Cohabitation, marriage and confession.

[Grace2013]

Jesus said “go and sin no more”…

For confession there must be a “firm purpose of amendment”.

For example if I murdered someone I need to firmly resolve not to murder again (or any mortal sin…).

If my night job is working for the mafia – well I cannot just confess it and return to work…

Or if I am a thief – I need to resolve not to steal anymore…I cannot simply return to knocking off banks…

Same with adultery or fornication, or perjury or missing Mass etc…

I need to *resolve *not to do such and avoid the near occasion of sin.

If not – I cannot be absolved of my sins. Such would not be valid.

And I need to make whatever changes that are needful (including the need to avoid scandal).

In Jesus of Nazareth is* true life* --and the strength to do whatever needs to be done

hahahahaha

that one immediately conjured up scenes from “The Godfather” in my head…

nice analogies

 

[PennyinCanada]

Hi and Welcome! so glad you made it home!

I wanted to comment on your comment about the fact that it’s not like you murdered someone. Too funny! What I found with dealing with unbelievers is that this was a common thing they liked to say and that by measuring their ‘goodness’ with a murderer made them pretty high on the ladder. As a Catholic though, it’s a better spiritual practice to compare ourselves to the saints. This is why the Catholic Church honors the saints, to give us a higher standard than what the world offers us. To help us, inspire us. To have us reach upwards, and to help us acknowledge our shortcomings to grow in holiness.

Going to confession is such a wonderful opportunity, to come underneath the waterfall of graces. Please try not to look at it like you ‘have to’. It’s a great privilege to be washed in the blood of the Lamb. That’s why He died on the Cross, to reconcile us to himself, and the ordinary means to do that is to go to confession. (Did you watch the 10 Commandments? Remember when the young man was marking the lentils and door posts with the blood of the lambs? That can be your heart.)

My guess that with the wedding so close (Congrats on that!) the priest will likely say to live as brother and sister. If you want to ‘reach up higher’ you could move out to a friend’s place and be a wonderful witness to the sanctity of marriage and chastity to those not married. It would be something that would follow you to your judgement when you come before Christ to answer for your life. Your brothers and sisters, cousins, neighbors, friends, and your fiance’s family and friends would see that, and that is a good thing. Would you take on this opportunity? I hope you do.

 

[maryjk]

I cohabitated with my wife before we got married.

Me too. Well, I didn’t live with a wife. I lived with my husband. For two years. Then we were married by a judge. We had a child. THEN we got married in the Church.

All in all it took 13 years for me to come home.

Although I am a daughter, I am also a prodigal son.

 

[quiet52]

I hope you’re attending Mass every Sunday, as a new Catholic (and welcome home!).
Please do not receive the Eucharist until you have been absolved of your sins during the sacrament of Reconciliation (Confession).

 

[aspirant]

I am happy to say that after 30 years of being a Protestant, I am now home in the Catholic Church and was accepted Easter Vigil. It has been such a blessing! I love this so much. I feel like I’ve found what I’ve always been looking for.

Welcome, brother!

I know it’s sin and I need to go to confession. I am truly sorry for my sin. Unfortunately I have suffered from invincible ignorance I never knew its wrong.

You’re not alone. A lot of converts learn, as they become Catholics, that they were doing things they didn’t know were wrong. Your ignorance was unintentional. It takes some adjustment.

I mean really, how horrible of a sin is this?

Nonmarital sex is gravely immoral. If you now know this and freely consent, the sin is mortal (cf. Catechism 1852-1876).

Fortunately, you can repent and confess your sin! God wants to forgive you and give you the grace to start fresh and live as a new man.

Is your fiance willing to live as brother and sister until you get married?

I believe so.

That’s awesome. When you go to the sacrament of reconciliation, you can make a firm purpose of amendment.

 

[juno24]

I know it’s sin and I need to go to confession. I am truly sorry for my sin. Unfortunately I have suffered from invincible ignorance I never knew its wrong.

God bless you all.

You’ve gotten some very sound advice, so I am just going to address this part. Invincible ignorance is an ignorance which cannot be overcome (invincible means unconquerable). So, no, you were not suffering from *invincible *ignorance (since you have overcome it), just plain old garden variety ignorance.
Congratulations on coming into the Church, and on realizing and overcoming your previous ignorance of this particular topic. Much joy to you and your future wife!

