Co-habiting mother-in-law?

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LongingForLight

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There have been a lot of questions about allowing cohabiters to stay overnight in your homes. So far, all the situations have involved brothers or children. Has anyone had to face this issue with their parents or in-laws?

I am facing a situation where my MIL and her cohabiting boyfriend may be homeless for a month in winter due to some construction on their rented home. We have a spare room, and they have helped us greatly when we were in need at no small cost to themselves. If we do not help them, they may end up living out of their car in the middle of winter.

Thoughts?
 
Why not let it be an opportunity to teach them by example? I would let them come. Invite them to go to Mass with you, and be the very best example you can be while they are there.
 
For starters, any conversation about living arrangements ought to be initiated by your husband. You and your husband ought to discuss ahead of time what the plan of action will be and then stick to it.

If they are at risk for homelessness, I think it would be charitable and very Christ-like for you to offer them a place in your home. But since they are not married, they should not receive the same privileges as you would extend to a married couple. This means that they should not share a bedroom, which could suggest to them your approval for their cohabitation and cause scandal to your children and/or any visitors to your home.

If you have more than two bedrooms, I would temporarily rearrange the living situation to give mom’s boyfriend the guest bedroom and MIL a different bedroom. This may require asking one of your children to share a bedroom with a sibling for some time. If there are only two bedrooms in the house, then I think you should offer mil’s boyfriend the couch. Either way, it ought to be your husband who explains the arrangement, all the while assuring his mom of your love and explaining how you both feel it’s important to hold them to the same standards that you expect of all visitors and of your own children. Perhaps he can also indicate that it was his mom who instilled in him the importance of remaining true to his beliefs.

That said, there are laws in many states that require landlords to pay for temporary housing when their rented appartments become inhabitable, especially if they have a signed lease. Renter’s insurance can also provide reimbursement for living expenses incurred when a rental becomes unlivable. Your MIL should consider exploring these options.

God bless.
 
I would most certainly open my home to them. I could not send them off to live in a car, especially for something they may not even think of as a sin.
 
Just because you have a guest room doesn’t mean both of them have to sleep there together.

Get creative and find other ways for them to stay with you, but not in the same room.
 
I personally think that letting people who have helped you in the past live out of their car is sinful, especially since one of those people is your spouse’s mom.

Could you really live with yourself if they ended up homeless?
 
I don’t believe one poster suggested that letting them sleep in the car is an option. I am sure they would be relieved and grateful to have a warm, loving alternative in the form of your home. Other posters have given great ideas about how you can offer hospitality in a way that accommodates everyone. Shower them with love and a warm welcome and take this as an opportunity to reciprocate the care they have shown you.

God bless you, have a joyful Christmas.
 
The mother in law can stay.

The guy is just a boyfriend. He can make his own arrangements.

Treating roommates like they are married is not required. If that sounds harsh, well…

And, quite frankly, the landlord should be paying to put them up somewhere.
 
PaulinVA said:
The mother in law can stay.

The guy is just a boyfriend. He can make his own arrangements.

Treating roommates like they are married is not required. If that sounds harsh, well…
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Since the OP mentioned that…
[T]hey have helped us greatly when we were in need at no small cost to themselves.
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…I assume that this is a rather long-standing, committed relationship, and not just two folks who decided to rub their naughty parts together for the night. Plus, they obviously don’t share your beliefs that they are “just roommates” who deserve a lesser standard of treatment. I would bet that the suggestion that the boyfriend “can go make his own arrangements” is probably not going to be well received.

I suspect that the OP is sincere in her beliefs regarding cohabitation, and I can appreciate that she is in a tough spot, especially if there are children in the house who are old enough to question what is going on. Still, I think the OP has an obligation to this couple. You don’t just turn your back on someone who has already made sacrifices for you. My advice…even though the situation is not ideal, just hold your nose and deal with it for a month.
 
rick43235 said:
…I assume that this is a rather long-standing, committed relationship, and not just two folks who decided to rub their naughty parts together for the night. Plus, they obviously don’t share your beliefs that they are “just roommates” who deserve a lesser standard of treatment. I would bet that the suggestion that the boyfriend “can go make his own arrangements” is probably not going to be well received.
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Why is it that people think that long-term sinful relationships are somehow “better” than short-term sinful relationships?

At what point does the sinful, fly by night shacking up become “committed and loving” and therefore gain acceptance? I just don’t get it.

I will admit to never having had to deal with this situation.
 
PaulinVA said:
Why is it that people think that long-term sinful relationships are somehow “better” than short-term sinful relationships?

At what point does the sinful, fly by night shacking up become “committed and loving” and therefore gain acceptance? I just don’t get it.

I will admit to never having had to deal with this situation.
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You really don’t see the difference between a couple who are in love and committed to each other but chose not to formalize their relationship, and two people who decide at closing time to hook up for the night?
 
rick43235 said:
You really don’t see the difference between a couple who are in love and committed to each other but chose not to formalize their relationship, and two people who decide at closing time to hook up for the night?
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No, I asked how many “hook up for the night” episodes does it takes to make a committed relationship.

Is there a scale? If someone keeps a few changes of clothes at the others house, does does make it committed and loving? Is it living together? If it’s living together, how long until the relationship is committed and loving?

We know the answers when marriage is involved. What are the rules when people are just acting like they are married? Are the same rules used in heterosexual relationships and homosexual relationships?
 
Mom, I love you and want you to be safe. You are welcome to stay with us. Joe may stay here, but I need you both to understand that we take our moral beliefs seriously and ask that you do not sleep together in our house.
 
Kindness said:
I don’t believe one poster suggested that letting them sleep in the car is an option. I am sure they would be relieved and grateful to have a warm, loving alternative in the form of your home. Other posters have given great ideas about how you can offer hospitality in a way that accommodates everyone. Shower them with love and a warm welcome and take this as an opportunity to reciprocate the care they have shown you.

God bless you, have a joyful Christmas.
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If you are talking about me…I believe either you misunderstood or I wrote it wrong…upon rereading my post I guess it could be taken either way. I do agree letting them live in the car is wrong
 
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