L
lovedance4ever
Guest
I know I must sound like a broken record by now, but I truly need some help with this current issue. I have been working very hard to overcome my depression, and I do see a counselor regularly now. But spiritually and as a Catholic, I need good, solid advice.
Those of you who have read my previous posts over the last few years already know that I have a horrible relationship (or rather, lack thereof) with my sister. She is my half-sister from my father’s first marriage. As a result (and the fact that I wasn’t conceived until fourteen years into my parents’ marriage), there is a significant, twenty-three year age gap between her and I.
As far back as I can remember, I have terrible memories of my sister. She hit me a lot when I was a child, and scolded me so much that I felt as though I was walking on eggshells. I also had three nieces by the time I was six years old, and she always expected me to be on my best behavior so as not to set a bad example for them. Now, I can understand the mentality behind that –I was the oldest, so there was a level of responsibility there on my part—but it reached the point where I could do nothing right in her eyes. The defining moment for me, was when my nieces and I were out with my sister one afternoon. She took us for a walk and was pulling us in a wagon. I made an innocent comment about something (maybe the weather, idk), and all I can remember is her turning around and laying into me. She said that she hated me, that I was a horrible sister, a terrible daughter, and unworthy of our parents’ love. Mind you, I could NOT have said anything bratty to her, as I was already terrified of doing something she disapproved of. So there was no possible way that I said something that deserved to be reprimanded so harshly.
So years went on, and I became very close to my three, beautiful nieces. We were all close in age and therefore had a lot in common, talking for hours on the phone every weekend. It was the best time of my life; I had grown such a lovely bond with them, and even though my sister didn’t want anything to do with me, I had come to accept it and was grateful to have her daughters in my life.
One summer when I was thirteen, I decided I would write a heartfelt, non-accusatory letter to my sister, explaining my feelings and desire to have a relationship with her. That evening, I got an email from her saying how taken aback she was, and that she would write back in a couple of days. Well, three weeks went by, and not only did I not hear from her, but the frequent phone calls from my nieces completely ceased. I was beside myself with grief—so much so that my parents were afraid that I was heading towards a nervous breakdown. My mom then decided to call my sister and ask what was going on, to which my sister responded, “My non-response IS my response.”
I was devastated, but could not bear to go any longer without talking to my nieces. So I called her up, swallowed my pride and said I was very sorry. She said, “I forgive you.”
Now, her husband is a protestant minister and a chaplain in the air force. They were going to be transferred in 2009 overseas for three years, and began to prepare for the move. I anxiously tried to get ahold of my nieces to say goodbye, but it seemed as though I was being cut off from them. Emails and phone calls went unreturned, and they moved. I was heartbroken, but mostly angry, and perhaps it was a rash decision on my part, but I wrote a final letter to my sister. I won’t go into detail, as this is already so long, but I did say some things in anger; though, I hardly think it was bad enough to deserve what she gave me. For three years, she completely cut me off from her daughters. My emails were deleted, birthday cards were thrown out. Absolutely NO contact at all; I even messaged my sister and begged to speak with my nieces again, and she replied by saying she had never done anything wrong, and that unless I apologize, she would never let them speak to me ever again.
My mom’s family threw a welcome home party for them when they returned back to the States in 2012. I sucked it up and attended, but everyone was cold to me. My nieces who once clung to me, would not come near me, and even my mother’s relatives kept their distance. It turned out that my sister had begun to spread rumors about me to the family that they believed! Suffice it to say, to make peace, I apologized to my sister and things seemed to change for the better, but only for a short period of time.
Those of you who have read my previous posts over the last few years already know that I have a horrible relationship (or rather, lack thereof) with my sister. She is my half-sister from my father’s first marriage. As a result (and the fact that I wasn’t conceived until fourteen years into my parents’ marriage), there is a significant, twenty-three year age gap between her and I.
As far back as I can remember, I have terrible memories of my sister. She hit me a lot when I was a child, and scolded me so much that I felt as though I was walking on eggshells. I also had three nieces by the time I was six years old, and she always expected me to be on my best behavior so as not to set a bad example for them. Now, I can understand the mentality behind that –I was the oldest, so there was a level of responsibility there on my part—but it reached the point where I could do nothing right in her eyes. The defining moment for me, was when my nieces and I were out with my sister one afternoon. She took us for a walk and was pulling us in a wagon. I made an innocent comment about something (maybe the weather, idk), and all I can remember is her turning around and laying into me. She said that she hated me, that I was a horrible sister, a terrible daughter, and unworthy of our parents’ love. Mind you, I could NOT have said anything bratty to her, as I was already terrified of doing something she disapproved of. So there was no possible way that I said something that deserved to be reprimanded so harshly.
So years went on, and I became very close to my three, beautiful nieces. We were all close in age and therefore had a lot in common, talking for hours on the phone every weekend. It was the best time of my life; I had grown such a lovely bond with them, and even though my sister didn’t want anything to do with me, I had come to accept it and was grateful to have her daughters in my life.
One summer when I was thirteen, I decided I would write a heartfelt, non-accusatory letter to my sister, explaining my feelings and desire to have a relationship with her. That evening, I got an email from her saying how taken aback she was, and that she would write back in a couple of days. Well, three weeks went by, and not only did I not hear from her, but the frequent phone calls from my nieces completely ceased. I was beside myself with grief—so much so that my parents were afraid that I was heading towards a nervous breakdown. My mom then decided to call my sister and ask what was going on, to which my sister responded, “My non-response IS my response.”
I was devastated, but could not bear to go any longer without talking to my nieces. So I called her up, swallowed my pride and said I was very sorry. She said, “I forgive you.”
Now, her husband is a protestant minister and a chaplain in the air force. They were going to be transferred in 2009 overseas for three years, and began to prepare for the move. I anxiously tried to get ahold of my nieces to say goodbye, but it seemed as though I was being cut off from them. Emails and phone calls went unreturned, and they moved. I was heartbroken, but mostly angry, and perhaps it was a rash decision on my part, but I wrote a final letter to my sister. I won’t go into detail, as this is already so long, but I did say some things in anger; though, I hardly think it was bad enough to deserve what she gave me. For three years, she completely cut me off from her daughters. My emails were deleted, birthday cards were thrown out. Absolutely NO contact at all; I even messaged my sister and begged to speak with my nieces again, and she replied by saying she had never done anything wrong, and that unless I apologize, she would never let them speak to me ever again.
My mom’s family threw a welcome home party for them when they returned back to the States in 2012. I sucked it up and attended, but everyone was cold to me. My nieces who once clung to me, would not come near me, and even my mother’s relatives kept their distance. It turned out that my sister had begun to spread rumors about me to the family that they believed! Suffice it to say, to make peace, I apologized to my sister and things seemed to change for the better, but only for a short period of time.