 

[aspirant]

Invincible ignorance is an ignorance which cannot be overcome (invincible means unconquerable).

Be careful with this, though. When we’re talking about invincible ignorance, “invincible” means that the person lacks adequate means to overcome his ignorance, not necessarily that his ignorance can never be overcome or that his ignorance is intrinsically impossible to overcome.

A person living in Hawaii in AD 70 was invincibly ignorant of the Gospel not because it was intrinsically impossible for them to understand the Gospel but because there were not yet any Christian missionaries to Hawaii. And even if missionaries had arrived, there could still be barriers to understanding, such as linguistic differences and differences in philosophical preconceptions. Again, invincible ignorance in such a scenario would not mean ignorance that is intrinsically impregnable, but ignorance that cannot be overcome by the means currently available to the person.

A stone fortress might be invincible to people with rudimentary bows and arrows yet, at the same time, quite easily conquered with a nuclear arsenal.

I’m not making any comment on whether the OP’s ignorance was, prior to his encounter with Catholicism, vincible. I do not claim to know that. What he describes is, at least, unintentional ignorance.

 

[ProdglArchitect]

Me too. Well, I didn’t live with a wife. I lived with my husband. For two years. Then we were married by a judge. We had a child. THEN we got married in the Church.

All in all it took 13 years for me to come home.

Although I am a daughter, I am also a prodigal son.

We only lived together officially for about eight months before we were married, however, for all intent and purpose we were living together for… roughly four years before that.

 

[Mgray82]

I’ll let The Lord be the judge on how responsible I was.

In the mean time, it doesn’t matter. I just need to find a solution now.

Thanks for all the replies from all. God bless.

 

[bitznbitez]

I didn’t have to go to confession because I had to be baptized.

That makes sense.

Welcome BTW…

And don’t sweat confession. It will be fine. You probably didn’t do half the things I did… ]

 

[juno24]

Be careful with this, though. When we’re talking about invincible ignorance, “invincible” means that the person lacks adequate means to overcome his ignorance, not necessarily that his ignorance can never be overcome or that his ignorance is intrinsically impossible to overcome.

A person living in Hawaii in AD 70 was invincibly ignorant of the Gospel not because it was intrinsically impossible for them to understand the Gospel but because there were not yet any Christian missionaries to Hawaii. And even if missionaries had arrived, there could still be barriers to understanding, such as linguistic differences and differences in philosophical preconceptions. Again, invincible ignorance in such a scenario would not mean ignorance that is intrinsically impregnable, but ignorance that cannot be overcome by the means currently available to the person.

A stone fortress might be invincible to people with rudimentary bows and arrows yet, at the same time, quite easily conquered with a nuclear arsenal.

I’m not making any comment on whether the OP’s ignorance was, prior to his encounter with Catholicism, vincible. I do not claim to know that. What he describes is, at least, unintentional ignorance.

I understand what you are saying. I was just trying to say that the OP turned out not to be invincibly ignorant, since he found the resources to overcome and has joined the Church based on overcoming that previous lack of knowledge or understanding. It was my apparently rather clumsy way of congratulating him on being able to do so and to welcome him to the Church.

 

[Bookcat]

Jesus said “go and sin no more”…

For confession there must be a “firm purpose of amendment”.

For example if I murdered someone I need to firmly resolve not to murder again (or any mortal sin…).

If my night job is working for the mafia – well I cannot just confess it and return to work…

Or if I am a thief – I need to resolve not to steal anymore…I cannot simply return to knocking off banks…

Same with adultery or fornication, or perjury or missing Mass etc…

I need to *resolve *not to do such and avoid the near occasion of sin.

If not – I cannot be absolved of my sins. Such would not be valid.

And I need to make whatever changes that are needful (including the need to avoid scandal).

In Jesus of Nazareth is* true life* --and the strength to do whatever needs to be done

In addition it is very important to note that a person needs to confess all mortal sins prior to receiving Holy Communion (to receive with such is indeed another grave sin). And also do not want to approach the Sacrament of Marriage with any mortal sins (such would be contrary to love and to the Sacrament --and a new sin).

Then the Sacrament of Holy Marriage will be a true celebration and joyous grace filled occasion.

 

[Cojuanco]

The priest is bound by the seal of confession. He will not hold it against you outside the confessional. If he does, contact your diocesan chancery.

Go to confession, do what Father says. And welcome home.

