Clutter...learn to live with it or say something

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skigirl1689

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I know the best solution would be to move out but my circumstances don’t allow this at the moment. I live with my parents because I have a physical disability…it’s very complicated.

My mom doesn’t get rid of much, i.e. she has piles of papers and magazines on the floor, she doesn’t put things away (like luggage, folded clothes, etc.), and the house is just not organized. I think my dad has just given up on this issue, but I’ve realized that the messes cause me to feel really anxious. Irrational, I know, but anxiety disorders are rarely rational.

I know it is not my responsibility, nor can I change her or get her to clean up. But I am unsure how to keep it from bothering me. I have a tiny room which is pretty organized (I do pretty well considering I don’t even have a closet; my room was an office on the main floor), but I can’t avoid the messes. Sometimes I am so tempted to go through the piles myself, though I know it is not my place.

I am not sure if I should tell her it makes me very anxious or just try to work past it on my own. I really doubt she will change; if anything, it has gotten worse. I find myself envious of my relatives’ houses that are “normal” and organized. Then I think to the time I will have to help clean out the house with my siblings after my parents are gone, and it just makes me more anxious.

I’m not sure if I am asking anything specifically…I just can’t discuss it with anyone besides one of my sisters, who is only home for a few weeks a couple times a year, so she doesn’t have to live with it. Maybe it’d be different if I could get out of the house more, but that’s not an option.
 
You’ll get out eventually.

You would be surprised how many people have similar issues with their parents. You are definitely not alone:

tetanusburger.blogspot.com/

Those two sisters are digging out their dad’s VW graveyard.

I really like Matt Paxton’s “The Secret Lives of Hoarders,” which I think you would find very helpful.

barnesandnoble.com/w/secret-lives-of-hoarders-matt-paxton/1100081068?ean=9780399536656

You may also find Flylady’s “Sink Reflections” very helpful if you decide to dig in and do something.

And yes, it’s not just your imagination that it’s getting worse. That is the natural tendency of clutter and hoarding–it just gets worse and worse. A few years back, my parents’ home was starting to enter the “goat trail” phase where there are suddenly only narrow pathways between piles of stuff. There were also ancient cobwebs, enormous quantities of dead bugs, and lots of cat fur. I put my foot down, had a big fight on the phone with my parents, and informed them that the grandkids would not be setting foot in their home if they didn’t do something. Guess what–it worked! Things aren’t perfect (the fridge is a nightmare), but they did a big purge and eventually my sister persuaded them to take on a cleaning lady and found them somebody reliable and cheap. The great thing about regular cleaning visits is that it motivates people into cleaning up a little before the cleaning lady arrives–strange but true!

I would definitely encourage you to talk to your siblings and strategize with them. It’s probably a better role for an out-of-the-house sibling to bring up the subject. “Mom, I know how busy you and dad are, especially with skigirl to take care of. Sister and I have decided that we are going to give you maid service for Mother’s Day/Father’s Day/Arbor Day/Flag Day/etc.”

You may dislike that phrasing, but it is important to save face and provide some excuses (they’re so busy, they need to take care of you, etc) while nudging them toward getting help. A lot of people feel that it’s a sort of moral failing to have cleaning help.

Yes, it will cost money, but as you noted, you and your siblings will eventually be digging out this house, so a moderate investment now could prevent it from being utterly nightmarish when the time comes.

Good luck! And if you aren’t able to budge your mom, I hope you are able to get out soon!
 
I couldn’t stand a messy house or apartment. But I’m one of those people who can’t stand a picture hanging slightly crooked on the wall. :o
 
skigirl1689 said:
I know the best solution would be to move out but my circumstances don’t allow this at the moment. I live with my parents because I have a physical disability…it’s very complicated.

My mom doesn’t get rid of much, i.e. she has piles of papers and magazines on the floor, she doesn’t put things away (like luggage, folded clothes, etc.), and the house is just not organized. I think my dad has just given up on this issue, but I’ve realized that the messes cause me to feel really anxious. Irrational, I know, but anxiety disorders are rarely rational.

I know it is not my responsibility, nor can I change her or get her to clean up. But I am unsure how to keep it from bothering me. I have a tiny room which is pretty organized (I do pretty well considering I don’t even have a closet; my room was an office on the main floor), but I can’t avoid the messes. Sometimes I am so tempted to go through the piles myself, though I know it is not my place.

