Church wedding fees

[white_sheep]

Good grief, inviting your family and friends to witness your wedding is hardly some extravagance. Doing so should be encouraged as part of Catholic teaching on community. Having a wedding in the church is required. Having it witnessed by family and friends is not extravagant and should be encouraged, not discouraged.

When we were married, and this is how it generally is, they said this is when we do weddings, they hardly did anything special for us.

 

[YADA]

Corki said:

“Are you advocating charging for Confession?”

No–advocating for not charging for weddings. Or baptism. Or confirmation. Or last rites. Or ordination. Or anointing of the sick.

If it’s such a huge headache to hold weddings in church, maybe we need to unbend and start having Catholic weddings outside the actual church building.

Really …Just not sure where you are coming from … I think you have taken the American ideal of a “wedding” with all its bells and whistles and confused it with that the Sacrament of Matrimony really entails … the marriage preparation and ceremony are not equivalent with selecting the day and time, the liturgy: readings, music, etc., private exclusive use of the Church - before during and after the ceremony and the after hours effort for all the staff to pull it off …

This is what we paid for my daughters wedding in 2003 - with guests at approximately 250 people

My daughters wedding:

Pre-Cana Wedding preparation - free - performed by a Deacon who was also the paid staff - Pastoral Associate for the parish …

Priest - free - meetings for preparation, rehearsal and wedding [even though he traveled over an hour one way to perform] …

Marriage Encounter weekend - $150 - lodging and meals - facilitation

Natural Family Planning Classes diocesan program $45

Music Director - $150 … to cover salary overtime for wedding preparation evenings with couple and to rehearse selected music with Cantor [a volunteer] and for playing at the wedding.

Stipend for the Cantor [volunteer] - $100 - for practicing the music, the rehearsal and wedding.

Cleaning fee for the Church - $100

**We did not pay for the Sacrament of Matrimony - in any manner - no matter how you slice it … **

And because she got married during Easter Season - we planned this - we made no plans to purchase any flowers nor decorate the Church in any way - our Church is beautiful during Easter - why spend unnecessary money? - we decided to take our chances … Big Bonus - the wedding was mid day on the Saturday that the Archbishop performed Confirmations at the Saturday Vigil [which was not known before hand by us - but was wonderful ] - the Church flowers and environment was more then we could have imagined spending - even if we’d had money to spare …

We - with friends prepared and served all the food for those 250 guests - we had an open bar with beer and wine … the reception hall was one of our biggest expenses … my SILs sister made the cake as their wedding gift - it was beautiful … His Aunt prepared the bouquets and flowers for the reception hall, his dad brought his band … my eldest son’s wife [whose parents refinanced their house to pay for their country club wedding - over $19,000] said that my daughter had a comparable wedding for about $16,000 less …

 

[white_sheep]

Really …Just not sure where you are coming from … I think you have taken the American ideal of a “wedding” with all its bells and whistles and confused it with that the Sacrament of Matrimony really entails … the marriage preparation and ceremony are not equivalent with selecting the day and time, the liturgy: readings, music, etc., private exclusive use of the Church - before during and after the ceremony and the after hours effort for all the staff to pull it off …

You aren’t making any sense.

 

[Rau]

They aren’t being charged for the sacrament.

If they were willing to have their wedding during Mass, with no additional services, there wouldn’t be a charge.

How happy would the priest, or the ordinary congregation, be if a Sunday Mass were to be taken over by the formalities of the typical wedding? Not very, so that does not happen.

A wedding within a regular mass would need to see fairly minimal special arrangements, and likely be less than the participants might reasonably wish.

 

[YADA]

You aren’t making any sense.

really … well - I believe it is a slander to accuse the Church, her priests and lay staff of simony … selling Sacraments … it is a grave disservice …

In America - you can profess your vows in the Church a priest to witness your marriage before, during or after any Mass on any day of the week as long as you are properly prepared - catechized … and not one church would charge a fee for the Sacrament …

If you want to reserve the church for your exclusive use and a private ceremony - it is proper to pay for the overtime for staff to make that a reality for you … to pay for the extra costs associated with that exclusive use … that cost recovery does not constitute the selling of the Sacrament

 

[white_sheep]

really … well - I believe it is a slander to accuse the Church, her priests and lay staff of simony … selling Sacraments … it is a grave disservice …

In America - you can profess your vows in the Church a priest to witness your marriage before, during or after any Mass on any day of the week as long as you are properly prepared - catechized … and not one church would charge a fee for the Sacrament …

If you want to reserve the church for your exclusive use and a private ceremony - it is proper to pay for the overtime for staff to make that a reality for you … to pay for the extra costs associated with that exclusive use … that cost recovery does not constitute the selling of the Sacrament

If it costs $600 to say mass, how is my parish not bankrupt?

