Clean issues post 3

[Anglewannabe]

Hi Everyone,

First I want to thank everyone for their (name removed by moderator)ut on my previous post. I got some good household hints as well as good (name removed by moderator)ut as to the psychological issue.

So, I have been doing a bit each day and my place is looking better than it has in months if not a year Yeah !

Here is the thing. When I first moved here, I had a brand new toilet. Within a week, the bowl had a big rim of either calcium deposits or iron or I don’t know what. Over the years, I have tried different cleaners including CLR which basically did minimal to remove the stain and a few days later, the rust built up again. In a way it is not surprising because I live in an area with really bad water.

So, this morning I surfed the net to find tips on how to get rid of it. I basically ran around in circles since it is all stuff I have tried before. And then I tried something that did not work to well. That is when I got all angry and mad. I have an issue with letting go of resentments and I have done a lot of work on this issue. But when my cleaning gets to be too much, it is as if all the resentments come back.

I can’t count how many times I have tried something domestic from sewing a button on to cleaning a tough stain. I put a lot of energy into it and roomates/friends would say ‘the reason it didn’t work is because you didn’t try’:banghead:

For example, if I tried to clean a stain and it didn’t work, someone would say ‘have you tried xyz’. I would try to say ‘let’s talk about something else’ the person would not let it go, I would get into a big headache of an argument over it, then the person would say ‘let me show you’. They would do XYZ, it wouldn’t work and then they would look at me with a baffled look ‘how come it doesn’t work? Could you please fix it’:banghead:

So, I feel very caught in the middle. I would assert myself and say ‘Let’s talk about something else’ and they would bulldoze over my boundaries. I would try to accept that I can live with one stain and they would shame me for having a stain.

I have come to the conclusion that I simply can not associate with such controlling people. However, I do believe I still need prayers (yes please pray for me), to have the self-confidence that I can decided how much to clean, how much effort to put in and live with my decision.

Angie

 

[Simca]

I can’t count how many times I have tried something domestic from sewing a button on to cleaning a tough stain. I put a lot of energy into it and roomates/friends would say ‘the reason it didn’t work is because you didn’t try’:banghead:

For example, if I tried to clean a stain and it didn’t work, someone would say ‘have you tried xyz’. I would try to say ‘let’s talk about something else’ the person would not let it go, I would get into a big headache of an argument over it, then the person would say ‘let me show you’. They would do XYZ, it wouldn’t work and then they would look at me with a baffled look ‘how come it doesn’t work? Could you please fix it’:banghead:

I know exactly what you mean – you’re not the only one. Cleaning never works for me either.

We were having a carpenter come to our house to do some work. I spent over 2 hours cleaning the carpet in the living room. When the carpenter came (he’s a man in his 70’s by the way), he took one look at the carpet and started talking to me about how to get rid of carpet dust!!! :banghead:

 

[EasterJoy]

If you reclassify them in your head from being controlling people–that is, people with some hope of controlling you because they can wear you down into agreeing with them–and over into knowitalls who won’t shut up–the difference being they are annoying to listen to but have no hope let alone any standing to sway your final decision or opinion–you might find them worth the trouble. After all, most friends have their quirks. Besides, if they learn you don’t take their criticisms at all seriously, they may offer fewer of them. (Be warned that behaviors like yhat are sometimes ramped up before being abandoned.)

If they are good companions in other respects, it may be worth considering.

 

[Ms_Manners]

So, I feel very caught in the middle. I would assert myself and say ‘Let’s talk about something else’ and they would bulldoze over my boundaries. I would try to accept that I can live with one stain and they would shame me for having a stain.

Pick a reply suitable for the situation and repeat ad nauseam. Use a strict tone if you have to repeat it.
Don’t let others bully you in your home. You don’t need to explain why you don’t want to deal with it at that time or in a certain way, so don’t get pulled into explaining yourself, that is a sign of weakness to such people and they see that you are cracking under their pressure.
If necessary, in some almost extreme cases, tell them that you will have to ask them to leave if they can’t move on from whatever it is they are stuck on. But never make a threat you are not prepared to fulfill, because that will also make you look weak.

I am sorry if this sounds too serious, but manipulation hides in small things, and if you have people who will treat you like that, you have to be firm even with the small things.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Pick a reply suitable for the situation and repeat ad nauseam. Use a strict tone if you have to repeat it…

I can think of one person I use to try the ‘broken record’ approach with and would keep telling her I did not like it when she went in my kitchen. She would just repeat in a mocking tone ‘I don’t like it when you go in my kitchen’ and run in it and do what she wants

Don’t let others bully you in your home. You don’t need to explain why you don’t want to deal with it at that time or in a certain way, so don’t get pulled into explaining yourself, that is a sign of weakness to such people and they see that you are cracking under their pressure…

I understand what you are saying, but this one woman would just barge right past me and go in my kitchen anyways. I would gently put my hand up as if to push her away and say ‘Please go sit in the living room’ and she would put on an aggressive stance and make it clear the only way to get her out of my kitchen would to be physical and I am not about to do that.

If necessary, in some almost extreme cases, tell them that you will have to ask them to leave if they can’t move on from whatever it is they are stuck on. But never make a threat you are not prepared to fulfill, because that will also make you look weak…

I took it one step farther, I no longer let this woman into my home

I am sorry if this sounds too serious, but manipulation hides in small things, and if you have people who will treat you like that, you have to be firm even with the small things.

This was not too serious, I appreciate your feedback

 

[Ms_Manners]

I took it one step farther, I no longer let this woman into my home

It sounds like she has very little respect for you.
I could even understand intrusive cleaning, but her childish reaction to your request to move on is very disrespectful in such a situation.

 

[EasterJoy]

Pick a reply suitable for the situation and repeat ad nauseam. Use a strict tone if you have to repeat it…

It is also possible to put on a smile of affection, shake your head, and act as if you are going to pretend they said nothing. Repeating that sometimes gets the message through, too, and in a way that rejects only the behavior–particularly with a few laughing rounds of: “yeah, you know, just like the time that you “knew” just how wrong I was and put me through that whole pointless exercise of proving you wrong, instead! No thanks!!”–but also sends the message that the person had been deemed worth the trouble he or she is causing.

IOW, don’t take them seriously when you don’t want them to feel they ought to be taken seriously. Take them lightly, and they will feel less encouraged to waste their “wisdom” on you.