I am not sure if I should tell her it makes me very anxious or just try to work past it on my own. I really doubt she will change; if anything, it has gotten worse. I find myself envious of my relatives’ houses that are “normal” and organized. Then I think to the time I will have to help clean out the house with my siblings after my parents are gone, and it just makes me more anxious.

I’m not sure if I am asking anything specifically…I just can’t discuss it with anyone besides one of my sisters, who is only home for a few weeks a couple times a year, so she doesn’t have to live with it. Maybe it’d be different if I could get out of the house more, but that’s not an option.
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😦

God help you!

:hug1:

I have never been neat and tidy, myself. I try to be organized, have really only been able to achieve that only in aspects of my life…at work, say, not at home.

Some people have a form of obsessive compulsive disorder which won’t allow them to lead normal lives, without treatment…if they are hoarders.

Some people, if you clean and organize, are so OC that they can, literally, get sick if you clean up.

These people, if they truly are hoarders need professional treatment…with counseling or medication or both.

A lot of people are unwilling to admit they have a problem, though, or seek help, even though it drives others around, crazy.
 
Crown_of_Stars said:
I couldn’t stand a messy house or apartment. But I’m one of those people who can’t stand a picture hanging slightly crooked on the wall. :o
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I am the same…would be nice to hit a happy medium,however,I would much rather be a compulsive neat freak than the alternative.
My oldest daughter is a hoarder to a certain degree.She also has some mental health issues.I believe there is an emotional component to preferring clutter to neatness.
 
skigirl1689 said:
I know the best solution would be to move out but my circumstances don’t allow this at the moment. I live with my parents because I have a physical disability…it’s very complicated.

My mom doesn’t get rid of much, i.e. she has piles of papers and magazines on the floor, she doesn’t put things away (like luggage, folded clothes, etc.), and the house is just not organized. I think my dad has just given up on this issue, but I’ve realized that the messes cause me to feel really anxious. Irrational, I know, but anxiety disorders are rarely rational.

I know it is not my responsibility, nor can I change her or get her to clean up. But I am unsure how to keep it from bothering me. I have a tiny room which is pretty organized (I do pretty well considering I don’t even have a closet; my room was an office on the main floor), but I can’t avoid the messes. Sometimes I am so tempted to go through the piles myself, though I know it is not my place.

I am not sure if I should tell her it makes me very anxious or just try to work past it on my own. I really doubt she will change; if anything, it has gotten worse. I find myself envious of my relatives’ houses that are “normal” and organized. Then I think to the time I will have to help clean out the house with my siblings after my parents are gone, and it just makes me more anxious.

I’m not sure if I am asking anything specifically…I just can’t discuss it with anyone besides one of my sisters, who is only home for a few weeks a couple times a year, so she doesn’t have to live with it. Maybe it’d be different if I could get out of the house more, but that’s not an option.
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I confess to having “organizational issues” myself. I’ve struggled with them for many, many years. It’s horrible to live with and horrible because others (family/friends) don’t understand why I don’t “just clean it up / toss it out”.

On a positive note though, I have spent those years reading, learning, and growing and am a much better mental/spiritual place than I was. Now I can toss with aplomb but still have years worth to dig through and I’m sure I’m not making progress nearly as fast as others think I should (and most probably can’t see any progress at all).

For your situation, I think the big question is how your mom really feels about the situation - is she unhappy with it (realizes it’s a problem) but doesn’t know how to change or is she in full denial of the problem? If she’s aware of it, then there’s a couple great resources (books by Sandra Felton and Cindy Glovinsky) that can help both of you start to understand the issue and what’s causing the clutter (there really are many causes that result in same problem). This could help you both be more at peace with it and make a plan for some progress.

If she’s in denial, then I’d pick one thing/area - a very small one - and either ask her to help you or clean it yourself (if you’re able). Ex. - Maybe there’s a mess on a window ledge and you could suggest that a plant would look great there and offer to help go thru what’s on it to make room. (In other words, not critiquing or complaining, but offering ideas/help to improve a spot at a time.)

If she just can’t or won’t cope with change, then all that’s left is prayer and patience to try to get to the point where change can happen. While waiting, check out some of the books by the authors I mentioned because it can help you better understand where she may be coming from - and thus maybe help your anxiety a little.

Hopefully she’s just embarrassed and overwhelmed and will welcome some support from you to begin the journey away from the mess.

Prayers for all of you.
 
There’s sometimes a sort of perfectionism at work, where the person can’t do anything unless they do it perfectly.

squalorsurvivors.com/overcoming/yourself/perfectionism.shtml

psychcentral.com/lib/10-things-you-should-know-about-compulsive-hoarding/0006787

From the second link:

“Many hoarders are perfectionists. They fear making the wrong decision about what to keep and what to throw out, so they keep everything.”

