Christmas materialsim

[Anglewannabe]

Yeeeaaaah. I was one of those late shoppers this year. You know why? I went straight from dealing with the physical aspects of my miscarriage to dealing with a stomach bug going through my whole family to a cold going through my whole family to finally trying to deal with the emotional fallout of my miscarriage on freaking Christmas Day. Shopping was late and I didn’t get the exact right thing for everyone but I did the best that I could. And I refuse to feel guilty about not doing more, better, and sooner.

Good for you for not feeling guilty ! In my opinion, the fact that you even got gifts make you a saint. It proves my point. The malls in the store have an ambiance of materialism that you need to find the perfect gift. The reality that you had to put aside your emotional fallout for a few days is the real gift. You put others in front of you. You rock !

 

[Anglewannabe]

One of the love languages is gift giving. It’s a way that some people most strongly convey and receive love from others. For others it is in words. You might be one of those. It’s about understanding that there are a lot of legitimate ways of giving and receiving love and trying to appreciate the sentiment as much as the action.

Well, I probably am one of those people who expresses love in words. I come from a family that when I express hurt about being treated unfairly, instead of receive fair treatment, my allowance got raised. That hurt ! Always being ‘bought off’

 

[Xantippe]

You brought up a very good social skills lesson…which is often difficult for a kiddo like mine who has a rough time with social skills.

My MIL had a lot of trouble buying gifts for others because she would give things that she liked. And because she liked it, she assumed everyone else would like it too. DH and I actually came up with our own word for this behavior, because she would do this in other realms too (i.e., entertainment or dinner plans, etc). I think the concept is called Theory of Mind. Have you heard that term, Xantippe, used ever?

Yes–although Theory of Mind is a pretty broad category.

I would be embarrassed to say how long it took me to become a tolerable gift-giver.

 

[Xantippe]

Well, I probably am one of those people who expresses love in words. I come from a family that when I express hurt about being treated unfairly, instead of receive fair treatment, my allowance got raised. That hurt ! Always being ‘bought off’

That’s an interesting example of a “love language” fail.

 

[Anglewannabe]

That’s an interesting example of a “love language” fail.

umm… I would word it as ‘a hurtful love language bomb’

 

[1990Domer]

Yes–although Theory of Mind is a pretty broad category.

I would be embarrassed to say how long it took me to become a tolerable gift-giver.

You are right–it is broad. I was simply mentioning that I think this falls into this category. I may be wrong on that though.

Somehow I think you’re a better gift giver than you give yourself credit for. True story…the first year I was engaged, my MIL was convinced we all had to have sweatshirts with a special loved one on it. She gave me one with a picture of DH. He was so embarrassed to see his pic on the sweatshirt, he would only let me wear it to change the oil in our cars. We got a good chuckle from it (not in front of MIL).

 

[Xantippe]

You are right–it is broad. I was simply mentioning that I think this falls into this category. I may be wrong on that though.

Somehow I think you’re a better gift giver than you give yourself credit for. True story…the first year I was engaged, my MIL was convinced we all had to have sweatshirts with a special loved one on it. She gave me one with a picture of DH. He was so embarrassed to see his pic on the sweatshirt, he would only let me wear it to change the oil in our cars. We got a good chuckle from it (not in front of MIL).

I think you’re totally right about bad gift-giving falling under Theory of Mind.

The sweatshirt story is HILARIOUS (and cringe-y).

 

[1990Domer]

I think you’re totally right about bad gift-giving falling under Theory of Mind.

The sweatshirt story is HILARIOUS (and cringe-y).

Great adjectives!

 

[pianistclare]

This is quite the mixed message. In one post you are accusing me of criticising people’s gift giving. Oblivious to the fact I am aware of the difference between gift giving and materialism. In the next post you are confirming my point it does not have to be materialistic to be a great thing to receive.

Honestly, sometimes I think for what ever reason you just want to criticize me.

How ironic that you think others are doing it wrong, but no one else can think that you’re misreading people.

My point is that a scroogey post is never understood. It baffles and bothers everyone.

Your posts are always critical. Always.

I don’t get why you always are dissatisfied.
I won’t post on your threads if my opinions bug you. But you go out there with a finger pointing lead, and then get upset when people respond.

bye.

 

[EasterJoy]

They maybe I didn’t word it right. I am sad because I see we live in the world of plenty as far as materialism goes, but not one of those things would bring me the happiness only Jesus could bring.