What staff overtime?

 

[Rau]

I’m a bit staggered to read that some parishes have a **schedule of fees **for their parishioners getting married to pay.

I absolutely understand that real third party costs might need to be covered (without profit), particularly where the celebration involves parties who are not parishioners - you can understand how the most attractive church in the region might be a magnet for Weddings, yet does not have the income to support costs on behalf of others. I can also understand how some special venues (a city cathedral perhaps), might incur real additional costs (parking attendants perhaps?).

But for the life of me, I cannot understand how the everyday local parish needs to raise revenue by this means from its parishioners participating in their faith in the ordinary way in which that is done. [And the idea of a Wedding in a regular Sunday Mass is not a serious one.]

Now it may be a lovely custom to make a donation to the priest at one’s wedding (I did so myself as a routine matter) - but remember that the priests are paid a stipend by the diocese to meet their needs - they’re not paid fee for service! And the diocese spreads the parish collection money around to avoid having pauper priests in poorer parishes. So I cannot understand how any parish **could actually to set a fee **for payment to the priest to preside at a Wedding! Tell me it does not happen!?

And “renting the Church” ? I guess this is the “User Pays” principal ? But, I kind of think the parishioners already paid?

No doubt the practices differ country to country, and the US is the capitalist capital of the world, so I guess you might be to one end of the spectrum. But are we all really comfortable with the current practice?

 

[phil19034]

If it costs $600 to say mass, how is my parish not bankrupt?

What staff overtime?

In the US, the music directors are hourly employees of the parish. Also, so are the custodians, etc. So when they come in during non-normal hours, they must be paid.

Have you ever been in the Church when there isn’t a Mass? The lights are usually all off, or only a few on.

Why? Because its expensive to light all that square footage. That’s also why daily mass is done inside Chapels (when a Church has them).

When we attend Mass, people give donations. A big chunk of those donations pay for the power for that Mass. But when a private wedding takes place, there are no donations. Baskets are usually not passed around.

There was a good post not too long ago about the “wedding fee.” Besides the above, most parishes charge nothing or very little for registered parishioners who live in the Parish boundaries.

It’s not uncommon to pay a little more if you do not live in the Parish and it is a highly sought out Church due (like a Cathedral or other Beautiful Church).

NOTE: just because you are registered with a Parish doesn’t mean you are a Parishoner. You must live inside the boundaries (or qualify if its a Personal Parish). So it’s also possible for some Churches to charge registered, non-resident members of the Church differently. A Parish only has an “obligation” to offer the Sacurment to Catholics living inside the boundaries of the Parish.

For the few that charge high rates for their Parishoners, it is typically because they do not receive enough money from the collections to pay the bills. Because the Parishoners do not donate enough money, they need to get it from the Weddings. However, these also tend to be the Churches that have lots of weddings too. Churches like that are often where the girl with the $25,000 to $100,000 wedding goes, with her $2500 - $5000 dress.

My wife bought a beautiful dress for $500 at David’s Bridal, so don’t anyone say that’s how much they cost. If you can afford $2500 on a dress, $1000 for a cake, $3000 for a honeymoon, and/or $10,000 for the ring; then you can afford $1000 (let alone a few hundred) for the Church).

And yes, you can ALWAYS get married in the Chapel or Rectory for free. The Sacurment only requires the bride & groom, a Deacon and 2 witnesses (Priest if a wedding Mass).

But here in America, we want a Royal Wedding. My grandparents got married for free… Just the priest, the two of them and a few witnesses. My grandmother even wore a 1940s female suit.

End of story… Your home parish will always work with you if there is a REAL hardship.

God Bless

 

[YADA]

If it costs $600 to say mass, how is my parish not bankrupt?