I also find that hoarding can masquerade as frugality. However, it’s not frugality to keep stuff that is never used.
 
skigirl1689 said:
I know the best solution would be to move out but my circumstances don’t allow this at the moment. I live with my parents because I have a physical disability…it’s very complicated.

My mom doesn’t get rid of much, i.e. she has piles of papers and magazines on the floor, she doesn’t put things away (like luggage, folded clothes, etc.), and the house is just not organized. I think my dad has just given up on this issue, but I’ve realized that the messes cause me to feel really anxious. Irrational, I know, but anxiety disorders are rarely rational.

I know it is not my responsibility, nor can I change her or get her to clean up. But I am unsure how to keep it from bothering me. I have a tiny room which is pretty organized (I do pretty well considering I don’t even have a closet; my room was an office on the main floor), but I can’t avoid the messes. Sometimes I am so tempted to go through the piles myself, though I know it is not my place.

I am not sure if I should tell her it makes me very anxious or just try to work past it on my own. I really doubt she will change; if anything, it has gotten worse. I find myself envious of my relatives’ houses that are “normal” and organized. Then I think to the time I will have to help clean out the house with my siblings after my parents are gone, and it just makes me more anxious.

I’m not sure if I am asking anything specifically…I just can’t discuss it with anyone besides one of my sisters, who is only home for a few weeks a couple times a year, so she doesn’t have to live with it. Maybe it’d be different if I could get out of the house more, but that’s not an option.
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I am so sorry you’re in this position! I am and always have been a cluttery person. I taught for almost 30 years and always was picking up stuff along the way because I knew I could use it somehow I am naturally depressive and suffer from anxiety and the stuff I lived with made me become more depressed and anxious. I could never have anyone over.

I wonder if this is going on with your mom. Instead of dealing with the mess I woukd dissociate from it so that I could “overlook” it. It’s crazy because you’d think that no one could do that…but you can.

I finally am in a position to be able to have someone come in once a week to clean for me. I have to pick up in order for her to be able to come in and clean.

See if you can take a step back and see from your mom’s perspective. Do people come to visit? If not, what if you and your paeents could invite someone over.

I wish I could offer you some better advice. Take it to Jesus in prayer and ask for wisdom to work with your mom on the clutter. Do not allow yourself to get totally caught up in it, though as your emotional health is important, too.

I’ll keep you in prayer. God bless!
 
You can’t fix everything but perhaps you could take charge of one thing?

For example, you mentioned she leaves washing lying around. Could you offer to do the laundry for the family? Do the washing, do the hanging/drying, the folding and then the putting away?

That way it isn’t cleaning up after your mum, but rather assisting her. It won’t fix the whole problem, but it’s one less thing to deal with.
 
skigirl1689 said:
I know the best solution would be to move out but my circumstances don’t allow this at the moment. I live with my parents because I have a physical disability…it’s very complicated.

My mom doesn’t get rid of much, i.e. she has piles of papers and magazines on the floor, she doesn’t put things away (like luggage, folded clothes, etc.), and the house is just not organized. I think my dad has just given up on this issue, but I’ve realized that the messes cause me to feel really anxious. Irrational, I know, but anxiety disorders are rarely rational.

I know it is not my responsibility, nor can I change her or get her to clean up. But I am unsure how to keep it from bothering me. I have a tiny room which is pretty organized (I do pretty well considering I don’t even have a closet; my room was an office on the main floor), but I can’t avoid the messes. Sometimes I am so tempted to go through the piles myself, though I know it is not my place.

I am not sure if I should tell her it makes me very anxious or just try to work past it on my own. I really doubt she will change; if anything, it has gotten worse. I find myself envious of my relatives’ houses that are “normal” and organized. Then I think to the time I will have to help clean out the house with my siblings after my parents are gone, and it just makes me more anxious.

I’m not sure if I am asking anything specifically…I just can’t discuss it with anyone besides one of my sisters, who is only home for a few weeks a couple times a year, so she doesn’t have to live with it. Maybe it’d be different if I could get out of the house more, but that’s not an option.
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childrenofhoarders.com/wordpress/

I hope you will find this website helpful.

Only in the last few years has “hoarding” been designated a mental illness.

There’s a good chance that your parents are suffering from this mental illness.

Yes, there are people who are merely disorganized clutterbugs, and they can be helped by children and friends who are willing to dive in and help them get organized and neat. I hope with all my heart that this is the problem your parents have.

