Christmas - should I go with my family to another service?

[saramichelle6]

My husband and I are the only Catholics in my extended family. We will be visiting them in Texas for Christmas this year. They are currently all attending a Baptist church, and everyone is basically expected to go to Christmas Eve services together.

They don’t approve of our Catholic faith (though have never been outwardly mean or rude about it), but I don’t know if I want to go to Christmas Eve services in their church. I also don’t want to “rock the boat” and would miss my family at church if only my husband and I were to find a Catholic church at which to attend Christmas Eve Mass.

Do I go to Mass on Christmas Eve or just go with the flow and stick with my family for a different service?

 

[JonNC]

My husband and I are the only Catholics in my extended family. We will be visiting them in Texas for Christmas this year. They are currently all attending a Baptist church, and everyone is basically expected to go to Christmas Eve services together.

They don’t approve of our Catholic faith (though have never been outwardly mean or rude about it), but I don’t know if I want to go to Christmas Eve services in their church. I also don’t want to “rock the boat” and would miss my family at church if only my husband and I were to find a Catholic church at which to attend Christmas Eve Mass.

Do I go to Mass on Christmas Eve or just go with the flow and stick with my family for a different service?

What is your requirement as a Catholic for Christmas Eve Mass? If you are required to attend Mass, then go to Mass. It isn’t rocking the boat, it is being faithful to your Catholic faith.

Jon

 

[Fone_Bone_2001]

My husband and I are the only Catholics in my extended family. We will be visiting them in Texas for Christmas this year. They are currently all attending a Baptist church, and everyone is basically expected to go to Christmas Eve services together.

They don’t approve of our Catholic faith (though have never been outwardly mean or rude about it), but I don’t know if I want to go to Christmas Eve services in their church. I also don’t want to “rock the boat” and would miss my family at church if only my husband and I were to find a Catholic church at which to attend Christmas Eve Mass.

Do I go to Mass on Christmas Eve or just go with the flow and stick with my family for a different service?

You can go to their Christmas Eve service; there’s nothing wrong with that.

It wouldn’t fulfill your obligation to go to Mass on Christmas (or Christmas Eve), though, so you should plan on attending Mass as well.

Plenty of websites exist to help Catholics find Catholic churches in any part of the world:

www.masstimes.org

www.parishesonline.com

www.thecatholicdirectory.com

 

[Catholic1954]

Call ahead to their area and find a Catholic Church that offers Christmas Day Mass at a time that would be good for you to attend. You can still attend the Baptist service the night before, but Christmas is a Holy Day of Obligation (plus it falls on Sunday this year) and you still need to go. Have a lovely visit and maybe you can invite some of his relatives to go to Mass with you.

 

[SecretGarden]

You can do what Catholic1954 suggests or you can also do what I am planning on doing. My family is Protestant so we are going to two different Christmas Eve services. There is a 7pm Catholic mass at my church and a 10pm service at my parent’s church.

Look around and see if maybe your family would be willing to attend both churches in the evening. Most Catholic churches where I live have a 7pm as well as a 9 or 10pm mass which makes it possible to do both. The Protestant churches’s services generally start at 7 or 8pm so you might be ok. That way, you can show your devotion to both your family as well as the Catholic church.

 

[15thClub]

I must confess that your challenge kinda sorta sticks in my craw as a former Protestant. First, you should not think or feel bad at all. Your family has placed an unspoken request for you and your husband (and “seasoned” it with a bit of unjustified ambivalence) to attend a Baptist Christmas Eve Service in order to maintain family integrity. OK…fine. Christmas Eve and/or Christmas are Days of Obligation. Sooo…politely inform whoever needs to be informed that you’ll gladly (and looking forward to) join the whole family at Baptist Christmas Eve service but once again, politely make it plain that you will also attend Christmas Mass as early as possible. Now if that means the little ones have to wait until you and your husband get home from Mass to open the presents, then “that’s life in the big bad city.” It seems to me that you and your husband are more than sensitive to your family and a little reciprocity is certainly justified. You don’t owe them a reason or an apology. In spite of whatever reaction you get, deep down, I’m willing to bet that you’ll be respected more for your convictions and actions. Good luck!

 

[Robert_in_SD]

I must confess that your challenge kinda sorta sticks in my craw as a former Protestant. First, you should not think or feel bad at all. Your family has placed an unspoken request for you and your husband (and “seasoned” it with a bit of unjustified ambivalence) to attend a Baptist Christmas Eve Service in order to maintain family integrity. OK…fine. Christmas Eve and/or Christmas are Days of Obligation. Sooo…politely inform whoever needs to be informed that you’ll gladly (and looking forward to) join the whole family at Baptist Christmas Eve service but once again, politely make it plain that you will also attend Christmas Mass as early as possible. Now if that means the little ones have to wait until you and your husband get home from Mass to open the presents, then “that’s life in the big bad city.” It seems to me that you and your husband are more than sensitive to your family and a little reciprocity is certainly justified. You don’t owe them a reason or an apology. In spite of whatever reaction you get, deep down, I’m willing to bet that you’ll be respected more for your convictions and actions. Good luck!