What staff overtime?

I do not know about your parish …Weddings are not events that occur with no preparation

At my parish - the Cantors are volunteers - they typically have real jobs. Thus - when they cantor for weddings - they must meet with the Music Director to go over the music and practice with the organist … all of this occurs int eh evenings or weekends when they are not at their day jobs … which is OT for the Music Director/organist

Out Music Director and organist works in the parish during the days and also serves at the regularly scheduled masses on the weekends … thus wedding preparation with couples in the evenings, practice with the cantor in the evenings and the actual wedding is all overtime …

I own a business - so I am very aware of the costs associated with having employees …I am also on the parish administrative council - and understand all the costs associated with the operation of a large [over 2000 families and a parish k-8 school].

Our parish collects the fee to cover the music director’s time outside of her normal work schedule - as paid staff - you cannot reimburse them outside of their employment and all payroll taxes [social security, medicare, workers comp, mass transit, etc.], custodial staff for cleaning the church - after the wedding and before Mass …

Cantors receive a stipend - they give up their time to practice the music, participate at the rehearsal and the wedding …

And as I said earlier - our priests [many over the years] have said that priests should not receive stipends as they are paid by the diocese [form what I was told - though - before all the payroll regulations - stipends were how priests paid for living expenses]

There is no way that I feel the $100 cleaning fee plus the $150 for the Music Directors time was paying for the Sacrament … and in reality probably did not cover the real costs … something we have discussed at Admin meetings - but we do our best to keep costs to couples affordable… other parishes have less flexibility and resources to subsidize the costs …

Then there is the utility costs associated with lights, heating/cooling and water- sewer - for very large weddings.

I do not count the Cantor Stipend, Marriage Encounter weekend and the NFP … as those costs are not paid to the parish - even if they are required

As I said - the priest refused the check I wrote, the Pre-Cana Marriage Prep was done with our Pastoral Associate - who at that time was a Deacon - now our Pastoral Associate is a lay woman with a Master’s degree … and we have two deacons who volunteer but are not paid staff …

Many parishes who perform a large number of weddings hire a person whose sole responsibility is weddings - the majority of which are large scale elaborate occasions - and they recoup more costs …

Some parishes have a hard time covering the the basic operating expenses through the Sunday collections - they need to recover all of the extra costs associated with weddings… I regularly attend a poor rural parish near my Mother lives - they cannot even meet their payroll costs at times [and other then the priest they have one paid staff working 15 hours a week - though I know she works more] … and have to make special collection appeals for various costs.

 

[white_sheep]

You make many good points, but most of them I don’t find to be germane. Each parish will have their own system. So, we’re going to have to boil it down some. Some parishes may not charge, but some do. We paid for all the individual stuff, the music guy we paid, we paid for NFP class, Engaged Encounter, all that stuff, gave an optional gift of a stipend to the deacon, and they demand $600 for the use of the building. That is the issue. Not any of the other stuff, that was already covered.

They don’t have a chapel. So any wedding there would incur all the same costs and difficulty whether you have two witnesses or two hundred. You still have to turn on the lights and a/c. I don’t get the hang up over having my whole family come to the wedding. I understand they have an electric bill, but two hours worth of electricity isn’t $600. Nor do they clean up afterward. They have at least 14 masses there every week, up to 9 on the weekend, and they don’t clean the church after each one, and the lights and a/c are already on. So having to hire a cleaning lady isn’t a valid argument.

That there may be a free clandestine wedding available is 1) not applicable at that parish as far as I am aware 2) ridiculous. To say that you don’t charge for a wedding unless you want a normal one where your family can come is just absurd. It’s great that your grandparents or whomever got married with 2 witnesses or whatever, but that would be the sin of scandal for me and for the Church. It’s completely inappropriate to act as if that is what is normal or appropriate for a wedding, or at least for every wedding.

Also, whatever a couple spend on their wedding, reception, or honeymoon has zero applicability as to whether the church should be charging for the use of the canonically required space to have their wedding performed in. All the weddings I have ever been to were about the same. Sure they cost a lot. Get married in church, go to reception hall or wherever, dance, music, drinks, food, toast, couple leave on honeymoon. There isn’t anything wrong with that. If somebody wants to do a bunch of expensive stuff, I don’t agree with the idea, but it’s their money, and it isn’t pertinent to this topic.

