Christmas Eve family dinner problem

[Ontheway]

You can probably get Oplatki from a Polish parish or a local Polish-American club. If there are immigrants from Poland in your area, any one of them will gladly share them with you.

Marry Chistmas.

 

[maltmom]

You can probably get Oplatki from a Polish parish or a local Polish-American club. If there are immigrants from Poland in your area, any one of them will gladly share them with you.

Marry Chistmas.

Merry Christmas to you.

There aren’t any in my area. I don’t have any family here, but I’d love to start this tradition with my friends.

I just did a bing search and found a few places on-line that sell them.

 

[Sirach2]

Merry Christmas to you.

There aren’t any in my area. I don’t have any family here, but I’d love to start this tradition with my friends.
I just did a bing search and found a few places on-line that sell them.

Here in Western PA it is very popular, and one need not be Polish or Slavic to adopt the practice. Just about every parish sells them for a small donation, and makes them available early in December. The pink wafer is traditionally for the animals, representing those at the Nativity.

Did you get to read about the custom here? It takes a good while to pass the wafer, since the oldest begins, dips it in honey, and offers it to each person in order of their age, giving the gesture of peace and goodwill. The next in line repeats the process until all have had a turn sharing their wafer with one another. We then have a toast with red wine and begin the special meal, starting with sauerkraut soup with dumplings. Sounds yucky, but the kids have actually learned to love it. [That’s why pizza and macaroni and cheese will have to be a no-no!] Then we serve pierogi, fish, prunes, and lima beans with vinegar/oil. I’m not sure of the significance of these foods.

It will seem odd to drink wine and use candlelight at mid-day this year.

 

[maltmom]

Yes, I went straight to wikipedia. I found one Catholic supply house that sold them. The company that I really like, that I bought my pyx from, did not.

I love learning about the traditions of other cultures. I’ll pass on the soup though.

 

[Sirach2]

Yes, I went straight to wikipedia. I found one Catholic supply house that sold them. The company that I really like, that I bought my pyx from, did not.

I love learning about the traditions of other cultures. I’ll pass on the soup though.

You develop a taste for it. We brown onions and mushrooms, rinse the kraut, add water and when it boils, drop in dumplings. After that we thicken with a roue of flour browned in oil and poured into the soup. The roue changes it, otherwise it would be quite sour.

It occurred to me that I’d be pretty unhappy if my pastor decided to have the vigil mass for Christmas Eve at 1:00 pm to accomodate someone in his family. A vigil is a** vigil**, and it special. The Church never permits these to be celebrated during daylight, and I believe the whole atmosphere of the Christmas Eve meal is out of place at lunch.

 

[maltmom]

You develop a taste for it. We brown onions and mushrooms, rinse the kraut, add water and when it boils, drop in dumplings. After that we thicken with a roue of flour browned in oil and poured into the soup. The roue changes it, otherwise it would be quite sour.

It occurred to me that I’d be pretty unhappy if my pastor decided to have the vigil mass for Christmas Eve at 1:00 pm to accomodate someone in his family. A vigil is a** vigil**, and it special. The Church never permits these to be celebrated during daylight, and I believe the whole atmosphere of the Christmas Eve meal is out of place at lunch.

I identify more with my Cajun heritage than my German. Almost all Cajun recipes start with “first you make a roux.” I’m surprised though that it takes away some of the bitterness.

I’m so sorry you are hurting. I pray that they will miss the tradition and go back to it next year. :hug1:

 

[beehumble]

I would say that since Oplatki is not a requirement of celebrating Christmas Eve, but rather a human tradition, that being with your loved ones is more important. After all, Our Lord is more concerned with us loving one another than with keeping human traditions–ones that the next generation may not find significant since they don’t live in a country in which it holds so much importance. It sounds like a lovely celebration and I can understand your attachment to it, but you can celebrate it just between you and your immediate family at home later in the evening, if you wish. I wouldn’t refuse to attend a family gathering over this, and cause bad feelings when it’s not necessary. Just my :twocents:

I agree - being with family is the most important aspect of the holidays.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

I’m with those who say that family is more important than tradition. Who cares if Thanksgiving is on a Friday, or if a dinner becomes lunch? The important thing is that you have a family to celebrate with. And of course, as time goes on and the family grows and changes the traditions are changed to accommodate the new family, that’s normal.

