Church is asking $500 for an annulment!

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whatevergirl said:
I didn’t realize that–I don’t know much about annulments myself…I thought I was being lumped in with the ignorant group–although, it wouldn’t be far off.😊 Thank you for clarifying what you meant! It’s strange being a cradle Catholic and just finding out about a lot of these things NOW!:o
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Not surprising since annulments weren’t exactly supper table topics of conversation in Catholic households until recent years. In the village where I grew up the first time I heard about an annulment (early to mid 70s) was that of a couple whose fairy tale wedding ceremony I’d attended, albeit only as part of the parish community, about 10 years earlier. Pregnant rich merchant’s daughter, farmer’s son – could there be better poster children for annulments?

Today I know many people who petitioned for and were granted decrees of nullity. In my small parish now (~450 families) it’s surprising the number of that are granted – but then the number of divorces is a lot higher. Not everyone can be bothered to petition for a decree of nullity and many can’t be bothered to ‘jump through hoops’ to remarry in the church so they just have a civil marriage.
 
As someone who was not Catholic, and was divorced, who met a wonderful friend who was Catholic, the annulment process can be very confusing and frustrating. I have since become a Catholic and am still in the annulment process (almost 20 months now).

Since starting the process, I have become self-educated on the entire process and reasoning for such an extensive process. It has not been easy to find good information. I have to admit, the priest with whom I originally consulted with and reviewed my original submition to the Tribunal, did not understand the process. The advocate who was appointed to assist me tried, but was not especially helpful in answering my questions and helping me through the process. Several times, I have heard from persons of authority in the process, that I needed to just wait and the process would work.

Needless to say, I have moved in the past 6 months and consulted the local parish priest in my new area. We had a short conversation about the situation and he recommended renouncing the process in the original Tribunal and re-opening in my current Diocese, particularly because of some courses of action they have suggested to continue the case.

It is difficult, especially if one person (and their family) are not Catholic to understand what it means to get a declaration of nullity. Look around at society and the way that the permanance of marriage is respected (the lack thereof)!

OP, please consider the entire scope of the situation. If you want any information, feel free to PM me and I am more than willing to share my knowledge with you. I pray that you and your friend will find a way to work through this with patience and find peace.
 
This is a side question–but are we as Catholics ‘allowed’ to be engaged to someone who is in the process of an annulment?
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It has been my understanding that married Catholic are not “Free do date” .

Married meaning not granted nullity. Maybe married is the wrong word . .but rather those-Catholics- previously-married-but-still-without-nullity- My understanding is such persons are not free to date 🤷
 
I was told that until I had a decree of nullity in hand I was to consider myself married and behave accordingly.
 
My DH had to get an annulment around 7 or 8 years ago and it was $500 back then. So in my opinion I am shocked that the price has remained the same w/ the fact that the people working for YOU get a salary. And obviously since the price has remained the same for this many years means that they aren’t getting significant raises. Again, just my opinion, not fact. 🤷 😉

Also, I know that a family member of mine told me you can get ‘aid’ or financial assistance sort of from your parish to help cover the costs. Ask your priest, he may know more about this. (sorry if that was already stated in this thread, I didn’t have the time to read all the posts right now:blush: )🤷
 
Lhhs said:
It has been my understanding that married Catholic are not “Free do date” .

Married meaning not granted nullity. Maybe married is the wrong word . .but rather those-Catholics- previously-married-but-still-without-nullity- My understanding is such persons are not free to date 🤷
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Married is absolutely the right word. A civilly-divorced Catholic is married in the Church until proven otherwise by the annulment process. A Catholic shouldn’t get engaged to another person (or even date them) when he/she is still married. The civil divorce doesn’t make this behavior acceptible. What would he/she do if the marriage under review is found to be valid? This situation leaves only one morally acceptible action of the engagement being ended and the couple ceasing to date.

Continuing a friendship I guess would be okay, but I am not sure it is advisable.
 
ok heres a good one. Kind of off the subject but not quite. There are different kinds of annunlments. Some are that you can get remarried in the church some you cant right? Ok now lets say you get an annulment, and in order to receive communion you cant get remarried in the church until you wife or husband dies, Now can you date? Just wondering?
 