Don’t forget the wedding at Cana, it was kind of a big deal. I didn’t see any admonitions about that in the Bible.

 

[phil19034]

Each parish will have their own system. So, we’re going to have to boil it down some. Some parishes may not charge, but some do. We paid for all the individual stuff, the music guy we paid, we paid for NFP class, Engaged Encounter, all that stuff, gave an optional gift of a stipend to the deacon, and they demand $600 for the use of the building. That is the issue. Not any of the other stuff, that was already covered.

They don’t have a chapel. So any wedding there would incur all the same costs and difficulty whether you have two witnesses or two hundred. You still have to turn on the lights and a/c. I don’t get the hang up over having my whole family come to the wedding. I understand they have an electric bill, but two hours worth of electricity isn’t $600. Nor do they clean up afterward. They have at least 14 masses there every week, up to 9 on the weekend, and they don’t clean the church after each one, and the lights and a/c are already on. So having to hire a cleaning lady isn’t a valid argument.

That there may be a free clandestine wedding available is 1) not applicable at that parish as far as I am aware 2) ridiculous. To say that you don’t charge for a wedding unless you want a normal one where your family can come is just absurd. It’s great that your grandparents or whomever got married with 2 witnesses or whatever, but that would be the sin of scandal for me and for the Church. It’s completely inappropriate to act as if that is what is normal or appropriate for a wedding, or at least for every wedding.

Also, whatever a couple spend on their wedding, reception, or honeymoon has zero applicability as to whether the church should be charging for the use of the canonically required space to have their wedding performed in. All the weddings I have ever been to were about the same. Sure they cost a lot. Get married in church, go to reception hall or wherever, dance, music, drinks, food, toast, couple leave on honeymoon. There isn’t anything wrong with that. If somebody wants to do a bunch of expensive stuff, I don’t agree with the idea, but it’s their money, and it isn’t pertinent to this topic.

Don’t forget the wedding at Cana, it was kind of a big deal. I didn’t see any admonitions about that in the Bible.

Well, if you are an active member of the Parish you were married at (meaning you go to Church), I think you have a right to ask the Pastor or Finance Commitee Chair where the money goes and why the $600 fee. All the answers that we can give here are based on general reasons, not the relaties of your parish

 

[maryjk]

How happy would the priest, or the ordinary congregation, be if a Sunday Mass were to be taken over by the formalities of the typical wedding? Not very, so that does not happen.

Our priest was happy to do it.

He offered various Masses. There was one Mass that wasn’t offered. All other times were available.

Basically it came down to we could have our wedding at any Mass, but the most crowded one.

We were not allowed to change the readings. But we were allowed to chose some of the music. We were allowed to wear whatever we wanted, as long as it was church attire. And flowers were optional.

We also had the option of a small ceremony in the chapel. OR we could do the big wedding in the church.

A wedding within a regular mass would need to see fairly minimal special arrangements, and likely be less than the participants might reasonably wish.

Now, that is the problem isn’t it?

People want their, as another poster stated, royal wedding. They want the long walk down the aisle with everyone looking at them. They want that only their friends and their family are in the church. They want all of their attendants. They want all of that attention.

But none of that is required for the sacrament.

 

[Xantippe]

Some points:

1. As mentioned, not all churches have chapels.
2. A church Mass is public, so it’s not unreasonable to have people come to a wedding Mass, as with any other church Mass.
3. A wedding Mass (as opposed to just an exchange of vows) is not some sort of frill–that is the normal form of the marriage rite. It’s often kind of a sad thing when for whatever reason (say a mixed marriage) a bride has to go without a wedding Mass.
4. A standard Mass stipend is not $600. And yet, presumably, the lights and AC still get turned on…
5. If there are flowers or some other messy decoration to be removed, or the church has to be opened a couple hours early and monopolized by the wedding party during that time, it’s fair to ask to be compensated for that, as well as for any extra personnel who have to be brought in. But if there isn’t any decorating or extra personnel to be paid, it probably isn’t the sort of high-budget affair that everybody is worried about.
6. Ideally, aren’t churches supposed to be open all the time? That isn’t always possible, but it is the ideal.
7. Shouldn’t we be happy that people who are poorly catechized and don’t normally come to Mass have finally come? You have potentially a captive audience of hundreds of people–shouldn’t we be happy at that sort of golden opportunity to show the beauty of the faith? I almost get the feeling that a lot of people here rather resent the fact that people are coming to church. I was talking to my husband about this, and he points out that our Protestant brethren will do practically anything to get people into the door–up to and including drawings for free iPads.