 

[Mgray82]

In addition it is very important to note that a person needs to confess all mortal sins prior to receiving Holy Communion (to receive with such is indeed another grave sin). And also do not want to approach the Sacrament of Marriage with any mortal sins (such would be contrary to love and to the Sacrament --and a new sin).

Then the Sacrament of Holy Marriage will be a true celebration and joyous grace filled occasion.

I do believe that it is Jesus’ body and blood. I do not plan on taking the Eucharist outside the state of grace. If I have to confess every weekend because I keep slipping into sin, then that’s what I’ll do.

 

[Bookcat]

I do believe that it is Jesus’ body and blood. I do not plan on taking the Eucharist outside the state of grace. If I have to confess every weekend because I keep slipping into sin, then that’s what I’ll do.

Yes certainly the Eucharist is Jesus Christ! Amen! (which is one reason I am sure both you and I became Catholic). It is very wonderful that you see the reality involved here – some unfortunately do not …(may they come to see this wonderful reality like you have!)

As to the latter part remember we must resolve not to commit mortal sins – and we need to avoid the near occasions of mortal sin etc (such as for example living together).

See detail here: (I added to it since you first read it likely)

forums.catholic-questions.org/showpost.php?p=10609424&postcount=18

Also to read:

catholicnewsagency.com/resources/life-and-family/marriage/cohabitation-and-churchs-teaching/ (this I believe is the one referenced in the (broken) Catholic Answers link below)

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=112824

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=72049

pacatholic.org/bishops-statements/living-together/

 

[Windmill]

Find a buddy that supports you and move into his place for a couple of months. It will be a good witness to how serious you are to avoid scandal and revere the Sacrament of Matrimony. If you have to, pay a little for rent, mow his lawn, cook some meals to pay your way. It’s a small sacrifice money-wise, but a powerful witness to a world that sees no problem with cohabitation. Who knows, you may inspire another couple who’s living together to follow their own consciences and live apart before marrying, too.

In the end, it is your confessor who will decide what is best. Follow his advice. But be honest with him and yourself about placing yourself in tempting situations.

 

[Honour]

Hello brothers and sisters. I am happy to say that after 30 years of being a Protestant, I am now home in the Catholic Church and was accepted Easter Vigil.

Honestly, it seems you shouldn’t have been accepted or take communion when you did. I was in the same situation, desperately wanting to be in the church but cohabiting with my (now) husband. We were in a committed relationship and with a kid on the way, but he refused to marry me. I could not be accepted into the church, because I could not go to confession and NOT confess that sin, or confess it knowing full well that he was unwilling to live celibate, so I would be confessing a sin will full intention to commit it again. We are married now and I am in RCIA.

But you shouldn’t take communion again until you have gone to confession, you shouldn’t go to confession if you intend to have sexual relations before marriage.

 

[Mgray82]

Honestly, it seems you shouldn’t have been accepted or take communion when you did. I was in the same situation, desperately wanting to be in the church but cohabiting with my (now) husband. We were in a committed relationship and with a kid on the way, but he refused to marry me. I could not be accepted into the church, because I could not go to confession and NOT confess that sin, or confess it knowing full well that he was unwilling to live celibate, so I would be confessing a sin will full intention to commit it again. We are married now and I am in RCIA.

But you shouldn’t take communion again until you have gone to confession, you shouldn’t go to confession if you intend to have sexual relations before marriage.

Since I made this thread, I have been to confession and seen a priest. I was absolved of my sin. Now, I’m working on living celibate until our marriage date in June. It will be difficult but I will try my best with the help of The Lord.

I don’t know your situation or circumstance. But for my particular situation, I am sorry but you are wrong. I was validly baptized and since my confession, have been fully able to partake in communion.

Might I add, nobody is sinless coming into the church via baptism. Beforehand anyway.

I understand what you’re saying. And I appreciate your concern as well as everyone else. This thread has been very helpful to me. I will pray for your journey.

 

[aspirant]

I’m working on living celibate until our marriage date in June. It will be difficult but I will try my best with the help of The Lord.

You can do it! I will pray for you; please pray for me, too.

And if you should happen to fall, don’t beat yourself up. Repent, confess, resolve not to sin, and move forward! God is on your side.

 

[hannajomar]

That’s good to hear, mgray. Best wishes for you.
Just out of curiosity, is your fiance on board on all this? Is she Catholic? How is she taking all of this?