Cohabitating in order to pay rent

[Anglewannabe]

That’s a quick judgement! .

Church teaching state that living together creates scandal. It is not a judgment, but stating a fact. On a Catholic website, I will always do my best to ensure the Lord’s truth is expressed

 

[ela2]

Church teaching state that living together creates scandal. It is not a judgment, but stating a fact. On a Catholic website, I will always do my best to ensure the Lord’s truth is expressed

I know the church teaching, I meant the assumption that we had a fancy wedding.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

My then soon to be husband and I lived in the same apartment for 3 months as we didn’t have money to pay rent+ wedding expenses (couldn’t stay anywhere else). But since we were getting married after three months, it was easy to do so plus it was a beautiful suffering.

A beautiful suffering would have been to witness the holy way of things is not always the easiest. Caving your morals cannot be described as beautiful.

 

[ela2]

A beautiful suffering would have been to witness the holy way of things is not always the easiest. Caving your morals cannot be described as beautiful.

Like I said, it’s a long story and this is not its place. I don’t blame you for judging and assuming since you don’t know my story.

I’m not encouraging cohabitation. But if a couple have no other possibilities, mark no other options, are determined to remain chaste, no matter what, not that they are proud or holier, but that they love God and puts that love first, are going to marry soon, there isn’t the sin of scandal since no one knows them, if their priest has given them Permission to stay together, , given the very strange and sensitive situation (runaways, converters, families want to kill them, foreign country, doesn’t know anyone, don’t know the language, no money) then may be they can stay together.

But this is not the case of the op, they want to stay together as they can’t afford. But maybe the have families, friends, options, I don’t know. So in the ops case, I would look into other ways in order to avoid this situation.

It is a beautiful suffering and you don’t know what I’ve been through. Please back off.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Like I said, it’s a long story and this is not its place. I don’t blame you for judging and assuming since you don’t know my story.

I’m not encouraging cohabitation. But if a couple have no other possibilities, mark no other options, are determined to remain chaste, no matter what, not that they are proud or holier, but that they love God and puts that love first, are going to marry soon, there isn’t the sin of scandal since no one knows them, if their priest has given them Permission to stay together, , given the very strange and sensitive situation (runaways, converters, families want to kill them, foreign country, doesn’t know anyone, don’t know the language, no money) then may be they can stay together.

But this is not the case of the op, they want to stay together as they can’t afford. But maybe the have families, friends, options, I don’t know. So in the ops case, I would look into other ways in order to avoid this situation.

It is a beautiful suffering and you don’t know what I’ve been through. Please back off.

A situation does not exist in the western world where one has internet access and lacks the ability to follow the moral direction of Christ and his church. The vast majority of couples co habitate this is something that has become the norm in our world. And it would be foolish to be upset at a stranger on the internet who admits to weakness. That I understand. What bothers me is that one would post that on a carholic board, call it beatififul instead of a failing and then use the old “you don’t know me so back off” approach.

You posted here voluntarily and called your cohabitation a beautiful suffering. To me that is offensive to those who would not have made your choice.
At the least, your need to justify should not override the need for all of us to encourage the op to be holy.

 

[UbiCaritas]

A situation does not exist in the western world where one has internet access and lacks the ability to follow the moral direction of Christ and his church. The vast majority of couples co habitate this is something that has become the norm in our world. And it would be foolish to be upset at a stranger on the internet who admits to weakness. That I understand. What bothers me is that one would post that on a carholic board, call it beatififul instead of a failing and then use the old “you don’t know me so back off” approach.

You posted here voluntarily and called your cohabitation a beautiful suffering. To me that is offensive to those who would not have made your choice.
At the least, your need to justify should not override the need for all of us to encourage the op to be holy.

I would argue that, while rare, such situations do exist. I have a friend who’s living in it right now.

She and her fiancé are extremely poor. She has few job skills and has some mental health issues relating to her upbringing–think extremely controlling, physically and mentally abusive parents who also exposed her to abuse at the hand of a known sexual predator. She is currently working through these issues, having only escaped a couple of years ago, but is not at the point of being able to hold down a regular job. Her fiancé is a day laborer; he works very hard indeed, but doesn’t make much money.

