Church of Christ

[Tommy999]

The reason why the children are to be brought up Catholic is because they are to be baptized in the Church, which makes them Catholic. It’s not unreasonable for those baptized Catholic be raised Catholic. .

In my view, it is more important for them to be duly baptized in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit by a legitimate Christian clergyman than to narrow it down to any one particular Christian denomination, Catholic or otherwise.

In some cases that’s true, but **it can work if the non-Catholic parent will agree to bring up the children as Catholics if they are baptized Catholic and not stand in the way of them practicing their faith. ** I know of one couple in which he is devout Catholic and she is devout Baptist, but they’ve made it work. But it does make a harder row to hoe. .

I realize that’s your view and also that of the Catholic Church, but there are also plenty of families of mixed marriages who have children that attend the church of the Protestant spouse and who live happy, well-adjusted lives. My sister and her kids are prime examples of that.

My sister doesn’t insist that he attend her church with her and the kids. She would like him him to do that, but she would rather him attend the Catholic Church than nowhere at all, but he doesn’t feel led to attend anywhere except on major holidays like Easter and Christimas. She knew he wasn’t particularly devout going into the marriage, but she still wanted to marry him and viceversa, so she knew that entering the marriage.

Yes, that and parents leaving faith matters up to their children to work out for themselves, which generally leads to indifferentism rather than choosing one faith to practice.

Agreed.

 

[TC3033]

In my view, it is more important for them to be duly baptized in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit by a legitimate Christian clergyman than to narrow it down to any one particular Christian denomination, Catholic or otherwise.

I realize that’s your view and also that of the Catholic Church, but there are also plenty of families of mixed marriages who have children that attend the church of the Protestant spouse and who live happy, well-adjusted lives. My sister and her kids are prime examples of that.

My sister doesn’t insist that he attend her church with her and the kids. She would like him him to do that, but she would rather him attend the Catholic Church than nowhere at all, but he doesn’t feel led to attend anywhere except on major holidays like Easter and Christimas. She knew he wasn’t particularly devout going into the marriage, but she still wanted to marry him and viceversa.

Agreed.

My understanding is that the Catholic faith does require mixed couples to raise their children Catholic, no matter the baptism. My wife and I had to sign an agreement that we would raise our children Catholic before we would be allowed to be married. That may be something that comes from mixed couples being married IN a Catholic church.

 

[Tommy999]

My understanding is that the Catholic faith does require mixed couples to raise their children Catholic, no matter the baptism. My wife and I had to sign an agreement that we would raise our children Catholic before we would be allowed to be married. That may be something that comes from mixed couples being married IN a Catholic church.

Hi TC30303,
That makes sense if it was agreed to going into the marriage, which it sounds like it was in your case. In the case of my sister, she and her Catholic husband were married in my sister’s Presbyterian church, with her pastor and the Catholic priest of her husband co-officiating.

There was no agreement to raise their kids Catholic going in, to my knowledge. I’m pretty sure my sister would not have agreed to that. Her Catholic husband has no trouble with her being the “spiritual one” in the family and doesn’t object to her and the kids attending her church. He is a decent and ethical man, just not very religious.

 

[Della]

In my view, it is more important for them to be duly baptized in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit by a legitimate Christian clergyman than to narrow it down to any one particular Christian denomination, Catholic or otherwise.

But being baptized Catholic means one is a Catholic and therefore subject to Catholic authority. Being baptized by a legitimate Christian clergyman/woman, makes one a disconnected member of the Catholic Church not under the Church’s authority. Certainly getting people baptized is right and good, but it is better to be baptized in the Church in which all the fullness of grace and truth subsists. The Catholic Church is not one denomination among many, it is Christ’s one, holy, catholic and apostolic Church, founded by Christ on Peter and the Apostles, so yes, it makes big difference.

I realize that’s your view and also that of the Catholic Church, but there are also plenty of families of mixed marriages who have children that attend the church of the Protestant spouse and who live happy, well-adjusted lives. My sister and her kids are prime examples of that.

I’m happy to hear that. To me it proves that God’s grace works for those open to his grace in their lives, not that mixed marriages are such a good idea.

My sister doesn’t insist that he attend her church with her and the kids. She would like him him to do that, but she would rather him attend the Catholic Church than nowhere at all, but he doesn’t feel led to attend anywhere except on major holidays like Easter and Christimas. She knew he wasn’t particularly devout going into the marriage, but she still wanted to marry him and viceversa, so she knew that entering the marriage.

And so she and he decided to be open and fair with one another. That too was my point. :tiphat: It’s simply that parents ought to be on the same page not only for their sake, but perhaps more importantly, their children’s sake. I did cite a mixed marriage I know of that is working well. The ideal is for both parents to be equally committed to placing God first in their family, wouldn’t you agree?

As much as we’d like to agree on everything it would be wrong and actually uncharitable for me to agree to things that the Church doesn’t teach. I would see everyone reconciled to the Mother Church Christ founded for many reasons, the primary being the salvation of souls.

 

[Della]

Hi TC30303,
That makes sense if it was agreed to going into the marriage, which it sounds like it was in your case. In the case of my sister, she and her Catholic husband were married in my sister’s Presbyterian church, with her pastor and the Catholic priest of her husband co-officiating.

That makes their marriage a Catholic one, since a priest witnessed their vows.

There was no agreement to raise their kids Catholic going in, to my knowledge. I’m pretty sure my sister would not have agreed to that. Her Catholic husband has no trouble with her being the “spiritual one” in the family and doesn’t object to her and the kids attending her church. He is a decent and ethical man, just not very religious.

