Clingy To Husband/May Be Obessed With Husbands Youth

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DevotedCatholic

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In the last few years, I have become clingy to my husband, almost afraid to let him out of my sight like if he has to go for an interview or in public always clinging to him like I am afraid someone is going to steal him away from me. Some times I think what would I do if something happened to him, what would I do? I can handle it if we are in the same area whether at home or in public, it is all the other aspects that make me afraid. I also seem to be taking a hold of my husbands youth, after seeing a picture of him when he was young, it has kind of made me a little obsessed with his youth. I don’t want to seem crazy, but at the same time I can not explain why I feel what I do when I see his picture or become clingy. I am not trying to imply that I am psycho. I want to get all this under control and have a peaceful mind or maybe I am just acting silly, I ask those who respond to have an open mind when replying, I am a little sensitive about posting this and a little embarrassed. It has taken quite a bit even explain.
 
DevotedCatholic said:
In the last few years, I have become clingy to my husband, almost afraid to let him out of my sight like if he has to go for an interview or in public always clinging to him like I am afraid someone is going to steal him away from me. Sounds like insecurity. Some times I think what would I do if something happened to him, what would I do? You would do what many others do when it happens…you carry one! I can handle it if we are in the same area whether at home or in public, it is all the other aspects that make me afraid. Fear accomplishes nothing. I also seem to be taking a hold of my husbands youth, after seeing a picture of him when he was young, it has kind of made me a little obsessed with his youth. Okay…:cool:I don’t want to seem crazy (:rolleyes:), but at the same time I can not explain why I feel what I do when I see his picture or become clingy. I am not trying to imply that I am psycho. I want to get all this under control and have a peaceful mind or maybe I am just acting silly;), I ask those who respond to have an open mind when replying, I am a little sensitive about posting this and a little embarrassed. It has taken quite a bit even explain.
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You sound very insecure, and maybe a bit obsessed. How does YOUR HUSBAND feel about you being so clingy? He, not us, is the one you should be discussing this with! We on this board can think all kinds of things, but it really is your husband’s opinion who matters. Does he like you being clingy, or does it drive him nuts (that would drive my DH up a tree and out the door!)

How old are you and how long have you been married?
 
I am sorry you feel the way you do, however when I posted, I asked everyone to please keep an open mind about my situation as it was a little sensitive for me to talk about, apparently I was not clear about that. In a way I wish I hand never asked this question. As much as I have been encouraged to ask, it will be a quite a while before I do post a new question now that I know how people really feel. Just so you know I did talk to my husband about it and he was more understanding then the responses I got on here, I could consulted a priest for half the trouble and came out better. I wonder if someone different had come in here and asked the same thing would they have gotten this much grief. Quite Frankly I was being honest and thought I might have some sort of problem I am glad people and turn this into a joke.****
 
*I don’t know about the youthful picture, but I used to be worried every time my husband went to the store, and left the house…left me. My parents died when I was a kid, and growing up with loss does something to a person–makes them feel that every other person in his/her life whom he/she loves, will somehow, abandon them…through choice, death, etc. It took years for me to realize that I even had an issue, and through prayer and counseling, I can honestly say, I don’t have these issues anymore. I’ve been married for nearly 18 years, and this was earlier on in my marriage. So, I don’t think you’re ‘crazy.’ There is a reason you’re doing this, you just have to figure out why.

May I ask, did you lose anyone close to you over the past decade, or earlier? *
 
whatevergirl said:
*I don’t know about the youthful picture, but I used to be worried every time my husband went to the store, and left the house…left me. My parents died when I was a kid, and growing up with loss does something to a person–makes them feel that every other person in his/her life whom he/she loves, will somehow, abandon them…through choice, death, etc. It took years for me to realize that I even had an issue, and through prayer and counseling, I can honestly say, I don’t have these issues anymore. I’ve been married for nearly 18 years, and this was earlier on in my marriage. So, I don’t think you’re ‘crazy.’ There is a reason you’re doing this, you just have to figure out why.

May I ask, did you lose anyone close to you over the past decade, or earlier? *
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I did not lose anyone in particular like a parent or anything, but when I was younger my father was in Military and he was gone for a months at a time sometimes. Most of the time he was home. of course when I got a little older and my parents divorced I had to get used to having one parent. My parents being divorced does not bother me now like it used to. I have gotten help for those issue and feel better even though I don’t have a great relationship with my father. I have been married about 8 months now. I have figured out the bits and pieces it si the other stuff I am unsure of. I am glad you don’t think I am crazy from the other responses I was starting feel as if I was. ****
 
Suggesting talking to a Catholic therapist is not saying you are crazy… doctors are there to help us, a Catholic doctor will understand the sacramential nature of marriage and see things from a Catholic world view.

