Church won't marry us

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Brendan said:
But you not being Catholic does not prevent a ‘Church’ wedding. If you have proof of Baptism; request a Dispensation of Form for Disparity of Cult. You (or specifically, your fiance) can get that from the Bishop’s Secretary.
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Problem: there is no disparity, as neither of them are Catholic yet… Good idea, but does not apply in this case.
 
Really good news here…it won’t take until April 2008 to be received in the church (and if your parish and their RCIA program is planning to wait until April, run quick - it ain’t a Catholic Church - you’ll be right where you started.)
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Well they said around April… It is Catholic because it is the co-Cathedral of the Diocease(Basillica)

*Mission Statement

The Basilica of Saint Mary is a community rooted in the gospel of Jesus Christ. As the Co-Cathedral of the Archdiocese of Saint Paul and Minneapolis, it is our mandate to model, to inspire and to:
Provide quality liturgy, faith formation, pastoral care, and hospitality
Preach justice and provide emergency relief to the poor
Pursue interfaith relationships
Contribute to the celebration of the sacred arts in this community*

The Parish is marked by hospitality and a rich diversity of age, ethnic, racial, social and economic backgrounds.

The Roman Catholic Church, over the course of time, has added a more specific meaning to the word sacrament by defining certain Christian rituals as sacraments. Since the twelfth century, we have articulated seven sacraments. These are the seven principal liturgical rites of the church through which participants experience the love and power of God (Grace) that flows from Jesus’ Passion, Death and Resurrection. They can be grouped into three categories: the Sacraments of Initiation; the Sacraments of Healing and the the Sacraments of Vocation.

Initiation into the Church is celebrated at the Easter Vigil

…They like to do confimration, and First communion on Easter holiday I think. I don’t know if its just a preferance of the churchor a requirment. THey said some people finish before others do… .mary.org/
I really hope that you do get a strong RCIA program, and learn to take personal responsibility for your faith - it will be that much more rewading for you. Being grounded in knowledge and truth is so much better than second guesses from friends.
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I actually really liked the RCIA director that I talked to. She was extremely nice and she is the main teacher of the program, she said shes been doing RCIA for 18 years. She said I should not try to force my fiancee to go with me because you can’t force someone. My fiancee said she might go to the field trip with me though, so I could use that as an opprotunity…
 
I wonder why if your profound disire is to merry in the church, why your bride-to-be does not honor that.It is only 6 more months. You have to be catholic with sacramental documents to merry in the catholic church. My daughter was married this last may and boy we had to sigh a lot of papers and send for copies from the catholic chuch of her baptism, ist communion and confirmatiom. You are asking for a sacramental marriage it is worth being sure about.
 
I am a Catholic that has been baptized, had a first communion, and had a confirmation.

My fiancee’ is a Catholic also that has been baptized and had a first communion, but hasn’t been confirmed.

She believes that since she isn’t confirmed that we aren’t able to get married in a Catholic Church. She backs this up with the fact that her brother who is in the same situation as her was refused marriage in the church since he wasn’t confirmed. He ended up getting marriage by the justice of the peace because he didn’t want to go through the confirmation process.

I just want to get a solid answer on this issue. So my question is:

Is confirmation required to be married in a Catholic church?

And if she doesn’t get confirmed and if we got marriage outside the church, is it true that our future children can’t get baptized by the Catholic church since it wouldn’t recognize our marriage?

🤷
 
pipman said:
Is confirmation required to be married in a Catholic church?
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No. But…

They will want her to do it if it can be done without grave hassle. Since they usually require a six month wait to marry, I’d expect they can squash a confirmation in within that length of time.

I suggest talking with the priest to see how this will play out in your particular diocese. I can’t tell you how they will handle it specifically in your case.
And if she doesn’t get confirmed and if we got marriage outside the church, is it true that our future children can’t get baptized by the Catholic church since it wouldn’t recognize our marriage?
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It is true that you may find that your parish priest will refuse to baptize a child in this circumstance. The reasoning behind this is that they may be assuming that the child will not have a real chance of being brought up in the faith.

You sound like you may have concerns that your parish priest would be glad to help you with and explain things about. I know my priest would want to know that someone in his parish had concerns like this and would want a chance to talk about it with them. 🙂
 
pipman said:
I am a Catholic that has been baptized, had a first communion, and had a confirmation.

My fiancee’ is a Catholic also that has been baptized and had a first communion, but hasn’t been confirmed.

She believes that since she isn’t confirmed that we aren’t able to get married in a Catholic Church. She backs this up with the fact that her brother who is in the same situation as her was refused marriage in the church since he wasn’t confirmed. He ended up getting marriage by the justice of the peace because he didn’t want to go through the confirmation process.