Thanks to the public library, she is able to use the internet to access both mental health and job resources. For a long time, they lived in their car, but have recently upgraded to a rental home in a very bad area of town. She spends much of her time collecting materials that can be sold for scrap and finding the occasional tutoring gig, while he does what he can by painting, roofing, and so forth. Independently, they’d both be on the streets. Together, they survive as best they can, sleeping in separate rooms and so on.

I grant that their situation isn’t the norm, but I also submit that they’re probably not the only couple in such dire circumstances.

 

[SuperLuigi]

Say a [Catholic] couple felt they had no choice other than to get an apartment together in order to afford rent. What would you say to them? If they said they didn’t know of any same-sex friends they could room with if you suggested they find other friends to room with, what else would you suggest they do?

I would refer them to a priest for spiritual direction.

 

[ela2]

A situation does not exist in the western world where one has internet access and lacks the ability to follow the moral direction of Christ and his church. The vast majority of couples co habitate this is something that has become the norm in our world. And it would be foolish to be upset at a stranger on the internet who admits to weakness. That I understand. What bothers me is that one would post that on a carholic board, call it beatififul instead of a failing and then use the old “you don’t know me so back off” approach.

You posted here voluntarily and called your cohabitation a beautiful suffering. To me that is offensive to those who would not have made your choice.
At the least, your need to justify should not override the need for all of us to encourage the op to be holy./QUOTE

My situation was like that five years ago. Not today. Not right now. It was a very unfortunate situation not because I lacked the ability to follow the moral direction of Christ. May be you should practice some if the charity of Christ. Don’t be so quick to label.

Btw read carefully, I also encouraged the op to avoid this situation. But of course you’d leave that part out. We didn’t have a choice.

If you knew the details, believe me you would have made the same choice. You are blessed you weren’t in that situation.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Hoosier Daddy;13934886:

A situation does not exist in the western world where one has internet access and lacks the ability to follow the moral direction of Christ and his church. The vast majority of couples co habitate this is something that has become the norm in our world. And it would be foolish to be upset at a stranger on the internet who admits to weakness. That I understand. What bothers me is that one would post that on a carholic board, call it beatififul instead of a failing and then use the old “you don’t know me so back off” approach.

You posted here voluntarily and called your cohabitation a beautiful suffering. To me that is offensive to those who would not have made your choice.
At the least, your need to justify should not override the need for all of us to encourage the op to be holy.

Please don’t presume to know if I would have sinned or not given your circumstances. Perhaps you are right that we shouldn’t hijack the thread.

Op regaurdless if what anyone else says can be a reason to cohabitate. I can assure you that there does not exist a situation in the modern western world where it is the holy choice. And since youths as a spouse is to help the other person grow in holiness and achieve heaven then you can start before you are married with this simple, yet counter cultural, decision. The church is clear. Christ is clear. It is the world that we make our own problems in that becomes unclear.

The holy option is to refrain from this even if it financially hard, even if boarders or governments make it complicated. It not only provides holiness and grace but also very powerful witness to others! Even your own future offspring.

 

[ela2]

ela2;13935003:

Please don’t presume to know if I would have sinned or not given your circumstances. Perhaps you are right that we shouldn’t hijack the thread.

Op regaurdless if what anyone else says can be a reason to cohabitate. I can assure you that there does not exist a situation in the modern western world where it is the holy choice. And since youths as a spouse is to help the other person grow in holiness and achieve heaven then you can start before you are married with this simple, yet counter cultural, decision. The church is clear. Christ is clear. It is the world that we make our own problems in that becomes unclear.

The holy option is to refrain from this even if it financially hard, even if boarders or governments make it complicated. It not only provides holiness and grace but also very powerful witness to others! Even your own future offspring.

Please don’t twist my words. I did not say you would have sinned. I said you would have made the same choice, that is to live with your to be spouse,AS BROTHER and SISTER , if you knew the details. And the main part of the details is that their was no choice.

Good bye.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I only know of two scenarios where society dictates your roommates. Incarceration and lawful mental detainment. Neither of which are ideal for an engagement period. Any other scenario involves CHOICE on the part of the roommates be they in love or poor or not. As was already brilliantly posted, they should act as if the other person was not in the picture.

