Close Opposite-sex Friends Poll

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gavin52

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There is another poll here that is similar to this one. What I wanted with this poll is to simplify the choices so as to not expand across genders and to only apply to a very simply question:

Is it appropriate for a married person to have close opposite-sex friends?

By close I mean a friend who is someone that you would call up and talk to one-on-one about personal issues. That you seek personal advice from. For example, if you’re having difficulties in your marriage. Someone that you may spend more than a few minutes on the phone with and regularly hold one-on-one private discussions with. Someone you possibly might go out to lunch or dinner with. I hope that portrays well enough what I mean by ‘close’ friend.

I think this poll would help clarify what the actual position is between the many posters that have voiced their opinions one way or the other. In the discussions it is a bit hard to tell because the line between a friend and a close-friend appears blurred.
 
For the record, I believe it’s okay to have opposite-sex friends. Not close ones however.
 
My best friend, next to my husband, is a guy. He’s a wonderful, intelligent, handsome, funny person who lights up my life and helps me keep perspective when I’m in the dumps. He’s the best dive buddy I’ve ever had, I’d trust him with my life in a heartbeat and I’d give mine to save his. I love him immensely. Hubby really likes him too. The difference is that my feelings for my hubby transcend anything I’ve ever felt for anyone else, that I couldn’t see any other man in the same light I see him. I know that, hubby knows that, and even if my buddy had any weird ides…he knows it too. So I don’t see a problem as long as there’s never, ever, ever any “competition” between hubby and buddy.
 
i say no way!!! whenever there is a man and a woman, things can happen, when least expected!!!
 
by your definition of this close friend, I say no.

I have opposite-sex friends I would call close, and will maintain those friends when I am married in 7 months, but they do not meet your criteria.
 
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jjwilkman:
i say no way!!! whenever there is a man and a woman, things can happen, when least expected!!!
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I agree.
 
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gavin52:
For the record, I believe it’s okay to have opposite-sex friends. Not close ones however.
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I agree. What man would want to talk about the things women talk about and vice versa. That’s not to say I don’t enjoy a Monday morning rehash of the weekend’s games or that some guy would mind comparing notes on meat loaf recipes or potty training, but in the main, friendships are best left to those with whom we aren’t at any particular risk. As an old crone, I feel quite comfortable being friends with just about anyone, but I wasn’t always an old crone.
 
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mschoir01:
I agree. What man would want to talk about the things women talk about and vice versa. That’s not to say I don’t enjoy a Monday morning rehash of the weekend’s games or that some guy would mind comparing notes on meat loaf recipes or potty training, but in the main, friendships are best left to those with whom we aren’t at any particular risk. As an old crone, I feel quite comfortable being friends with just about anyone, but I wasn’t always an old crone.
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What do men talk about that is soo different than what woman talk about? I have had talks with male friends who where dads about potty training and with others cooking and even others ugh sports. I do not feel that I am at risk (nor my marriage is at risk) if I talk with men and have men as close personal friends…but then that is my two cents.
 
Men will often talk about different things with women then they talk about men. My old manager will talk about child rearing, family issues, house keeping (he’s a neat freak). Men do not need to put up such a bravado talking to women then they do with men (generally). Unless we’re talking men that are bestfriends most guys have an unwritten code on what is acceptable and what is not. Guys will crab about not getting enough sex from their wife to the guys but they will not talk about their feelings about it (other then maybe anger) to them. I know red flags are flying up. What? discussing sex with someone of the opposite sex -ee gad! Sometimes a guy needs an objective female perspective.

We also talked about things he would talk about with guy like religion, politics, current events. I enjoy a good debate.

Yes things could happen depending on the people and circumstances. But people ought to know their weaknesses and limitations and act accordingly.

We’re going beat this subject to death with no one changing sides. Married people need to be faithful to their spouse period. However they need to conduct themselves in order to remain faithful that is what they should do. And they should always take their spouses feelings into consideration.
 
