Church bullies

  • Thread starter Thread starter RedBasket
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
R

RedBasket

Guest
I have a concern, and not sure how to handle it. A lady at church is a bully. She butts in at Bible study, shes angry that I didn’t choose her for my Sponsor when I was baptised in March, she is mean to her mother in law who is 86, shes tried to start fights with me at Bible study. She cornered me. I LOVE her mother in law, but said woman says don’t talk to her mother in law that her mil is a gossip, but the only one I hear gossiping is her. This afternoon after Mass, I was chatting with her mil (very hard of hearing) and one more lady in the sanctuary, and asked, Are we supposed to be chatting in here? and then we got quiet, and were about to leave, and here comes the first lady I was referencing, and shushes us, after we were about to exit the sanctuary. I quit going to Bible study and Sunday coffee, just to stay away from her, but she’s everywhere. Have a feeling to ask her what’s the point of her going to church so much and shes so mean, but that doesnt feel right. How do I handle a church bully? Sigh. Im at a loss.
 
Bullies are everywhere ,and I mean EVERYWHERE !!
that Lady seems entrenched in the Church ,might need a bulldozer to shift her,
If you can’t work around her,is it possible you start an alternitive group in which all involved are of your opinion ? It might seem devicive ,but perhaps it’s a way to avoid her
 
RedBasket said:
I have a concern, and not sure how to handle it. A lady at church is a bully. She butts in at Bible study, shes angry that I didn’t choose her for my Sponsor when I was baptised in March, she is mean to her mother in law who is 86, shes tried to start fights with me at Bible study. She cornered me. I LOVE her mother in law, but said woman says don’t talk to her mother in law that her mil is a gossip, but the only one I hear gossiping is her. This afternoon after Mass, I was chatting with her mil (very hard of hearing) and one more lady in the sanctuary, and asked, Are we supposed to be chatting in here? and then we got quiet, and were about to leave, and here comes the first lady I was referencing, and shushes us, after we were about to exit the sanctuary. I quit going to Bible study and Sunday coffee, just to stay away from her, but she’s everywhere. Have a feeling to ask her what’s the point of her going to church so much and shes so mean, but that doesnt feel right. How do I handle a church bully? Sigh. Im at a loss.
Click to expand...
Why do you think you have to “handle” her? Your last sentences seem very accusatory and judgemental, and in these cases silence and prayer are always best. Disengage, stand away.
 
phil_at_dayboro said:
Bullies are everywhere ,and I mean EVERYWHERE !!
that Lady seems entrenched in the Church ,might need a bulldozer to shift her,
If you can’t work around her,is it possible you start an alternitive group in which all involved are of your opinion ? It might seem devicive ,but perhaps it’s a way to avoid her
Click to expand...
Ouch and yes, very divisive and damaging to the spirit of Church . Cliques and sections…
 
Don’t engage with her - if she comes up telling you what to do, just smile and walk away.
 
Oh, trust me, I feel your pain. I’m surrounded by several such people in my own parish. I can’t imagine what pain they have been subjected to, what challenges they face, that push them to act as they do.

Do not let anyone run you out of your parish. You have as much right to be there as everybody else does.

Be kind, no matter what sort of treatment you get in return. Do not be confrontational or accusatory. It will get you nowhere. You are not required to include her in all your activities, nor should you seek to ostracize her.

Pray for this lady in the hopes she may have a change of heart, but also pray for the grace to see her as God sees her despite her poor behavior towards you.

You are both in my prayers. God bless.
 
We all have had parish experiences with parishioners that leave a bad taste in our mouths. In my parish we had screaming matches and broken plates thrown across the kitchen over when the Priest would give his welcoming speech at a Parish breakfast for new members.
I have had a prayer Nazis running an Easter prayer group who cut a mentally affected member from saying a prayer at the communal meeting. I have seen people cut off all contact with others because she wanted to cut the tomatoes whilst the group leader who runs the catering unit for weddings and functions at the Church function rooms insisted she had that under control with tomatoes brought in cut already. I love Christians. They keep their status as sinners on their sleeves, tomatoes across their dresses and shards of crockery in their hair.
All we can do is show kindness to the ones hurt in such exchanges without getting into a judgement situation where you become part of the problem. Pray for the bullies that they are shown their folly. But be gentle as they often wear the white enameled name tags I have so often spoken about. Such people often need the most compassion.
 
