Christmas materialsim

[LongingSoul]

I was at the mall today to buy some gifts since I am going to friends later.

The closer I become to God, the more disappointed I feel with the whole material aspect of Christmas. A store full of things, yet no one seems to be able to find the perfect gift

Honestly, I just find it sad

I would try and re-orient your perception to focus on the good. The very first Christians celebrated in a world that was uninvolved and even hostile towards the new faith. Capitalism in general is out of control but that’s a separate issue really.

Take a leaf from our book. We are not really the gross manky footed family of the village but to look at the presents we exchanged you’d think we were!

i15.photobucket.com/albums/a357/Trishyliz/Christmas%20gifts_zpsnzvrbhth.jpg

We’re all going to just buy each other shares in Scholl next year.

 

[pensmama87]

I would try and re-orient your perception to focus on the good. The very first Christians celebrated in a world that was uninvolved and even hostile towards the new faith. Capitalism in general is out of control but that’s a separate issue really.

Take a leaf from our book. We are not really the gross manky footed family of the village but to look at the presents we exchanged you’d think we were!

i15.photobucket.com/albums/a357/Trishyliz/Christmas%20gifts_zpsnzvrbhth.jpg

We’re all going to just buy each other shares in Scholl next year.

I bought everyone soap this year. It’s fancy, lovely soap, but I hope the recipients don’t interpret it to mean they smell!

Every year our kids get Duplos, and we also get the catalogue in the mail. It’s probably the only one I don’t recycle immediately because my kids love to look at it and imagine what they could build. To them it’s a picture book. I don’t think I’m encouraging them to be materialistic. In fact, their favorite part of today was presenting their grandparents with their gifts.

 

[Sarcelle]

We decided to avoid the mall and shop at locally owned stores or at our church’s Christmas bazaar. Today, we went to confession at the Shrine near our house and patronized their gift shop. I wanted to end Advent on a good note!

God bless and have a Merry and Holy Christmas.

This is what I miss. I used to shop for gifts from the local Christmas bazaar when I lived in Maui. There were a lot of talented craftsmen and crafts women there.

 

[1990Domer]

This is what I miss. I used to shop for gifts from the local Christmas bazaar when I lived in Maui. There were a lot of talented craftsmen and crafts women there.

Oh, I believe it! We were on vacation there this past summer and purchased gifts to bring home from a store that only sold items made by the locals. I love their quilts and their Ni’ihau shell leis (both luxuries). But we bought some awesome quilted placemats and napkins, candles and…well…chocolate!

We have tried to keep money in the community because our immediate area has been hard hit with layoffs from various pharmaceutical companies. We were affected, but thankfully my DH found a better job. The downside…a longer commute. Our school district is suffering and our church is in debt. So, if the money stays local, it’s a win for everybody.

 

[Xantippe]

I have to put in a little plug for materialism.

When I was a kid, my parents didn’t bother with a Christmas tree or home gift-giving.

There was a big spectacular extended family Christmas party (never on Christmas Day) at my grandma’s and a gift exchange, but if we were at home by ourselves on Christmas Day, we almost never did anything. I think that I was probably 12 or 13 before my parents bothered to have a tree. (And as it happened, there were probably literally hundreds of appropriately-sized trees on the farm–so it wasn’t as if they would have to buy one.)

Birthdays were essentially the same deal–have grandma do the heavy lifting, and mostly don’t bother with so much as a cake if she wasn’t around. Thank goodness for grandma!

Because of my family background, I am scrupulous about making sure that Christmas and birthdays are a big deal in our family.

 

[pianistclare]

I have to put in a little plug for materialism.

When I was a kid, my parents didn’t bother with a Christmas tree or home gift-giving.

There was a big spectacular extended family Christmas party (never on Christmas Day) at my grandma’s and a gift exchange, but if we were at home by ourselves on Christmas Day, we almost never did anything. I think that I was probably 12 or 13 before my parents bothered to have a tree. (And as it happened, there were probably literally hundreds of appropriately-sized trees on the farm–so it wasn’t as if they would have to buy one.)

Birthdays were essentially the same deal–have grandma do the heavy lifting, and mostly don’t bother with so much as a cake if she wasn’t around. Thank goodness for grandma!

Because of my family background, I am scrupulous about making sure that Christmas and birthdays are a big deal in our family.

Yup. It’s my experience that you don’t have to do anything flashy, but you do have to do something. Children know that their peers are having a special day. And if they don’t they want to know what’s wrong with them, that they don’t rate pretty paper and ribbons?

Good for you. Your children are indeed blessed to have a creative, thinking out of the box mama.

 

[Xantippe]

Yup. It’s my experience that you don’t have to do anything flashy, but you do have to do something. Children know that their peers are having a special day. And if they don’t they want to know what’s wrong with them, that they don’t rate pretty paper and ribbons?