No, no, no. A decree of nullity says there was no marriage to begin with. So the person is free to marry. No waiting for death. Not at all.

The restrictions on one or the other or both people involved marrying are based on some serious issue, not on whether the ex-spouse is living or not. The restrictions can require counselling or may just state the person may never marry in the church. In that case, I suppose they can go out for coffee, but until they get the required counselling, or the situation that was at the genesis of the original decree of nullity is removed, they cannot marry validly. Whatever kept the first marriage from being valid would keep any others from being valid.
 
rinnie said:
ok heres a good one. Kind of off the subject but not quite. There are different kinds of annunlments. Some are that you can get remarried in the church some you cant right?
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No, there are not “different kinds” of decrees of nullity. A decree of nullity can be accompanied by restrictions on entering into another marriage until certain conditions are met and/or until the defect that rendered the first marriage null no longer exists.
rinnie said:
Ok now lets say you get an annulment, and in order to receive communion you cant get remarried in the church until you wife or husband dies, Now can you date? Just wondering?
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You misundertand the decree of nullity. The requirement to refrain from marriage until the death of the spouse would be in the case when the marriage is found to be VALID. And, no, a person with a valid marriage could not date.
 
1ke said:
No, there are not “different kinds” of decrees of nullity. A decree of nullity can be accompanied by restrictions on entering into another marriage until certain conditions are met and/or until the defect that rendered the first marriage null no longer exists.

You misundertand the decree of nullity. The requirement to refrain from marriage until the death of the spouse would be in the case when the marriage is found to be VALID. And, no, a person with a valid marriage could not date.
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ok so what you are saying is that there is only one kind of annulment. Either its void which means you can remarry in the church. Or its not void. And that marriage is void until the spouse dies. So then you can only get a legal separation is that it.
 
rinnie said:
ok so what you are saying is that there is only one kind of annulment. Either its void which means you can remarry in the church. Or its not void. And that marriage is void until the spouse dies. So then you can only get a legal separation is that it.
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You can’t petition for an annulment if you’re still legally married so if you’ve already gone to the tribunal it means you are divorced. The Church accepts that you are no longer in a legal marriage. You may still be in a VALID marriage and that is what the Tribunal will look at when you petition for an annulment.

If the Tribunal finds that you are in fact in a VALID marriage it will reject your petition and you are not free to remarry - or date. If it grants your decree it means that you were never validly married.
 
rinnie said:
ok heres a good one. Kind of off the subject but not quite. There are different kinds of annunlments. Some are that you can get remarried in the church some you cant right?
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If the Decree of Nullity is granted, then they are free to date. If it is not, then they are still married to the previous person until death they do part.
Ok now lets say you get an annulment, and in order to receive communion you cant get remarried in the church until you wife or husband dies, Now can you date? Just wondering?
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No, since this would put out the false impression that you are free to marry.
 
rinnie, I think you may have been thinking of different grounds for annulment…
Still it would not matter as far as the decision is concerned… either you were validly married or you weren’t.

Somebody help me here…
The different grounds are:

Lack of form… Catholics when married, but not married in the church

Fraud… one or both spouses misrepresents themselves before the marriage to entice the other to marry them… example I was given is a woman who says she will only marry a doctor… so guy says he is a doctor to get her to mary him but he really isn’t.

Mental disorder… rendering one or more spouses incapable of understanding the marriage vows or unable to keep them. I believe drug addiction and alcoholism before the marriage was also included here.

