Christmas, young adult children, and tough love

[SamH]

Given that I also have no adult children and may be way off, it seems to me this is easier said than done. If your kids go along with it, easy-peasy. If they refuse, then the question is, how far are you willing to go? Refuse to give them Christmas gifts? Refuse to help finance post-secondary education, or tell them to live elsewhere? Cut them off from you as if they were dead?

All of these things could be done, and have been done. What would be right to do, or what as a parent you would be willing to do, is a different question.

One thing I have learned from young kids - don’t start battles you can’t win (in the big picture sense as well as the immediate sense), and don’t threaten consequences you aren’t willing to carry out if required.

You treat them like adults. Unless they are working in a “family” business no parent owes their adult child a secondary education, or presents, or easy living arrangements. The OP is only asking for the basic respect that any parent would want and the child isn’t willing to give it. The child is completely free to go about their independent life style and its only fair that the child also finance it.

People might tolerate a life style that they apposed, but don’t ask them to support it. Especially when an example needs to be set for the younger children still living in the home.