But if your parents truly have the mental illness of hoarding, they cannot be helped by a maid service, or by family coming in and shoveling out the mess. Within a few months, the piles of clutter will be back again, and bigger than ever.

Hoarders require treatment from a team including a psychologist, sometimes a psychiatrist, and a professional organizer who has experience working with hoarders (it’s very slow work, not something that can be done in a weekend).

I believe that insurance should cover the treatments, since hoarding is a recognized mental illness.

My suggestion to you is to start reading and learning everything you can about hoarding, and try to determine whether your parents are truly hoarders, or if they are just clutterbugs. There are plenty of books out there. I recommend Stuff–Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things, by Randy O. Frost and Gail Steketee. First Mariner Books, 2010.

This book is written by two scientists who researched hoarding. It’s not just a “how to organize stuff” book. If you are looking for the best books on organization, read Peter Walsh’s books. His best is It’s All Too Much!

You need to be aware that children of hoarders end up with some consequences that they have to work through. So another suggestion is to please talk to your doctor and tell them about your parents. If your doctor just laughs it off, find another doctor who will listen to you.

It’s possible that if your physical ability involves mobility issues, you may be able to get the Health Dept. to condemn your parent’s home as “unsafe”. My daughter is a licensed physical therapist, and she does home assessments. When a home is excessively cluttered to the point where her patient would be in danger if they lived there, she calls the Health Dept., and they will come in, evaluate the home, and if they agree with the PT, they will condemn the home and order the patient to be moved elsewhere until the home is cleaned out. Please consider this line of action if you feel that you are in danger of being hurt in your home. It may seem cruel, but if you are hurt in your parents’ home because of their clutter, it will hurt THEM as well in many ways (including financially).

One more piece of advice–please don’t let yourself be swayed by “clutterbugs” who laugh it off and try to tell you that your folks are merely disorganized, just like them. This is the equivalent of a social drinker with no addictive characteristics trying to convince an alcoholic that it’s OK to take a little drink. It’s dangerous. If your parents are truly suffering from a mental illness, they are in danger of losing their home, their child, and their very lives. Read lots, talk to experts (doctors, scientists, counselors, professional organizers with experience working with hoarders), and make a decision based on evidence, not on what your heart tells you. Sometimes we love people so much that we have a hard time facing these things honestly. Again, don’t let the fun-loving, easy-going clutterbugs make a misdiagnosis based on their own personality traits.

Godspeed to you.
 
When I have an issue that is bothering me to the extent that you are being bothered, I feel that having an honest and frank discussion is the proper way to proceed. I realize that this may be difficult and even non-productive, you won’t know unless you give it a shot. Prsying for you to find a solution.
 
Lots of good advice already given here. I wanted to say that I’m in the same boat with both my husband and my parents. When I lived alone, my home was very organized, you could say it was minimalistic except for my books…have always had hundreds of books. So I understand your pain! It is extremely uncomfortable to have no choice in your living situation, and pleading with logical arguments only falls on deaf ears.

With my husband, I have more control as I live here, too. I’m still NOT allowed to throw anything out, but I use baskets galore and other organizing tools such as those plastic stacking storage bins, so that is a compromise. I talked about this in counseling and learned that hoarders do so for many reasons, one is they cannot choose what to get rid of, so inaction is their only solution. My hubby was morbidly obese before gastric bypass surgery (from 387 lbs to 220, he’s only 5’6"; still not ideal, but he’s maintained this weight loss since 2007;) my counselor said obesity/overeating is also a form of hoarding…FWIW.

Regarding your parents, maybe you can offer to help clean up for them as far as they’re willing to let you do. An hour a day may help you have a sense of accomplishment, give you a chance to “stem the tide” and hopefully reduce your anxiety.

You’re definitely not alone, if that gives you any solace… Good luck to you and God Bless!
 
There’s a sort of spiral to watch out for:
  1. It’s messy, so we’re not going to invite anybody over.
  2. Nobody’s coming over, so we’re not cleaning up.
  3. We can’t have anybody over because it’s so bad.
  4. Nobody’s coming over, so we’re not cleaning up.
  5. Etc., etc.
In that environment, things just get worse and worse unless you make an active effort to make them get better. There’s also sometimes an implicit belief that cleaning up is something you do only for the benefit of outside visitors, rather than because having a reasonably clean, reasonably orderly home is a nice thing that you do for yourself.