I know there are more… just can’t think of them at the moment
 
I understand. But what i guess i dont understand is how some people that seem to be in a normal marriage can get one and the other cant. But i guess again it holds true no one knows what goes on behind doors. Can you believe though as many people in this world that are divorced, and how many divorces there are, I only know of one person that got one. And i dont know the facts, I would never ask its none of my business, You know what i mean. It does make me wonder now how many people really go to communion who really shouldnt. But then again at one time or another thats all of us. One time there was something on annulment , it was on this site. I asked the woman what it was like. I never in my life felt so bad for asking that question. It was more like that woman was put thru hell. I felt so sorry for her. I never knew how horrible it could be. She said it was really hard for her and her family. How sad huh
 
rinnie said:
I understand. But what i guess i dont understand is how some people that seem to be in a normal marriage can get one and the other cant. But i guess again it holds true no one knows what goes on behind doors. That would be it! None of us can know why a tribunal will decide in favor of one couple and not another, because we do not know the circumstances. It is why puzzleannie tries to stop people before they hang out their dirty marital laundry, so to speak,and sends them to a priest. One time there was something on annulment , it was on this site. I asked the woman what it was like. I never in my life felt so bad for asking that question. It was more like that woman was put thru hell. I felt so sorry for her. I never knew how horrible it could be. She said it was really hard for her and her family. How sad huh As a veteran of a decree of nullity, I have to say aside from the time to wait, it wasn’t so much hellful as helpful. It made me look at exactly what had happened between my ex and me. I felt better and wiser when it was completed- and vindicated in my belief my ex did not intend to marry by Church definition.
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Let’s just put it this way… usually by the time someone has a decree of nullity in hand, the worst is over. They’ve already had to go through the hell of a marriage breakup, the civil divorce, and done all the paperwork and waiting for the decision from the tribunal. So it’s usually not such a difficult question to answer anymore.

As for reasons for nullity… here’s some more:

previous marital/ordination bonds, force or duress (like an arranged marriage or one where a guy is forced to marry his pregnant girlfriend), intention to not have any children, intention to divorce “if it doesn’t work out,” intention to have affairs on the side, impotence, hidden sexual issues (like someone is a closet bisexual or something)…

and psychological incapacity, which is a huge catch-all that encompasses certain mental problems or states of mind that render a person incapable of granting a full consent of the will at the time of the vows and prevents them from living out a true Catholic marriage. Extreme youth would fit in here.

The important thing is whether the conditions existed and manifested themselves before, during and right after the vows. So the tribunal asks especially about the parties’ families of origin, alcohol use, dating habits, engagement patterns, their circumstances of dating/breaking up/reconciling, their engagement, their wedding planning and wedding day, the honeymoon and the first few years after the wedding especially. Sometimes things don’t emerge until after a wedding especially if the couple wasn’t living together before the wedding or having intercourse before the wedding. And some people only show their true colors in full bloom once the vows have been said.
 
I can say now that i understand. Perfectly. And you also answered something else, And that is why there really arent alot of them. Thankyou know when people ask i can really answer them correctly. And sorry to get off the subject.
 
““there is one poster who continually claims, in spite of being corrected several times, that a marriage is not valid unless it is sacramental. False. a marriage between two baptizes persons who are otherwise free to marry and properly disposed is sacramental (Christ is present in that union) and valid. A marriage between two unbaptized persons, or one baptized + one unbaptized person, who are otherwise free to marry and properly disposed is a valid natural marriage.”” quoted by puzzleannie

okay, I am a practicing baptized Catholic. My husband was raised Lutheran. He was previously married to a Catholic woman, and they were divorced. They were not married in a church or by a priest. So my priest told us we did NOT have to get an annulment, and we didn’t as she was a Catholic and she was not married in a church or by a priest so that marriage was null and void. So I do not think your statment makes sense as both my husband and his first wife were baptized (Lutheran and Catholic) and they were married, but not in a church with a priest so it did NOT count as a valid marriage according to the Catholic church!!
 
rinnie said:
I understand. But what i guess i dont understand is how some people that seem to be in a normal marriage can get one and the other cant. But i guess again it holds true no one knows what goes on behind doors.
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yes you answered your own question. no one except the spouses knows the true facts which pertained at the time of the marriage. what happens afterward is not grounds for annulment, although it may shed light on the disposition of the parties or their ability to exchange full, free consent. what “seems” to be true on the outside is not always true. that is why an investigation is necessary, with testimony of witnesses, and with both parties having a chance to give their side of the story. these proceedings are highly confidential, and no one other than the parties has access to it except their pastor of course.
 
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