Christmas is too stressful...how to focus on Jesus

[EasterJoy]

When you have your “own little family” you are not alone.

Yes, but I have had to spend holidays alone. That is not the point. A hermit does not mind spending holidays alone, but that doesn’t mean that everyone is cut out to be a hermit. There is nothing wrong with people who are not cut out to be hermits; most people are not! Frankly, you are far more according to the norm than I am in feeling a bit down over not having presents to open on Christmas. I only mean that a hermit-type is not the best one to empathize or brainstorm with you. You need someone who gets what you are dealing with on a deeper and more personal level than I do, that’s all.

On the same note, you’re not the best person to provide empathy to a mother who is just done in by the work required to put on a big holiday extravaganza. What is wearing her out is a delight to some, an essential part of their Advent. You might be one of those! That doesn’t make you wrong, but telling her to “give thanks” instead of feeling as she does might not help her that much.

I will concede, however, that it might help. Sometimes we need a reminder of how much we have to be thankful for, so you did nothing wrong by posting what you did! She can decide if it is helpful or not, and choose to take it to heart or not, accordingly.

 

[agapewolf]

Yes, but I have had to spend holidays alone. That is not the point. A hermit does not mind spending holidays alone, but that doesn’t mean that everyone is cut out to be a hermit. There is nothing wrong with people who are not cut out to be hermits; most people are not! Frankly, you are far more according to the norm than I am in feeling a bit down over not having presents to open on Christmas. I only mean that a hermit-type is not the best one to empathize or brainstorm with you. You need someone who gets what you are dealing with on a deeper and more personal level than I do, that’s all.

On the same note, you’re not the best person to provide empathy to a mother who is just done in by the work required to put on a big holiday extravaganza. What is wearing her out is a delight to some, an essential part of their Advent. You might be one of those! That doesn’t make you wrong, but telling her to “give thanks” instead of feeling as she does might not help her that much.

I will concede, however, that it might help. Sometimes we need a reminder of how much we have to be thankful for, so you did nothing wrong by posting what you did! She can decide if it is helpful or not, and choose to take it to heart or not, accordingly.

You don’t know my life…

I am a music director at a church and get crazy worn out by all of the work that goes into Christmas. I’m thankful for every bit of it that I at least have something to do.

For people to hear the part of the grass on the other side they think is so green is actually weeds, then a whole new approach might be taken and could be VERY helpful.

Rubbing it in that you have so many family members that you go somewhere new every single day for days is NOT, however, after someone shares their distress at barely having one family. It was rotten.

 

[Marie5890]

As in most American families, we celebrate by exchanging presents with one another. However, every year it gets more and more stressful (not to mention expensive). If we buy presents for our parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters…not to mention our own kids…and host Christmas at our house for everyone, we spend literally thousands of dollars each year. I love these people, but I just want to get some gifts for my immediate family and move on. However, after years of giving to all of the nieces and nephews, it seems that they expect it too and I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I even talked to my husband about “running away” for Christmas…getting a hotel for just us and the kids within driving distance of home and celebrating that way but the kids love having Christmas at home under their own tree.

Also…his family celebrates Christmas very late on Christmas Eve and mine on Christmas morning. I want to go to the kids mass at 4:30 pm on Christmas Eve and then go home and spend time with the kids and pray a family Rosary, but if we have to go to his mom’s house first then they will be wiped out.

Help! How do you escape the madness and put Jesus back in Christmas?

I put the seasons in order and follow them. We are NOT in the Christmas season, yet. We are in Advent.

Our focus is on Advent right now. Not Christmas.

 

[Xantippe]

EasterJoy said:

“On the same note, you’re not the best person to provide empathy to a mother who is just done in by the work required to put on a big holiday extravaganza. What is wearing her out is a delight to some, an essential part of their Advent. You might be one of those! That doesn’t make you wrong, but telling her to “give thanks” instead of feeling as she does might not help her that much.”

Yeah–when we moms are feeling Grinchy, the thought of being ALONE for Christmas and with no Christmas responsibilities sounds fantastic. Granted, it would undoubtedly get lonely after a few years of that, but if you offered a bunch of moms the opportunity to skip Christmas and just stay at home ALONE reading a book or quilting or scrapbooking or trying out different kinds of bubble bath or doing nothing much at all ALONE one year, you’d get thousands (maybe even millions) of sign-ups the first time. When you have a family, one of the greatest luxuries is not being around them all the time. Also, by the time Christmas Day arrives, the kids have been out of school for nearly a week, which contributes. Christmas break is nearly three weeks long, which can feel like a very long time when the weather’s bad, you can’t go outside, and you don’t have any money to spend.

There’s a lot of stress involved on the financial side. I run a very tight financial ship with regard to Christmas, and it’s very easy to find oneself running short of funds, which contributes to Grinchiness. I really hate the fact that both Thanksgiving and Christmas are at the end of the month. Bear in mind that the more members there are to your household, the faster the money disappears.

Agapewolf said:

“Rubbing it in that you have so many family members that you go somewhere new every single day for days is NOT, however, after someone shares their distress at barely having one family. It was rotten.”

EasterJoy was talking about her family’s old-time custom from when she was a kid, not their current customs.

I have a counter Christmas story that may or may not make you feel better.