Good for you. Your children are indeed blessed to have a creative, thinking out of the box mama.

Thank you!

It helps a lot that I’ve married into a family with a lot of ethnic Christmas traditions, so there’s a lot of stuff where I can just jump on board rather than having to make stuff up myself.

And you’re right that all you have to do is SOMETHING.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Call me crazy, but the mere fact that a person would like to criticize a person’s shopping habits or choice of gifts is more than a bit uncharitable and pretty presumptuous.
.

Yup. It’s my experience that you don’t have to do anything flashy, but you do have to do something. .

This is quite the mixed message. In one post you are accusing me of criticising people’s gift giving. Oblivious to the fact I am aware of the difference between gift giving and materialism. In the next post you are confirming my point it does not have to be materialistic to be a great thing to receive.

Honestly, sometimes I think for what ever reason you just want to criticize me.

 

[Anglewannabe]

I have to put in a little plug for materialism.

When I was a kid, my parents didn’t bother with a Christmas tree or home gift-giving.

There was a big spectacular extended family Christmas party (never on Christmas Day) at my grandma’s and a gift exchange, but if we were at home by ourselves on Christmas Day, we almost never did anything. I think that I was probably 12 or 13 before my parents bothered to have a tree. (And as it happened, there were probably literally hundreds of appropriately-sized trees on the farm–so it wasn’t as if they would have to buy one.)

Birthdays were essentially the same deal–have grandma do the heavy lifting, and mostly don’t bother with so much as a cake if she wasn’t around. Thank goodness for grandma!

Because of my family background, I am scrupulous about making sure that Christmas and birthdays are a big deal in our family.

Well, I am terribly sorry about how your parents handled events. And if I was in your shoes, I probably would feel the same way if I had kids.

And I suspect my mom was/is like you in the sense she wants her kids (me being one of them) to have it better than she did. However, now that I am an adult, I can see how as nice as the material things were at the time, there were still other things I could have used that don’t come in wrapping paper.

Don’t get me wrong, I am sure you give your kids plenty of love, I am not criticizing you

 

[Xantippe]

Well, I am terribly sorry about how your parents handled events. And if I was in your shoes, I probably would feel the same way if I had kids.

And I suspect my mom was/is like you in the sense she wants her kids (me being one of them) to have it better than she did. However, now that I am an adult, I can see how as nice as the material things were at the time, there were still other things I could have used that don’t come in wrapping paper.

Don’t get me wrong, I am sure you give your kids plenty of love, I am not criticizing you

Are there really so many parents who at the same time:

–don’t give anything material or make any effort to provide a festive Christmas experience (but could if they wanted to)

and

–are extremely affectionate and sensitive to the emotional needs of their children?

I think you are more likely to find that good parents give both and bad parents give neither. In both cases, it’s a question of making an effort, and a person who won’t make the minor effort of putting up a Christmas tree or providing a thoughtful gift is unlikely to think very hard about a child’s more complex emotional needs.

 

[EasterJoy]

I was at the mall today to buy some gifts since I am going to friends later.

The closer I become to God, the more disappointed I feel with the whole material aspect of Christmas. A store full of things, yet no one seems to be able to find the perfect gift

Honestly, I just find it sad

Maybe I didn’t read the thread carefully enough, but I still have no idea what sad thing you are seeing in the other shoppers at the mall you were shopping at that they couldn’t have been seeing in you. On what basis are you drawing a distinction between what they look like and what you are yourself, such that they are “sad” but you are only sad for them? I missed that, somewhere.

(For instance, sometimes a store is packed full of “things” but none of the “things” are available in XXL, which is the size of the recipient of the gift. Are you rolling your eyes because anyone looking for a selection in any size but S should know they ought to have been shopping before December 10th and not after the 22nd?)

 

[Xantippe]

And I suspect my mom was/is like you in the sense she wants her kids (me being one of them) to have it better than she did. However, now that I am an adult, I can see how as nice as the material things were at the time, there were still other things I could have used that don’t come in wrapping paper.

I thought about this a little more, and one thing that comes to mind is that some people genuinely do not have a lot to offer in terms of affection, personal warmth or social skill. A wrapped gift might genuinely be the extent of their ability to give.

Also, my big kids did a bunch of gift-giving this year, and gift-giving can definitely be an exercise in learning about and understanding the recipient and figuring out their needs, not to mention putting other people first and practicing sacrifice–figuring out and giving a good gift can be an exercise in love.

We can also see this with bad gifts (and we’ve all gotten bad gifts). You look at the thing and think, this person doesn’t know me AT ALL.