I have Aspergers, and I can sometimes be mistaken for being rude. Generally though, if I am being rude, there’s a reason and I know I am being rude. As a result, I try to go out of me way NOT to be rude (although I slip up often if I am very tired). If I were you, I’d just out and out ask what was going on. Be kind though. Sometimes, people are only hard on the outside because they were hurt on the inside.
 
Ya, not buying the “Ive been hurt, I dont know what Im doing” angle. Cant even begin to know what Father goes through. Ive seen his reaction with certain people. And to the “handling her” comment, you WILL back off. Do not twist my words. I was referring to handling this. Not her. Her I avoid, lol…it us kinda funny, the thought of her being a control freak. Shes very small. And Paul went through this too in the early church, and he did indeed HANDLE it 😁
 
The way to handle bullies depends on your personality.

I personally find using the phrases “excuse me” and" thank you"To be very effective.
If someone shush you, say excuse me, I am talking…and so on…if they try and make you move, say thank you, we are ok. If they are forceful, say–seriously?
If she tells you not to talk to her mil, say thank you for your feedback and keep talking to whoever you like.

By doing this, in a polite way, you are making her opinion less important.
 
I agree, do not let her run you out of your parish or any meeting or groups you attend.

If she directs some kind of bullying comment at you, I would just calmly say to her: “I did nothing to provoke you. I would appreciate you not speaking to me like that again.”

And then, I would walk away, or turn away.

Part of the reason she is able to be a bully is because so many people have given her the power to do so. I would make it clear that she is not to speak to me (or anyone else in the group at that moment) like that.
 
Thank you MommyK and IrishMom. Those are excellent suggestions. I may try Bible study again. Theres another lady at Bible study who kind of takes over discussions, but shes a kind person. Just talks a lot ;). Its just that Im so new, and getting a feel for everything. Once, at a First Friday coffee after Mass, a lady came up to me, and sniffed me her last name. Yes, I said sniffed. She married into a well known family, and this is a smaaaaall town. Immediately, a mental pic of Cruella Deville pops in my head (101 Dalmations), and it was all I could do to keep a straight face, lol…oh, this will be fun, I can already tell, lol…I am Irish :o. No worries about flying plates. Quit doing that when I was 12 😊
 
RedBasket said:
I have a concern, and not sure how to handle it. A lady at church is a bully. She butts in at Bible study, shes angry that I didn’t choose her for my Sponsor when I was baptised in March, she is mean to her mother in law who is 86, shes tried to start fights with me at Bible study. She cornered me. I LOVE her mother in law, but said woman says don’t talk to her mother in law that her mil is a gossip, but the only one I hear gossiping is her. This afternoon after Mass, I was chatting with her mil (very hard of hearing) and one more lady in the sanctuary, and asked, Are we supposed to be chatting in here? and then we got quiet, and were about to leave, and here comes the first lady I was referencing, and shushes us, after we were about to exit the sanctuary. I quit going to Bible study and Sunday coffee, just to stay away from her, but she’s everywhere. Have a feeling to ask her what’s the point of her going to church so much and shes so mean, but that doesnt feel right. How do I handle a church bully? Sigh. Im at a loss.
Click to expand...
I met a Catholic somewhat like that many many years ago, an Irish woman. Unfortunately I’m not very good at handling people like this. Perhaps you can chalk it up to not being of the same culture and ethnicity, but still, I think back to it and I still wouldn’t really know.
 
So much anger… gave that up decades ago; far too wearing

“where there is hatred let me sow love…”
 
Is there a way to block on this website? Love that option on Facebook. Cuts arguments short.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top