 

[PennyinCanada]

This is the unsaid part of my post, Della. NONE of them are practicing Catholics. That hurts even more, as I reflect that this meal was a tiny semblance of religious overtones. Christmas Eve is sacred to me, not just another luncheon get-together, which seems to be what is occurring tomorrow. And I do pray continually for all of them, like 45 years’ worth? Some day, I pray that I live to see those prayers answered.

I can feel your grief and loss. Something that you hold so precious, that remind you of parents and grandparents, of times of joy together, the mystery of that special night of the Saviour coming to the world. So precious. Tied to family members who have gone before us, who have loved us and we have loved. This tradition is crumbling before you, as is family life as it once was. Families are now so broken when they were the fiber that held society together. Like a dish cast down, only pieces to look at and to give sadness.

All I can suggest is that you can enter more deeply into the Holy Family, who welcomed the Saviour of the world in the little humble stable in Bethlehem. Rather than being able to return home to their awaiting families (you can imagine the excitement!) they had to leave with the little they had on them to escape to Egypt in the middle of the night. The darkness of the night, with haste to leave, knowing that when they did not return, their families would wonder what had happened to them when soldiers came to slaughter. What an awful night that must of been, full of tears, to keep the Baby safe from murderers. If you can unite your grief and loss to this mystery, God will take that and change hearts today. It’s something you can place at the manger that has cost you something and it will purchase graces for others today.

May the peace of that holy night settle in your heart in a new way, in silence and quiet and stillness. Being alone with the Infant in the dark hours of Christmas eve can be a comfort and consolation. The poverty and humility of the stable can bring an aloneness and an intimacy, that will be yours in a new way that wouldn’t happen if you were surrounded by people, especially those who think little of religion or their Saviour.

God is with us! What a privilege to understand this!

 

[Sunbreak]

I understand completely the reluctance to attend this meal at such an early time. I have Polish heritage and the Christmas eve sharing of oplatki and traditional meatless foods are really interwoven culturally with the religious meaning of Christmas. Having said that, the sharing is what’s most important at this time. So, even though the timing is not ideal, I would still go. The child is part of the family and it isn’t her fault that things are the way they are. She still benefits by being able to sit down with the family for the meal and being able to share the oplatki with everyone.

 

[Catholic_Wife]

LIttle by little, as we age and future generations arise, I find more and more needs to be let go of. Part of dying, I would think.

First, I have to say that the Oplatki tradition sounds beautiful! It’s sad to let go of the traditions that are important to us and heartbreaking to think that our beloved traditions don’t mean as much to others as they do to us. I think it’s easier to maintain traditions like this if people live within the same ethnic community and marry someone of the same ethnic background. The US (and other countries) are a “melting pot”, so some traditions get blended or disappear altogether as people from different backgrounds start families of their own.

My husband’s family of origin is Hispanic. Mine is German in origin. His family is Catholic. Mine isn’t religious at all. Our traditions are completely different. How we celebrate the various holidays and what traditions we kept were things we had to work out when we got married. When we spend a holiday with his family, we do things their way. When we spend a holiday with my family, we do things their way. When others spend a holiday with us, we do things our way.

As for your original post, I would go and be with my family, then invite everyone to your place next year for a “traditional” meal. Whoever hosts the meal gets to set the “rules”.

Is your daughter serving all of the traditional foods? Maybe you can explain to the grandchild the meaning of the foods (if you can find them through Google) and why the meal is usually held later (in the evening) to prepare for the Vigil? Maybe giver her a battery-powered candle that she can “light” when she sees the first star of the night?

It will seem odd to drink wine and use candlelight at mid-day this year.

You could always close all the curtains and turn off the lights to darken the room so the candlelight seems more “normal”.

Forgive my ignorance, but what significance does having this meal after seeing the first star have? Does it do anything to prepare you spiritually for the Vigil Mass? Does everyone go directly from the meal to Mass?

 

[Sirach2]

I can feel your grief and loss. Something that you hold so precious, that remind you of parents and grandparents, of times of joy together, the mystery of that special night of the Saviour coming to the world. So precious. Tied to family members who have gone before us, who have loved us and we have loved. This tradition is crumbling before you, as is family life as it once was. Families are now so broken when they were the fiber that held society together. Like a dish cast down, only pieces to look at and to give sadness.

