Civil marriage and Comunion

[Lisy39]

I have been married for 21 years. My husband an I were married through a Justice of the Peace. I have been attending mass frequently at times my husband attends with me, but after mass he says he feels like a second class citizen because I was told that we can not take comunion because our marriage has not been blessed by the church. Is this true? How can I prove to him that what I was told is true? Were can I find this information? Please help!

 

[benedictgal]

First of all, baptized Catholics must be married in the Church. Now, if this is the first marriage for you and your husband (meaning that neither of you had been previously married), all you need to do is contact your parish priest and have your marriage blessed (convalidation).

I don’t have the appropriate Canon Law section, but, it is a precept of the Church that, as a Catholic, your marriage must be valid in order to receive the sacraments. If you or your husband were involved in a previous marriage, you need to secure the annulments. Your diocesan tribunal office can help you with the process.

 

[PhilotheaZ]

If neither you nor your husband was Catholic at the time of your civil marriage, and this is the first marriage for both of you, the Catholic Church would consider your marriage to be valid (only Catholics and their spouses are required to be married in the Catholic Church), and your civil marriage would not prevent you from receiving Communion after you were received into the Catholic Church.

If one or both of you were Catholic at the time of your civil marriage, you are not married in the eyes of God and the Church. The reason people in such a situation cannot receive Communion is that it is considered a serious (mortal) sin to have sexual relations with someone to whom you are not validly married, and no one in the state of mortal sin can receive Communion until they have been forgiven in the sacrament of Confession. In order to receive absolution in the sacrament of Confession, you must have the intention not to commit that sin again; thus you would need to have your marriage situation taken care of before returning to the sacraments.

I know this sounds difficult, but it is not an impossible situation. Talk to your priest to find out what steps you can take to have your marriage convalidated in the Church, and pray for the grace to do whatever is necessary. God bless you!

 

[puzzleannie]

I have been married for 21 years. My husband an I were married through a Justice of the Peace. I have been attending mass frequently at times my husband attends with me, but after mass he says he feels like a second class citizen because I was told that we can not take comunion because our marriage has not been blessed by the church. Is this true? How can I prove to him that what I was told is true? Were can I find this information? Please help!

why not visit your priest, call for an appointment this morning, and make arrangements for a marriage convalidation, which can be done rather quickly, given the length and stability of your relationship and with little fanfare if you don’t want a big event.

why continue that separation from the other sacraments which should and does cause such pain?

and “who” told you what you believe about your marriage, and failed to tell you the very easy remedy? that was not a friend, or you misheard. the person who “tells you” about the sacraments is your priest who knows you and knows your situation

if there is nothing preventing it like prior marriage and divorce (which may also be much simpler to resolve than you think) how on earth did you wait so long?

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

I have been married for 21 years. My husband an I were married through a Justice of the Peace. I have been attending mass frequently at times my husband attends with me, but after mass he says he feels like a second class citizen because I was told that we can not take comunion because our marriage has not been blessed by the church. Is this true? How can I prove to him that what I was told is true? Were can I find this information? Please help!

Here

vatican.va/roman_curia/congregations/cfaith/documents/rc_con_cfaith_doc_14091994_rec-holy-comm-by-divorced_en.html

 

[1ke]

I have been married for 21 years. My husband an I were married through a Justice of the Peace. I have been attending mass frequently at times my husband attends with me, but after mass he says he feels like a second class citizen because I was told that we can not take comunion because our marriage has not been blessed by the church. Is this true? How can I prove to him that what I was told is true? Were can I find this information? Please help!

Lisy,

You don’t give enough information here.

(1) Is this the first marriage for both of you?
(2) Were you Catholics at the time you married?
(3) If you were Catholics at the time you married, why did you not marry in the Church according to the proper form?
(4) Have you discussed this with your priest?

