Cohabitation: How do we rescue our adult children?

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It seems to be the societal norm that people live together today. I remember growing up in the eighties how scandalous it was and then all of a sudden within a span of thirty years it is the norm. It is seen as the “next step” in a relationship if people like each other…not LOVE, but like. And in my family, it is in every age group. Have a seventy year old uncle who moved in with his younger girlfriend. I know my grandfather taught him better than that.

Personally, I think people are really, really shortchanging themselves. It is much harder to break up with someone if you are living together than if you are just dating. Your lives become so interwoven. And then you just settle because you are in a “comfortable” situation.

Many women believe it to be the path to getting married. They want to be married and they think since it might happen, it is okay to do it. They have very low self-esteem and do what they don’t want to do in order to obtain what they really want. Personally, I would find it humiliating if a man would ask me to live with him instead of marrying him. But most woman would find that flattering. You can never underestimate the need for human companionship especially of the opposite sex. And once two people have sex, it creates a bond. The bond is supposed to be for marriage but the bond, just like anything else that God creates for good, can be misused.

But I really have no idea what to do about it. All you can do is pray. I approached a family member one time about why she was living with someone and she said it was because she loved him. And then, of course, she deemed me “judgmental.” I think it basically comes down to this, people do not understand, if you truly love someone, you would never, never ask them to sin. Sure, I could see how a couple in the passion of a moment might sin and might not be thinking straight. But to intentionally make a commitment of living together requires forethought and planning. Physical, emotional and material needs are trumping spiritual needs. Bottom line.
 
I see a lot of answers on here that say pray. That is important, but if you really want sound advice, you need to discuss this with a priest, especially if what you are really asking is what your obligation as parents are in a situation like this.

It also is worth being up to speed on the secular dimension of cohabitation, which often spell doom for any-long term relationship and can end in a situation appropriate for Judge Judy.
 
Thank you all who have been responding to this thread question. Your experiences and comments are much appreciated.

More responses are certainly welcome.

God bless all here.

op
(original poster)
 
My husband and I co-habitated for a year before we got engaged and then had a two year engagement. We were on opposite shifts (and find ourselves on opposite shifts again lol) so we did not see each other that much even though we lived under the same roof. This was while I was away from the church (I left when I was 16 and came back when I was 28). My husband still hasn’t come back, but I continue to pray for his return. Yes, the priest that married us knew, why lie and compound the sin? We were in our late 20s, and established in our given professions. October will be our 10th anniversary.

My parents cohabitated (not sure how long) and will be celebrating 40 years in May (wow…where did the time go). My husband’s parents did not cohabitate and ended up divorced. I do not know if his brother did or did not cohabitate with their respective spouses but they both ended up divorced. His parents’ divorce is why we didn’t marry sooner - and it didn’t help that his brother’s marriage broke up right as we were about to get engaged either.

I can’t change it, not even sure I can say I regret it, I’ve confessed it and I have moved on.

So, my advice to the OP is to say your piece and let it go (but keep on praying!). Hammering on it is not going to help.
 
KendraDZ1902 said:
Oh goodness, they aren’t possessed. They freely chose.
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If they freely chose and are otherwise culpable of this mortal sin and are unrepentant, who then in effect possesses their soul if not Satan?

God bless

op
 
kosull2 said:
My husband and I co-habitated for a year before we got engaged and then had a two year engagement. We were on opposite shifts (and find ourselves on opposite shifts again lol) so we did not see each other that much even though we lived under the same roof. This was while I was away from the church (I left when I was 16 and came back when I was 28). My husband still hasn’t come back, but I continue to pray for his return. Yes, the priest that married us knew, why lie and compound the sin? We were in our late 20s, and established in our given professions. October will be our 10th anniversary.

My parents cohabitated (not sure how long) and will be celebrating 40 years in May (wow…where did the time go). My husband’s parents did not cohabitate and ended up divorced. I do not know if his brother did or did not cohabitate with their respective spouses but they both ended up divorced. His parents’ divorce is why we didn’t marry sooner - and it didn’t help that his brother’s marriage broke up right as we were about to get engaged either.

I can’t change it, not even sure I can say I regret it, I’ve confessed it and I have moved on.

So, my advice to the OP is to say your piece and let it go (but keep on praying!). Hammering on it is not going to help.
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None of this makes sin OK !! If you don’t see the wrong in it and don’t truly regret it then maybe you need to talk to a priest about it. I know several ladies that practiced Birth Control when they were younger, (a couple are now widowed) and while they don’t do it now, they don’t regret doing it all those years. Would do it again if necessary. I don’t think that is true repentance. They can’t see the evil in what they did. Or the Beauty and grace in not sinning. God Bless, Memaw
 
Memaw said:
None of this makes sin OK !! If you don’t see the wrong in it and don’t truly regret it then maybe you need to talk to a priest about it. I know several ladies that practiced Birth Control when they were younger, (a couple are now widowed) and while they don’t do it now, they don’t regret doing it all those years. Would do it again if necessary. I don’t think that is true repentance. They can’t see the evil in what they did. Or the Beauty and grace in not sinning. God Bless, Memaw
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Not sure I said it was ok…oh wait, I didn’t. I didn’t say I didn’t see wrong in it, I just said I wasn’t sure I 100% regretted it (I have plenty of other things to dwell on, no point in dwelling on something I cannot change - per the Serenity prayer).
 
Memaw said:
None of this makes sin OK !! If you don’t see the wrong in it and don’t truly regret it then maybe you need to talk to a priest about it. I know several ladies that practiced Birth Control when they were younger, (a couple are now widowed) and while they don’t do it now, they don’t regret doing it all those years. Would do it again if necessary. I don’t think that is true repentance. They can’t see the evil in what they did. Or the Beauty and grace in not sinning. God Bless, Memaw
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When one repents and asks for forgiveness, one shouldn’t dwell on or hold on to “what if” questions…one should just move on a sin no more.

I don’t regret what my husband and I did at all…my eldest daughter wouldn’t exist if we didn’t make the mistakes we made…and I would never give her back in order to repeat history.

Sin is not okay…and claiming one would do it again…isn’t okay either. If I was ever widowed and given the opportunity to remarry…I wouldn’t cohabitate and/or have sex before marriage…but that doesn’t mean that I have to regret the past.

I think my husband and I benefited from our past mistakes…God gifted us with our eldest child and we both found God and His Church as a result of having her. She is the entire reason why I’m a Catholic.

Regretting our actions means I regret having her…and I don’t regret having her at all.
 
Lepanto1071571 said:
If they freely chose and are otherwise culpable of this mortal sin and are unrepentant, who then in effect possesses their soul if not Satan?

God bless

op
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We have free will. You don’t sin and automatically become possessed. If that were the case, exorcists would be working nonstop. :rolleyes:
 
kosull2 said:
Not sure I said it was ok…oh wait, I didn’t. I didn’t say I didn’t see wrong in it, I just said I wasn’t sure I 100% regretted it (I have plenty of other things to dwell on, no point in dwelling on something I cannot change - per the Serenity prayer).
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I didn’t say you said it was OK. You did say you were not sure you could say you regretted it. God Bless, Memaw
 
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