Having a Catholic priest witness the vows means that the children are to be brought up Catholic. Perhaps the priest didn’t explain that very well, or thought they understood that.

The problem with the mother alone being the “spiritual one” is that it tells the boys that faith is just for women–that men are exempt from being devout. For now all is well, and I hope it stays that way for the family, but I fear the consequences will be the children dropping any and all faith or attendance in any church. They may leave it behind like so many have done before them, and surely that’s not a good thing.

 

[TC3033]

Hi TC30303,
That makes sense if it was agreed to going into the marriage, which it sounds like it was in your case. In the case of my sister, she and her Catholic husband were married in my sister’s Presbyterian church, with her pastor and the Catholic priest of her husband co-officiating.

There was no agreement to raise their kids Catholic going in, to my knowledge. I’m pretty sure my sister would not have agreed to that. Her Catholic husband has no trouble with her being the “spiritual one” in the family and doesn’t object to her and the kids attending her church. He is a decent and ethical man, just not very religious.

It was agreed to going into the marriage because we were required to. But from my reading it sounds like that has more to do with the marriage taking place in a Catholic church.

 

[slh3016]

OP, you made the right decision. The CofC, of which I have firsthand experience and knowledge, are NOT Catholic-friendly. Honestly, they really aren’t friendly to anyone except the CofC because they believe they are the one, true church

They often don’t even believe that baptisms that occur outside of the CofC are valid. My MIL had to be rebaptized after marrying my FIL because her Baptist baptism wasn’t legitimate in their eyes

They certainly don’t believe in infant baptisms and believe it is a sacrilege.

It really would’ve been a hard life for you in a mixed marriage with in-laws that are as nosey, pushy, and critical as the ones you described. Again, the right decision was made. You may not can see or feel that way now, but give it time and you will.

 

[Tommy999]

That makes their marriage a Catholic one, since a priest witnessed their vows…

If you are using ‘Catholic’ and ‘Christian’ interchangeably here, I agree. However, if you limit ‘Catholic’ to mean just the Roman Catholic Church, it could be said that it makes their marriage ‘Presbyterian’ too since they were married in a Presbyterian church with the principal pastor being the Presbyterian pastor, who was the one who started and ended the ceremony, and who performed more of the ceremony.

Having a Catholic priest witness the vows means that the children are to be brought up Catholic. Perhaps the priest didn’t explain that very well, or thought they understood that.

I know my sister pretty well. She wouldn’t have agreed to that, so that tells me it was never mentioned as a condition.

The problem with the mother alone being the “spiritual one” is that it tells the boys that faith is just for women–that men are exempt from being devout. For now all is well, and I hope it stays that way for the family, but I fear the consequences will be the children dropping any and all faith or attendance in any church. They may leave it behind like so many have done before them, and surely that’s not a good thing.

I totally agree with you on this. However, I am pretty sure this would have been the case with whomever her husband married, even if he had married a fellow Catholic instead of my sister, because that’s just the way he is. On a side note, their kids are in college and high school respectively (one girl and one boy), and the girl is a devout Christian who attends an evangelical Christian college, while their boy is more like the father – big on sports, a good ethical kid, just not very religious.

Before they got engaged, I could see this coming and even recommended against this marriage, but both of them had the “love conquers all” mentality, especially my sister.

 

[Della]

If you are using ‘Catholic’ and ‘Christian’ interchangeably here, I agree. However, if you limit ‘Catholic’ to mean just the Roman Catholic Church, it could be said that it makes their marriage ‘Presbyterian’ too since they were married in a Presbyterian church with the principal pastor being the Presbyterian pastor, who was the one who started and ended the ceremony, and who did the majority of the ceremony.

What I mean is that their marriage is subject to canon law since a priest witnessed their vows. Hence, the children should have been brought up Catholic.

I know my sister pretty well. She wouldn’t have agreed to that, so that tells me it was never mentioned as a condition.

That’s not good–that it wasn’t mentioned, I mean, because it should have been. As I wrote in my other post, the priest may have thought she understood that. Or he didn’t say anything for “pastoral” reasons, which is really another way of saying he didn’t want to make an issue of it, although it was his duty to do so.

I totally agree with you on this. However, I am pretty sure this would have been the case with whomever her husband married, even if he had married a fellow Catholic. On a side note, their kids are in college and high school respectively (one girl and one boy), and the girl is a devout Christian who attends an evangelical Christian college, while their boy is more like the father – big on sports, a good ethical kid, just not very religious.

Yes, that’s what happens. The girls are more likely to be faithful in their faith and the boys not so much. Of course there are exceptions to this, as in everything, but that’s generally how it plays out.

Before they got engaged, I could see this coming and even recommended against this marriage, but both of them had the “love conquers all” mentality, especially my sister.

I know about this with family members, as well. They just don’t want to hear anything against getting married because they are caught up in their feelings and not really thinking things through. But what can we do except love them, pray for them, and be there when they need us.

 

[BMCD]

As a sort of lapsed Church of Christ member myself (I still show up from time to time to make the family happy) I have to say you probably made the right decision. I have a Church of Christ friend who married a Presbyterian and they constantly fight over whether or not to baptize any children they may have in the future. Neither one will change to the other’s denomination, and they refuse to compromise on a different denomination due to infant baptism. If religion is important to you and her it is very important to be on the same page.