I just want to get a solid answer on this issue. So my question is:

Is confirmation required to be married in a Catholic church?

And if she doesn’t get confirmed and if we got marriage outside the church, is it true that our future children can’t get baptized by the Catholic church since it wouldn’t recognize our marriage?

🤷
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The fact that your fiancee and her family do not wish to receive the Sacrament of Confirmation sends out red flags to me, especially the part about choosing to neglect another Sacrament (Matrimony) by going to a justice of the peace. Is she serious about her Catholic faith? Does she even care if her future children are Catholic? It would not be hard to get Confirmed. If she is serious about being a Catholic, she would do it. Also, if a Catholic has not been Confirmed, he or she cannot be a godparent.
 
Our parish had an “emergency” confirmation this year for a soldier who was going to Iraq and had his wedding and confirmation dates moved up because of this. We are the cathedral parish, so it was easy to find the bishop.

By the way, while the bishop is the ordinary conferrer of the sacrament of Confirmation, any priest can do it.

One thing that needs to be said here is that Renton really needs RCIA or some other intensive instruction in the faith in order to be received into the Church. It is very plain from his original question and follow-ups that he is lacking in basic instruction in the faith. He cannot give an informed consent to enter the Church without that instruction. When infants are baptised the parents are required to take classes so they can fulfil the responsibilities they take on to train their child in the faith.

Hang in there Renton. The Church wants you as a member, but it cannot receive you as a member unless you give an informed consent. You can’t do that unless you understand what you are doing.
 
I’m wondering how Renton’s marriage is, how his initiation process is coming along, whether he’s participated in a Rite of Welcoming yet, and what did his field trip entail? I’m also wondering if he realizes that Catholic parents are obligated to raise their children in the faith.
 
Linnyo said:
I don’t understand this at all. I married my husband before completing RCIA and, in actual fact, I would still have been able to marry him without becoming a catholic. Just book a different church. They can’t stop you.
Is your fiance a catholic? I just presumed he was but if he isn’t then that would be why.
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If you mean try a different Catholic church, beware! lol

We switched churches this year due to job and school and we were refused to the bitter end. (A 9 day novena found us on the right track praise God)

Priests hate church shopping and will do whatever it takes to stop you, apparently. So trying another priest will make it look worse.
 
You do not have to be comfirmed to be I married in the church. my daughter was not comfirmed. She felt it was not nessicary to be in communion with God. She was in marriage prep when she canceled her wedding. She was able to be married in the church if she had gone through with it. I have a friend who was married last year and neither her or her husband were confirmed.
 
Note that one is obliged, by canon law, to be confirmed whether or not one is contemplating marriage.
Can. 890 The faithful are obliged to receive this sacrament at the proper time. Parents and pastors of souls, especially pastors of parishes, are to take care that the faithful are properly instructed to receive the sacrament and come to it at the appropriate time.
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In my experience most priests will require that a Catholic be at least preparing for confirmation before they will marry them. Otherwise he is allowing them to participate in a sacrament while in a state of sin - disobedience to Church teaching.
 
1ke said:
When you become Catholic there is nothing to do. Convalidation is only required when a CATHOLIC marries invalidly and seeks to have their marriage validated. Yours will already be valid when you become a Catholic.
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Do you happen to have anything to back this up? Dh was baptized Catholic, had first communion, no confirmation. I wasn’t even baptized. We were married (not in the Church), but went through RCIA together, me for baptism, communion, and confirmation, dh just confirmation. The priest said our marriage was now valid in the eyes of the Church as well. Fast forward to 2 years later another priest said it was not valid, we were living in a state of mortal sin. We had our marriage blessed… So who was right? Is it different only because my dh was baptized??
 
bethndanny said:
Do you happen to have anything to back this up? Dh was baptized Catholic, had first communion, no confirmation. I wasn’t even baptized. We were married (not in the Church), but went through RCIA together, me for baptism, communion, and confirmation, dh just confirmation. The priest said our marriage was now valid in the eyes of the Church as well. Fast forward to 2 years later another priest said it was not valid, we were living in a state of mortal sin. We had our marriage blessed… So who was right? Is it different only because my dh was baptized??
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First off, you could not be living in mortal sin if you did not have knowledge or consent of the will.

Secondly, I’d ask the tribunal, or the chancery, then take it to the priest who said you were living in mortal sin.
 
Well, we already had our marriage blessed, as the second priest told us to… But I was just curious about the matter. Thanks. 🙂
 
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