I agree. My wife and I go through a similar experience when visiting her family back east. She is a convert to Catholicism, and her family attends a protestant church for Christmas and Easter services. Luckily, the Catholic Church is less than a block away, and we usally end up running from one to the other on Christmas and Easter.

Peace,
Robert

 

[FromTheAshes777]

I think this answer by Fr. Serpa is very applicable in your situation

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=623830

 

[15thClub]

One last point if I may. Speaking as a two time loser at being a Protestant, I can speak from experience about the abject ignorance of Protestant churches when it comes to the Catholic faith. The result of course is that such ignorance produces responses in Protestants that range from well mannered passive aggressive tolerance to well…let’s not go there. I am fortunate to have an older sister who is Baptist. A wonderful woman indeed. So, for Christmas, I sent her and her family the 10 series DVD set on Catholicism by Father Barron and Word on Fire. I have of course commented on this on other boards that ‘Catholicism’ is an absolute masterpiece and well worth the $$$. Along with the gift, I sent a Christmas card and on the envelope I wrote, "open card and gift together please.’ Inside the card was a note that began, “I’m trying to prevent a religious war in the family…as such my request.” Her husband’s side of the family are staunch evangelicals. I have several purposes in giving that gift and none of them include conversion…that’s for someone else to accomplish if “the Spirit so moves.” First, I think ‘Catholicism’ is a great work for anyone to watch who is either curious or interested in the RCC. The series is shot all over the world, principally in Europe, US, Israel, India, Uganda, Mexico, and Brazil. Father Barron lays out the principal bases of the Catholic faith taking one subject per series. He presents the Church, makes and defends each argument and does so without criticism of the Protestant movement, Islam, Buddhism etc. I think most Protestants would agree in Series# 1,2,&3. There will probably be mild to absolute disagreement in the other seven episodes. But at least, the facts are before Protestants so that if they want to disagree, they have the facts on which to disagree rather than hear the half baked rumors from their pastor’s sermon or another church member who “didn’t feel saved” as a Catholic. Since I do not know your family, I have no idea what type of response you would get if you were to give ‘Catholicism’ as a gift this Christmas or at a later date. I know my sister and family will enjoy this series and I conveyed to them in my note to them that i had no intention to convert them, but if they wish to disagree in spite of the facts, they’ll know what they are REALLY disagreeing with. God Bless and Merry Christmas!

 

[Candlepower]

My husband and I are the only Catholics in my extended family. We will be visiting them in Texas for Christmas this year. They are currently all attending a Baptist church, and everyone is basically expected to go to Christmas Eve services together.

They don’t approve of our Catholic faith (though have never been outwardly mean or rude about it), but I don’t know if I want to go to Christmas Eve services in their church. I also don’t want to “rock the boat” and would miss my family at church if only my husband and I were to find a Catholic church at which to attend Christmas Eve Mass.

I think the whole mass obligation thing is absurd, but if it’s what you need to do to be true to your faith, then I would do so. I will tell you that my parents are Catholic and they will attend our church every so often for Christmas and other times and they will not obstain from anything, communion included. God is God and at some point we all have to realize that pride gets involved and it turns into splitting hairs.

 

[chuckfrmvalyfrg]

I think the whole mass obligation thing is absurd, but if it’s what you need to do to be true to your faith, then I would do so. I will tell you that my parents are Catholic and they will attend our church every so often for Christmas and other times and they will not obstain from anything, communion included. God is God and at some point we all have to realize that pride gets involved and it turns into splitting hairs.

You think the Mass obligation is absurd ? Based on what , your whim or opinion ? God wants to be worshipped within a community of believers . Does "ACNA " mean you are Anglican ? If you are , I find it ironic you invoke " pride " . What was Henry’s behavior motivated ( at least in part ) by ?

 

[Candlepower]

You think the Mass obligation is absurd ? Based on what , your whim or opinion ? God wants to be worshipped within a community of believers . Does "ACNA " mean you are Anglican ? If you are , I find it ironic you invoke " pride " . What was Henry’s behavior motivated ( at least in part ) by ?

I wasn’t looking for a fight or an uncharitable and unwarranted response. I simply stated my opinion. I’m not really interested in trying to untangle a web you have obviously weaved in your mind about my church because it obviously won’t change your opinion.

 

[puzzleannie]

Do I go to Mass on Christmas Eve or just go with the flow and stick with my family for a different service?

