Church Schedule in a Mixed Family

[Rhuarc]

If I do get married, I will NOT marry outside of the Church. If I can’t find a good Catholic gal then I will just remain single, it isn’t fair to the children to have to be split.

 

[BrokenPlatter]

In the meantime, there are many excellent resources from Protestant clergy and others who have converted. Scott Hahn, Jeff Cavins, many of the Catholic Answers staff. Take a look at “Rome, Sweet Home” and similar books about conversion.

Thanks! I will definitely look into these, especially Jeff Cavins as he’s come with a couple of good recommendations. I think it will definitely help to have things from the perspective of former Protestants. I sometimes have a hard time relating to exactly where he’s coming from.

 

[BrokenPlatter]

There can be no “choosing” to receive FHC or “choosing” to be baptized in a protestant ecclesial community.

You’re right, I did not grow up learning this. I was under the impression that Baptism washed clean the infant and granted him the Grace of the Spirit, and I was aware that this is his induction into the Catholic family. However, I thought that this was the door that allowed him to receive the other sacraments but did not oblige him. It was my understanding that the sacraments of initiation were spread out so that he would be old enough to understand and choose the following for himself. Especially Confirmation, which I thought was when the adult basically says, “My parents chose this for me when I was a baby. Now that I am able, I choose this for myself.”

As for Holy Communion, I know it is my duty to nurture his faith and do all in my power to prepare him, and it would devastate me if he didn’t believe. But he couldn’t be obligated to receive. If he didn’t believe, he would be eating and drinking condemnation upon himself.

I don’t take the idea of him choosing a path lightly at all, but if the time came where I had to see him join a Protestant church or be forced against his will to receive Catholic sacraments, I have to think the former would be less harmful in the long run, especially having known a few Catholic atheists in college.

I could be very wrong, but I don’t know how to enforce the obligations if I am. I can only encourage him to make those decisions.

 

[1ke]

However, I thought that this was the door that allowed him to receive the other sacraments but did not oblige him.

it does oblige him.

It was my understanding that the sacraments of initiation were spread out so that he would be old enough to understand and choose the following for himself. Especially Confirmation, which I thought was when the adult basically says, “My parents chose this for me when I was a baby. Now that I am able, I choose this for myself.”

No, this is not the case at all.

I could be very wrong, but I don’t know how to enforce the obligations if I am. I can only encourage him to make those decisions.

This is why you cannot teach him “both” and expect him to “choose”. It is confusing to him, and it is a false idea. He is a Catholic. Raise him Catholic. Do not plant any seeds that it is up to him to choose. YOU chose. Now you must live up to that choice.

 

[BrokenPlatter]

I can understand not wanting to confuse him or lead him away from the faith, and when he was baptized I promised to guide him.

But his obligation is something new to me, and I don’t understand it. I have never heard of the sacraments being obligations. Maybe it just never came up since my siblings and I were all excited for each of our sacraments, but I thought that we chose each one. Each was our choice to grow closer to Christ, and each only happened when we were ready.

Obviously it wouldn’t be the right choice to refuse to grow closer to Christ, but that’s true with or without Baptism. I’ve just never heard of receiving the sacraments out of baptismal obligation. If that was someone’s only reason for receiving the sacraments, I can’t imagine how they would be in the right spirit.

 

[mandajane]

I can understand not wanting to confuse him or lead him away from the faith, and when he was baptized I promised to guide him.

But his obligation is something new to me, and I don’t understand it. I have never heard of the sacraments being obligations. Maybe it just never came up since my siblings and I were all excited for each of our sacraments, but I thought that we chose each one. Each was our choice to grow closer to Christ, and each only happened when we were ready.

Obviously it wouldn’t be the right choice to refuse to grow closer to Christ, but that’s true with or without Baptism. I’ve just never heard of receiving the sacraments out of baptismal obligation. If that was someone’s only reason for receiving the sacraments, I can’t imagine how they would be in the right spirit.

This was how it was portrayed to me, when I went through RCIC. I think that this mindset is more of a comfort to get people in the door, than the truth.

I think this is a hard thing for a lot of people to accept, especially Americans. When you are baptized Catholic, be it by your own choice, or your parents, you are essentially being made a “citizen of the Kingdom of Heaven”. You are bound by the rules and laws that the Kingdom of Heaven has established, through the Steward of that Kingdom, the Catholic Church. I assume you’re an American, so you accept that your son, an American citizen, will have to attend school, and when he’s 18, register for the draft. Do you think that being a citizen of the Kingdom of Heaven would not carry similar responsibilities? Or even, more heavy responsibilities, given its eternal nature? When you had him baptized as a child, you essentially signed in his place on that dotted line, to ensure he was a citizen. It also means that he has the associated obligations.

Though your example, also, is why I chose not to marry someone outside the church. I’m much happier for it. For my FH and I, going to church is one of our dates. There has never been an argument over whether or not we’re going to church, just ‘which Catholic church in the neighborhood will it be’ (we finally settled on one) and ‘are we going to Eucharistic Adoration on Wednesday or Friday’?

We both know that our children will be raised Catholic, that we have the same values and beliefs. We both accept that there will be no birth control, that we will probably have a large number of children, and all that comes with it.

I know you love this man, and I’m not trying to say “oh you should leave him” of course not. You were validly married within the catholic church. What I am saying is that you need to sit down with him, explain to him what was promised at the time of the marriage (that you would raise your son Catholic) and that you and your son have obligations in this regard. You need to put your foot down, because at the end, you will be held accountable.

