Cohabitating teens in parent's home

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m_crane

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I’m the mom of two young unmarried adults.

I’ve noticed a trend in our culture where parents of a teenager or young adult are allowing the boyfriend or girlfriend to move into their home and even allowing the couple to share a bedroom (cohabitate). I personally know of 6 different cases where this is taking place. Is anyone else experiencing an increase in this trend?

Have parents gone crazy?:confused:
 
Well it seems to work on TV.🤷 I saw an ad on the ABC Family channel for a show about teenagers and their romances - even a homosexual romance.:eek:

I am a Youth Minister at a large parish. I am not aware of this going - though I am sure it is. Many families in our area are rather well to do. Their kids do not seem to have too many restrictions as the kids on my side of town.
 
Many parents aren’t parenting and will have to answer to God for allowing their children to live in sin without saying anything! There are basically nine ways in which we can participate in the sin of another, thereby sinning ourselves. Allowing unmarried children to cohabitate in one’s home clearly qualifies.
 
We had this happen in our extended family. While still in high school, the girl moved into the boy’s home with the full blessing of both sets of parents. The rest of us were quite shocked and amazed. And yes, the parents have gone crazy! The girl’s mother said to me that her daughter is her best friend and she wants her to be happy. :eek: (gag)
 
My nephew did this. He stole a bunch of money from my grandma (who was living w/ my sister and bil) by stealing her check book and writing checks. When he got busted, he made up a story about how horrible my sister and bil were treating him, so his gf’s mom let him move in (and yes, sleep in the same bed). Then they were shocked and outraged when their daughter got pregnant! :rolleyes: At one point (during a custody dispute after they baby was born and my nephew and his gf had broken up) her mom tried to accuse him of statutory rape by saying he was 18 and her daughter 16 when she got pregnant (my sister pointed out that she was their when her son was born, so knows how old he is, and he was only 17!). Even so, did her mom actually believe they WEREN’T having sex while sharing a bedroom??? It’s unbelievable how far down the toliet the morals of some parents have gone.

In Christ,

Ellen
 
I haven’t experienced it as a trend. But my brother did become the legal guardian to my niece’s boyfriend when they were in high school. Home life for the boy was abusive and nobody else in his family would take him in, the cycle of abuse was throughout the family. He did place strict rules and boundaries between the two being able to spend time together, it wasn’t a free for all or anything. There are cases where it might be the best thing for the teen being taken in, that’s all I’m offering as a different point of view. My brother is still a very good father figure to the boy even though he and the niece eventually broke up.
 
PatriceA said:
I haven’t experienced it as a trend. But my brother did become the legal guardian to my niece’s boyfriend when they were in high school. Home life for the boy was abusive and nobody else in his family would take him in, the cycle of abuse was throughout the family. He did place strict rules and boundaries between the two being able to spend time together, it wasn’t a free for all or anything. There are cases where it might be the best thing for the teen being taken in, that’s all I’m offering as a different point of view. My brother is still a very good father figure to the boy even though he and the niece eventually broke up.
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That sort of happened with my SIL and BIL. BIL’s home life was less than ideal, to say the least, so my IL’s let him move in and sleep in the basement. My IL’s are very strict, conservative, Baptists, so they in no way were condoning premarital teenage sex! Fortunately, my SIL and BIL were also strong Christians committed to chastity, as well, so it never became a problem. They did get married 3 months after SIL graduated high school (no, she wasn’t pregnant; they didn’t have any kids for 8 years after they married), and moved out and lived on their own, supporting themselves. On August 10th they celebrated their 25th Anniversary! 🙂

In Christ,

Ellen
 
PatriceA said:
I haven’t experienced it as a trend. But my brother did become the legal guardian to my niece’s boyfriend when they were in high school. Home life for the boy was abusive and nobody else in his family would take him in, the cycle of abuse was throughout the family. He did place strict rules and boundaries between the two being able to spend time together, it wasn’t a free for all or anything. There are cases where it might be the best thing for the teen being taken in, that’s all I’m offering as a different point of view. My brother is still a very good father figure to the boy even though he and the niece eventually broke up.
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What I have to add to this is the reason most of these teens (that I know) have moved in with the BF or GF’s parent’s house is because they claim abuse at home. 4 of the 6 parents who allowed BFor GF to move into their home claim that. Maybe in your case this is true . And I don’t mean to sound judgmental of your brother actions (for all I know he kept guard at his daughters bedroom nightly and locked the boy in the basement) but I still wonder why a parent would put his son or daughter in a near occasion of sin like that. If it were me I’d beg a relative to take them in, maybe even pay their expenses with another family or neighbor but I’d be hard pressed to allow my teen to live in the same house with his BF or GF.