Since this is one of the few times the family can be together in a religious setting that acknowledges the parts of the Christian faith you all share, do attend with them if possible, but that of course does not lessen your obligation to also attend Catholic Mass on Christmas eve or day as well. It may take some planning and logistics but it can be done almost anywhere in the US.

How do the times and transporation work out?
No matter how uncordial they are about your faith, I can think of no family who truly love you who would object to your taking one hour out of the weekend to honor your own religious commitment, and precisely because there are objections, it is more important, for you, your kids, and your other family, to make the point of going to Mass. It will actually strengthen rather than weaken your position with them.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

You must go to Mass. You can chose to also go to services with your family. Start now to find mass times at nearby parishes. Then call your mom and ask about the plans for Saturday evening and Sunday morning, pick the mass time that is least likely to conflict with family plans. That may mean you get up Sunday morning for the 7am Mass, or it may mean going to Mass instead of services at their church. You say, “You all will be at First Baptist until 10pm, right? Great, so dh and I will met you back at the house at about 10:30” and then off to Mass you go.

 

[zz912]

One point that hasn’t been mentioned. I would speak with them before attending that you won’t be able to partake of the Lord’s Supper at the Baptist church if they have it. You can explain in a calm setting without a scene and they will be prepared beforehand. I think it will help with the difficulties and also make sure they are not taking offense unnecessarily out of ignorance of your inability to celebrate Communion other than in a Catholic Church.

 

[Michael1978]

I wasn’t looking for a fight or an uncharitable and unwarranted response. I simply stated my opinion. I’m not really interested in trying to untangle a web you have obviously weaved in your mind about my church because it obviously won’t change your opinion.

So, you don’t want to pick a fight, but you refer to a tenant of our faith as “absurd”? That’s certainly a bizarre way to avoid an argument.

 

[Matthew_Holford]

My husband and I are the only Catholics in my extended family. We will be visiting them in Texas for Christmas this year. They are currently all attending a Baptist church, and everyone is basically expected to go to Christmas Eve services together.

They don’t approve of our Catholic faith (though have never been outwardly mean or rude about it), but I don’t know if I want to go to Christmas Eve services in their church. I also don’t want to “rock the boat” and would miss my family at church if only my husband and I were to find a Catholic church at which to attend Christmas Eve Mass.

Do I go to Mass on Christmas Eve or just go with the flow and stick with my family for a different service?

First, I would remind you of your obligation to go to Mass. You may fulfil the obligation on the evening/night of 24th December or on 25th December. You could go to Mass and the Baptist service. If you have to make a choice it must be Mass.

 

[rinnie]

My husband and I are the only Catholics in my extended family. We will be visiting them in Texas for Christmas this year. They are currently all attending a Baptist church, and everyone is basically expected to go to Christmas Eve services together.

They don’t approve of our Catholic faith (though have never been outwardly mean or rude about it), but I don’t know if I want to go to Christmas Eve services in their church. I also don’t want to “rock the boat” and would miss my family at church if only my husband and I were to find a Catholic church at which to attend Christmas Eve Mass.

Do I go to Mass on Christmas Eve or just go with the flow and stick with my family for a different service?

Well here is the thing, you CAN go with your Family and keep peace. But you MUST fulfill your obligation in the Catholic Church also.

SO you can go either twice on Christmas Eve or once CE and ONCE Christmas day.

 

[pat_mc_1]

My husband and I are the only Catholics in my extended family. We will be visiting them in Texas for Christmas this year. They are currently all attending a Baptist church, and everyone is basically expected to go to Christmas Eve services together.

They don’t approve of our Catholic faith (though have never been outwardly mean or rude about it), but I don’t know if I want to go to Christmas Eve services in their church. I also don’t want to “rock the boat” and would miss my family at church if only my husband and I were to find a Catholic church at which to attend Christmas Eve Mass.

Do I go to Mass on Christmas Eve or just go with the flow and stick with my family for a different service?

Just remember either way you have to go to Mass, Christmas is on Sunday this year. And anywho Christmas is a holy day of obligation still isnt it? I really cant tell anymore it seems like there was only 3 this year.

 

[saramichelle6]

Thanks for your thoughts, everyone.

DH and I ended up going to the Baptist service with my family. It was…interesting. I tried to go with an open heart (one that wasn’t judge\mental) and remember that these people also have good intentions.

The church holds 8,000 people and it was VERY full. There were lots of cameras sweeping over the crowd and showing it on the screens at the front. At one point during the sermon, the pastor actually brought up Obama and nuclear war with Iran. Somewhat offputting.

DH and I then found a Catholic church a few miles away and got my parents to go with us to Mass that evening (yay!). It was such a comfort to know the order of the Mass and receive Eucharist.

Happy New Year everyone!