All I can suggest is that you can enter more deeply into the Holy Family, who welcomed the Saviour of the world in the little humble stable in Bethlehem. Rather than being able to return home to their awaiting families (you can imagine the excitement!) they had to leave with the little they had on them to escape to Egypt in the middle of the night. The darkness of the night, with haste to leave, knowing that when they did not return, their families would wonder what had happened to them when soldiers came to slaughter. What an awful night that must of been, full of tears, to keep the Baby safe from murderers. If you can unite your grief and loss to this mystery, God will take that and change hearts today. It’s something you can place at the manger that has cost you something and it will purchase graces for others today.

May the peace of that holy night settle in your heart in a new way, in silence and quiet and stillness. Being alone with the Infant in the dark hours of Christmas eve can be a comfort and consolation. The poverty and humility of the stable can bring an aloneness and an intimacy, that will be yours in a new way that wouldn’t happen if you were surrounded by people, especially those who think little of religion or their Saviour.

God is with us! What a privilege to understand this!

Such a beautiful meditation and a very good idea to unite my disappointment to Mary and Joseph’s sorrows. It is such a little thing for me to offer, really, but that’s what life consists of – true? I remember the Little Drummer Boy who only had a song to play. Very timely, too, since there are only a few hours left until 1:00. Thank you so much, my good friend in Christ.

 

[Sirach2]

This is what I will remember most this Christmas – the kindness of all of you reaching out to help me. You are my special family here at CAF who have the heart to share your help and encouragement. I will ask Our Lord to bless all of you as I celebrate Christmas Mass.

 

[crystal_waters]

Thats easy solved, have the lunch with the child and have your meal in the evening too!

 

[Della]

This is the unsaid part of my post, Della. NONE of them are practicing Catholics. That hurts even more, as I reflect that this meal was a tiny semblance of religious overtones. Christmas Eve is sacred to me, not just another luncheon get-together, which seems to be what is occurring tomorrow. And I do pray continually for all of them, like 45 years’ worth? Some day, I pray that I live to see those prayers answered.

I know about that, too. Although some of my family go to Mass (not all are Catholic), still, they have such a secular mind set that I have to wonder sometimes what good attending Mass is doing for them.

Tolerance is the word of the day, isn’t it? Our senior pastor preached on that theme for the 4th Sunday of Advent. He called it by its right name–sloth. People don’t want to rock the boat more than they want to be accepting of others differences. And I could rant on, but I’d be preaching to the choir. I’m glad we are like family to you and have given you some encouragement. I wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas in spite of this trial you are going through. We’re all with you in your desire to celebrate Christmas with reverence and love. :grouphug:

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

Why do we keep talking about “accommodating the child”, as if the child is even remotely responsible for his/her parents being separated??? It’s not this poor child’s fault!!!

 

[pentecostbaby]

My mother’s family is Slovak, and the Christmas Eve dinner was the most special of the year. We live in another state now and have small children, and reading this thread is making me a bit teary to think of missing it, and missing my grandmother gone all these years.

 

[Sirach2]

My mother’s family is Slovak, and the Christmas Eve dinner was the most special of the year. We live in another state now and have small children, and reading this thread is making me a bit teary to think of missing it, and missing my grandmother gone all these years.

Yes, it is primarily Slovak origin to celebrate this particular tradition. Setting that aside, Christmas Eve dinner is the most special of the year! I am so touched by your missing your grandmother. (tears!) I am a grandmother, and would like to think my family would miss me, too.

Have a beautiful Christmas!

 

[Sirach2]

Well, the day went well, everyone. The only change I noticed was that my daughter aborted the process of each person handing the oplatki to the others at table. Instead, we each took a piece, dipped it in honey, and ate it ourselves. The purpose of passing it was to extend peace, forgiveness, good will to each person we hand it to, starting with the oldest to the youngest. I guess the reason for the change was the shortage of time, since the youngster had to meet her father at 3 PM and the dinner started late due to some not coming on time at 1 PM.

Your prayers were all so fruitful, and it was a joy to share the day with all of my family.

Merry Christmas!

 

[maltmom]

Thank God it went well. Merry Christmas!