I voted yes. My close friends, male or female, are family. So there would be no crossing of the lines. My dh and I both have opposite-sex friends who we are close with.
 
I voted no. A very firm NO.
I think it is totally acceptable to have friends of the opposite sex.
But “close” friends whom you confide in, seek advice from, call up… absolutely NOT.
If you rely on these kinds of opposite sex friends in any way (and if you are in fact calling them up and seeking advice and company) it takes away from an element of the marital bond that is rightfully your spouses’. And it is dangerous territory to tread in. PRUDENCE is called for here.
It just is not wise to put yourself in a situation such as described with a male and female. No matter what you might think - things COULD develop between the two of you at some later time that you had not anticipated. It happens all the time. Single people who had just been “friends” for years suddenly find themselves falling in love of all things! :eek:

Family is different of course. Blood family. In-laws can lead you into the same temptation if you are not prudent.
 
Ok - since I can’t seem to find an “edit” button for my post, let me just make a new one to clarify. LOL

When I said that our close friends, male or female, are family - I did not mean blood family. Well, some are, but that is irrelevant to this conversation.

What I mean is that to us, those we are close to are just as family to us as blood family is. Our relationships with those close friends only help to strengthen our marriage…we are both (myself and my dh) are grateful that we each have others (regardless of gender) to turn to when we want/need other opinions.
 
Is it appropriate for a married person to have close opposite-sex friends?:
I think it is normal and healthy for adults to have friends of both sexes, but I don’t believe in sharing intimate details of marriage with a third party, especially with a friend or relative. The only exception would be in a pastoral or therapy setting. For one thing such sharing is a betrayal and is disloyal, for another it is usually unhelpful and often damaging, if the confidante does not bring an impartial professional or pastoral response and attitude to the conversation. It is especially damaging for marrier persons to share their problems with relatives, which almost always escalates the underlying problems, and very seldom provides any helpful (name removed by moderator)ut.
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I did not vote - yes it is great for me and my DH and OUR close friends, it may not be okay for a marriage with issues.

BTW - all of these replies with women saying that men only want to be friends for “one thing” are beginning to make me feel very unattractive 😉
 
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kage_ar:
I did not vote - yes it is great for me and my DH and OUR close friends, it may not be okay for a marriage with issues.

BTW - all of these replies with women saying that men only want to be friends for “one thing” are beginning to make me feel very unattractive 😉
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I didn’t see anyone say that men only want to be friends for “one thing.” Hmm…
 
I say no, but would amend my answer if the friend was homosexual or part of the family. But it also depends on the situation, and the degree of closeness.
 
I don’t see a problem, so long as the relationship is not exclusive and secretive…for example, like I go to the movies without my husband with the male friend, etc…I think that can get a little weird. But, I don’t see a problem, so long as the relationship doesn’t become secretive, and exclusionary. I don’t believe that a friend should know more than one’s spouse, for example, when it comes to personal issues…and I don’t believe that my husband should chat about marital issues with anyone, other than me, really…unless it’s a family member. My husband and I are one another’s best friends…I don’t want to turn to another man for comfort, solace, and advice…but, I don’t see anything wrong with a friendship.🙂
 
rayne89 said:
people ought to know their weaknesses and limitations and act accordingly.

Married people need to be faithful to their spouse period. However they need to conduct themselves in order to remain faithful that is what they should do.
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I voted yes, but I think that this is the right answer.

Sam, the Neon Orange Knight
 
Maybe it’s me, but I don’t see the problem of close opposite-sex friends. I think with any friendship, once you are married, you have to set some limits. I don’t think it’s appropriate to share things your spouse has told you in confidence, for example, and I don’t think it’s appropriate to talk about your sex life, except in very general terms.

I don’t see how mixed gender changes things. I have interests in common with a variety of people, men or women. I think it’s a bit sexist to assume that only women are interested in childcare, or that only men are interested in sports or finance. I can chat for hours about exchange rates, the UConn Huskies, or teaching my 4 yr old to read.
 
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