When someone feels obsessive, a doctor is a good place to begin.
 
DevotedCatholic said:
I did not lose anyone in particular like a parent or anything, but when I was younger my father was in Military and he was gone for a months at a time sometimes. Most of the time he was home. of course when I got a little older and my parents divorced I had to get used to having one parent. My parents being divorced does not bother me now like it used to. I have gotten help for those issue and feel better even though I don’t have a great relationship with my father. I have been married about 8 months now. I have figured out the bits and pieces it si the other stuff I am unsure of. I am glad you don’t think I am crazy from the other responses I was starting feel as if I was. ****
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*I have a feeling that it’s linked to your dad leaving at a time, during the military. (and not having a relationship really with him now) You’d be surprised how those things shape the rest of our lives. Your husband serves as the next great love…a different love than a daughter/dad relationship, but the next great love a woman has is with her husband. Taking a leap, I think you being infatuated with your husband’s picture in his youth, could be how you feel about your dad. It’s not unusual for women who don’t have good relationships with their dads, to sort of “misplace” that onto their spouses. Your husband’s youthful pics, represent your dad when HE was younger, and maybe when he was departing a lot in the military. I am only guessing, but I think that’s where it’s all coming from. If you had a great relationship with your dad, you might not be so clingy to your husband. It’s very very important for children, especially women, to have good relationships with their dads. I had no dad when I turned 9…my sister’s husband helped raise me, and he was very mean to me growing up…I looked to my husband earlier in my marriage, to sort of ‘fill in’ where my dad left off. It took a long time for me to realize that is not a husband’s role…

I could be way off base…haha But, I think there is something to what I’m saying here. I would seek counseling…and keep praying for enlightenment. Regardless of the reason, it’s not healthy to be clingy, and worry about your husband leaving the house. Seriously. I remember those feelings, ugh…they were horrible! :o I will pray for you! :hug1:*
 
Sometimes I think it is way we right something, I felt like that was a push on of some sort. I am not too sure about a Catholic Psychiatrist. Money is part of the issue. As I said maybe it was a mistake to address my issue on this board.
 
DevotedCatholic said:
I am sorry you feel the way you do, however when I posted, I asked everyone to please keep an open mind about my situation as it was a little sensitive for me to talk about, apparently I was not clear about that. In a way I wish I hand never asked this question. As much as I have been encouraged to ask, it will be a quite a while before I do post a new question now that I know how people really feel. Just so you know I did talk to my husband about it and he was more understanding then the responses I got on here, I could consulted a priest for half the trouble and came out better. I wonder if someone different had come in here and asked the same thing would they have gotten this much grief. Quite Frankly I was being honest and thought I might have some sort of problem I am glad people and turn this into a joke.****
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Uh, you only got 2 responses before you posted this, and both were pretty respectful and helpful?

Seeing a therapist isn’t a bad thing… I don’t think it was meant as an insult.

You’ve gotten some good advice and responses here, keep an open mind. 🙂
 
Sure I did, I did not feel the responses were open-minded like me being open minded enough to post a question. I am sure a therapist is not a bad thing but if there is no serious need to go then why go
 
But to us, it sounds like there is…

You don’t have to be mentally insane, or even a little bit crazy, to see a therapist. It sounds like you have security issues… that’s the perfect reason to go see one. They’ll help you work through it, because the way you feel and act right now isn’t healthy.

If you disagree though, there’s not much we could say otherwise. It sounds like you asked the question with the hope that your own thoughts would be validated. And that’s understandable… we all do that sometimes.
 
whatevergirl said:
*I have a feeling that it’s linked to your dad leaving at a time, during the military. (and not having a relationship really with him now) You’d be surprised how those things shape the rest of our lives. Your husband serves as the next great love…a different love than a daughter/dad relationship, but the next great love a woman has is with her husband. Taking a leap, I think you being infatuated with your husband’s picture in his youth, could be how you feel about your dad. It’s not unusual for women who don’t have good relationships with their dads, to sort of “misplace” that onto their spouses. Your husband’s youthful pics, represent your dad when HE was younger, and maybe when he was departing a lot in the military. I am only guessing, but I think that’s where it’s all coming from. If you had a great relationship with your dad, you might not be so clingy to your husband. It’s very very important for children, especially women, to have good relationships with their dads. I had no dad when I turned 9…my sister’s husband helped raise me, and he was very mean to me growing up…I looked to my husband earlier in my marriage, to sort of ‘fill in’ where my dad left off. It took a long time for me to realize that is not a husband’s role…