christianpost.com/news/church-giving-away-ipad-prizes-in-stadium-wide-easter-egg-hunt-72506/

Meanwhile, one kind of gets the impression that we resent people coming to church. I wonder if that attitude has anything to do with the fact that some of those Catholic churches that are charging are having trouble paying the bills…

1. Providing sacraments and doing the paperwork for those sacraments is the basic business of the parish. It’s not a frill.
2. We normally have more guests and hoopla at our kids’ baptisms than we had at our wedding, which happened when we were quite poor (when I got married, I didn’t even own a spoon and I think my husband owned maybe 3). Should we be charged for those baptisms?
3. It shouldn’t be necessary to go crawling to the parish priest for special financial accommodations–that’s very shaming. In the US today, people of marriageable age are on average in terrible, terrible financial shape—student loans, low-paying jobs, out-of-wedlock kids, etc. I think there’s an optical illusion created by the expensive weddings, the bridal industry, and those surveys that claim that the average wedding costs $20k or so (a very misleading stat, from all I’ve heard). The average 26-year-old and her family simply cannot afford that.

 

[Sarabande]

I was wondering what is the average donation fee cost for a catholic wedding at your parish. A local smaller one is only asking for 100 but a bigger one a city over wanted 700-1k is this typical for churches to want that large of a fee?

It all depends on the area. Where I live it is very typical for most parishes to charge between $500-$2000. Our Cathedral charges $2000. It doesn’t include anything except for use of the church on Friday or Saturday. It used to be $800 when I married there, but they waived the fee for my husband and I because we sang there as volunteers in the choir for several years. The priest who married us only asked for me to sing at his parish when the new church opened, instead of giving him a financial donation. It opened two years after we were married and I kept my promise…not to mentioned he was a dear friend of ours.

I find older, beautiful churches in the city charge more. It helps keep the parishes open and covers the very high costs of heating and cooling and lighting the place on days it usually wouldn’t be opened. I think the suburban parishes tend to give breaks to parishioners, especially those who donate to the parish.

 

[Sarabande]

People can get married during a regular Mass if they want. If they are asking the church, priest, and others to spend more of their time and resources outside of normal church use, it’s not an unreasonable expectation. It’s not “charging for a sacrament”, it’s asking for a donation to cover additional time and expenses.

I think part of the problem is that most people do not know you can ask for that or they want a “customized” liturgy and would rather be able to choose their readings and such if they did know about the option.

I had no idea we could get married during a regular mass until a couple years after we were married. We would have seriously considered it. That said, as someone who has been very involved in wedding liturgies, I have found that most parishes don’t give that as an option and some don’t even allow it.

 

[YADA]

1. A church Mass is public, so it’s not unreasonable to have people come to a wedding Mass, as with any other church Mass.

True - no one is saying that people should not be allowed to come celebrate the wedding - but guest lists and special day at a specific time for the Mass makes the event more or less a private affair - not the public Mass you imply - if that is the case there is that option and your guests are free to come join the parish community in finding a seat at one of the daily or weekend Masses

1. A wedding Mass (as opposed to just an exchange of vows) is not some sort of frill–that is the normal form of the marriage rite. It’s often kind of a sad thing when for whatever reason (say a mixed marriage) a bride has to go without a wedding Mass.