 

[LethalMouse]

I am a little off much of the other posters on this… I think discernment is a big factor of the situations involved. Some people mentioned skipping a fancy wedding and posted prices like “under 5k” but I have known people who scrounging up 1k would be difficult. When we talk of 2 selerate living quarters we are talking about throwing away between 500+$ a month depending on location modest accommodation could be near $1000+. Especially for those who fall into the “doesn’t qualify for help but can’t afford to live” category.

Now here we have the OP stated as a “couple” that is vague in that a couple of 3 months or 2 yrs near marriage? I dare the great anti cohabitators to “live like their significant other doesn’t exist” and watch them go homeless. Or rack up debts that will destroy their future together etc…

The exact scenarios though guide this in the sense of discernment like can they live at home but choose not to, can they afford to live seperate or risk losing everything etc. How close to marriage? And how much temptation? Can they do this truly without fear of commiting sin? Or is that a concern? If you are talking 3 months bf/gf then the odds of even worse financial issues upon a breakup could be serious, whereas 2 yr and on track the odds of breakup are likely not there. I would in the truest sense lean toward not cohabitation, but here is the crux:

If you are looking at a 10K wedding and sweet cable packeges and cellphones fancy cars… you are just irresponsible and don’t need to cohabitate at all.

If you are living a virtual monks life of poverty and are looking at barely scrounging up the marriage license fees and church fee… well then maybe not watching a loved one go homeless is a good thing

It is also interesting, as a Christtian it would be virtuous to take in a poor stranger into your home but if your love is homeless you are to hope someone else takes them in… pffft

 

[phil19034]

I am a little off much of the other posters on this… I think discernment is a big factor of the situations involved. Some people mentioned skipping a fancy wedding and posted prices like “under 5k” but I have known people who scrounging up 1k would be difficult. When we talk of 2 selerate living quarters we are talking about throwing away between 500+$ a month depending on location modest accommodation could be near $1000+. Especially for those who fall into the “doesn’t qualify for help but can’t afford to live” category.

Now here we have the OP stated as a “couple” that is vague in that a couple of 3 months or 2 yrs near marriage? I dare the great anti cohabitators to “live like their significant other doesn’t exist” and watch them go homeless. Or rack up debts that will destroy their future together etc…

The exact scenarios though guide this in the sense of discernment like can they live at home but choose not to, can they afford to live seperate or risk losing everything etc. How close to marriage? And how much temptation? Can they do this truly without fear of commiting sin? Or is that a concern? If you are talking 3 months bf/gf then the odds of even worse financial issues upon a breakup could be serious, whereas 2 yr and on track the odds of breakup are likely not there. I would in the truest sense lean toward not cohabitation, but here is the crux:

If you are looking at a 10K wedding and sweet cable packeges and cellphones fancy cars… you are just irresponsible and don’t need to cohabitate at all.

If you are living a virtual monks life of poverty and are looking at barely scrounging up the marriage license fees and church fee… well then maybe not watching a loved one go homeless is a good thing

It is also interesting, as a Christtian it would be virtuous to take in a poor stranger into your home but if your love is homeless you are to hope someone else takes them in… pffft

In regards to an affordable wedding, you can get a Catholic wedding for the cost of the Wedding Licence.

A priest or Deacon would be more than willing to marry you inside the rectory vs getting married by a justice of the peace.

You just need pre-Cana, & two witnesses.

No expensive ring, no wedding party, no expensive dress, no guests, no music, no flowers, etc. All those things are nice add-ons; but they are NOT required.

God Bless

 

[AdamP88]

This article states what the Catholic Bishops of Pennsylvania have to say on the matter.

catholicnewsagency.com/resources/life-and-family/marriage/cohabitation-and-churchs-teaching/

Cohabitation is not acceptable for any Catholic. I’m engaged and living separately from my fiancée. There are additional rent and bills to pay because of that. I can see how a couple would be tempted to move in together but it’s unacceptable.
I would go so far as to say that it is sinful as you are putting yourself intentionally in an occasion of sin for a prolonged period of time.