I could be way off base…haha But, I think there is something to what I’m saying here. I would seek counseling…and keep praying for enlightenment. Regardless of the reason, it’s not healthy to be clingy, and worry about your husband leaving the house. Seriously. I remember those feelings, ugh…they were horrible! :o I will pray for you! :hug1:*
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You could be on to something. I did not think of it that way however use picture for therapy in other ways that will keep me from straying away from Dear Husband. I hope that is a better way apart from what you were saying. When I talked to him about this the other night I forget to mention that part, he knows about my dad being away when I was little, maybe he is not sure of there being a connection in this instance. sounds like you have a lot of experience with this kind of issue
 
DevotedCatholic said:
I did not lose anyone in particular like a parent or anything, but when I was younger my father was in Military and he was gone for a months at a time sometimes. Most of the time he was home. of course when I got a little older and my parents divorced I had to get used to having one parent. My parents being divorced does not bother me now like it used to. I have gotten help for those issue and feel better even though I don’t have a great relationship with my father. I have been married about 8 months now. I have figured out the bits and pieces is the other stuff I am unsure of. I am glad you don’t think I am crazy from the other responses I was starting feel as if I was.
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Dear DC:

You’re not crazy, but you have described some pretty heavy abandonment issues - Your father was gone for months at a time, and, then, when he and your mother were divorced, he didn’t return at all. As therapists like to say, he abandoned you – That’s the way it feels, and that’s the way it will always feel, until you are healed. and You do need to be healed. As good as therapy is at helping us to figure out what our problems are, and helping us to repair ourselves and our relationships, I have come to believe that the only ONE who can heal us of the type of wounds you (and most of the rest of us have) is our Lord Jesus Christ. As Isaiah says;
Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
Isaiah 53:4-5 NIV
I can’t tell you how to solve your problem, but I think I can point you in the right direction. I think the first part is to get to REALLY KNOW the God who will NEVER ABANDON you:
But Zion said, “The LORD has forsaken me,
the Lord has forgotten me.”

“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast
and have no compassion on the child she has borne?
Though she may forget,
I will not forget you!
See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;
your walls are ever before me.
Your sons hasten back,
and those who laid you waste depart from you.
Lift up your eyes and look around;
all your sons gather and come to you.
As surely as I live,” declares the LORD,
“you will wear them all as ornaments;
you will put them on, like a bride.”
Isaiah 49:14-18 NIV
And, this is how the Lord engraved us in His hands.
I am poured out like water,
and all my bones are out of joint.
My heart has turned to wax;
it has melted away within me.
My strength is dried up like a potsherd,
and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth;
you lay me in the dust of death.
Dogs have surrounded me;
a band of evil men has encircled me,
they have pierced my hands and my feet.
Psalm 22:14-16 NIV
And, This is the What God’s love is like…
What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:31-39 NIV
​
You father may have abandoned you, but God will NEVER ABANDON you. I promise you, once you KNOW that, I mean KNOW that like you know your heart beats, you’ll not need to cling to your husband, and you’ll be able to let him out of your sight, and you’ll be at peace.

Your Brother & Servant in Christ, Michael
 
DevotedCatholic said:
Sometimes I think it is way we right something, I felt like that was a push on of some sort. I am not too sure about a Catholic Psychiatrist. Money is part of the issue. As I said maybe it was a mistake to address my issue on this board.
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Dear DC:

I’ll deal with the last thing first. NO ONE can see the struggles, life experiences or pain behind anyone’s post. and, NO ONE can see the charitable intent of a poster - Some of us have gone done some terrible roads, and we try desperately to throw “WRONG WAY” “DO NOT ENTER” signs up so people don’t go through the HELL we’ve gone through. Lord knows I’ve been tempted to do that and instead spent hours trying to figure out how to tell someone in more gentle terms to avoid a train wreck of the kind I’ve caused at various times in my life. I can only hope that I’ve succeeded in being charitable and diplomatic and in convincing my brother or sister to avoid the train wreck while not adding to his or her burden.

I think most of the responses you’ve received here have been charitable and my brothers and sisters have tried to give you the best counsel they could give. The book of Proverbs says that Wisdom is to be found in many Godly counselors, so you didn’t make a mistake.