You may have Mass -if they do not it is due to charity - inviting people to Mass but not to the Table places an emphasis on a disunity - if the couple desire a Mass knowing that - they may

1. A standard Mass stipend is not $600. And yet, presumably, the lights and AC still get turned on…

A standard Mass stipend? Are you speaking of the practice of having a Mass intention for a specific Mass … our daily Masses are said whether there is a Mass intention or not … and there - the $5 offering in my parish really pays for the Mass Card and postage mailed to the person or family informing them that a Mass is being said for their intention. Weddings fee covers the staff overtime incurred to meet with the couple to plan the wedding, the rehearsal time in the church, practice with cantors, etc in addition to the actual wedding day costs

1. Ideally, aren’t churches supposed to be open all the time? That isn’t always possible, but it is the ideal.

True - but this fact hardly means that anyone can drop by with 400 people and put on a Mass …

1. Shouldn’t we be happy that people who are poorly catechized and don’t normally come to Mass have finally come? You have potentially a captive audience of hundreds of people–shouldn’t we be happy at that sort of golden opportunity to show the beauty of the faith? I almost get the feeling that a lot of people here rather resent the fact that people are coming to church. I was talking to my husband about this, and he points out that our Protestant brethren will do practically anything to get people into the door–up to and including drawings for free iPads.

christianpost.com/news/church-giving-away-ipad-prizes-in-stadium-wide-easter-egg-hunt-72506/

Meanwhile, one kind of gets the impression that we resent people coming to church. I wonder if that attitude has anything to do with the fact that some of those Catholic churches that are charging are having trouble paying the bills…

The parish I mentioned is very rural and poor - small … it is one of the most welcoming parishes there is … they prepare a meal every week for those who desire companionship, are low income or just want to drop by … they open their parish hall as a warming center providing a warm safe place to sleep and a bowl of soup … that they struggle to meet expenses is a testimony to their giving - to those in need, to their community and to their parishioners …

1. Providing sacraments and doing the paperwork for those sacraments is the basic business of the parish. It’s not a frill.

True - but when you want extras like exclusive use of the parish for a large gathering - its the Sacrament plus …

1. We normally have more guests and hoopla at our kids’ baptisms than we had at our wedding, which happened when we were quite poor (when I got married, I didn’t even own a spoon and I think my husband owned maybe 3). Should we be charged for those baptisms?

Really - Yes - baptisms are happy occasions … but at our parish - typically - those baptisms occur during the regular Sunday celebration of the Mass - and typically the families do not get to pick which Mass time - it is not an exclusive occasion. … our parish never holds baptisms during the 7:30 AM Mass and rarely at the Vigil Mass - if that is your family’s normal Mass time - you will be told to pick one of the other Masses where a baptism will be held.

1. It shouldn’t be necessary to go crawling to the parish priest for special financial accommodations–that’s very shaming. In the US today, people of marriageable age are on average in terrible, terrible financial shape—student loans, low-paying jobs, out-of-wedlock kids, etc. I think there’s an optical illusion created by the expensive weddings, the bridal industry, and those surveys that claim that the average wedding costs $20k or so (a very misleading stat, from all I’ve heard). The average 26-year-old and her family simply cannot afford that.

No one should crawl … and no one suggested that - however, we are all called to support our parishes - with our time, talent and treasure … and communicate our needs. Parishes are accountable to the parishioners - being good servants of the people - meeting their needs and on order to do that - you need to communicate … And to be good stewards - accountable for using the contributions to further the mission of the church …

We all have financial issues - young, middle aged and elderly … My financial life changed with the death of a spouse. I did not crawl nor beg … nor request any special accommodation - I did communicate my reality with all its uncertainties - without embarrassment to my priest who genuinely cares and is entrusted by his role with my spiritual well being. And God provides - our God is good.

We should have faith that the parish staff is operating faithfully, and fairly - without accusing them of selling Sacraments - merely because you find it difficult to understand or grasp

 

[Lorelei12]

Weddings fee covers the staff overtime incurred to meet with the couple to plan the wedding, the rehearsal time in the church, practice with cantors, etc in addition to the actual wedding day costs

Yes, this is what I assumed our “wedding donation” covered. Not only did we reserve the church for a period of about three hours (including preparation time, the wedding itself, receiving line, and pictures), but we also had use of the church for the rehearsal the night before as well as a previous meeting with the organist. This does not even include the meeting and phone calls I had with the person in charge organizing it all- which included reading choices, details of the procession and ceremony, and so forth. She was also the one who kept track of everyone on the wedding day and got there early to open the church. Add in that our wedding was during the winter, requiring the use of heat and also people tracking in mud that probably needed to be cleaned before confession and the afternoon Mass, and the “donation” we gave seemed appropriate.

