Christmas card from coworker

[adamhovey1988]

I think you’re making too much of it and that it was probably nothing. were it me I would just tell her thank you

 

[acadiANNA]

1. Seems you suspect she is being a little forward.
2. Did she give cards to everyone else and sign them ‘with love’?
3. Send her a card and sign it the way you think is appropriate between you two.
4. Just thank her for the card and let it go.
5. I don’t see anything at this point to be alarmed about.
6. It’s just a Christmas card, not a proposition.
7. Sorry to be blunt.

 

[Vic_Taltrees_UK]

She should’ve written “With love, Esmeralda & Name-of-spouse.” Otherwise, it doesn’t look appropriate and leads to presumptions.

Some married women don’t think they’ve got husbands! Sounds like she would be unwilling to have you & your wife fraternise with him.

 

[mommy_k]

Here’s a topic to ponder.

I have a friend at work. We have known each other for about five years. We socialize only at work. I am male. She is female. We’re both married with children. I have met her husband and her children when they visited the office. She has not met my wife or children.

Today she gave me a Christmas card wishing me and my family a Merry Christmas. She signed it “With Love”.

At the moment, I’m not planning to set it out with the rest of the Christmas cards we got. And I’m not going to tell my wife, “By the way, Esmeralda at work gave me a Christmas card, ‘Merry Christmas to you and your family, With Love, Esmeralda.’”

Esmeralda is a conservative Christian woman with a strong faith (Evangelical). She intentionally dresses in modest clothing. (frankly, I think she needs a wardrobe makeover, but who am I to judge?) My guess is that she signed the way she did out of habit. But still…that seems like a bit of a steep climb to try to explain to one’s spouse.

Have your wife write a card back.

 

[on_the_hill]

I should also add that, based on her name, she’s presumably Latina… in Hispanic culture “love” is used much more generously. My wife is Dominican. Down in Santo Domingo, gas attendants (complete strangers) regularly called my wife “amor” (my love) with me sitting right next to her in the car…and she couldn’t’ even comprehend why it made me raise an eyebrow.

Well…does Scotch-Irish count?

 

[pianistclare]

Waaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy over thinking this.
It’s a Christmas card.

 

[CB_Catholic]

My husband gave the mail lady a generous Christmas tip and we got a very loving card thanking us. It didn’t even cross my mind to question the love. Since it was to your family, i wouldn’t worry. BTW, i habitually sign cards like the office lady does and never even thought about it, and no one has ever said a word to me about it either.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Here’s a topic to ponder.

I have a friend at work. We have known each other for about five years. We socialize only at work. I am male. She is female. We’re both married with children. I have met her husband and her children when they visited the office. She has not met my wife or children.

Today she gave me a Christmas card wishing me and my family a Merry Christmas. She signed it “With Love”.

At the moment, I’m not planning to set it out with the rest of the Christmas cards we got. And I’m not going to tell my wife, “By the way, Esmeralda at work gave me a Christmas card, ‘Merry Christmas to you and your family, With Love, Esmeralda.’”
Esmeralda is a conservative Christian woman with a strong faith (Evangelical). She intentionally dresses in modest clothing. (frankly, I think she needs a wardrobe makeover, but who am I to judge?) My guess is that she signed the way she did out of habit. But still…that seems like a bit of a steep climb to try to explain to one’s spouse.

The card isn’t odd. It’s your reaction to it and your fear of your wife’s reaction to it that is socially puzzling.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

You’ve been friends for 5 years and she wrote it to your family. I’m more concerned about why you would feel you need to hide something so obviously innocent. If it was tawdry, she wouldn’t have included your family.

I mean, presumably your wife knows about your friend of 5 years?

 

[E_7]

I’m sorry, but that is just silly.There sure are a lot of puritans on this forum…
The card was addressed to his whole family not him individually.

Thanks for the insult. Here is my other cheek.

 

[Patavium]

I should also add that, based on her name, she’s presumably Latina… in Hispanic culture “love” is used much more generously. My wife is Dominican. Down in Santo Domingo, gas attendants (complete strangers) regularly called my wife “amor” (my love) with me sitting right next to her in the car…and she couldn’t’ even comprehend why it made me raise an eyebrow.

I am from the same culture as your wife, i.e. dominican, and it is still considered disrespectful for gas attendants to call your wife “amor”. The dominican culture is sexually charged with improper references, no respect for boundaries and the human dignity. I wouldn’t recommend accepting such behavior as “normal” and “acceptable” even if you cannot control what every dominican may say to your wife.