 

[Lisy39]

(1) Is this the first marriage for both of you? Yes it is
(2) Were you Catholics at the time you married? Yes
(3) If you were Catholics at the time you married, why did you not marry in the Church according to the proper form? We were 17 & 18 years old and I was pregnant.
(4) Have you discussed this with your priest? We have but unfortunatly we are in a very difficult financial situation and dont have any extra money to allocate to a wedding. And also we had to pawn our wedding rings last year. I do understand that wedding rings are not what makes a marriage but I guess we feel that is part of our promise. I dont know if there is any charge for a convalidation, however, I would not feel comfortable taking up my priest’s time, and not be able to make some kind of donation.

 

[juliamajor]

(1) Is this the first marriage for both of you? Yes it is
(2) Were you Catholics at the time you married? Yes
(3) If you were Catholics at the time you married, why did you not marry in the Church according to the proper form? We were 17 & 18 years old and I was pregnant.
(4) Have you discussed this with your priest? We have but unfortunatly we are in a very difficult financial situation and dont have any extra money to allocate to a wedding. And also we had to pawn our wedding rings last year. I do understand that wedding rings are not what makes a marriage but I guess we feel that is part of our promise. I dont know if there is any charge for a convalidation, however, I would not feel comfortable taking up my priest’s time, and not be able to make some kind of donation.

Go talk to priest.Don’t stop now-tell him about your circumstances. If he is a true man of God he will be compassionate and tell you not to worry about any money.You don’t need a full blown wedding.Street clothes two witness and the priest . everything else is just ‘padding’.

 

[Seatuck]

(1) Is this the first marriage for both of you? Yes it is
(2) Were you Catholics at the time you married? Yes
(3) If you were Catholics at the time you married, why did you not marry in the Church according to the proper form? We were 17 & 18 years old and I was pregnant.
(4) Have you discussed this with your priest? We have but unfortunatly we are in a very difficult financial situation and dont have any extra money to allocate to a wedding. And also we had to pawn our wedding rings last year. I do understand that wedding rings are not what makes a marriage but I guess we feel that is part of our promise. I dont know if there is any charge for a convalidation, however, I would not feel comfortable taking up my priest’s time, and not be able to make some kind of donation.

1. Lisy go to your priest and make arrangements for convalidation. I’m sure he will do it for no charge . When you are able then go do something nice for him.
   You really need to do this. As far as the church is concerned you are not married. You are living with someone who is not your spouse. This is a sin. This is why you are not able to receive the sacraments.This is very important for both your souls to go get corrected. Your soul and your husbands soul are more important than a donation. Your priest will understand the risk that your souls are in under these circumstances. You will also need to go to confession about this.

Praying for you . Please take care of this. Please keep coming to Mass.

 

[puzzleannie]

(1) (4) Have you discussed this with your priest? We have but unfortunatly we are in a very difficult financial situation and dont have any extra money to allocate to a wedding.

there is no cost involved if you convalidate during or after a regularly scheduled Mass, there may be some minimal fee for the marriage prep classes, but if you ask your pastor no doubt he will help or defray the nominal expense. also ask him for a referral to Catholic Charities, St Vincent de Paul society or similar organization to help with other material needs your family may have in this difficult time. Money is never a reason to delay the sacraments. not to “take up his time” is ridiculous that is the priest’s job and he gets a salary. if at some time you are in a position to make a nominal donation, he would be grateful but it is NEVER a requirement.

 

[1ke]

(1) Is this the first marriage for both of you? Yes it is
(2) Were you Catholics at the time you married? Yes
(3) If you were Catholics at the time you married, why did you not marry in the Church according to the proper form? We were 17 & 18 years old and I was pregnant.
(4) Have you discussed this with your priest? We have but unfortunatly we are in a very difficult financial situation and dont have any extra money to allocate to a wedding. And also we had to pawn our wedding rings last year. I do understand that wedding rings are not what makes a marriage but I guess we feel that is part of our promise. I dont know if there is any charge for a convalidation, however, I would not feel comfortable taking up my priest’s time, and not be able to make some kind of donation.

You do not have to have a big wedding to have a convalidation. It just requires the priest and two witnesses in his office-- it just takes a few minutes.

Do not let this come between you and the Sacraments any longer. Go see your priest!

Do not be embarrassed about your financial situation. Just tell the priest everything. If you can, instead of $, invite him over for a homecooked meal, priests love those!