really have other people to celebrate with. We are friends with two Christian families but they have already gone home for the holidays. Other people we know are either not Christians, or in name only and their idea of celebrating is with cocktails on a beach in Bali. I find it a bit depressing. It’s just us.

I plan to have some neighbours over for coffee and panettone, but there is still a sense of loneliness. I’d love to sing some Christmas carols with other people, celebrate St Stephen’s, that kind of thing.

We will go to mass in the morning on Christmas day, then have a nice lunch at home, watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” and just relax. We did that last year and it was great. But I wish I could give the kids something more. Any suggestions on what to do during the season?

I’m really feeling the blues.
 
We too live abroad.
Do you have the opportunity to go to Midnight Mass- now my children are older we try Ringo.
The children are so excited Christmas Day they don’t get too tired.
We set up our nativity scene and put baby Jesus in when we come home from Mass - if midnight mass or on Christmas morning.
I’ve also begun some traditions - decoarating cookie or gingerbread houses (if I can buy them ready made!)
We play Christmas music and wish baby Jesus happy birthday at Christmas lunch.
An advent wreath is a nice way to count down the 4 weeks of advent and created a sense of anticipation.
I still miss the traditions like carol services and mince pies (I’m British) but it’s possible to make new personalized traditions too.
 
Apart from the fact that my dh and I are alone for Christmas, too, I can’t really relate to your dilemma, but I can sympathize. :hug1:

One small idea that has occurred to me is to celebrate each day of Christmas like in the song–by making/drawing the characters from “The Twelve Days of Christmas” as a family project. Then too, Epiphany brings up the end of the Christmas Season for most people, so perhaps some kind of game or project in anticipation of the Magi’s visit might be fun and fulfilling. Please forgive my lack of imagination here, we don’t have children, we’re owned by cats so our biggest concern is keeping them from destroying the Christmas tree ornaments. 😛 All the best to you. I hope your Christmas Season will be “jolly and bright” this year. 🙂
 
I have come to believe that “Christmas spirit” is a state of mind. In reality, nothing is changing or new, we all just adopt an attitude of joy, gladness, celebration. I understand that the source of this is the birth of Christ. But Christ lives, right, he is there all the time if you are a devout Christian. To me the real event to celebrate in the Church is Easter, not Christmas.

I read somewhere that Christmas did not really take off as a holiday celebrated by the Church until the 3rd or 4th century - I don’t know if that is accurate. Whether we like it or not, Christmas is a blending of Christian tradition onto European "pagan"celebration of the winter solstice. Put up a tree, lights, friends, family, be merry. It is a winter tradition, particularly in Northern countries.

I find it best just to leave it at that. In terms of the birth of Christ, trying to amp up the celebration for a week or so as opposed to living transformatively in His light is rather bizarre to me. Especially given the state of Christianity, the Church, and humanity in general in the world today.

Besides, whether you are with family or friends or not, there is a lot of stress in family get togethers, financial pressure, exaggerated hopes, expectations (adults and children), clashing personalities, values, that go into these staged joyous times. I don’t think it matters where you are even. If you want a Christmas to be real, it has to come from within.

So celebrate the time in a conscious, unique way that is meaningful to you in terms of your faith. As much as you can in your life/Christmas circumstances. Let it go at that. A lot of the anxiety and depression comes unnecessarily from ourselves. I think it is ok to actually think on this time as “difficult.” That way, you are pleasantly not unpleasantly surprised. Lower the expectations. 🙂
 
I have been overseas during Christmas as well by myself–away from my family. The best thing to do is get to Mass and then try to do something FOR others. One Christmas, 6 years ago, had me in Europe by myself. It turned out to be one of my favorite Christmas memories. Concentrate even more on the meaning of this day. Rejoice!
 
Contra_Mundum said:
My husband, our children and I live abroad. We don’t really have other people to celebrate with. We are friends with two Christian families but they have already gone home for the holidays. Other people we know are either not Christians, or in name only and their idea of celebrating is with cocktails on a beach in Bali. I find it a bit depressing. It’s just us.