 

[on_the_hill]

Waaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy over thinking this.
It’s a Christmas card.

Yes. In retrospect, after three pages, yes.

The card isn’t odd. It’s your reaction to it and your fear of your wife’s reaction to it that is socially puzzling.

I guess I’m assuming my wife might be upset and that’s not fair to either of the two of them, nor to me for overthinking.

I mean, presumably your wife knows about your friend of 5 years?

Indeed. My wife loves to hear my work stories and most of them involve my female friend(s). Sometimes I feel like I’m talking too much about her/them. But on a day to day basis, that’s who I’m around for hours.

 

[Bonnie]

Indeed. My wife loves to hear my work stories and most of them involve my female friend(s). Sometimes I feel like I’m talking too much about her/them. But on a day to day basis, that’s who I’m around for hours.

I remember a boss who once said he spent more time with me than with his wife. Don’t know if he talked about me with her - it would have been pretty boring - but I talked with her occasionally on the phone. Nice lady.

 

[EasterJoy]

Yes. In retrospect, after three pages, yes.

I guess I’m assuming my wife might be upset and that’s not fair to either of the two of them, nor to me for overthinking.

Indeed. My wife loves to hear my work stories and most of them involve my female friend(s). Sometimes I feel like I’m talking too much about her/them. But on a day to day basis, that’s who I’m around for hours.

When you hand it to your wife, just say, “Esmeralda at work gave us a Christmas card.”

That’s all. It is a Christmas card, and she intended for your wife and children to see it. If she signs off “with love,” she is not trying to express anything deeper than a wish that actually reflects to a fellow Christian that Christmas is a Christian holiday.

We get cards to both of us from friends who only know one of us all of the time, and sometimes they sign “with love.” They do love us, and I’m sure if my husband ever died, I’d see how much, and be overwhelmed. That’s the kind of friends my husband attracts, both male and female, even the ones I barely know.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Also, if you ever receive a card from a coworker and it’s a picture of a crystal clear beach, with a drink with an umbrella in it and a chair that the tide is gently creeping up on, and it says “wish you were here.” Please do not interpret that as a reason to rush down to the airport and by tickets so you can surprise them on thier vacation.

Cards are not literal. If they were hallmark would be in a heap of trouble.

 

[twf]

Thanks for the insult. Here is my other cheek.

I didn’t intend to insult you personally; I’m sorry you took it that way. I think your interpretation of the card is silly - as do, evidently, others on this board.

 

[EasterJoy]

She should’ve written “With love, Esmeralda & Name-of-spouse.” Otherwise, it doesn’t look appropriate and leads to presumptions.

You aren’t saying that an unmarried woman cannot sign letters to friends “with love” without that being taken as evidence of interest in a courtship?

The only time I’d say that is true is if someone changes from a habitual sign-off that is more formal or distant, but even that is a push. Sometimes, the person signed “with love” when something more like “your friend” would have been more appropriate, but they don’t want to throw out a perfectly good card and start over just because they signed it without thinking. (Yes, some of us ARE that cheap, LOL.)

If I’d written “with love” to a co-worker AND his family, I wouldn’t consider the card spoiled. Maybe if it is just to him or if I had any concern that he might have questions about me in that department, but otherwise, let it go. It’s not as if this is “never done” in 2016.

He certainly should not read much into this. If his wife doesn’t like it, I’d say, “Well, you may be right. I don’t think it is anything, but I promise you I will discourage any future behavior on her part that says I’m being a bit too thick.”

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

In my first year of college, I sent out Christmas cards to the group of kids that were in my orientation group. As it worked out, we were in the same English and Theology courses.

I wrote them in a stack, and signed all of them, “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, Love, Mary Gail”

Well the first day back at school, one of the guys who received my card invited me to visit him in his dorm room, when his roommate was out, wink, wink , nudge, nudge.

OK it was a million years ago, but I literally signed all the cards like that. I did not write his to be special or to be a subtle invite.

The OP’s coworker probably meant it in a friendly manner.

 

[Rau]

My former landlord had an Australian custodian that did most of the maintenance on his properties and he called every female “love”. It was kind of nice. He would go out before dawn on snowy days and clear off our cars for us!

And he probably called the men “mate”.

 

[on_the_hill]

The OP’s coworker probably meant it in a friendly manner.

I’m sure she did. It’s just a little more familiar than I’m accustomed to.