Civil wedding advice - Coronavirus disrupting wedding plans

[melaureus]

Hi all,

Looking for advice about the current situation. I am due to get married in a Catholic Church this August abroad. Due to the coronavirus pandemic, its looking fairly unlikely that this will happen, so my fiancé and I have been putting other plans in place just incase. The country I plan to marry in requires you to wed in a civil ceremony in the town hall (usually a number of days, weeks or months before the wedding day with reception etc), followed by a church ceremony. As my fiancé is living abroad and we do not intend to live together until we are married, the prospect of cancelling the wedding also stops him from moving here. We also most likely cannot travel to see each other in the coming months, and so were hoping to get married sooner. Our idea was to have the civil ceremony in the UK (where I live), and then have the wedding day and reception either as planned in August, or re-arrange. I have read that civil weddings are not recognised by the Catholic Church, so my question is, if I have the marriage blessed, is there anyway we can still have a wedding ceremony (or something similar) in a Catholic Church on our originally planned wedding day?

TLDR: Can you have some form of wedding ceremony after having your marriage blessed/convalidated?

I hope that makes sense. Thank you.

 

[Phemie]

Can you not simply get married in a Catholic ceremony in the UK, eliminating the need for a civil ceremony and have the reception as planned in the other country? Seems to me that would simplify everything. Did you know you can even be married by proxy?

That said, if you got married civilly in the UK, the Church marriage in the other country later would be a convalidation. There’s no reason it couldn’t be the kind of ceremony you’d already planned.

 

[Allegra]

You’d have to talk to the clergy involved, but I would think the best course of action would be to have the Sacrament performed privately on or around the day you are legally married, and then ask the pastor to come to your planned reception for a formal presentation or something like that. I don’t know if an official format exists, but as the Sacrament would have already been performed, it could probably be whatever readings and blessings the pastor finds appropriate.

 

[Anicette]

Hi

I lived in France, so civil ceremy before any religious weedin is a mandate. But it can arranged the same day.

If you get married civilly, you will have of course the possibility to received the sacrament of marriage in the Church without any problem later.

But until you are Church married you are not married in the eyes of God, so not free to live as husband of wife without commiting a sin.

So it may be possible for you, but if you continued to live apart or if no possibility under the same rooth, but as roomate.

Speak to the priest who planned to marry you to have his opinion and yours options and precise that you don’t want to live in sin. Your situation given the virus and you and your fiancé living in different countries is certaily very common.

 

[Gorgias]

Our idea was to have the civil ceremony in the UK (where I live), and then have the wedding day and reception either as planned in August, or re-arrange.

Were you planning to have the Church wedding in the UK on the same day? Or in a different place or at a different time?

Perhaps you might speak to your pastor in the UK – might he be able to have a small private wedding Mass or service? Then, when all this has passed, have a party to celebrate your wedded bliss through the whole pandemic experience, and maybe ask the local pastor to come and give you a blessing at the start of the reception (or even in church)?

It’s not at all going to be what you planned… but it will be a wonderful witness to the fact that your marital love cannot be stopped by anything this world throws at it!

 

[Margaret_Ann]

Talk to your priest. My Aunt Margaret died on the 14th. My cousins had a private viewing & funeral (priest & family only). Something similar could be arranged for you.

 

[melaureus]

Thanks everyone for the advice.

The problem is that my fiancés parents/family would not be able to attend if we had a ceremony in England soon, so we would really rather wait to do something like that until we can all get to the same place. Thats why I was hoping there would be a way we could be married in the eyes of God, but also have a ceremony (or something like it) at a later date. So, originally there would have been a civil ceremony on a Thursday, and then the church wedding ceremony and reception on the Saturday. Now I am hoping to have the civil ceremony much earlier with a blessing of some sort, and also have the church ceremony and reception at some point in the future when safe to do so.

Any more advice based on this further information would be really helpful!

 

[melaureus]

Hi Phemie, as I’ve explained below, my fiancés family would not be able to attend the ceremony so we would rather do that at another time. Can you tell me more about getting married by proxy?

Thats a good point. My only concern is that there will be a big gap between the civil ceremony and the church ceremony, and for us to live as husband and wife would be a sin. My fiancé would be unhappy with us living together even as roommates before being married.

Thanks again.

 

[melaureus]

Hi Gorgias,

We had planned to have the church wedding abroad, not in the UK, and it would be in August (hopefully if thats possible), but the civil ceremony would be very soon.

Thats a really good point. A blessing in church would be great. Thank you.

 

[Phemie]

I’m sorry, for some reason I thought he’d be coming for a civil marriage then going back to where he is currently living. You wouldn’t have to go with him until you are ready for the Church ceremony. And since you’d already be legally married there would be no need for a civil marriage in whatever country you are going to, just the Church ceremony/convalidation.

I don’t know the ins and outs of a wedding by proxy, I only know that it’s possible.

But you have to understand that there is no “blessing” for a civil marriage of a Catholic. When people talk of having their marriage “blessed” what they are really talking about is a new marriage ceremony/convalidation in the Church.

 

[Anicette]

Now I am hoping to have the civil ceremony much earlier with a blessing of some sort, and also have the church ceremony and reception at some point in the future when safe to do so.

You don’t understand that unless you are a Protestant, there is the sacament of marriage and nothing else such as a blessing.
You are either married in the eyes of God (sacramentally) or not. There is no blessing for a civil marriage only.

So given the situation you would have to make choices based on what the priest allowed you and what the rules of your country is. Maybe you would be able to have a Church weeding with only you your fiancée the priests and you witnesses. Or maybe just a civil marriage only. Or if the situation goes worst maybe nothing would be allowed by your country until the virus is gone. Maybe you would choose to delay everything.

You may also to have a reception later after being married with the family, but without legal and Catholic ceremony. But maybe to have your mariage mentionned during a mass is something possible.

It is sad, I am sorry for you and all who have planned their marriage in 2020. It is not easy, but it is not as if you can change the pandemic reality.