Church wedding fees

[Xantippe]

I just called my archdiocese where we are parishioners and it costs $2,000! $1,500 for the church, $400 for the coordinator, and $100 to book the date that is not refundable. Mindyou, this does not include precana or priest fees or cantor/organist fees if we want a mass. It’s just freakin ridiculous. I’m a med student and my fiancé is also a student, and our parents have no money. If they don’t waive or reduce some fees we will have to wait until I’m a resident with some sort of an income to be able to afford this.

I think you should talk to your pastor and explain your situation.

The worst thing he can say is “no.”

I don’t think the parish should have such huge fees (because timid people are unlikely to speak up or point out difficult or embarrassing financial situations), but from previous discussion, it sounds like it’s often possible to get the parish to budge.

 

[Xantippe]

I am sorry this is your experience.

As a off-side heads up, the thread you responded to is one year old so that issue has probably already been resolved. Not a huge issue but you are new here so I would gently suggest that you start your own thread for new discussions.

It has been brought up that the church shouldn’t charge for Sacraments and they typically don’t. It is available for couples to receive sacraments and get married for NO cost. I know couples that have been married quietly after a Mass on a weekday which is beautiful and a sacrament!

However, most couples want a ceremony where they have use of the entire church, a rehearsal before, use of the bridal rooms, time for a photographer, music, flowers and many other things. It is these accommodations that actually cost the parish money. Paying the janitor to clean up, take out the trash, use of water and electricity weddings really do cost the parish money and they seek money to help defray the cost. It is wonderful to want a lovely church wedding!

If you cannot afford the parish fees, seek advice from your parish priest. They are usually happy to work with couples. Hope this helps, God bless.

I think that the schedule of fees ought to be made a lot clearer to couples:

–$0 basic private wedding in pastor’s office on a weekday–no music, no flowers, no guests except a couple of witnesses, no Mass

–$2,000 bells, whistles, and performing bears and trick ponies on Saturday AM

But even with that kind of clarity, I really, really feel like those should not be the only two choices. Many couples would like their friends and family to be able to come and see them get married, but have only a high three digit or low four digit budget./

There’s another thread running about people saying they’re “not ready to get married” with lots of pooh poohing about how it’s really not that expensive, blah blah blah, and young couples should just pull their socks up and put a ring on it, blah blah blah.

A $2k fee for even the most basic in-church wedding makes that sound pretty hollow.

I realize there’s such a thing as inflation, but when my husband and I got married (and paid for every bit of it ourselves), $2k was our combined monthly salary. We had no flowers (except a bouquet), no decorations, a handful of guests (4 or 5 max), but an actual wedding Mass, and our total expenses were in the high three figures (including a homemade brunch that I served in my efficiency apartment, grocery store cake, two gold wedding bands, a new dress and a gift to the parish). It absolutely boggles the mind that a parish would ask us for $2k for that.

Literally all of my kids’ baptisms had bigger footprints than our wedding (far more guests, more hoopla, two restaurant lunches for at least a dozen people), and they were all done at non-regularly scheduled times and our baby was the only one being baptized.

 

[Nelka]

I thought charging money for a Sacrament was simony.

We were told that we could make a donation if we want but we do not have to.

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

The abuse of requiring the faithful to pay for sacraments was kind of a big deal during the Reformation, so as far as I know, you aren’t supposed to pay for the wedding itself (just as you don’t pay for baptism or ordination), but you could have to pay for a reception hall and it is nice to give a check to the priest and other helpers. My husband and I married as penniless grad students with a handful of guests and gave a check for $150. Otherwise, there was no charge.

Since the OP is already civilly married, that may affect what kind of ceremony (and hence what kind of payment or gift) is customary.

You don’t pay for the sacrament. You pay for the use of the building and for the time of all those involved. For example, our choir and schola have to practice an extra 4 hours, and give up their Saturday to sing at someone’s wedding if they want a high Mass. They have to pay for us.

 

[pensmama87]

I thought charging money for a Sacrament was simony.

We were told that we could make a donation if we want but we do not have to.

That’s the way it was where we got married, as well. But we did not do any extra decorating and the church was not open any additional time, we brought our own musicians and altar servers who were compensated separately, etc. We did make a donation to the parish as well as compensated the priest for his time.

As a member of a “destination parish” for weddings (this is a different parish than where we were married), I don’t have a problem with charging for the extras - the utilities, the janitorial staff, etc. Our parish church is beautiful, large, and very expensive to maintain. If a couple desires to be married there, that is wonderful, but there is no automatic right to all the bells and whistles. For parishes with a high volume of weddings, I could see the need for a coordinator to make it happen.

Like Xantippe said, the options in this case probably need to be more clearly defined. I’m not saying a couple who can’t afford it needs to be relegated to the priest’s office, but I don’t necessarily think the parish is being greedy, either, for having fees - even very high ones.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I just called my archdiocese where we are parishioners and it costs $2,000! $1,500 for the church, $400 for the coordinator, and $100 to book the date that is not refundable. Mindyou, this does not include precana or priest fees or cantor/organist fees if we want a mass. It’s just freakin ridiculous. I’m a med student and my fiancé is also a student, and our parents have no money. If they don’t waive or reduce some fees we will have to wait until I’m a resident with some sort of an income to be able to afford this.