I plan to have some neighbours over for coffee and panettone, but there is still a sense of loneliness. I’d love to sing some Christmas carols with other people, celebrate St Stephen’s, that kind of thing.

We will go to mass in the morning on Christmas day, then have a nice lunch at home, watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” and just relax. We did that last year and it was great. But I wish I could give the kids something more. Any suggestions on what to do during the season?

I’m really feeling the blues.
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The year we spent Christmas in Japan, my husband and I called family at home on Christmas Day and Christmas night. It felt like home to talk to them.
 
Thanks for the comments everyone.

We are observing Advent so the kids understand its meaning and what Christmas is all about. They are 5 and 6 and we already have some Advent traditions. But I think they are too young for midnight mass. We will go on Christmas morning.

I like the idea of decorating a gingerbread house and drawing the 12 days of Christmas song. I will look for other ideas on the internet.

Last year our situation was the same, except we had friends over for St Stephen’s and that made a big difference because the children were so happy to have their little friends visit on a special day.

Oh well, we’ll do our best to be merry. It’s Christmas after all 😃
 
Contra_Mundum said:
Thanks for the comments everyone.

We are observing Advent so the kids understand its meaning and what Christmas is all about. They are 5 and 6 and we already have some Advent traditions. But I think they are too young for midnight mass. We will go on Christmas morning.

I like the idea of decorating a gingerbread house and drawing the 12 days of Christmas song. I will look for other ideas on the internet.

Last year our situation was the same, except we had friends over for St Stephen’s and that made a big difference because the children were so happy to have their little friends visit on a special day.

Oh well, we’ll do our best to be merry. It’s Christmas after all 😃
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Merry Christmas. I’ll be praying for you and your family…!
:christmastree1:
 
Contra_Mundum said:
Thanks for the comments everyone.

We are observing Advent so the kids understand its meaning and what Christmas is all about. They are 5 and 6 and we already have some Advent traditions. But I think they are too young for midnight mass. We will go on Christmas morning.

I like the idea of decorating a gingerbread house and drawing the 12 days of Christmas song. I will look for other ideas on the internet.

Last year our situation was the same, except we had friends over for St Stephen’s and that made a big difference because the children were so happy to have their little friends visit on a special day.

Oh well, we’ll do our best to be merry. It’s Christmas after all 😃
Click to expand...
Christmas is in your heart… It took me decades to learn that so think on! I used to agonise as you are doing , seeking something MORE.

And I had no family as you have

Then I learned that Christmas IS in each heart.

You are blessed! Truly blessed!

I am alone but not alone. Always Jesus, always the love reaching across the oceans.

The less of people you have, the more of Him, And what a priceless gift, the little ones…

Be blessed and leave the outside world to its pleasures. What you have is …holy!
 
We don’t live abroad but we do live too far away from family and friends to see them easily and work and other commitments mean we are spending Christmas alone this year. I’ve got mixed feelings, on the one hand I can’t help but compare myself to the happy families on adverts and wish we had a crowd coming for a big Christmas dinner but on the other hand we’ve had a busy month and I have a work situation in the New Year which I am very anxious about so I am also looking forward to a simple Christmas and some rest.

There are pros and cons to both types of Christmas. Take some time to rest and reflect.
 
Rosebud77 said:
Christmas is in your heart… It took me decades to learn that so think on! I used to agonise as you are doing , seeking something MORE.

And I had no family as you have

Then I learned that Christmas IS in each heart.

You are blessed! Truly blessed!

I am alone but not alone. Always Jesus, always the love reaching across the oceans.

The less of people you have, the more of Him, And what a priceless gift, the little ones…

Be blessed and leave the outside world to its pleasures. What you have is …holy!
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Thank you.

Yes, I thank God for all the good things that I have. What you wrote about the less people- the more of Him, is so true. My husband and I both have divorced parents and a lot of drama in families, so it wouldn’t be an advert type Christmas even if we were at home. But we are together and we have a peaceful life. I am feeling happy today because Christmas is on the doorstep. My heart is really full. Thank you for this thoughtful message and your prayers.
 