Catholic Social Services and most Catholic Counselors use what’s called a “Sliding Scale”. If money is an issue (if you can’t afford a normal hourly rate), they’ll try to charge you what you can afford. at one time in the 1980’s, I was receiving therapy from Catholic Social Services for $1/visit. I was unemployed, and that’s what I could afford.

You’ve put some pretty heavy duty stuff on the board here, and I suspect a good therapist could help you to deal with it. I had a brain tumor - I had a craniotomy. I have two ulcerated discs in my lower spine - I go to a pain clinic. Others here have other physical issues for which they need to see doctors, and many, like you (& me), need to deal with psychic wounds.

The Church isn’t a resort for the well. It’s a hospital for the sick and for sinners. God doesn’t love us because we’re wonderful specimens of health. He loves us because he made us, and He redeemed us because He loves us.

And, He’ll NEVER leave us or forsake us, and us includes you.

Your Brother in Christ, Michael
 
*DC–I am glad that I’ve given you something to at least think about. Our behaviors as adults, are often the results of our childhoods. So, know you’re not crazy! 😃

I was never clingy, but I definitely worried about losing my husband to something or someone. It was very exhausting. I would also encourage you to maybe take up a hobby or something, if you have some time on your hands when these thoughts start popping up. It might help you to focus on something else. Keep communicating with your husband too…that was something I didn’t always do, and I wish I had.

Still to this day, while I’m not as worried anymore…I still sometimes leap to the worst possible scenarios. My husband went into the hospital for kidney stone pain over this past weekend, and in my head…I thought, suppose he dies? If my kids go to someone’s house for a sleepover, I think…suppose they eat something there, or something happens, and I’m not around? I am able to dispel these thoughts, only by the grace of the Holy Spirit…but when you go through loss early in life, you tend to wait around for it to happen again. I sometimes think…suppose I lose my job? Suppose I have a brain tumor (if all I have is a headache)? Suppose my kids go to college, and meet someone who hurts them? I do think of positive things too! 😃 I really have a better grasp on it, now…but…every now and then, I start thinking about ‘what if’ and I hate it! It takes me back to that little girl who lost her parents. 😦 But, because of God, I defeat those thoughts. Just give this up to the Lord, most of all, DC. He will help you get through this tough time.:o

Good luck!*
 
*One final thing, DC–And this REALLY helped me more than anything. I really felt that this came to me from the Holy Spirit, years ago, when I was praying the Rosary. Basically, we WILL LOSE someone, maybe our spouse, kids, job, whatever in this life. This life is temporary. Your husband will not be around forever, neither will you. Neither will I or my husband or my kids, or my sister…or my job, my health, etc etc…I really felt Christ speaking to me telling me to stay close to Him, He is the only unchanging constant in this life. That was dramatically comforting to me. It wasn’t soon after that ‘revelation’ that I stopped obsessing and worrying so much about death and loss…and losing people in my life.

So, let go, and let God. Just do it day by day…when you have those thoughts, cling to God. Not that we shouldn’t be close to our spouses, but obsessing over losing them if they walk out the door is not healthy, I’m here to tell you that! 😉

I hope that helps. That just occured to me, and I wanted to share it with you. *
 
Sometimes I think of those what if’s and it does start to drive me crazy, there are lots of things I have thought to do, even one project I need to get materials for. I guess in one instance I can be a little clingy to my husband but not let it get so out of hand that I am afraid to let him out of my sight. I still very much want that connection with him. I do know he will not be around forever and either will I. My husband and I are working on it and he thinks I am getting better but it will take more time. He does not seemed to concerned about me needing counseling so I guess we will go with the flow. Thanks so much for the advice, it really helped me out, I knew there was something that I over looked, I just could not figure out what it was. I am glad you were able to help me. Too bad you were not a counselor lol
 
I agree therapy may be helpful but have you started any new medication recently? A friend of mine started on some that causes a lot of mental confusion. She has since started having a hard time letting her husband leave her alone when they’re out. It’s because her medication causes her to get lost quickly. So if you’ve started some new medication, check the side effects of them.
 
To the previous Poster, Thanks so much for that information, as I have told everyone else i am starting to work through my problems and maybe it is something else instead of what is being pointed out to me, I am trying to keep my options open as to who I want to treat me. God would not be one person I would overlook, It would take me awhile to tell him my problems even if he already knows it. I don’t have a trust issue with God, my issue might be when and where my answers will come. I am figuring at this point that a priest would probably not be a good solution to where I lack understanding. I really did not think this would be one of my problems or something I must have overlooked in my chats with the last parish priest I talked too.
 
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