This is an old thread but…

1. You need not call the archdiocese to ask a fee question about a specific parish. Many parishes have all the information on the website or you can just call the office and ask.
2. Is the parish you are trying to get married in a high demand one? Cathedrals are mostly more expensive. I know that there is a separate fee for parishioners and non parishioners at our cathedral where we are parishioners with the non parishioner fee being substantially higher. As is fair because parishioners should get dates and services above non parishioners. It is a pastor’s responsibility to minister to HIS flock, not some flock from a (ahem) “less attractive” parish. So please call and speak to the people who will be doing the wedding and the prep!
3. Have your priest over for dinner and discuss this with him. You will find that almost always the fees are waived and done so without any uncomfortable conversations or feelings.
4. You most certainly could find a cheaper parish if you need to.
   People of all cultures and economic backgrounds get married all the time in every diocese!
5. Waiting may not be a bad idea either. If you are having trouble making the wedding happen, it might be better to wait to enter into a sexually active marriage where kids can come forth. Yes, even with med school level understandings of NFP you should be prepared. Do your student loans or scholarships provide room and board for you two separately? This may be affected with marriage, you should look into that!

We were married at our parish 14 years ago. It was the Cathedral and the prices on the website were high but not as high as what you quoted. Our priest accepted only 100 dollars from us. He refused any more. Our cantor was a friend and we were not “poor” third world poor, but we were poor just starting out poor. Our wedding was beautiful we did not spend a ton of money on the reception either (that would be horrible to balk at fees from the Church but then get the best venue and best booze you can get a loan for!)

To this day I think our wedding was the favorite one Father did so far in his priesthood. We were by far the “poorest” couple in our pre cana classes and ironically we were the only Catholic couple and only couple that did not meet in a bar…

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

There’s a big difference between a wedding in Church, with a reserved time and any of those other Sacraments. For one thing, for most of them, the person receiving the Sacrament is not the one in charge of the rite, the location, the music, etc.

As long as the couple has the ability to have a simpler wedding without paying, there is no problem. It’s simply an option. Option A: have a quiet ceremony during or right after a regular Mass (this is what most couples do when convalidating BTW) or Option B: have a private ceremony with a reserved time, exclusive use of the Church facilities and control over the environment (music, decorations, readers, etc.) Option A: no cost. Option B: cost.

Actually, since all sacraments are public, not private, couples don’t have exclusive use of a church and anyone is free to attend the ceremony.

 

[Xantippe]

Actually, since all sacraments are public, not private, couples don’t have exclusive use of a church and anyone is free to attend the ceremony.

Exactly.

A wedding Mass is not some sort of private party.

 

[UbiCaritas]

One option might be to do as some friends of mine did when they got married.

They were fairly broke–like, making-under-20k/year-broke, and this was about 5 years ago, but were ready to get married.

They explained things to their pastor, who suggested that they get married in the rectory chapel. A lot of older rectories will have these; the priests will often use them as a place to pray their breviary and so on. The couple really wanted to get married in front of the Blessed Sacrament, but couldn’t afford the standard $500 fee for the church, so this was a good compromise. The chapel would have seated about 20 comfortably, which worked for their plans.

A couple of weeks before the wedding, the deacon who was to marry them had the idea that since the outdoor temperature was pleasant at that time of year and they were getting married in the morning, they could use the church without turning on the climate control or the lights, both of which, of course, eat money, especially in an older church. That turned out to be a great idea; they got married in the church itself, and from a “looks” perspective, the natural light pouring through the stained glass was stunning.

There were about 10 people there besides the couple–just close family and a few friends. The bride’s mom bought her a pretty dress to wear, and the groom wore a suit he already had. No flowers, no programs, so no cleanup afterwards.

We then all went to the local public gardens so that the photographer friend could take pictures, and finished up with dinner out.

Would it have worked for everyone? Nope. But y’know, at the end of the day, they got married with the people who were most important to them there, they were married by a deacon who’d prepped them solidly for marriage, and it really was a lovely wedding. I suspect that that sort of wedding was a lot more common in the 30s/40s here in the US than the massive bash we tend to expect today.

Long story short: talk to the priest, because fees and such can often be waved or reduced; take a look at less expensive churches; be willing to be flexible about dates (a Wednesday afternoon is going to be a lot easier to swing than Saturday at 5 PM), and nope, you don’t need a 100K wedding reception for everyone to have a nice time.

Oh, and on the reception: see if you have a Knights of Columbus hall near you, and check the prices. DH and I got married in a ridiculously expensive city at Christmastime , but lucked out in finding a K of C hall that was gorgeous on the inside, served one of the best meals I’ve ever eaten, and charged about 20% of the lowest going rate elsewhere in town, probably partly because they’re not in it for a big profit, and partly because they were in a less fashionable area. Plus, you know the money’s going to a good cause! At ours after costs, for example, I knew that the money we spent was going to help local kids get to good summer camps and get much-needed mobility assistance devices and help the local crisis pregnancy center out.