As somebody mentioned earlier, you can make sure that there are visitors. Give reasonable notice (say a week) and issue periodic reminders. If you have no friends, you can issue reminders of sisters coming and make sure that the cleaning process starts much earlier than usual (a month in advance, for instance). Not a huge all-day ordeal, of course, but just a little at a time.

Someone like your mom may have trouble with the idea of throwing stuff away, so think about other places that the stuff could go. Think about stuff that you guys really do not need and create a Goodwill/St. Vincent de Paul/Salvation Army box and use it and encourage your parents to put stuff in it. And then make sure it leaves the house when it is full. Also, think about what could be recycled. And think about what items could do somebody else more good. For instance, perhaps the library sells old magazines and you could donate yours?

If you have stuff in the fridge that is expired or rotten, shelve your moral qualms and throw it out without asking. I didn’t do a huge fridge cleaning my last visit home, but I did toss out a number of items with minimal inquiries. “Oh, the salad dressing expired Oct. 2013. I’ll toss that out.” Unless your mom is very far gone, she won’t fight that one very hard. The fridge is one of the best places to concentrate your efforts if it’s bad, because a bad fridge could literally be endangering your life.

Also have a quiet chat with your dad, perhaps along the lines of, “Dad, I’m worried about the house” and then stand back and then hear him out. Aside from not wanting to get on your mom’s turf, there may also be the issue that he thinks of the house as “women’s work,” and so he doesn’t even consider the possibility that he has responsibility for keeping the home where he lives somewhat habitable. Also, he may not like how things are, but not really understand how to make them better.

One idea I have for you (which is similar to something that I use with my kids) is to suggest that each of you guys throws away or puts away 20 items a day. It doesn’t sound like a lot (and you can do it easily in 5 minutes), but 20 X 3 = 60, which is actually pretty darn impressive. Do that 30 days in a row, and that’s 1800 items. Wow!

Good luck!
 
Thank you all for your prayers, support, and kind words. I was feeling quite alone, and now I know I am not.

Many of you asked or referred to a possible mental illness, denial, or something else. I honestly feel as though she doesn’t really care. She spends a lot of time either on the computer or her tablet…I mean, all of the time besides when she is cooking (my dad doesn’t cook, but does laundry, besides folding it, and dishes). She tends to let papers and magazines pile up on counters, the table, and the desk, and then when it gets too high or she needs room, it ends up on the floor in the open space in the “dining room,” which is just one big room with the “living room” in the front half.

And these piles will stay there for months. About 2 years ago she let me clean it up, and I think there were 10-15 piles of just papers/magazines/catalogs, most of which she didn’t need. It just grows and grows. I began folding laundry, but can’t put hers away and it stays in a chair in the living room. I do it just so it doesn’t sit.

I know she has issues letting things go, but when it just sits, she can’t remember where things are, so she wouldn’t be able to use it even if she remembered she had it. I don’t think she would let me go through the stuff again, as she recently scolded me for touching a new package of printer paper when I went to put it away.My sister (she’s home now) finally put it away last night.

Some of you suggested inviting people over. I unfortunately didn’t have many friends in high school and the ones I have now live far away. My parents don’t have any friends who would come over…they just don’t have people over. That would definitely help for motivating her.

It is not a safety issue yet and at least she’ll throw out food. I don’t think discussing it with my dad will help as he tends to vent to me about the issues but won’t discuss it with her, just with me and my sisters. Yeah, a lot of help that does. He himself keeps a lot but it is not in the shared living spaces, so that definitely helps me.

I think I just need to try to ignore it…I know it will be very difficult as it drives me nuts and affects my emotional health. I keep wondering what will happen when they retire elsewhere and move, if my dad will give her an ultimatum about the junk and not moving all the stuff.

Thank you again for being so caring.
 
skigirl1689 said:
I know she has issues letting things go, but when it just sits, she can’t remember where things are, so she wouldn’t be able to use it even if she remembered she had it.

My sister mentioned that our mom not infrequently loses gifts she was intending to give to people.

I don’t think she would let me go through the stuff again, as she recently scolded me for touching a new package of printer paper when I went to put it away.My sister (she’s home now) finally put it away last night.

Yay, sis!

Some of you suggested inviting people over. I unfortunately didn’t have many friends in high school and the ones I have now live far away. My parents don’t have any friends who would come over…they just don’t have people over. That would definitely help for motivating her.

**It’s very sad how bad housekeeping isolates people socially.
**

It is not a safety issue yet and at least she’ll throw out food.

Yay!

