Church saying no to your Confirmation Sponsors

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Igonzales1225

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My younger cousin has been doing her preparation for two years now to do her confirmation. She was really excited and asked me to be her sponsor. I am active in my church and live my life as a proud catholic. Four months away from confirmation the Deacon tells my cousin I can no longer be her sponsor and to find a new one because the fact I live out of state. My cousin lives in Maryland and I am her only family here in the US. I happen to live in Wisconsin. They said due to the fact that I can’t attend the class or the retreat I cannot do it. We asked for solutions. I offered to skype into the class and I would willingly fly for the retreat. The answer is no. I asked if I did classes here in my church would that be ok and the answer is still no. I have been a sponsor before this is not new to me and I have done the necessary preparation the first time around in my parish. I am wondering if this is okay. My cousin has no one else here and to ask a stranger does not seem right. Please advise.
 
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You know, I don’t believe they are allowed to do that. My daughter was told the same thing when she made her confirmation and ironically, it was in the state of MD… I found out later on CAF that it was not true.

I don’t know if the person running the class told your niece this, but she may want to meet with her pastor and ask him.

@1ke, can you weigh in!
 
I would agree with the idea of talking with the pastor. Certainly there’s no canonical reason that an out-of-state sponsor is not allowed, and it sounds like you are willing to go out of your way to meet their expectations.

If the pastor says no, contact the chancery office. Someone is making up their own rules and that’s not right.
 
Strictly speaking, neither of the things you mention are part of universal law. It might be that there is local law that requires this or it might be a parish that holds too rigidly to a well intended policy.

First contact the pastor of the church. It is him, not the Deacon, that ultimately has responsibility for his parishioners. Secondly, you can check to see if your cousin’s diocese has specific norms or if the Chancellor’s office can help you.
 
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Speak to pastor and then move on to Diocese. As long as you meet the Canonical reqs, you can be on the Space Station and be a sponsor (someone simply stands proxy for you).
 
My daughter ended up with a woman from church that was related to the person running the class. Nice woman, but my daughter has no contact with her. How is that better than allowing an out of state relative…

The classes are for the person making their confirmation, as are any retreats. The whole thing is just wrong.
 
I would agree that talking with the pastor would be a good first step… There is no reason why an out of state sponsor shouldn’t be allowed, logically or canonically.
I entered the church with no Catholic friends and have as a sponsor a random woman who was assigned to me , who I lost contact with after we changed parishes. A cousin who lives out of state is infinitely better.
 
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That is not in keeping with the canons regarding sponsors.

I’d talk to the pastor, then I’d go to the chancery office at the diocese.
 
I am the director of youth ministry in our parish which included confirmation prep. While we are very strict regarding sponsors, where they live is not a consideration. We allow sponsors who live in another country as long as they meet the conditions set in canon law.

We like our sponsors to attend some classes with their confirmondi but understand that is not possible in all situations. When a sponsor is not local and able to attend classes we ask parents to step in so they can inform the sponsors.

I agree with others who recommend speaking to the priest in that parish. Try to work out a solution with the parish before going to the diocese, do not call the diocese after one conversation.
 
Wow! You’re being discriminated against simply because you live in another state. If you’re able and willing to commute and be there at the proper times, they shouldn’t have a problem with it. Somebody is being mean-spirited, as far as I can see it.

Is there anyone you can go to who can advocate for you? Is there a higher authority who can over-rule the naysayers?

That kind of unfair discrimination merits an official complaint.
 
JanR said:
Wow! You’re being discriminated against simply because you live in another state.
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sigh.

No. He. Isn’t.

Canon law tells us that a confirmation sponsor “is to take care that the confirmed person behaves as a true witness of Christ and faithfully fulfills the obligations inherent in this sacrament.” Can a sponsor in Wisconsin fulfill this duty? You can make the claim, but on the face of it, that’s a rather high bar for the OP to fulfill, don’t you think, given that he lives a time-zone away?

So, we can talk about how the parish might be more pastoral in its approach (certainly, that seems the case), but to raise this to the level of “OH NOES… DISCRIMINATION!!!” seems a bit overwrought.
 
It seems as though many people today enjoy imposing restrictions on the faithful that the Church Herself doesn’t impose…
 
ioannes_pius said:
It seems as though many people today enjoy imposing restrictions on the faithful that the Church Herself doesn’t impose…
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It seems as though many people today enjoy attempting to refuse the Church the right to regulate her sacraments in a way that they wouldn’t personally approve…
 
JanR said:
Wow! You’re being discriminated against simply because you live in another state. If you’re able and willing to commute and be there at the proper times, they shouldn’t have a problem with it. Somebody is being mean-spirited, as far as I can see it.
Click to expand...
Or it could be a misunderstanding or miscommunication. The OP was told by the cousin. It doesn’t appear the OP has had direct communication with the parish. I work with confirmation students, the amount of times they get information mixed up is too numerous to count. Often the parents aren’t much better.

The best course of action is for the OP to speak directly with the priest at the parish. I turn down sponsors all the time and I am not discriminating, I am exercising my role as the director.
 
Are you saying that I’m attempting to refuse the Church the right to regulate the sacraments?
 
just out of curiosity, for what reasons do sponsorts generally get turned down?
 
I hope the OP will adhere to advice to talk to the priest and then diocese if needed and not listen to a cascade of reactionary emotional replies. ( haha geez, as tho mine is not)
 
Agree you could speak to the Pastor and then the Diocese. Also inquire if a letter from your own Pastor would assist to confirm you are a Catholic in good standing and attending a parish in your own area. I do see the importance of attending sessions with the candidate however you did suggest using Skype. Inquire further…
 
Sponsors would be turned down if they are not in good standing with the Parish meaning living the sacraments and moral relationships - not premarital relationships.
 
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