In the one case I know, the reason the teen moved out was because her parent was trying to set moral boundries that the teen would not accept. Sadly, my 18 year old niece just moved in with her BF’s family. The reason she left was because her father refused to allow her to stay overnight at BF’s house. He told her to make a choice come home at night or move out.
 
In our case, the abusive was very real & horrible.
I was at my new boyfriend’s house watching tv. He had just turned 18 & I had just turned 17, we had been dating only a few weeks. His alcoholic, severely abusive stepfather came in & told me to go home & for him to “pack your s*** & get out”. Literally, just like that. His later excuse to the mother was that they had two younger daughters (who were at school) & didnt need any bad examples. There was only TV watching going on, we were on different pieces of furniture!
I went home (across the street) and told my mother. She really liked this kid & knew he was a great guy. He had 4 months left til he finished high school, was already signed up to go in the Marines right after, honor student & had a job. He didnt deserve to have his life ruined by that drunk. So she let him stay with us. Where we were from (Detroit) this wasnt uncommon.

She was right about the guy. He did graduated, he did enlist, we got married & have 2 children. Feb will be 20 years since that happened & he will be retiring from the military in the next few years. I am not saying that this would happen for everyone but I am glad she took him in & not left him on the street.
 
:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:
WOW! I’m speechless. I didn’t know how common this was. In cases of true abuse I think it can be done out of charity (though it would still be a temptation for sin), but in cases where the kids want to move in for the fun of it that’s just awful! I really wonder about the parents who would allow such a thing!
 
Yep, wow!

It began with the parents who supported alcohol parties in their home.

That spread to drug use in the home.

Apparently, now it’s parents supporting sexual activity in their homes, and contraception and abortion.
 
m_crane said:
What I have to add to this is the reason most of these teens (that I know) have moved in with the BF or GF’s parent’s house is because they claim abuse at home. 4 of the 6 parents who allowed BFor GF to move into their home claim that. Maybe in your case this is true . And I don’t mean to sound judgmental of your brother actions (for all I know he kept guard at his daughters bedroom nightly and locked the boy in the basement) but I still wonder why a parent would put his son or daughter in a near occasion of sin like that. If it were me I’d beg a relative to take them in, maybe even pay their expenses with another family or neighbor but I’d be hard pressed to allow my teen to live in the same house with his BF or GF.

In the one case I know, the reason the teen moved out was because her parent was trying to set moral boundries that the teen would not accept. Sadly, my 18 year old niece just moved in with her BF’s family. The reason she left was because her father refused to allow her to stay overnight at BF’s house. He told her to make a choice come home at night or move out.
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“Claiming” and actually going through the court system and having it documented are entirely different. The latter was the case for the young man in the situation I presented. Would I do it? Probably not. But it worked in my brother’s situation.
 
I would think this would be dangerous legally even if both sets of parents and both teenagers were all in agreement. Especially under the age of 17 where in most states it’s still illegal for minors to engage in such activities but maybe I’m wrong and the laws don’t apply if both parties are 17 or under and consenting. 🤷 Still with pregnancy and diseases on the practical side along with the moral side it can only lead to disaster. :confused:🤷:eek:
 
It’s been my experience that parents will let the boyfriend/girlfriend move in when there is already a baby involved. I know of a mom whose daughter got pregnant at 16 let the boyfriend move in. I guess she wanted the baby to live with the father but I think it is just ridiculous. The chances of it lasting are slim.

I know of a Christian lady who let her son’s girlfriend move in when she got pregnant. This lady is Christian but purposefully sent her kids to Catholic school since it teaches premarital sex is wrong. Then when her son got a girl pregnant, the girl was allowed to move in :confused: They were intending on getting married 18 months after the baby was born. Not sure why you have to wait 18 months to get married.

I think it is sad how some parents feel they need to make up for their children’s mistakes

CM
 
Thank you all for your responses. I can only see this from the perspective of a parent who’s first priority would be to protect the my own son or daughter by not putting him/her in a situation that could be a near occasion of sin.

I am sorrowfully aware that many teens do live in disfunctional or abusive families. To address this situation there are places that a teen can go. I know of a very good place in Trenton NJ(I don’t know if I’m allowed to mention the name of the place) that takes in abused teens when they can no longer live with an abusive or neglectful parent.

I don’t think that it’s unrealistic to look for alternatives rather that take in a boyfriend or girlfriend.
 
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