 

[jlc2k2]

True, but Love + Fairy Wings means that mom and dad say 'wow, what a beautiful fairy regardless of what the fairy wings look like. I didn’t see that advertised in a store.

I have a friend whose son LOVED dinosaurs. The company always put a brochure in the box. So every time her son got a dinosaur, he went through the brochure and asked for another dinosaur = Materialism

Love + Dinosaur > Love is when instead of a brochure, there is a pamphlet telling the parents how to play with their kid and the dinosaur

And how do you know the mom isn’t playing with her son and all the dinosaurs? Are you more saddened by people or the corporate advertising?

 

[Anglewannabe]

Maybe I didn’t read the thread carefully enough, but I still have no idea what sad thing you are seeing in the other shoppers at the mall you were shopping at that they couldn’t have been seeing in you. On what basis are you drawing a distinction between what they look like and what you are yourself, such that they are “sad” but you are only sad for them? I missed that, somewhere.

They maybe I didn’t word it right. I am sad because I see we live in the world of plenty as far as materialism goes, but not one of those things would bring me the happiness only Jesus could bring.

(For instance, sometimes a store is packed full of “things” but none of the “things” are available in XXL, which is the size of the recipient of the gift. Are you rolling your eyes because anyone looking for a selection in any size but S should know they ought to have been shopping before December 10th and not after the 22nd?)

If I saw a person who could not find the gift in the XXL size, I am thinking ‘Mary knows her friend Jane takes a size that is hard to find, yet Mary was so busy she could not get to the store until there were none left. How sad, Mary can’t give Jane what she wants to give her. How sad that all the other shirt will go to waste when Jane couldn’t even get one shirt’

 

[Anglewannabe]

And how do you know the mom isn’t playing with her son and all the dinosaurs? Are you more saddened by people or the corporate advertising?

Corporate advertising

 

[Anglewannabe]

I thought about this a little more, and one thing that comes to mind is that some people genuinely do not have a lot to offer in terms of affection, personal warmth or social skill. A wrapped gift might genuinely be the extent of their ability to give.

.

And that is what is sad. That people have so much baggage they can’t express love with sentiment. Trying to express love through material gift only never last in the long run

 

[LongingSoul]

And that is what is sad. That people have so much baggage they can’t express love with sentiment. Trying to express love through material gift only never last in the long run

One of the love languages is gift giving. It’s a way that some people most strongly convey and receive love from others. For others it is in words. You might be one of those. It’s about understanding that there are a lot of legitimate ways of giving and receiving love and trying to appreciate the sentiment as much as the action.

 

[jlc2k2]

And that is what is sad. That people have so much baggage they can’t express love with sentiment. Trying to express love through material gift only never last in the long run

How is this related to corporate advertising?

How do you know that people are ONLY expressing their love through materialism? Expressing love in non-material ways and buying things for people are not mutually exclusive.

 

[jlc2k2]

They maybe I didn’t word it right. I am sad because I see we live in the world of plenty as far as materialism goes, but not one of those things would bring me the happiness only Jesus could bring.

If I saw a person who could not find the gift in the XXL size, I am thinking ‘Mary knows her friend Jane takes a size that is hard to find, yet Mary was so busy she could not get to the store until there were none left. How sad, Mary can’t give Jane what she wants to give her. How sad that all the other shirt will go to waste when Jane couldn’t even get one shirt’

Yeeeaaaah. I was one of those late shoppers this year. You know why? I went straight from dealing with the physical aspects of my miscarriage to dealing with a stomach bug going through my whole family to a cold going through my whole family to finally trying to deal with the emotional fallout of my miscarriage on freaking Christmas Day. Shopping was late and I didn’t get the exact right thing for everyone but I did the best that I could. And I refuse to feel guilty about not doing more, better, and sooner.

 

[1990Domer]

I thought about this a little more, and one thing that comes to mind is that some people genuinely do not have a lot to offer in terms of affection, personal warmth or social skill. A wrapped gift might genuinely be the extent of their ability to give.

Also, my big kids did a bunch of gift-giving this year, and gift-giving can definitely be an exercise in learning about and understanding the recipient and figuring out their needs, not to mention putting other people first and practicing sacrifice–figuring out and giving a good gift can be an exercise in love.

We can also see this with bad gifts (and we’ve all gotten bad gifts). You look at the thing and think, this person doesn’t know me AT ALL.

You brought up a very good social skills lesson…which is often difficult for a kiddo like mine who has a rough time with social skills.

My MIL had a lot of trouble buying gifts for others because she would give things that she liked. And because she liked it, she assumed everyone else would like it too. DH and I actually came up with our own word for this behavior, because she would do this in other realms too (i.e., entertainment or dinner plans, etc). I think the concept is called Theory of Mind. Have you heard that term, Xantippe, used ever?