Civil Marriage (Military related)

[Paladin_D]

Hey everyone,

My fiancé and I are both practicing Catholics and we are currently planning our wedding for next year. With that being said, I’m in the active duty military and currently trying to save up money to pay for the wedding. We live several states away from each other.

Since the military legally sees me as “single”, I can only live in the barracks which are extremely limited in space and I am not allotted extra money per month for rent or grocery money since it’s all “given” to me via barracks living and a chow hall. With that being said, we want to do things the right way and WILL get married in the Catholic Church.

However, is it a sin to get married through a JOP but remain living as single individuals with no sexual contact and cohabitating? She would remain where she is, and I would rent a place to get our future home ready.

Thoughts?

Thanks in advance.

 

[1ke]

However, is it a sin to get married through a JOP but remain living as single individuals with no sexual contact and cohabitating? She would remain where she is, and I would rent a place to get our future home ready.

Thoughts?

Thanks in advance.

DO NOT do things the wrong way-- contracting an invalid marriage. Yes, it is wrong to violate the laws of the Church regarding marriage, even if you do not intend to live as husband/wife.

It is also wrong to defraud the military, which is in essence what you want to do.

Just have a simple Catholic wedding now, or wait until you can afford what you want. Do not try to skirt around the requirements of the Church or the government. Not the way to begin your married life.

Talk to the military chaplain about options for getting married properly.

 

[CatholicRaven]

I agree with 1ke.

Use the barracks and eat in the chow hall. If you didn’t, you’d be spending the “extra” money you were given to pay for food, transportation, and rent plus utilities, etc., anyway. Save up your money. It’s not a good idea to assume that being married (or “living together”) will cost less–it seems like it should in theory and on paper, but somehow, it usually doesn’t work that way in practice!

Besides, you don’t want to make your wedding about money. It’s about the love and commitment you have for your bride. Make it special, and do it right the** first **time. She’s worth it, right?

 

[KendraDZ1902]

My husband lived in the barracks until we were married. We weren’t Catholics at the time, but we are very traditional and our families would have flipped out if we went to the JOP. I was far from him too. I’m sure you hate the barracks and all, but you will get through it. A month or so after we married, the barracks my hubby lived in was deemed “uninhabitable.” He got through those living conditions, I’m sure you will get through yours.

 

[RoseMary131]

Hey everyone,
I’m in the active duty military and currently trying to save up money to pay for the wedding.

Since the military legally sees me as “single”, I can only live in the barracks which are extremely limited in space and I am not allotted extra money per month for rent or grocery money since it’s all “given” to me via barracks living and a chow hall.

Congratulations, Paladin, on your engagement and thank you for your commitment to military service for all of us.

The military considers you “single” because you are single.

You receive your military pay - plus you receive housing in the barracks and food in the chow hall.

If today you were married, you would receive your housing allowance. Then you need to take that money and rent an apartment or house, pay for utilities, obtain renters insurance if you want to cover your household items against loss. You need to purchase your groceries. You’ll need furniture, kitchen items, etc.

Do you know the amount of your housing allowance with one dependent?

Do you know the cost of paying monthly housing (rent, etc.) and groceries?

I would guess that once you receive your allowance and spend what you need - there is not a lot left over for savings.

Now look at another side of your plan. Take the questions I have below and try to imagine the actual events and how each of you may actually feel during that event. What emotions would you experience?

Think about the day of your civil wedding. How do you feel getting ready that morning to take your fiance, the love of your life, as your bride? How does she feel getting ready that morning knowing in a few hours you will become her husband?

How do you both feel realizing you are each other’s legal husband and wife?

What do you do after the ceremony on your legal wedding day? Do you go on a date?

How does it feel telling all your friends and family that you two are married?

How does it feel to kiss the woman you just married - knowing she’s your legal wife - but not validly your wife?

How does it feel taking all the paper work to the DEERS/ ID office to make her your dependent spouse for the BAQ/BAH money?

How do the two of you remove your “hearts” from being married legally?

How do each of you feel when you prepare at the parish for your Sacramental Marriage - as you explain to each person helping you that you have a legal marriage for the extra money - so you can pay for the “extra costs of all your wedding plans” with your Sacramental Marriage?

How much money after housing/ grocery expenses did your make with this transition from “single” to “married - one dependent”?

Then there’s the even more important moral side with listening to the Church and the proper way to prepare for a Sacramental Marriage - meaning not to contract a civil marriage.

(You two might actually be having a Convalidation Ceremony when you present yourself to the Church as legally married wanting a Sacramental Marriage.)

Your Catholic Chaplain can help you to understand Marriage as a Sacrament. Her parish priest can help her.

May you and your fiance have a blessed Engagement and a Holy Marriage.

(There are lots of people who have their civil wedding - thinking “we’ll have it convalidated later”… it often is a long time - if ever before the convalidation happens.

 

[Catholic1954]

Been there, done that and it was a big mess. Stay in the barracks, eat in the chow hall and save every single penny you can live without.

 

[RoseMary131]

Would you exchange wedding rings at the wedding with the Justice of the Peace?

As years pass by and you fondly remember the anniversary of your first date, the anniversary of your engagement, what do you call the anniversary of this wedding? Anniversary of official date for increase BAQ/BAH /housing allowance doesn’t sound romantic.