Church Teachings on Sex

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searching04

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With all of the threads that come up on church teachings on sex, and the debate about it, I wanted to see where Catholic members and visitors are on the subject. I’m not talking whether people agree on “right or wrong”. I’m talking what do couples actually do and where do they find themselves, and the reality of couples struggling.

Specifically, do you follow church teachings on sex concerning where the man climaxes, do you have questions, and does it or does it not create issues?
 
I follow the church teaching… we practice NFP, but it has caused numerous problems in our marriage. Due to my husbands job schedule in combination with NFP we can only have sex 2-5 times a month. Considering the fact both my husband and I have strong sex drives (If we had it our way we would have sex a couple times a day every day), it has caused enormous sexual frustration and general unsatisfaction. Not to mention that my cycle/hormones are not normal (doctors say that they can find no reason for it and it is probably genetic because most women in my family have the same issues.) Also I have always had depression issues, it has significantly increased the number of depression episodes that I have.

Please don’t condemn me for saying these things, I still follow church teachings, there are just numerous negative effects in my life. I just think people glorify NFP so much and act like it cannot cause relationship issues.
 
Me and my wife just started to really follow all the teachings of the Church on sex in the last couple of months, but so far there haven’t been any issues.
 
searching04 said:
Specifically, do you follow church teachings on sex concerning where the man climaxes, do you have questions, and does it or does it not create issues?
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Yes we do follow church teaching.

No questions now.

No issues.
 
  1. Yes, my wife and I follow Church teachings.
  2. No, I really don’t have any questions.
  3. NFP has been a great gift to my/our marriage. Marriage is more than sex, much more. The challenge is part of the gift.
 
JoArtist said:
I follow the church teaching… we practice NFP, but it has caused numerous problems in our marriage. Due to my husbands job schedule in combination with NFP we can only have sex 2-5 times a month. Considering the fact both my husband and I have strong sex drives (If we had it our way we would have sex a couple times a day every day), it has caused enormous sexual frustration and general unsatisfaction. Not to mention that my cycle/hormones are not normal (doctors say that they can find no reason for it and it is probably genetic because most women in my family have the same issues.) Also I have always had depression issues, it has significantly increased the number of depression episodes that I have.

Please don’t condemn me for saying these things, I still follow church teachings, there are just numerous negative effects in my life. I just think people glorify NFP so much and act like it cannot cause relationship issues.
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This is going to sound insensitive, but I mean it totally tongue-in-cheek…

You need LOTS of kids.

Seriously… we’re like you - *abnormally *high sex drives. NFP isn’t easy, but it was something we’ve used to space our children. As our family has grown, the sex drives become easier to handle… mostly due to pure EXHAUSTION. 😛 😃

🤷 Hey, it’s a thought!
 
Em_in_FL said:
This is going to sound insensitive, but I mean it totally tongue-in-cheek…

You need LOTS of kids.

Seriously… we’re like you - *abnormally *high sex drives. NFP isn’t easy, but it was something we’ve used to space our children. As our family has grown, the sex drives become easier to handle… mostly due to pure EXHAUSTION. 😛 😃

🤷 Hey, it’s a thought!
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Ha ha! I’m guessing you’re right on that.
 
searching04 said:
With all of the threads that come up on church teachings on sex, and the debate about it, I wanted to see where Catholic members and visitors are on the subject. I’m not talking whether people agree on “right or wrong”. I’m talking what do couples actually do and where do they find themselves, and the reality of couples struggling.

Specifically, do you follow church teachings on sex concerning where the man climaxes, do you have questions, and does it or does it not create issues?
Click to expand...
Walked off and realized maybe some clarification might help. The question is not just a mattr of where the man climaxes because I didn’t want it construed as just about a particular act. It is also a matter of because the church dictates this, then any sexual intimacy other than intercourse is prohibited, no matter how long, no matter if in between NFP phases. This can severely restrict sexual intimacy, hence the poll.
 
JoArtist said:
I follow the church teaching… we practice NFP, but it has caused numerous problems in our marriage. Due to my husbands job schedule in combination with NFP we can only have sex 2-5 times a month. Considering the fact both my husband and I have strong sex drives (If we had it our way we would have sex a couple times a day every day), it has caused enormous sexual frustration and general unsatisfaction. Not to mention that my cycle/hormones are not normal (doctors say that they can find no reason for it and it is probably genetic because most women in my family have the same issues.) Also I have always had depression issues, it has significantly increased the number of depression episodes that I have.

