hi my name is marco im a young adult and ive ran into some troubles wondering i anybody can help me out. ive closed my heart to god a couple months ago and now i cant seem to open it back up. some girl at my school cursed me and now i have a worm inside of me, could that by any chance be blocking gods spirit? because besides the fact that ive close my heart i havnt really done anything bad so im wondering why im not feeling gods presence. ive been feeling lost for about 7 months and i dont wanna feel like this anymore. i wanna live my life with christ and experoencing him. i wanna open up my heart but i just dont know how to. i pray but whenever i go to retreats or prayer groups i feel that the feeling of lostness grows heavier and thicker. i want all those feeling to go away an i want to open up my heart to god , can someone please help me?
This condition, the feeling of the loss of God’s closeness, can be due to several things.
The first and obvious one is having committed a serious sin. The answer is the sacrament of mercy, confession.
Another reason is that we cling to the consolations of God and when we experience these consolations, wonderful feelings, we automatically assume that our relationship with God is good and wholesome, which is what we want. But…in reality, we are really seeking the consolations of God and not the God of consolations. By that I mean that it is harder to love someone when things are bleak and sad, than when things are mellow and happy. So to know whether we really love God, and not just his consolations, these are withdrawn and then our faith has to work overtime and sweat to do God’s will out of pure love without his consolations. This is the method God uses to purify the gold of our love from impurities.
It means that God is drawing us closer to him and is a grace depending on how we respond.
Another reason it seems to me is that in some part of a person’s life they are resisting God is some way that is not good. The person sort of has a little bitty hard spot that they aren’t willing to try to improve. They are holding out and it is difficult for them to see that they must change and resist this change. It may be so much a part of their thinking that they are unwilling to examine themselves to find it or become aware of it. This can hurt a person and set them back. In this case a person must pray to see it and ask for it, and be willing to change.
I would recommend the book The Ordinary Path of Holiness by Thomas Richard, which you would find helpful, not only for what you mentioned, but to lead a spiritual life.
One more thing I would recommend is the miraculous medal of Mary. She gave this to us thru St. Catherine Laboure in 1830 precisely to give us GREAT and ABOUNDANT graces. Have it blessed and wear it always. She promised to do this for us and you know she would not go back on her word. So use it by wearing and trusting her and asking her specifically for the grace you want. It will come.
May God bless and keep you. May God’s face shine on you. May God be kind to you and give you peace.