I don’t think discussing it with my dad will help as he tends to vent to me about the issues but won’t discuss it with her, just with me and my sisters. Yeah, a lot of help that does. He himself keeps a lot but it is not in the shared living spaces, so that definitely helps me.

**You can start occasionally asking, “So what are you going to do, dad?”
If your dad doesn’t do something about the massive clutter, he is part of the problem.
**

I think I just need to try to ignore it…

If you’re on your way out in the next year, that’s a reasonable solution. If it’s longer than that, I don’t think it is.

I know it will be very difficult as it drives me nuts and affects my emotional health. I keep wondering what will happen when they retire elsewhere and move, if my dad will give her an ultimatum about the junk and not moving all the stuff.

Thank you again for being so caring.
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Moving would be fabulous.

If they do move, talk to your dad about not emptying any boxes without organizing stuff as it comes out. He is the key. See if you can convince him (being very respectful) that this is his home and he carries equal responsibility for keeping it livable. (I’ve had that particular conversation with my dad.)

Also, I hear you can rent a dumpster on pretty reasonable terms.

Good luck!
 
Xantippe said:
Moving would be fabulous.

If they do move, talk to your dad about not emptying any boxes without organizing stuff as it comes out. He is the key. See if you can convince him (being very respectful) that this is his home and he carries equal responsibility for keeping it livable. (I’ve had that particular conversation with my dad.)

Also, I hear you can rent a dumpster on pretty reasonable terms.

Good luck!
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Unfortunately the best estimate for moving or my moving out is not within the next year…maybe five, if my dad makes a decision that quickly. So, I may need to try to get something changed. Maybe ask her if it bothers her and tell her it really bothers me? I am seriously at a loss as to how to try to get her to realize how bad it is getting.
 
skigirl1689 said:
Unfortunately the best estimate for moving or my moving out is not within the next year…maybe five, if my dad makes a decision that quickly. So, I may need to try to get something changed. Maybe ask her if it bothers her and tell her it really bothers me? I am seriously at a loss as to how to try to get her to realize how bad it is getting.
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Just try to get rid of or organize 20 things a day in the public areas of the house and encourage your parents (especially your dad to do the same).

Fly Lady says 27 items, and that would be great, but 20 items is still good.

flylady.net/d/getting-started/flying-lessons/decluttering-15-minutes/

Good luck!

If your mom says anything about disappearing magazines, point out to her that just about everything is on the internet. If she wants it again, she can find it. If she doesn’t remember she wants it, she doesn’t need it. (A hard sell, I know.)
 
I did send her an email telling her how I felt, that I was anxious and I offered to help. I guess it is the only thing I can do. I do feel better getting it out there but I am a little worried about her reaction to it.
 
skigirl1689 said:
I did send her an email telling her how I felt, that I was anxious and I offered to help. I guess it is the only thing I can do. I do feel better getting it out there but I am a little worried about her reaction to it.
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I hope it goes OK.

Here’s a hopeful thought from Fly Lady for you and your parents:

“You are not behind! I don’t want you to try to catch up; I just want you to jump in where we are. O.K.?”

flylady.net/d/br/2012/09/01/you-are-not-behind/

If you just do a little every day (or almost every day), you can arrest the downward spiral, and at least keep things from getting too bad. The really bad situations come from doing nothing for long periods of time.

Best wishes!
 
Xantippe said:
I hope it goes OK.

Here’s a hopeful thought from Fly Lady for you and your parents:

“You are not behind! I don’t want you to try to catch up; I just want you to jump in where we are. O.K.?”

flylady.net/d/br/2012/09/01/you-are-not-behind/

If you just do a little every day (or almost every day), you can arrest the downward spiral, and at least keep things from getting too bad. The really bad situations come from doing nothing for long periods of time.

Best wishes!
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She took it well. I went through a couple of piles, and 95% of what I got rid of stayed in the trash. I am thinking of getting some folders for loose recipes and paperwork she can’t get rid of and just put it in the folders on the desk.

I will probably have to do it when my dad is not around as I think he thinks it is not my job. I know it’s not but if I can help, it’ll make me feel a bit better. Like you said, a little at a time can at least keep it under control.

I feel a lot better so I think I have also worked through the anxiety issue as well, hopefully. I tend to shift from one anxious focus (I don’t like the word obsession, but a therapist once said I tend to have obsessive thoughts and I could have a touch of OCD; I don’t have other symptoms of OCD so I don’t think I have that issue too). Depression and anxiety are enough to deal with, plus the isolation of my circumstances.

Thank you again. 🙂
 
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