Cohabitating---well?

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dje101

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Hi all…

My girlfriend and I want to move in together this summer. She is Catholic, I’m not but want to start attending RCIA in August. I don’t want either of us to be breaking rules of the Church, and I don’t know if this is an official teaching of the church or just peoples’ opinion that are against it. Little help, please…
 
It is not just people’s opinions. Having sexual relations outside of marriage is called fornication and it is a grave sin. Do not shack up with your girlfriend or she and you will be sinning. On a practical level, it is not good for your relationship to put sex before marriage.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
It is not just people’s opinions. Having sexual relations outside of marriage is called fornication and it is a grave sin. Do not shack up with your girlfriend or she and you will be sinning. On a practical level, it is not good for your relationship to put sex before marriage.
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what if we weren’t to have sex though.
 
dje101 said:
what if we weren’t to have sex though.
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Still sinful. You are not husband and wife. You would be creating scandal, you would be putting yourself at risk of sinning, and you would be living in a situation that you aren’t actually in [living as married, but not married].

If you care for this girl, you won’t move in with her. Sorry for the bluntness 😃
 
NewsTheMan said:
Still sinful. You are not husband and wife. You would be creating scandal, you would be putting yourself at risk of sinning, and you would be living in a situation that you aren’t actually in [living as married, but not married].

If you care for this girl, you won’t move in with her. Sorry for the bluntness 😃
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I don’t understand how living together is sinful. I understand premarital sex, but why just living together?
 
It seems like a lot of these articles that I’ve read or found are from tennage boys and girls that want to “try things out to make sure they want to get married”.
 
dje101 said:
It seems like a lot of these articles that I’ve read or found are from tennage boys and girls that want to “try things out to make sure they want to get married”.
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You obviously didn’t read all of them or read them thoroughly enough. The information is there. If you refuse to see it, that’s not something I can make you see. I already gave you the reasons why it was sinful:

Scandal
Near occasion of sin

And why it isn’t a good idea anyway:

Divorce statistics.
Living a lie - you are living together like a married couple would but you are not married.

If you don’t agree, or perhaps don’t even see why these are issues, speak to your Priest, bring it to God in prayer, and like the good man you are put your faith in the Church and Christ and say “Despite not knowing why it’s wrong or a bad idea, I trust Christ and His Church and I will not live with my girlfriend”.

Your OP said:
I don’t want either of us to be breaking rules of the Church, and I don’t know if this is an official teaching of the church or just peoples’ opinion that are against it. Little help, please…
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So the answer again:

It is against the rules of the Church. It is official teaching. It’s not just opinion.
 
dje101 said:
It seems like a lot of these articles that I’ve read or found are from tennage boys and girls that want to “try things out to make sure they want to get married”.
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And what would be your reasons for shacking up with your girlfriend? You’re really telling me that you are going to live together as brother and sister? Yeah, I’ve got some beach front property in downtown Phoenix for sale…:rolleyes:
 
Why don’t you marry your girl friend? If you are ready to live with her, then why not marry her?
Do you read the New Testament fairly often? Its a good thing to get the Spirit of God into your own understanding. Let Him give you the wisdom to see the hidden structures of things, how things are interconnected.

Last year I went on a short vacation with my boyfriend and his parents. The parents had booked some nice rooms … one for them and one for me and my boy friend.
Somehow I felt bad about that. We were not having sex, but whenever we were too close and alone in the evening we would almost always end up going too far (FYI its not just intercourse that is sinful) and it created a lot of mess in our relationship.

On tha vacation I had a feeling that my boyfriend was not protecting me, he made me look infront of his parents, like a girl who would readily sleep with a man before marriage. Might be that this was not his intention nor their view, but it did create some resentment in me. I felt I could not count on him to be my Christian brother (who naturally protects a sister from scandal and near occasion of sin) and the head of the household if we were one day to get married.

We are called to be the light of the world… to be Christian witnesses. How many of your non-Christian friends do you think will take a witness from you about chastity and holiness if you live with your girlfriend?

Living together is a sweet and wonderful experience… its a privilege for the married people. Nothing stands against you and your girlfriend getting married if you have the commitment and love it takes to live together and have sexual activity. Otherwise stay apart… Otherwise you will be stealing from yourselves in the end. Marriage, in all its aspects, are worth waiting for.

98 percent of young couples (and even married couples practicing periodical abstinence) have a very difficult time with keeping their hands off each other. You are setting yourself up for failure if you live together.

The more you pray, the more you will understand not just the precepts but also the spirit of the precepts. God wants us to be happy in this life and in the next but in order to be authentically happy you have to follow his ways.

God bless.
 
Something else to consider is that before we’re married, we are supposed to discern whether we are indeed called to be married or not, and then whether we should be marrying a specific person or not.