Please don’t condemn me for saying these things, I still follow church teachings, there are just numerous negative effects in my life. I just think people glorify NFP so much and act like it cannot cause relationship issues.
Click to expand...
I’m with you in this! And no one, especially me, will condemn you on anything. It is why I posted the poll - the church dictates what couples can and cannot do, then says have a nice life, bear the cross, and all that. It is situations exactly like yours (and mine) where I cannot accept nor understand the church saying God will send you to hell because you engage in very unitive sexual intimacy with your spouse, when intercourse may just not be an option. We follow it, it causes major problems.
 
searching04 said:
Walked off and realized maybe some clarification might help. The question is not just a mattr of where the man climaxes because I didn’t want it construed as just about a particular act. It is also a matter of because the church dictates this, then any sexual intimacy other than intercourse is prohibited, no matter how long, no matter if in between NFP phases. This can severely restrict sexual intimacy, hence the poll.
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Nope, still not a problem and we have a “high” sex drive too, we just don’t let that run our lives:shrug:
 
Em_in_FL said:
This is going to sound insensitive, but I mean it totally tongue-in-cheek…

You need LOTS of kids.

Seriously… we’re like you - *abnormally *high sex drives. NFP isn’t easy, but it was something we’ve used to space our children. As our family has grown, the sex drives become easier to handle… mostly due to pure EXHAUSTION. 😛 😃

🤷 Hey, it’s a thought!
Click to expand...
There is some really big reasons we cannot have kids right now, so unfortunately we have to deal with using NFP for now.
 
searching04 said:
I’m with you in this! And no one, especially me, will condemn you on anything. It is why I posted the poll - the church dictates what couples can and cannot do, then says have a nice life, bear the cross, and all that. It is situations exactly like yours (and mine) where I cannot accept nor understand the church saying God will send you to hell because you engage in very unitive sexual intimacy with your spouse, when intercourse may just not be an option. We follow it, it causes major problems.
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I think that it is really easy for people to just call people like us selfish and to “bear our cross” and walk away. I am carrying a cross at a very high price. I think that some people can be hateful to people who are really honest about the negative effects of NFP in their lives.
 
JoArtist said:
There is some really big reasons we cannot have kids right now, so unfortunately we have to deal with using NFP for now.
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I do understand that stress… we’ve been there - both early on in our marriage and between children. So I hope you didn’t take offense… I was trying to be funny.

It really requires LOTS and LOTS of prayer to stay close to God during these trying times… pray that these “really big reasons” are lifted from your lives - whatever they may be. Sometimes the most impossible hurdles are wiped away in an instant… but the road leading to that is often quite painful, I know…
 
Em_in_FL said:
I do understand that stress… we’ve been there - both early on in our marriage and between children. So I hope you didn’t take offense… I was trying to be funny.

It really requires LOTS and LOTS of prayer to stay close to God during these trying times… pray that these “really big reasons” are lifted from your lives - whatever they may be. Sometimes the most impossible hurdles are wiped away in an instant… but the road leading to that is often quite painful, I know…
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And if the reasons don’t go away for years and years? We cannot and have not been able to afford more children. We have four, though the youngest is now 15. There is no bigger house, no bigger paycheck, never has been for more years than I can remember, on top of other issues at the time. So more children were not an option. At our age, they are still not an option. So somehow all of the pain and stress and negative effects on our marriage is God’s will and a blessing? Our intimacy via intercourse is once a month, if we are lucky; has been that way for many years. That is a blessing and is supposed to bring couples closer? It has been everything but.
 
If you are willing, for those that voted “do not follow, no issues” - are you Catholic (and yes, I believe you can be); has it always been this way; believe in all other things Catholic, but not teachings on sex: is it one of your or both that feel this way, etc, etc?
 
searching04 said:
And if the reasons don’t go away for years and years? We cannot and have not been able to afford more children. We have four, though the youngest is now 15. There is no bigger house, no bigger paycheck, never has been for more years than I can remember, on top of other issues at the time. So more children were not an option. At our age, they are still not an option. So somehow all of the pain and stress and negative effects on our marriage is God’s will and a blessing? Our intimacy via intercourse is once a month, if we are lucky; has been that way for many years. That is a blessing and is supposed to bring couples closer? It has been everything but.
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*Every *holy marriage involves carrying some pretty heavy crosses. I cannot begin to fathom what you’ve experienced, nor can yours be comparable to mine. God sometimes shows some couples mercy in one area (such as an easy time with their fertility), and others receive mercy in a multitude of other ways…

NFP isn’t the cause of these burdens, nor should it be to blame…
 
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