Also, I am sure 1ke will follow up my post with corrections and misconceptions I am operating under. XD Hi 1ke!

 

[mamaslo]

I am not sure about first communion. It wasn’t an issue with my kids because they went to Catholic School and it is just something that happens in 2nd grade. But for Confirmation, it is the parents obligation to make sure they are educated in what it is…then they DO make the choice wether or not they will do it.

I have heard that sometimes first reconciliation, communion, and confirmation happen all at 7 or some age like it. I am not sure about baptism, but in our culture, in my experience in my local area, they are split, and if they do not happen that way, then when they are older I have seen people and older kids get the full deal…baptism, reconciliation, communion and confirmation all in the same Saturday Easter Vigil Mass…at least I think the middle school boy I saw also recieved confirmation…he did the rest.

It was very cool. This Catholic geek got excited for them all!

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I can understand not wanting to confuse him or lead him away from the faith, and when he was baptized I promised to guide him.

But his obligation is something new to me, and I don’t understand it. I have never heard of the sacraments being obligations. Maybe it just never came up since my siblings and I were all excited for each of our sacraments, but I thought that we chose each one. Each was our choice to grow closer to Christ, and each only happened when we were ready.

Obviously it wouldn’t be the right choice to refuse to grow closer to Christ, but that’s true with or without Baptism. I’ve just never heard of receiving the sacraments out of baptismal obligation. If that was someone’s only reason for receiving the sacraments, I can’t imagine how they would be in the right spirit.

After reading through your responses, I think that you are poorly catechized AND under the influence of your Protestant surroundings. Catholics don’t do the sacraments the way Protestants do. Well, actually, their ceremonies aren’t sacraments in the first place, but you know what I mean. Like 1ke said, you made the choice for your son and now you are obligated to help him live up to it and live as a Catholic. How in the world could you baptize him with any other understanding? What are you going to do, allow him to walk away from the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ in the Eucharist? Please don’t! It’s not a matter of choice any more.

God graces us with the sacraments. We don’t CHOOSE to grace ourselves.

 

[BrokenPlatter]

After reading through your responses, I think that you are poorly catechized AND under the influence of your Protestant surroundings. Catholics don’t do the sacraments the way Protestants do. Well, actually, their ceremonies aren’t sacraments in the first place, but you know what I mean. Like 1ke said, you made the choice for your son and now you are obligated to help him live up to it and live as a Catholic. How in the world could you baptize him with any other understanding? What are you going to do, allow him to walk away from the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ in the Eucharist? Please don’t! It’s not a matter of choice any more.

God graces us with the sacraments. We don’t CHOOSE to grace ourselves.

I grew up in a very Catholic family. Both of my parents explored the possibility (before getting married) that they might be called to religious life. My sisters and I all got to know nuns in several local convents while we were teenagers, all also looking into the religious life. I ended up married, one of my sisters is still discerning her calling, and my other sister is becoming a nun. We all attended Catholic school for 14 years and have always taken our faith very seriously. Growing up, I aided my parents in teaching PSR and would babysit my younger siblings on the nights that they taught Pre-Baptism classes.

I do not appreciate being accused of lacking an education in, or appreciation for, the Faith.

I do not take the Sacraments lightly, especially when it comes to my son. Perhaps I did a poor job of explaining my position in my previous responses. I don’t equate them to Protestant ceremonies, and I understand that they’re not merely “take it or leave it” options. I would never suggest to my son that it doesn’t matter what he does, or that the Eucharist, Confirmation, or any other sacrament are not important.

My issue is with the idea that his faith and will do not factor into his life as a Catholic.

Each year, in the First Communion preparation meeting for the second graders that my mother teaches in PSR, the priest gives a similar talk to the parents and students. In it, he talks about how the Church used to be all about “obligation”, but with that, the risk comes that too much emphasis will be put on the obligations themselves, losing the meaning behind them. The Church, while of course not weakening her stance on the importance of the Sacraments, now emphasizes “opportunity.” When we are baptized, we are brought into the Catholic family and given the opportunity to grow ever closer to Christ through the Sacraments. The priest gives this talk because he does not want anyone to force an unwilling child to receive Christ in the Eucharist with the rest of the class. It is not something to do because “Mom and Dad are making me.” It can only be properly done if the child understands the sacrament and receives it willingly.

We have free will. God does not force us to love Him or follow Him, and we should not feel “forced” to receive the Sacraments. It is our choice. Now, by “choice,” I don’t mean that both decisions are fine. I don’t mean that it’s perfectly okay to refuse the Sacraments, any more than it’s perfectly okay to refuse to love or follow God. (Although, IF I had to choose between my son identifying as a Protestant or an Athiest, I have to think he’d be better off as the former.) I only mean that, just like I can’t force my son to believe in God, I can’t force him to receive the Sacraments.

I can and will teach him in the Catholic faith, do all in my power to nurture his love of God, emphasize the importance of the Sacraments, and invite him with open arms to each one. I cannot drag him through, telling him he has no say in the matter, and expect him to come out as a faithful Catholic adult.

Of course it is my hope and prayer that obligation and opportunity will be moot points by the time he gets there, because he’ll want to receive the Sacraments like I did. It’s just that terminology that is foreign to me, as a lifetime Catholic.