If I saw a person who could not find the gift in the XXL size, I am thinking ‘Mary knows her friend Jane takes a size that is hard to find, yet Mary was so busy she could not get to the store until there were none left. How sad, Mary can’t give Jane what she wants to give her. How sad that all the other shirt will go to waste when Jane couldn’t even get one shirt’

The chances are that Jane will be big about it (so to speak), since Mary does so much for her all year 'round. Try not to worry about it too much.

And that is what is sad. That people have so much baggage they can’t express love with sentiment. Trying to express love through material gift only never last in the long run

Trying to get through your married life without buying your spouse or children any presents because it would be “materialism” doesn’t have a great track record, either. People who buy presents aren’t automatically incapacitated in the ability to express love with sentiment.

By the way, some people shop in the days just before Christmas not because they haven’t finished their Christmas shopping but because the prices have been slashed and sometimes a great deal can be found on those “sad” leftovers that weren’t attractive at full price.

My husband had a relative who would project these life histories onto people she saw passing by, and the family found it very amusing. She had no idea what she was talking about. She was just making up life stories that probably had nothing to do with reality.

 

[Xantippe]

Trying to get through your married life without buying your spouse or children any presents because it would be “materialism” doesn’t have a great track record, either. People who buy presents aren’t automatically incapacitated in the ability to express love with sentiment.

A friend once threatened her husband with divorce if he didn’t get her a Christmas gift. (Apparently, he had a poor record in this area.)

I can’t condone threats of divorce for peccadilloes, but I’ll just mention that as an example of the dangers of non-gift giving.

 

[EasterJoy]

A friend once threatened her husband with divorce if he didn’t get her a Christmas gift. (Apparently, he had a poor record in this area.)

I can’t condone threats of divorce for peccadilloes, but I’ll just mention that as an example of the dangers of non-gift giving.

Let’s just say that if you can’t be bothered to give gifts on the occasions when it is customary, you don’t give the impression that you are not a materialist. You give the impression that you are lazy, thoughtless, insensitive, ungrateful, or all of the above.

That doesn’t mean you have to come up with a physical thing as an offering on gift-giving occasions. You do have to make some gesture of generosity that shows how highly you value your relationships with certain persons in your life, some gesture that shows your need to show gratitude for their place in your life occupies more than a little of your internal CPU time.

 

[silver_moon]

My husband had a relative who would project these life histories onto people she saw passing by, and the family found it very amusing. She had no idea what she was talking about. She was just making up life stories that probably had nothing to do with reality.

Was she a (published or not) writer? That sounds like something a fiction writer would do. Make up life stories based on seeing strangers IRL and then use the stories to inspire her writing.

As far as the thread goes, I’ve seen several people complain online that money is tight and they won’t be able to shop until the last minute for some reason, such as the timing of paychecks. Some people may have wanted online help but others were probably truthful.

 

[mommy_k]

I agree with the op that malls condone and capitlize on the materialism of some and it is annoying.

A well thought out gift to bring happiness and joy to the receipient is great and I don’t think this was the tone of the thread at the start.

What is not great is that stores in the mall steer customers to overspending. Free gift with 90.00 purchase, or buy one get one free-lure people to get things just for the sake of getting them.

Also watch–how malls put up Christmas decorations the day after halloween-yet take them down a minute after new years day…perhaps they want to get Christmas out of the minds of customers with returns. Or put up valetines day decorations so they can sell you perfume–again-buy 90.00 and get the lotion free-spend 100.00 and we will throw in a tote bag. Ugh. I used to fall for this everytime.

 

[jlc2k2]

I agree with the op that malls condone and capitlize on the materialism of some and it is annoying.

A well thought out gift to bring happiness and joy to the receipient is great and I don’t think this was the tone of the thread at the start.

What is not great is that stores in the mall steer customers to overspending. Free gift with 90.00 purchase, or buy one get one free-lure people to get things just for the sake of getting them.

Also watch–how malls put up Christmas decorations the day after halloween-yet take them down a minute after new years day…perhaps they want to get Christmas out of the minds of customers with returns. Or put up valetines day decorations so they can sell you perfume–again-buy 90.00 and get the lotion free-spend 100.00 and we will throw in a tote bag. Ugh. I used to fall for this everytime.

