Christmas - My brother and I almost got into a fist fight!

[LSK]

May I ask a question? If it is sounds off base, please forgive me…I mean no disrespect…

Was anyone drinking? Even a little bit?

Even if no one was drinking, you might want to look into the healing power of the 12 Steps as developed by AA…they are very similar in spirituality to the exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola…in fact, one of the most earliest of our benefactors was a wonderful Jesuit Priest by the name of Father Ed Dowling. He fell in love with AA because he saw such similarites between our program and the spiritual discipline of his order.

It is tough to do, and requires one to be really hard on one’s self, but it is worth it…and it may help you heal things with your brother.

Again, forgive me if I said anything to offend you by asking if anyone had had any liquor when all this started…

 

[JamesG]

LSK:

May I ask a question? If it is sounds off base, please forgive me…I mean no disrespect…

Was anyone drinking? Even a little bit?

Even if no one was drinking, you might want to look into the healing power of the 12 Steps as developed by AA…they are very similar in spirituality to the exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola…in fact, one of the most earliest of our benefactors was a wonderful Jesuit Priest by the name of Father Ed Dowling. He fell in love with AA because he saw such similarites between our program and the spiritual discipline of his order.

It is tough to do, and requires one to be really hard on one’s self, but it is worth it…and it may help you heal things with your brother.

Again, forgive me if I said anything to offend you by asking if anyone had had any liquor when all this started…

no drinking was required.

 

[LSK]

Ok…well, thank you for not being upset with my question. Sometimes liquor can be the fuel that starts a fire, so to speak, but not always.

The steps I mentioned deal with what we refer to as a ‘fearless and thorough moral inventory’. You sound, from your posts, to be a man who is not in the least bit afraid of doing one of those so I hope I don’t sound condenscending when I describe the processs. For Catholics, we are used to really doing this on a regular basis when we examine our consciences before receiving the Sacrament of Reconcilliation. However, the steps - in particular the 4th step - has the person do it in a much deeper way, and in a way that allows for a minute examination of how those in our lives affect us, cause us problems, or just plain puzzle the heck out of us by their reaction to us. It helps us to look thoroughly at how we might have, even unwittingly, set things in motion with a thoughtless act, or word or even with a misconstrued non-action. It takes a lot of writing, and it is best to do it under the guidance of a spiritual director, but if you could get ahold of the book Alcoholics Anonymous it will outline how to do a fourth step and then you could do the fifth step with your priest.

It’s just an idea…my prayers are with you…

 

[JamesG]

LSK:

It helps us to look thoroughly at how we might have, even unwittingly, set things in motion with a thoughtless act, or word or even with a misconstrued non-action.

regardless of any fault of my own the fact remains that things had to be set in motion this christmas. It just had to be done. As I said before I think that satan had to be drawn out.

 

[LSK]

Well, give it a try…you might learn something about yourself that you could use to fight the evil one the next time his smoke shows up in the room!

 

[Celia]

JamesG:

I am totally ready to forgive him on all levels. I even offered my appologies to him in every way I could during that conversaion but he did not accept any of it. He is bring up something that happened during the past almost 10 years ago. I can’t even remember the situation myself. The fact is he has no respect for me and he is content with being abusive and insulting.

Aww. I’m sorry. And I’ve totally been there. It’s a tough situation to be in. My sister wouldn’t speak to me for two months once and I had to be the one to end the whole thing even though she was the one that screamed at me and called me an ungrateful selfish brat…Dad’s favorite…etc.

Sometimes you just have to be the bigger person and ignore it, clench your teeth and move on. Which is what it sounds like you’re doing, so I applaud that. Right now I just have realized that until she grows up, our conversations will have to be polite and simple and no more interesting than if it’s going to rain tomorrow. It sucks, because, you want a good,close relationship with your sibling, but you have to accept that they are in a different place than you mentally and emotionally and deal with it the best you can. I’m glad you’ve forgiven him. Now you just have to wait for him. I mean, maybe now that he’s let out the feelings he had pent up, he’ll calm down and realize how he needs to handle his jealousy or whatever it is that he has issues with with you.

I really wish you the best of luck with your brother and I’ll say a prayer for your family.

 

[Black_Jaque]

Hang in there.

Is there anything that the two of you enjoy doing together?

Stupid as it sounds, it helps to share a fun activity. My brother and I love to go to the shooting range and shoot pop cans and such. Strange as it may seem but those silly outtings have come to mean a lot to me.

Also, I’ve learned that sometime loving someone means fighting/arguing with them. You’ve got to get a feel for the boundaries though. As a brother you know better than anyone else how far you can push him. That’s when you back off. Avoid that line where you know he will break off all contact with you. Other than that, everything else is fair play.

Sometimes acting all magnanimous (sp?) is the wrong thing to do. If it is just an act it comes off as hoity-toity, and makes your brother feel inferior. If he truly mattered to you, then the things he says and does should carry the power to hurt you. Let him know it.