One of the reasons not to have sex before marriage is because it can cloud your judgement. It makes it a lot harder to figure out if the person you’re with is the right person, and a lot harder to break up with them if you decide he or she isn’t right. I approach living together before marriage in the same way.

I think it’s a bad idea to play house and live as though you’re married, even if you aren’t having sex. Not only does it make it less special when the day comes that you do get married (waking up next to someone every day, etc.) if you’ve already been doing it, but if you are already essentially viewing this person as a marriage partner because you are living as a married couple, you might not be thinking straight. Maybe this person isn’t right for you, and you aren’t paying attention to that because you already see this person as your husband or wife. Or maybe you do decide this person isn’t right for you, and it’s harder to get out of the relationship because you are living together.

Keep things in the right order- first figure out who you’re supposed to marry, with a clear head and no obstacles, and then marry that person and move in together and have sex. The Church’s teachings seem needlessly restrictive sometimes- I understand that. But remember that there is a reason for them- because they are what is best for us in the long run. Some self control and delayed gratification will serve you well in all areas of life, so why not be extremely careful in the most important decision you’ll ever make?
 
dje101 said:
Hi all…

My girlfriend and I want to move in together this summer. She is Catholic, I’m not but want to start attending RCIA in August. I don’t want either of us to be breaking rules of the Church, and I don’t know if this is an official teaching of the church or just peoples’ opinion that are against it. Little help, please…
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Obviously you have received many many responses. All are suggesting, more or less forcefully, that you not cohabitate.

My suggestion though is this, since your desire is to not break any rules, then your best bet is to talk to your priest, or at least a priest about the Church’s official teachings on the matter.

I will say this. Since your girlfriend is already Catholic, and you are planning to enter the Church in the coming year, your goal in all thigs should be to please God. To Love Him, and to Love your neighbor as yourself.
So - consider this plan in this light.
Will your cohabitating cause temptation?
Will your cohabitating cause “talk” (scandal)?
Is cohabitating really necessary?
Is cohabitating the most loving example you can give to others of your faith?

I am sure that your intention is pure. This I do not doubt. But if you truly Love your intended, is it worth the risk? Are you sure that both of you are strong enough to resist being in such close quarters so much of the time for a year or more before your wedding? Are you both willing to take this risk with each other’s souls?

I think that if you give this serious, sober, consideration you will come to the conclusion that it is not a good idea.

Peace
James
 
Not an area for “opinion” but is grave matter for mortal sin…not something Christians should or can do…

Keep responding to the grace of God…and do not do this…but rather follow Christ in joy as his disciples…putting his teachings into practice and living as his friends and followers…

and know too that cohabitation prior to marriage actually is very seriously damaging for the future marriage in other ways as well.
 
dje101 said:
I don’t understand how living together is sinful. I understand premarital sex, but why just living together?
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For starters, you should always avoid the near occasion of sin. I would say living with your girlfriend is a near occasion of sin.

However, the real reason it is a sin to live together even if you are being platonic, is you are subjecting your good name, and, more importantly, the good name of your girl, to scandal. Why would you want to do something to endanger her reputation (or your own). You should have a mutual love and respect for each other - this includes not wanting to soil each other’s reputations by shacking up and appearing to be fornicating. This is especially so if you’re going to start attending RCIA classes. You want to represent yourself to be in the right frame of mind for becoming a Catholic. Try not to start off on a bad note.

Even worse that soiling her reputation, though, is endangering her soul!! If you know cohabitating is grave matter, by moving in together, not only are you putting your salvation at risk, but the salvation of the one you “love”. That is not love. The meaning of Love is doing and willing what is best for the other’s salvation. It is the duty of the spouse to love in this way. Love is a decision - not a feeling. A decision to do all that is necessary to get your partner to heaven.
 
Does anyone know, ball park figure, how much a Catholic wedding costs? Like to have it at the Church and stuff…just the average Catholic wedding.
 
$100 or so for the marriage license.

$100 or so for the officiant.

Flowers and photogapher are optional.

That’s all.

Now, what you may really asking is, “how much does a reception cost,” and there’s no such thing as a Catholic reception. You can spend as much or as little as you like, depending
 
VonDerTann said:
$100 or so for the marriage license.

$100 or so for the officiant.

Flowers and photogapher are optional.

That’s all.

Now, what you may really asking is, “how much does a reception cost,” and there’s no such thing as a Catholic reception. You can spend as much or as little as you like, depending
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what is the officiant? The priest?
 
dje101 said:
what is the officiant? The priest?
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Priest or Deacon.

Also you might have to pay for whatever prep is required by your diocese. Retreats, focus test, NFP materials, etc. Oh, and most church buildings charge for their use, but you could always get married during Mass.

Though if you are really in financial need these will be waived.
 
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