Clothing and honoring elders

[Kathrin]

I would love to get some opinions on this.
If you are an adult and your personal dress code does not match that of your parents or grandparents, are you dishonoring them?
(More generally speaking, you could ask: If anything you do in your life is not what you know your parents would want you to do, are you dishonoring them?)

If I know my grandparents would be ashamed of me if they knew I had a hole in my jeans, am I dishonoring them right now because I am sitting here at the library typing away and there is a hole in my jeans?
(When I go visit them I try to dress nicely )

If my Dad says he wouldn’t wear a certain old shirt even in bed because what if there was a fire and I had to be rescued - does that mean I can’t wear it anymore because it would mean dishonoring my parents?

I am poor and I spend a lot of time helping the homeless and I kind of chose a life of poverty. For me wearing old clothes is 1) more affordable and 2) maybe a bit of a symbol of my attitude.
If my parents do not share this attitude am I dishonoring them?

Kathrin

 

[cheddarsox]

This is a very interesting question.

I think that the choice you make in clothing, when you are NOT around them, and if it brings no scandal or dishonor upon them, does not dishonor them. If your clothing is modest and appropriate for the activities that you wear it, then it is OK.

You do wear clothing that pleases them when you are in their presence.

Also, honoring God comes before honoring parents. Sometimes parents hold beliefs that are not consistent with our faith, and we are bound to honor the will of God first, even if it conflicts with the will of our parents.

 

[1ke]

I think the question is whether or not you are honoring God and whether or not you are dressing modestly.

Choosing poverty and a life in solidarity with the poor is a very real calling and many saints who have gone before us have chosen this path.

But, stop and ask yourself if your “sloppy” dressing is honoring the poor or not. Being poor doesn’t mean being sloppy. Poor people have pride in their homes, appearance, and possessions.

Does it honor them or insult them to think, “If I want to be like the poor I have to be sloppy and wear jeans with holes in them and shirts my dad wouldn’t be caught dead in?” Can you not wear inexpensive, but neat and clean, clothes? I think this would give the poor more honor and respect.

 

[puzzleannie]

if you are a minor living at home you owe your parents obedience and respect in all matters that do not involve sin. You owe your parents and grandparents respect forever, but that does not mean you must follow all their rules on minor matters of choice in your daily life. It also does not mean you have the right to deliberately dress in a way that offends them, for the purpose of offending them, or for the purpose of demonstrating your disdain for their feelings.

if you have decided in any aspect of your lifestyle to defy deeply held religious and moral convictions passed on to you by your parents, that is your right as an adult, but it is also their right to interpret your actions as a deliberate rejection of all they hold most dear, and to respond in that tone.

I also have been poor and even homeless on occasion, but always managed to get clothing for my children clean and mended, even with sometimes strenuous effort.

 

[Kathrin]

Hey all,
thank you so much for your (name removed by moderator)ut.
I want to add that I am very close to my parents, that we get along wonderfully and they haven’t been questioning my lifestyle that much anymore.
I know they don’t think I want to deliberately offend them or anything. And it’s not like I run around all sloppy all the time! I do get the point about being poor and still having pride.

And I do mend my clothes a lot. I try.

Kathrin

 

[paradoxy]

Kathrin, I totally understand where you’re coming from!

I used to wear my grandfathers’ (both of them) old clothes with holes and it was just part of who I was and a kind of rebellion against materialism. I was proud about being poor (most intellectual families were poor in my country at the time) and it was a statement.

I truly believe it’s better than MANY things you can do, but for me, eventually, it turned out to have been an act of vanity (as many other things in my life )

I’m 25 now, married, and have a baby. I TRY to dress sorta like a normal person, but I still sometimes succumb to my desire to
shock and send a message and… well, you know

I’m not saying that how you dress is b/c of your vanity. But to be truly humble we must be obedient… And this comes with AGE , so you might as well enjoy it for a few more years if you’re young

 

[rwoehmke]

When I was a child we were poor. One pair of pants for school, the second old pair for home and play. Sometimes the second pair had patches, but my mom would try to use similar cloth and not allow any ragged or holy shirts. She would darn socks when they got a hole in the toe or heel. Although we could only bathe once a week on Saturday night in a metal laundry tub, we were expected to have clean hands and faces for school and the supper table. No dirt under the nails and such. No dirty underwear, although I have forgotten how many days a pair used to last before being washed. To shock someone or make a statement by our manner of dress would have been considered quite unacceptable. I think the thought of the times was civil behavior and dress always. Civil behavior didn’t cost a cent so everyone could be civil to others.I don’t think I ever felt that my mom’s rules were restrictive. Stuff like she believed in took a real kick in the mid 60’s to mid 70’s and I think that even today many people do not know how to dress with respect for God and others.

 

[otjm]

One can respect another’s opinion without agreeing with that opinion. Clothes - style, condition, color, are all neutral matters; they ar not matters of faith and morals, they are matters of taste. And as I often say, everyone has taste; some only have the taste of hallitosis…

If you are an adult and living on your own, then the choices you make need to be made for adult reasons; that is, not to “show” you parents your independence, or your poverty, but for truly personal reasons. It would be disrespectful to do something in clothing style for the simple reason that it “shows” your independence to them.

Careful shopping can give you a clean, neat wardrobe without having to spend much. You might keep in mind that many of the poor expect you to not look like them - torn, ragged clothing - even while they may also expect you to not look like you are trying to “one up” them. Common sense in all…