I had a small wedding (about 50 people) and it still took a lot of work to put together and required considerable time on the part of the parish staff. I am sure they aren’t paid a lot as it is, and because our parish is in a very popular city in our state to be married in, there are probably more weddings than in some other places.

They were still willing to accept whatever we felt we could afford, so it wasn’t like it was some rigid fee, and certainly those who couldn’t afford it would not have been denied a wedding for that reason. The way I see it, we weren’t paying to get married, we were making a donation to cover the cost of reserving the church exclusively on two separate occasions, as well as for all the time parish staff put into our wedding (which was not insignificant).

 

[RoseMary131]

My daughters wedding:

Pre-Cana Wedding preparation - free - performed by a Deacon who was also the paid staff - Pastoral Associate for the parish …

Priest - free - meetings for preparation, rehearsal and wedding [even though he traveled over an hour one way to perform] …

Marriage Encounter weekend - $150 - lodging and meals - facilitation

Natural Family Planning Classes diocesan program $45

Yada, did your daughters and sons-in-law attend an Engaged Encounter Weekend before their weddings?

Marriage Encounter Weekends are wonderful weeks designed for couples who are married. Unmarried couples would not be allowed to attend.

 

[tafan]

Xantippe, your post #52 is spot on. The definitive word on the subject IMO

 

[Xantippe]

YADA said:

“True - but when you want extras like exclusive use of the parish for a large gathering - its the Sacrament plus …”

If a group of 100 to 500 people got together and asked a priest to celebrate a Mass, shouldn’t he feel honor-bound to do so (schedule permitting, of course)? Isn’t that kind of what priests are for?

“Really - Yes - baptisms are happy occasions … but at our parish - typically - those baptisms occur during the regular Sunday celebration of the Mass - and typically the families do not get to pick which Mass time - it is not an exclusive occasion. … our parish never holds baptisms during the 7:30 AM Mass and rarely at the Vigil Mass - if that is your family’s normal Mass time - you will be told to pick one of the other Masses where a baptism will be held.”

All of our kids have been baptized at stand-alone private baptisms with no Mass. The first two were at college chapels and the third at our parish–I think right after a vigil Mass. I have certainly seen a number of in-Mass baptisms, but I also have often (and I think more frequently) seen newborns arriving in baby carriers right after Mass, so those baptisms are likewise private occasions, separate from the normally scheduled Masses. And there are often a dozen or two relatives present. So, should families be charged extra for those baptisms?

“Parishes are accountable to the parishioners - being good servants of the people - meeting their needs and on order to do that - you need to communicate … And to be good stewards - accountable for using the contributions to further the mission of the church …”

My husband and I are regular and generous donors to our parishes. I want the sacraments available to all eligible comers without charge and I would like to believe that our donations enable that to happen. If I believed that our donations were not enabling that to happen, I would have to reconsider our choice of parish, as that’s what the parish is for. When we got married, we had almost nothing and our entire wedding budget was $600 (including a gift of $150 for the parish–we weren’t asked for anything). If we had been asked to give $600 to the parish, I would probably have gone ahead with that and been embarrassed to ask for any accommodation, even though at the time, $600 represented 3 weeks of salary for me. At the time, I was both very proud (I had grown up as a poor relative and as a young adult was eager to pay my own way and ask no favors) and also not clear on my financial limitations.

Again, young people today are on average strapped–they are often in student and other debt up to their ears (the current average for those with student loans is $29k–multiply that by two, and you have a young couple with $58k in student loans), working low-wage jobs, raising kids born out of wedlock (50% of first born children in the US are born out of wedlock), and often living with their parents (nationally, over a third of 18-31 year-olds are living at home, the highest since the Great Depression).

money.cnn.com/2013/12/04/pf/college/student-loan-debt/

sacbee.com/2013/08/10/5638769/boom-in-boomerang-kids-percentage.html

cbsnews.com/news/almost-half-of-first-babies-in-us-born-to-unwed-mothers/

These days, one really has to assume that young people are struggling. I really feel that it is a good idea to go easy on young people. Give them a few years, and they’ll be able to pay it forward. (I was talking to my husband about this today and we’ve decided we’d like to start sending an anniversary check to the parish where we got married.)