I guess I just don’t see what’s so wrong about companies doing what they are designed to do - make money- as long as they are using ethical means to do so. I have a pay check because the corporation I work for makes money.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

They maybe I didn’t word it right. I am sad because I see we live in the world of plenty as far as materialism goes, but not one of those things would bring me the happiness only Jesus could bring.

Ah…so it is ok for you to be out at a mall on Christmas Eve because you understand what is really important in life. The other shoppers are just materialistic fools tricked by corporate advertising.

I agree with PianistClaire; you are always very critical of others. Last week it was “disgusting” proposals and this week its “materialistic” gift givers. You might be happier if you opened your heart to people you don’t know instead of approaching with harsh and uncharitable assumptions.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Ah…so it is ok for you to be out at a mall on Christmas Eve because you understand what is really important in life. The other shoppers are just materialistic fools tricked by corporate advertising. .

You are putting words in my mouth. I didn’t say other people should be at the mall. I said that we live in the world of plenty but that is not what buys happiness

I agree with PianistClaire; you are always very critical of others. Last week it was “disgusting” proposals and this week its “materialistic” gift givers. You might be happier if you opened your heart to people you don’t know instead of approaching with harsh and uncharitable assumptions.

There is a difference between the materialism ambience in the mall and materialistic gift givers. I never said gift givers are bad. If you read my post correctly, you will see that I find it sad that people can’t find what they need.

And yes, I stand by a public proposal being disgusting because there is such as thing is Too Much Information

 

[Irishmom2]

They maybe I didn’t word it right. I am sad because I see we live in the world of plenty as far as materialism goes, but not one of those things would bring me the happiness only Jesus could bring.

If I saw a person who could not find the gift in the XXL size, I am thinking ‘Mary knows her friend Jane takes a size that is hard to find, yet Mary was so busy she could not get to the store until there were none left. How sad, Mary can’t give Jane what she wants to give her. How sad that all the other shirt will go to waste when Jane couldn’t even get one shirt’

I don’t mean to be disrespectful, I just don’t understand the purpose of this thread. The title is Christmas materialism, but I don’t fully understand the point you are trying to make.

If Jesus brings you the happiness you need, why are you sad at all?

Why would other people’s so called “materialism” bother or concern you? Why does it make you sad that people want to buy thing/ gifts for their loved ones that they may have seen through the marketing efforts of the local mall, or the manufacturer? If it doesn’t manipulate or move you to buy, good for you.

But I fail to see how criticizing other people’s gifts, whether they are gift cards, or well planned or thought out purchases, dinosaurs with advertising included or butterfly wings is in the spirit of Christmas.

Be happy that your gifts are so perfect for everyone and not at all materialistic. You don’t know any of us really, but you sit in judgement of everyone that doesn’t agree with you.

 

[Anglewannabe]

I don’t mean to be disrespectful, I just don’t understand the purpose of this thread. The title is Christmas materialism, but I don’t fully understand the point you are trying to make.

If Jesus brings you the happiness you need, why are you sad at all? .

Because there is a strong pressure to find happiness from materialism (which just brings empty promises) instead of through Jesus

But I fail to see how criticizing other people’s gifts, whether they are gift cards, or well planned or thought out purchases, dinosaurs with advertising included or butterfly wings is in the spirit of Christmas…

I am not criticizing the choice of gifts. I am pointing out that unless there is love behind the gift, it is not as valuable.

Be happy that your gifts are so perfect for everyone and not at all materialistic. You don’t know any of us really, but you sit in judgement of everyone that doesn’t agree with you.

I fail to see how I am judging anyone. I am making a point that there is a strong pressure fueled by marketing to become materialistic. I don’t judge people’s motives when buying a gift.

 

[ela2]

I don’t mean to be disrespectful, I just don’t understand the purpose of this thread. The title is Christmas materialism, but I don’t fully understand the point you are trying to make.

If Jesus brings you the happiness you need, why are you sad at all?

Why would other people’s so called “materialism” bother or concern you? Why does it make you sad that people want to buy thing/ gifts for their loved ones that they may have seen through the marketing efforts of the local mall, or the manufacturer? If it doesn’t manipulate or move you to buy, good for you.

But I fail to see how criticizing other people’s gifts, whether they are gift cards, or well planned or thought out purchases, dinosaurs with advertising included or butterfly wings is in the spirit of Christmas.

Be happy that your gifts are so perfect for everyone and not at all materialistic. You don’t know any of us really, but you sit in judgement of everyone that doesn’t agree with you.

That’s what I thought …