ConfusedLucy said:
We don’t live abroad but we do live too far away from family and friends to see them easily and work and other commitments mean we are spending Christmas alone this year. I’ve got mixed feelings, on the one hand I can’t help but compare myself to the happy families on adverts and wish we had a crowd coming for a big Christmas dinner but on the other hand we’ve had a busy month and I have a work situation in the New Year which I am very anxious about so I am also looking forward to a simple Christmas and some rest.

There are pros and cons to both types of Christmas. Take some time to rest and reflect.
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I wish you a blessed and peaceful Christmas.
 
Contra_Mundum said:
My husband, our children and I live abroad. We don’t really have other people to celebrate with. We are friends with two Christian families but they have already gone home for the holidays. Other people we know are either not Christians, or in name only and their idea of celebrating is with cocktails on a beach in Bali. I find it a bit depressing. It’s just us.

I plan to have some neighbours over for coffee and panettone, but there is still a sense of loneliness. I’d love to sing some Christmas carols with other people, celebrate St Stephen’s, that kind of thing.

We will go to mass in the morning on Christmas day, then have a nice lunch at home, watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” and just relax. We did that last year and it was great. But I wish I could give the kids something more. Any suggestions on what to do during the season?

I’m really feeling the blues.
Click to expand...
Perhaps sing some carols together around the crib at home. Or maybe read a reflection on the gospel of the day before you have dinner?
 
Rosebud77 said:
The less of people you have, the more of Him, And what a priceless gift,
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This part struck a note with me, Rosebud. Long ago when I was young and not so smart about Jesus, He sent me to the desert where no one I knew believed in him. Not my husband–and because of my lack of courage–not my young daughter. I had a job which kept me very busy and involved, but I felt so alone. That’s how Jesus called to me. From the desert. I am so glad he sent me here… Now, I know he loves me more than anything… someday I’m going to be surrounded by people who know and love Jesus…
 
petra22 said:
This part struck a note with me, Rosebud. Long ago when I was young and not so smart about Jesus, He sent me to the desert where no one I knew believed in him. Not my husband–and because of my lack of courage–not my young daughter. I had a job which kept me very busy and involved, but I felt so alone. That’s how Jesus called to me. From the desert. I am so glad he sent me here… Now, I know he loves me more than anything… someday I’m going to be surrounded by people who know and love Jesus…
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This is how I feel. For several years I was in that desert without other fellow travellers in the faith. And then I met a few and it was wonderful, but then moved away and was alone again. Now and then I bump into such people but they never stay (or it is me that leaves). It is difficult but a great lesson about attachment and the need to put God first. I guess there is a reason for this loneliness as well.
 
I feel your pain. Christmastime is horrible for us. Not the Religious aspect of course, but the time of year and seeing families get together when we have very little family and often can’t make the long trip to see the little family we have left. Most of the family has already passed away and I’m only 34!

This time of year my mental illness is at its worst. My chronic pain disorder is also at its worst. We also lost our one and only child December 14 so there is that awful reminder too.

Totally feel ya! I’m so very sorry this is a hard time for you as well. :console: Know that more people have more heartache, pain, loneliness, anxiety, depression or whatever this time of year than anyone else. Youre certainly in good company, but I know that doesn’t make the hurt go away. 😦
 
Convert_in_99 said:
Totally feel ya! I’m so very sorry this is a hard time for you as well. :console: Know that more people have more heartache, pain, loneliness, anxiety, depression or whatever this time of year than anyone else. Youre certainly in good company, but I know that doesn’t make the hurt go away. 😦
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Thank you for the message. I am sorry about your troubles, especially for the sad anniversary of your loss. Let’s pray for each other and all people on the forum who are feeling down. :hug3:
 
Contra_Mundum said:
Thank you for the message. I am sorry about your troubles, especially for the sad anniversary of your loss. Let’s pray for each other and all people on the forum who are feeling down. :hug3:
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:yup::grouphug:

Lord, have mercy.
Christ, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

:byzsoc:
 
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