Chronically unhappy husband - venting

[ac_claire]

*Not necessarily. Not all women who are in abusive relationships, call it that, until years into the marriage, or relationship. Sometimes, it’s hard to envision that the person you love is ‘abusive,’ depressed sounds better. Not saying that Margie’s husband is abusive, we have no idea, we don’t live with them. I am just commenting to your suggestion that she would ‘know it,’ if he was. Not neccessarily, is all I’m saying. *

Sure. In itself, (ie: outside the context of this thread and the OP) I think that’s obviously true and I would agree with you.

 

[ExDeoVita]

Nick Synko has been on CAL shows a number of times. I believe his firm specializes in career placement or re-placement to help individuals find careers that are fulfilling based on the traits God has given them. He runs seminars, and has more info. on his website, provided you husband is open to this. The CAL show, available to listen to below describes his work on the topic of: How to Integrate Career, Faith and Life’

catholic.com/radio/event.php?calendar=1&category=&event=4187&date=2006-07-28

His website:
careersthroughfaith.com/ctfhomepage.html

Finding a good career that he likes may not solve all the issues, but I bet it will solve a lot. Also, in general I believe the true way to find happiness and be happy despite ourselves if by giving ourselves as a gift to others. Thus, if you could get your husband in with a charity-based group that may help (helps one focus less on themselves and more on the plights of others which in most cases are much worse than our own) This helps one redirect their attention from themselves to others - which is key to true happiness in all vocations.

 

[chevalier]

First, whatever I say, you must take with the understanding that I’m a 26 year old lawyer that behaves a like 40+ old man. According to the standard dictionary, lawyer is a person who talks much about things he doesn’t know a dime about.

So… I generally think the idea that such distress comes from unresolved traumas from childhood is generally right. Until you let go of all the grudges about how bad people treated you when you were a child, you can’t move on, grow up etc. It was like that with me for a long time. Doesn’t have to be childhood, actually, sometimes it’s career things, changes to one’s body or some other changes affecting the person.

And then, sometimes things like lack of sun or bad diet or lack of eating can make you feel miserable. Maybe it doesn’t affect everyone, but I surely can tell you about the difference before jolly two sandwiches with peanut butter (or something equally cheerful) and after. Sometimes one’s just angry (well, this is an exaggeration, but let’s say worked up) merely because one hasn’t eaten for a while. And then some people wither like plants when they see no sun.

Spiritual troubles can also have that effect - scrupples are a horrible headache inducer.

Guess the hints generally add up well enough to prove that some kind of biochemical, hormonal, whatever such kind of imbalance can generally make one feel miserable. As for the spiritual part, I’d rather not go there. I’m not qualified.

 

[whatevergirl]

*26 going on 40+?



You make me laugh, chev. lol*

 

[chevalier]

26 going on 40+?



You make me laugh, chev. lol

RealAge said 44 when I was 22 or 23, IIRC. It asked some mean questions.

 

[dulcissima]

Well…Margie didn’t say anything about him being “abusive.” As a full-grown adult, I think that if abuse was an issue here, she would know it. In my opinion it’s one of those things that should be clear…You shouldn’t have to rack your brain and thoughtfully consider the situation to see if he’s being “abusive”. And if a person does jump to that conclusion, based on a vague idea planted like a seed by someone on a message board, what possible help is that going to be to her situation…?

Margie said she was going to try some of the practical advice she received here to try and improve the situation/relationship, so I encourage her to do that and pray it works for them.

I didn’t declare her husband abusive, I asked her for more information. I was thinking it was possible that there is more going on here than just depression since she talks about walking on eggshells, being isolated from others, and being made to feel like his feelings are her fault due to her employment situation. When you view that with the knowledge that he is an adult child of an alcoholic, it doesn’t seem like a stretch to consider there could be something more going on here than just depression. If we are only giving her advice based on treating of depression, it could fall short. Again, I was merely asking for more information.

 

[mrpathetic]

I am almost hesitant to take this “realage” test. It will probably tell me that I am 44 years old, going on 90.

I don’t know how much faith to put into these tests. First off, are they specific enough to handle each person who is taking the test? Almost certainly not - unless the test is 50 pages long.

 

[Julie_L]

I do work and make a very decent hourly wage even though part time (union) so I contribute a large amount financially. Without a college degree this is the best I can do and am lucky to have the position while it lasts.

He is stressed financially however in this economy being employed is a blessing. He does face the possibility of layoff but who doesn’t ?

We are basically loners, don’t socialize at all. My husband has an inferiority issue with those who are better off financially. That has kept us from making friends. He does play golf with one guy he worked with occasionally but has no other friends. He has twin brothers 2 years younger than himself, that was his friend base growing up but now they hardly see each other and when they do it is just conflict, creates stress and not worth it.

As far as Catholic community - non-existent here. I am on parish council, he is a Knight but his council just gambles, no service or spiritual work happening there.

Retreats in this area are so liberal and whacky, you would not believe it. He used to make ana nnual men’s retreat until it got so wacky he could not do it anymore.

This sounds a lot like my husband, though we have not been married as long or gone through as much. But he acts just like what you say your husband does and says. I have tried very little in the past. But now that our kids are old enough to travel. I have started planning short trips. My husband always says he wishes we would go more places… then when we plan something he doesn’t want to go… (you know the pattern?) But I ignore his mood, and encourage my happier mood and we go. Guess what… he has fun! This has helped his mood. Even though it’s for a short time. But it gives him something new to talk about at work, and around my family and he feels like he “DID” something. And I think the lasting effects help him more than he realizes. It makes him feel proud. Then I print out pictures of all the happy faces and post them in the house, give him is fav’s for his desk at work. Hopefully this helps surround him with “Happy” memories.

Just an idea.
Jules