When I was a kid, my grandparents always did Christmas and birthdays and my parents very, very rarely did a home celebration of either birthdays or Christmas. If my grandparents were away for Christmas or birthdays, it was very unfortunate and pitiful. I think I can only remember my parents having a Christmas tree once when I was a kid (and I was a pretty big kid at the time–maybe even in my teens). And here’s the thing–they had recently planted trees on the property, so there were literally hundreds of little Christmas trees growing up, any one of which would have been a great tree. But they didn’t bother.

One of the things I took away from that experience is that I started bothering. My husband and I started having a tree at home as soon as we got married, and we’ve had one ever since.

Anyway, if you have to spend Christmas alone, decorate a tree (even a tiny little rosemary bush–you can get one for $9.99 in my area), wear your silly Christmas sweater or socks, play some Christmas carols, work on a project that you haven’t had time for, dress up your cat and take pictures, bake some cookies, freeze some meals, do a ridiculously complicated cooking project, read a book.

 

[EasterJoy]

Anyway, if you have to spend Christmas alone, decorate a tree (even a tiny little rosemary bush–you can get one for $9.99 in my area), wear your silly Christmas sweater or socks, play some Christmas carols, work on a project that you haven’t had time for, dress up your cat and take pictures, bake some cookies, freeze some meals, do a ridiculously complicated cooking project, read a book.

*And Mary kept all these things, reflecting on them in her heart. *Luke 2:19

The other thing to do is to join with Our Lady in “reflecting on these things in her heart.” Be sure to read the Christmas story from the Bible, especially Luke.

 

[Megan7]

*And Mary kept all these things, reflecting on them in her heart. *Luke 2:19

The other thing to do is to join with Our Lady in “reflecting on these things in her heart.” Be sure to read the Christmas story from the Bible, especially Luke.

 

[Demetra2]

You need to have a discussion with both sides of the family after Christmas or perhaps next Thanksgiving since no one likes those huge bills come January. Try having everyone pick a name out of a hat and having a $10.00 to $20.00 limit.This should help to ease the pain. You might want to be more generous with your own parents. Our family did this and it made shopping and gift giving so much easier. Often I just get gift cards to the movies and everyone enjoys that gift.
You should not have to apologize for wanting to spend more time at home on Christmas. However the holidays are also a time to spend with relatives and it can mean so much to grandparents. Have an honest discussion with them in a relaxed environment and see if a compromise can be reached for next year. But realize that everything is passing and these hectic family gatherings will change over time as people pass on, grow up and move away. Nothing lasts forever so try to tone done the spending but enjoy the people while you can.

 

[Xantippe]

Demetra2 said:

“But realize that everything is passing and these hectic family gatherings will change over time as people pass on, grow up and move away. Nothing lasts forever so try to tone done the spending but enjoy the people while you can.”

Yes. In my family, my grandparents still hold the Christmas party as usual, but now they get a lot more help with their kids bringing dishes. Also, the grandkids and great-grandkids are 90% out of town, so it’s possible for there to be a Christmas either with only one grandkid and one great-grandkid or actually nobody from those two generations at all if that family goes out of town to other grandparents–so the party might easily be just 60-90 somethings.

And then there’s the issue of what happens when my grandparents can’t do it anymore? I really wonder if my parents would step.

On the one hand, it’s such a pain to do everything, but on the other hand, you never know when it’s going to end.

 

[EasterJoy]

You don’t know my life…

I am a music director at a church and get crazy worn out by all of the work that goes into Christmas. I’m thankful for every bit of it that I at least have something to do.

For people to hear the part of the grass on the other side they think is so green is actually weeds, then a whole new approach might be taken and could be VERY helpful.

Rubbing it in that you have so many family members that you go somewhere new every single day for days is NOT, however, after someone shares their distress at barely having one family. It was rotten.

I am sorry I hurt your feelings, I really am. The thread, however, is not about being alone at Christmas. It is about being overwhelmed with family obligations. Please do not highjack it by forbidding mention of any strategies that people had to come up with because they have extraordinarily big families. If hearing about other people’s busy Christmas social calendars hurts your feelings, then please frequent other threads, so we can have this conversation without hurting you. Nobody wants to do that, but we do want to discuss the topic at hand, because in spite of what you seem to think it is a legitimate problem, and not an uncommon one.

 

[agapewolf]

I am sorry I hurt your feelings, I really am. The thread, however, is not about being alone at Christmas. It is about being overwhelmed with family obligations. Please do not highjack it by forbidding mention of any strategies that people had to come up with because they have extraordinarily big families. If hearing about other people’s busy Christmas social calendars hurts your feelings, then please frequent other threads, so we can have this conversation without hurting you. Nobody wants to do that, but we do want to discuss the topic at hand, because in spite of what you seem to think it is a legitimate problem, and not an uncommon one.

And it would have been fine, if it was a general entry. But it wasn’t.

You sent it as a response to me.

 

[maryjk]

And it would have been fine, if it was a general entry. But it wasn’t.

You sent it as a response to me.

The first line was addressed to you, as a response to you.

The rest was to the thread.

EasterJoy has apologized…

What more do you want?

 

[EasterJoy]

And it would have been fine, if it was a general entry. But it wasn’t.

You sent it as a response to me.

I meant the apology. I meant you no harm. I hope you’ll let the thread go forward, though.

 

[agapewolf]

The first line was addressed to you, as a response to you.

The rest was to the thread.

EasterJoy has apologized…

What more do you want?

I don’t want anything. I was explaining my position in response to her asking me not to hijack, which I was not doing.